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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would You Say Something?
KIDZRMYBIZ 04:16 PM 07-09-2013
I've decided to replace a couple kiddos (dcb-1yo and dcg-3yo). I love them both, have had them since birth, but no longer wish to deal with this family. After a tremulous month, I was quite frank with mom and dad. Dcg had been having lots of potty "accidents." I insisted on pull-ups. Neither child naps well and is pretty cranky most of the time. I insisted on later bedtimes. All this drama because they put the kids to bed about 6:00 and 6:30 (they don't allow them out of their beds until 6:45 the next morning). The 1yo (just turned 1 in June!) now climbs out of the pnp and/or playgate, so I have NO respite from him any longer. I was totally honest with mom and dad that I cannot tolerate their kids' behavior anymore.
On a recent Thursday, dad had a big ol' heart-to-heart with me about how much they love me, how freaked out that I will terminate childcare...but they just will not give in on a later bedtime. They need time alone, he starts his day really early, the kids are just so crabby, blah, blah, blah. I'm ashamed to admit, I caved.
I was secretly satisfied that they were so upset, and touched that they seemed so distressed about leaving...
Well, then I find out from a provider friend that THEY WERE SHOPPING AROUND FOR A NEW DAYCARE THE PREVIOUS TUESDAY!
She forwarded me the e-mail inquiry. There is no mistake.
So, I am interviewing (already two lined up). Now, would you tell prospective families the truth (just far too great of differences on parenting principals, not the gory details) about why there's an opening, because they always seem to ask? Or just say kids leaving for K or moving away?
And, should I tell my current family that I know they were going to try to leave me anyway if they could, if they act all outraged when I give them their walking papers? Now my feelings are hurt and I don't trust their loyalty to me, and I feel like they should know. But maybe that's unprofessional to say so...
On a recent Thursday, dad had a big ol' heart-to-heart with me about how much they love me, how freaked out that I will terminate childcare...but they just will not give in on a later bedtime. They need time alone, he starts his day really early, the kids are just so crabby, blah, blah, blah. I'm ashamed to admit, I caved.
I was secretly satisfied that they were so upset, and touched that they seemed so distressed about leaving...Well, then I find out from a provider friend that THEY WERE SHOPPING AROUND FOR A NEW DAYCARE THE PREVIOUS TUESDAY!
She forwarded me the e-mail inquiry. There is no mistake.So, I am interviewing (already two lined up). Now, would you tell prospective families the truth (just far too great of differences on parenting principals, not the gory details) about why there's an opening, because they always seem to ask? Or just say kids leaving for K or moving away?
And, should I tell my current family that I know they were going to try to leave me anyway if they could, if they act all outraged when I give them their walking papers? Now my feelings are hurt and I don't trust their loyalty to me, and I feel like they should know. But maybe that's unprofessional to say so...
Angelsj 04:34 PM 07-09-2013
For the people you are interviewing, "I cannot share any information with you about any other clients or any reasons for my openings. I will of course, afford you the same privacy at all times."
Also with the leavers, just simple and to the point. They do not need to know that YOU know they were looking around. Just state the simple facts about behavior of the children and be done.
Also with the leavers, just simple and to the point. They do not need to know that YOU know they were looking around. Just state the simple facts about behavior of the children and be done.
nannyde 05:00 PM 07-09-2013
The parents say whatever words they have to say to get square with you. They want to be the ones to break up with you. The we love you was their place holder words.
Incoming clients shouldn't ask why you have openings. None of their beeswax. Do you ask the clerk at Walmart why there is an opening at her register? You are a child care business. You take care of kids. You will always have kids coming and going. That's business.
Incoming clients shouldn't ask why you have openings. None of their beeswax. Do you ask the clerk at Walmart why there is an opening at her register? You are a child care business. You take care of kids. You will always have kids coming and going. That's business.
Scout 05:20 PM 07-09-2013
6:30 bedtime??
That is very early but, on the same note I do not think that you have a right to insist on a later bedtime for their child. Have you tried everything to get them to nap? I am assuming you have tried seperate room, quiet and dark, maybe with soft music and white noise? Some kids just don't nap. My son did not nap after 2 1/2
and while it drove me nuts there is nothing I could do about it. He is never cranky from it though. If, when they went to childcare, she told me she wanted a later bedtime for them I would've also probably looked elsewhere. We can help keep their kids safe, which is our main job, but, in reality they are responsible for raising them and will do what they want and it's not our place to say how. I am not responsible for the children I watch AFTER they leave my house. I would also just end it. I don't think you need to tell them until you have found a replacement. Just give them the same amount of time as you would get for leaving if they terminated care per your contract. I hope I don't sound too harsh. I've said it before and I will always stand by the fact that we, as providers, have no say in what goes on in these families homes. It is not our business as long as no abuse is suspected, just as it's not their business what goes on in yours after their child leaves your home. Kwim?
That is very early but, on the same note I do not think that you have a right to insist on a later bedtime for their child. Have you tried everything to get them to nap? I am assuming you have tried seperate room, quiet and dark, maybe with soft music and white noise? Some kids just don't nap. My son did not nap after 2 1/2 and while it drove me nuts there is nothing I could do about it. He is never cranky from it though. If, when they went to childcare, she told me she wanted a later bedtime for them I would've also probably looked elsewhere. We can help keep their kids safe, which is our main job, but, in reality they are responsible for raising them and will do what they want and it's not our place to say how. I am not responsible for the children I watch AFTER they leave my house. I would also just end it. I don't think you need to tell them until you have found a replacement. Just give them the same amount of time as you would get for leaving if they terminated care per your contract. I hope I don't sound too harsh. I've said it before and I will always stand by the fact that we, as providers, have no say in what goes on in these families homes. It is not our business as long as no abuse is suspected, just as it's not their business what goes on in yours after their child leaves your home. Kwim?
KIDZRMYBIZ 07:26 PM 07-09-2013
Oh, yes. I've tried everything, everything, (I'm a seasoned provider) possible that fits within my state's regulations. But the fact is they cannot sleep because they are in bed for such long overnights, and this started with both of them at about 6 months of age! I feel bad for the kids, and I totally understand why they just can't sleep. It's been difficult the whole way through-I've had the dcg for 3 years. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.
They started looking for daycare over the pull-ups (they absolutely did not want me to use them-I absolutely did not want to clean up any more of her messes). I did not bring the sleep issue to light till after dcd's email to my friend.
Yes, I agree we shouldn't try to dictate what happens in their home, anymore than they should ours (this family does though, often, but that's a whole other story). I was pleading to their sense of parental humanity, trying to make them understand how it negatively impacts their kids' entire day. And that they should spend those waking hours with mommy and daddy, not the daycare lady.
Thank you for your suggestions. I will keep it simple in an interview, and use that exact wording on privacy. And I don't think I will let this family in on the secret that providers have some awesome networking.
I feel bad for the kids, and I totally understand why they just can't sleep. It's been difficult the whole way through-I've had the dcg for 3 years. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.They started looking for daycare over the pull-ups (they absolutely did not want me to use them-I absolutely did not want to clean up any more of her messes). I did not bring the sleep issue to light till after dcd's email to my friend.
Yes, I agree we shouldn't try to dictate what happens in their home, anymore than they should ours (this family does though, often, but that's a whole other story). I was pleading to their sense of parental humanity, trying to make them understand how it negatively impacts their kids' entire day. And that they should spend those waking hours with mommy and daddy, not the daycare lady.
Thank you for your suggestions. I will keep it simple in an interview, and use that exact wording on privacy. And I don't think I will let this family in on the secret that providers have some awesome networking.
Sprouts 07:43 PM 07-09-2013
Maybe they weren't satisfied with what was out there so they wanted to convince you to keep kid?
countrymom 04:21 AM 07-10-2013
sadly I have families who do the same thing with sleep too. But even if the kids are in bed, they are still getting up early, so you would think that they would be tired by 1pm. Also another fix is that if they don't want to sleep and are out of control you can always call parents to come and pick up.
Scout 04:40 AM 07-10-2013
Originally Posted by KMK:
Oh, yes. I've tried everything, everything, (I'm a seasoned provider) possible that fits within my state's regulations. But the fact is they cannot sleep because they are in bed for such long overnights, and this started with both of them at about 6 months of age! I feel bad for the kids, and I totally understand why they just can't sleep. It's been difficult the whole way through-I've had the dcg for 3 years. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.
They started looking for daycare over the pull-ups (they absolutely did not want me to use them-I absolutely did not want to clean up any more of her messes). I did not bring the sleep issue to light till after dcd's email to my friend.
Yes, I agree we shouldn't try to dictate what happens in their home, anymore than they should ours (this family does though, often, but that's a whole other story). I was pleading to their sense of parental humanity, trying to make them understand how it negatively impacts their kids' entire day. And that they should spend those waking hours with mommy and daddy, not the daycare lady.
Thank you for your suggestions. I will keep it simple in an interview, and use that exact wording on privacy. And I don't think I will let this family in on the secret that providers have some awesome networking.
I'm curious, what time do they leave your house?Oh, yes. I've tried everything, everything, (I'm a seasoned provider) possible that fits within my state's regulations. But the fact is they cannot sleep because they are in bed for such long overnights, and this started with both of them at about 6 months of age!
I feel bad for the kids, and I totally understand why they just can't sleep. It's been difficult the whole way through-I've had the dcg for 3 years. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.They started looking for daycare over the pull-ups (they absolutely did not want me to use them-I absolutely did not want to clean up any more of her messes). I did not bring the sleep issue to light till after dcd's email to my friend.
Yes, I agree we shouldn't try to dictate what happens in their home, anymore than they should ours (this family does though, often, but that's a whole other story). I was pleading to their sense of parental humanity, trying to make them understand how it negatively impacts their kids' entire day. And that they should spend those waking hours with mommy and daddy, not the daycare lady.
Thank you for your suggestions. I will keep it simple in an interview, and use that exact wording on privacy. And I don't think I will let this family in on the secret that providers have some awesome networking.
MrsSteinel'sHouse 04:50 AM 07-10-2013
Originally Posted by Scout:
I'm curious, what time do they leave your house?
this is what I was wondering! I'm curious, what time do they leave your house?
They are looking, you are looking.. I would just go ahead and bite the bullet and terminate them with two week notice.
EntropyControlSpecialist 05:44 AM 07-10-2013
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
this is what I was wondering!
They are looking, you are looking.. I would just go ahead and bite the bullet and terminate them with two week notice.
I agree. this is what I was wondering!
They are looking, you are looking.. I would just go ahead and bite the bullet and terminate them with two week notice.
Scout 07:31 AM 07-10-2013
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
this is what I was wondering!
They are looking, you are looking.. I would just go ahead and bite the bullet and terminate them with two week notice.
I wouldn't without a new family IF I relied on the income. I made the mistake of telling a dcm that I was looking for a replacement for her son because he missed a LOT of days and I didn't feel right charging her when he wasn't there(high school friend) and I never watched him again! It took me 3 months to find a replacement and put us in a bad spot financiallythis is what I was wondering!
They are looking, you are looking.. I would just go ahead and bite the bullet and terminate them with two week notice.
.
mrsnj 08:56 AM 07-10-2013
I have a similar issue. They all go to bed around 6 or 7 and expect this child to sleep or be quiet till morning when they arrive. She is no longer taking morning naps which is fine. But I am lucky if I get to do afternoons either. She is disruptive to the other children. I spend time with her I should be spending with the other children, doing things or eating my own lunch but if I don't she will have all the kids awake. She undresses and/or climbs out of the playpen cause I know she is bored. But....well.....she has to be in bed two hours after leaving me so......
Makes you wonder why they have children.
I say replace. Clearly they are having issues and are looking for a reason. Interview and replace.
Good luck!!
Makes you wonder why they have children.
I say replace. Clearly they are having issues and are looking for a reason. Interview and replace.
Good luck!!
KIDZRMYBIZ 11:55 AM 07-10-2013
Mom picks up about 4:45 (after she hits the gym).
The baby will usually sleep in the afternoon, but no more than 30 minutes usually. And they both are so so so tired in the mornings, always trying to lay on the floor and sleep, so I know they're waking early and playing in bed. They must get a 2nd wind then and can't settle in for quiet time. We are busy with center time, playing outside, trips to the park, walks, etc., but with these two it is very difficult to accomplish these activities at best.
I have two interviews lined up so far (I usually have no problem finding new clients now when needed-knock on wood, cause it was pretty dry about 4/5 yrs ago). Just as soon as I find two good fits, I will be giving them their notice. I collect a 2-wk deposit at enrollment that pays for last 2 wks. I am a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks!
Thanks for all the advice! It really helped, and I will keep you posted!
).The baby will usually sleep in the afternoon, but no more than 30 minutes usually. And they both are so so so tired in the mornings, always trying to lay on the floor and sleep, so I know they're waking early and playing in bed. They must get a 2nd wind then and can't settle in for quiet time. We are busy with center time, playing outside, trips to the park, walks, etc., but with these two it is very difficult to accomplish these activities at best.
I have two interviews lined up so far (I usually have no problem finding new clients now when needed-knock on wood, cause it was pretty dry about 4/5 yrs ago). Just as soon as I find two good fits, I will be giving them their notice. I collect a 2-wk deposit at enrollment that pays for last 2 wks. I am a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks!
Thanks for all the advice! It really helped, and I will keep you posted!
Scout 12:03 PM 07-10-2013
It makes me sad that mom and dad can't even spend 3 hours with their kids! I used to keep mine up as late as possible when I worked outside the home!
Unregistered 07:54 AM 07-30-2013
O.M.F.G. WHY do people like this reproduce? Putting your kid in bed the moment you walk in the door with them so that you can have "alone" time? If you want to be alone every night, don't have kids! I hope that the OP here has already terminated care for these losers.
No, I don't have a right to dictate bedtimes, but if a family tells me that their kids go to bed at 6 or 6:30, I know what kind of lazy "parents" they are and that I am NOT going to deal with them. I had a family like this once-their baby screamed all day long. When we started discussing how she was at home, she was just fine-she slept, literally, from the moment she got home til the moment she came back to my house (unfed, dirty diaper). They NEVER cared for the child!
No, I don't have a right to dictate bedtimes, but if a family tells me that their kids go to bed at 6 or 6:30, I know what kind of lazy "parents" they are and that I am NOT going to deal with them. I had a family like this once-their baby screamed all day long. When we started discussing how she was at home, she was just fine-she slept, literally, from the moment she got home til the moment she came back to my house (unfed, dirty diaper). They NEVER cared for the child!
Unregistered 08:06 AM 07-30-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
O.M.F.G. WHY do people like this reproduce? Putting your kid in bed the moment you walk in the door with them so that you can have "alone" time? If you want to be alone every night, don't have kids! I hope that the OP here has already terminated care for these losers.
No, I don't have a right to dictate bedtimes, but if a family tells me that their kids go to bed at 6 or 6:30, I know what kind of lazy "parents" they are and that I am NOT going to deal with them. I had a family like this once-their baby screamed all day long. When we started discussing how she was at home, she was just fine-she slept, literally, from the moment she got home til the moment she came back to my house (unfed, dirty diaper). They NEVER cared for the child!
Um, Wow! A little harsh there?? O.M.F.G. WHY do people like this reproduce? Putting your kid in bed the moment you walk in the door with them so that you can have "alone" time? If you want to be alone every night, don't have kids! I hope that the OP here has already terminated care for these losers.
No, I don't have a right to dictate bedtimes, but if a family tells me that their kids go to bed at 6 or 6:30, I know what kind of lazy "parents" they are and that I am NOT going to deal with them. I had a family like this once-their baby screamed all day long. When we started discussing how she was at home, she was just fine-she slept, literally, from the moment she got home til the moment she came back to my house (unfed, dirty diaper). They NEVER cared for the child!
I understand the point you are making but I dont think calling parents losers or questioning why they have kids is at all productive or helpful.
It reflects badly on all providers to have an attitude like that
Twinvillageiowa 11:05 AM 07-30-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
O.M.F.G. WHY do people like this reproduce? Putting your kid in bed the moment you walk in the door with them so that you can have "alone" time? If you want to be alone every night, don't have kids! I hope that the OP here has already terminated care for these losers.
No, I don't have a right to dictate bedtimes, but if a family tells me that their kids go to bed at 6 or 6:30, I know what kind of lazy "parents" they are and that I am NOT going to deal with them. I had a family like this once-their baby screamed all day long. When we started discussing how she was at home, she was just fine-she slept, literally, from the moment she got home til the moment she came back to my house (unfed, dirty diaper). They NEVER cared for the child!
Geez. My kids went to bed at 7 until just a few months ago when they turned 7! They sleep about 11-12 hours a night and need it!O.M.F.G. WHY do people like this reproduce? Putting your kid in bed the moment you walk in the door with them so that you can have "alone" time? If you want to be alone every night, don't have kids! I hope that the OP here has already terminated care for these losers.
No, I don't have a right to dictate bedtimes, but if a family tells me that their kids go to bed at 6 or 6:30, I know what kind of lazy "parents" they are and that I am NOT going to deal with them. I had a family like this once-their baby screamed all day long. When we started discussing how she was at home, she was just fine-she slept, literally, from the moment she got home til the moment she came back to my house (unfed, dirty diaper). They NEVER cared for the child!
Unregistered 12:14 PM 07-30-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Um, Wow! A little harsh there??
I understand the point you are making but I dont think calling parents losers or questioning why they have kids is at all productive or helpful.
It reflects badly on all providers to have an attitude like that
I stand by my statement. There is no excuse for walking in your front door and dropping your baby in a crib because you need some "alone time". Parents who do that every day ARE losers, they ARE bad parents, and they should NOT reproduce.Um, Wow! A little harsh there??
I understand the point you are making but I dont think calling parents losers or questioning why they have kids is at all productive or helpful.
It reflects badly on all providers to have an attitude like that
littlemissmuffet 12:48 PM 07-30-2013
Originally Posted by Twinvillageiowa:
Geez. My kids went to bed at 7 until just a few months ago when they turned 7! They sleep about 11-12 hours a night and need it!
I don't think unregistered was referring to parents who are giving their children what they need...Geez. My kids went to bed at 7 until just a few months ago when they turned 7! They sleep about 11-12 hours a night and need it!
the kids the OP was talking about clearly didn't need that much nighttime sleep and the parents admitted they were only putting the kids to bed that early because they needed alone time. If a parent NEEDS that much alone time, I agree, they should not have children.
Unregistered 04:30 PM 07-30-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I don't think unregistered was referring to parents who are giving their children what they need...
the kids the OP was talking about clearly didn't need that much nighttime sleep and the parents admitted they were only putting the kids to bed that early because they needed alone time. If a parent NEEDS that much alone time, I agree, they should not have children.
You are absolutely correct. I'm not talking about parents who are giving kids what they need, but I've seen too many who throw a kid into a room alone as soon as they get home, they are anxious and scared 24/7 because the parents don't take the time to bond with them. It's neglect, and it can ruin a child's life, literally.I don't think unregistered was referring to parents who are giving their children what they need...
the kids the OP was talking about clearly didn't need that much nighttime sleep and the parents admitted they were only putting the kids to bed that early because they needed alone time. If a parent NEEDS that much alone time, I agree, they should not have children.
BABYLUVER21 04:51 PM 07-30-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Um, Wow! A little harsh there??
I understand the point you are making but I dont think calling parents losers or questioning why they have kids is at all productive or helpful.
It reflects badly on all providers to have an attitude like that
As far as I can see, she's only said those parents that do that are losers and questioned. Not ALL parents. Thus, I must infer that if you are not one of THOSE inattentive parents, you wouldn't be one who should be offended by her statement. It's OK for her(him) to feel how they feel. I often wondered why some people have kids they don't want to care for, as well. And I'm a PARENT now and no longer a provider so I can see it from BOTH angles, here. I don't think providers who feel this way have a bad attitude. Um, Wow! A little harsh there??
I understand the point you are making but I dont think calling parents losers or questioning why they have kids is at all productive or helpful.
It reflects badly on all providers to have an attitude like that
I pay for the spot same as the other parent, and therefore I don't want my child continuously negatively affected by what another child is doing as a result of a parent's selfishness.