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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCD Mentioned Talking To His Lawyer...
Unregistered 08:07 AM 04-17-2015
Hi all,

Longtime lurker here. I am hoping you all can provide me with some advice.

I terminated a DCF on Wednesday (4-year old boy and 1.5 year old girl) because the boy was very aggressive towards the other children in my care. We're talking non-stop pushing, yelling, throwing toys, etc. The final straw was when he pushed his sister off a 3-foot tall play structure. Fortunately, she's okay but it could have ended very badly. After a long talk with my husband and a lot of thinking, I sent the parents their termination letter via e-mail, as I didn't want them to show up today (their next scheduled day). It was their first day of care, and I have a clause in my contract where care can be terminated at any point during the first month (trial period).

Anyway, yesterday morning I woke to a voicemail from DCD. He was very apologetic and just wanted to know what had happened to make me want to terminate. We had a good chat on the phone - he was shocked at his son's behaviour, said that they had talked to him (DCB) and that he had admitted to pushing his sister off the play structure and that they were planning on putting him into a dayhome or program of some sort with children his own age. They agree with me that his behaviour was unacceptable and respect my decision. However, they feel as though their daughter will really thrive here and have asked me to keep her on. Okay, no problem... She's a great kid and has already adjusted really well.

The only thing that is make me question it (keeping DCG) is the fact that he casually mentioned talking to his lawyer, who is "also his good friend", about the situation. Apparently the lawyer was the one to suggest that his son attend a dayhome/program with older children and recommended a few parenting books to him. He went on to say that this man was in his 60s, had raised three children and had lots of experience. The part that strikes me as odd as that he kept referring to this man as his "lawyer friend". What does his profession have to do with it? He brought up other (irrelevant, I think) facts throughout the conversation such as having a ton of responsibility at work and that he was a star athlete in high school, so I'm not sure if this is just his way of building himself up or if this is something to be concerned about. He was otherwise very kind, took complete responsibility for his child's actions and didn't seem to be threatening me in anyway. I just can't help but wonder...

What do you all think? Thanks in advance for your advice.
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KiddieCahoots 08:30 AM 04-17-2015
Sounds to me like dcd is working it to get his way. Maybe a little too hard....star athlete in high school....hahaha....that's funny!
With a little intimidation factor mixed in with "lawyer friend".
As long as your hb backs you up, still your business, your rules!
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daycare 08:37 AM 04-17-2015
Sounds like a very insecure person who needs to hang on to any little bit of higher sense of life to make him feel better.


I would ignore him. I have parents throw names around all the time. Yeah some are like wow, but really who the heck cares...

I hope things stay positive for you. If you can't let it go, then maybe don't take the daughter back either.
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KIDZRMYBIZ 08:38 AM 04-17-2015
That is weird, but sounds like maybe he's just trying to make himself sound more important by having "professional" friends. Especially so since it sounds like he's trying to toot his own horn by expressing his own job importance and reliving his glory days of youth. Poor guy sounds like he has a real inadequacy complex. He may really look up to his "lawyer friend" and admire his accomplishments, and can't help but refer to him that way.

IMO, if he is keeping the younger one on with you and took your advice with the older one, there is nothing to worry about. If he had any ill will with you, there is no way they would have kept a little 18mo in your care.
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Josiegirl 10:11 AM 04-17-2015
Without hearing the exact conversation it's really tough to even try and guess why he'd throw that stuff in. Mentioning the lawyer friend several times at first made me think he was trying to harass and intimidate you. But then throwing around his high school days star athlete, I'm thinking WTH? Does dcm seem fine with the decision too or have you just talked with dad?

I quit trying to 2nd guess everybody else's motives.
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Unregistered 10:22 AM 04-17-2015
Thanks everyone. Ugh yeah, I keep going back and forth with it in my head. DCM responded to my e-mail (termination letter) asking me to phone her husband, but that is the extent of it. He has continued all contact since then.

I guess I'm wondering what risks are involved in caring for this child (or any child, really) going forward? Is there anything he could actually sue me for? I have insurance for my dayhome, so I imagine that would cover any injuries? My contract is pretty thorough (16 pages), so I'm not too worried as far as my policies go.

Thanks again for your help.
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BabyMonkeys 10:26 AM 04-17-2015
You term a child that you have had in your care ONE DAY and the dad is throwing the term lawyer around? Yeah...pretty sure I'd pass on keeping the sister too. There is nothing that he could possibly sue you for that would stand up in court.
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Josiegirl 10:45 AM 04-17-2015
Oh I completely missed where it was the kids' 1st day. Not that it makes a world of difference. I think if it were me, I'd offer to take the little girl(if she seems to fit in okay)and they're fine with that. There isn't anything wrong with doing that, and they shouldn't have any problems if they've already mentioned just keeping her.
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mommiebookworm 10:52 AM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by angelw2babies:
You term a child that you have had in your care ONE DAY and the dad is throwing the term lawyer around? Yeah...pretty sure I'd pass on keeping the sister too. There is nothing that he could possibly sue you for that would stand up in court.

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Thriftylady 10:55 AM 04-17-2015
I agree I wouldn't keep either of them. He is trying to make you do what he wants, none of us as providers need to deal with "that" parent. I wonder if they have had problems at other daycare providers and are running out of places to go lol.
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e.j. 11:05 AM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by angelw2babies:
You term a child that you have had in your care ONE DAY and the dad is throwing the term lawyer around? Yeah...pretty sure I'd pass on keeping the sister too.
This was my thought, too! The fact that he "casually mentioned" the fact that his friend is a lawyer comes across to me as a veiled threat. I'd always be worried about what could happen should his dd injure herself while in care. If it were me, I think I'd cut ties now.
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Unregistered 12:00 PM 04-17-2015
Thank you everyone. My gut tells me to cut all ties... It has only been a day and I'm already driving myself batty with the "what ifs". I'd be worried that DCD will be contacting his "lawyer friend" anytime DCG took a fall (she's just learning to walk). I appreciate your help <3
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Martha Stewart 12:06 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you everyone. My gut tells me to cut all ties... It has only been a day and I'm already driving myself batty with the "what ifs". I'd be worried that DCD will be contacting his "lawyer friend" anytime DCG took a fall (she's just learning to walk). I appreciate your help <3
Make sure you let him know that you were the former head cheerleader, so you know what it's like to have an inflated ego. After consulting your friend, who is a judge, you've decided to keep neither child.
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daycare 12:10 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by Martha Stewart:
Make sure you let him know that you were the former head cheerleader, so you know what it's like to have an inflated ego. After consulting your friend, who is a judge, you've decided to keep neither child.
lmao...............................hahahahahahah I needed to read that....

I think I pee my pants a little laughing so hard....ooppps TMI
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Unregistered 12:12 PM 04-17-2015
LMAO, thank you for the laugh. I needed that!
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Wednesday 01:08 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
That is weird, but sounds like maybe he's just trying to make himself sound more important by having "professional" friends. Especially so since it sounds like he's trying to toot his own horn by expressing his own job importance and reliving his glory days of youth. Poor guy sounds like he has a real inadequacy complex. He may really look up to his "lawyer friend" and admire his accomplishments, and can't help but refer to him that way.

IMO, if he is keeping the younger one on with you and took your advice with the older one, there is nothing to worry about. If he had any ill will with you, there is no way they would have kept a little 18mo in your care.
Totally agree. He's just trying to boost his own importance in your mind, but it doesn't sound like he's doing it in a malicious way. More like, look at me consulting a professional, I have really taken your suggestions to heart, kind of thing. Keep the little girl.
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Nurse Jackie 02:56 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by Martha Stewart:
Make sure you let him know that you were the former head cheerleader, so you know what it's like to have an inflated ego. After consulting your friend, who is a judge, you've decided to keep neither child.
lol
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Josiegirl 02:59 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by Martha Stewart:
Make sure you let him know that you were the former head cheerleader, so you know what it's like to have an inflated ego. After consulting your friend, who is a judge, you've decided to keep neither child.
Lol very good!!
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nannyde 03:12 PM 04-17-2015
I would contact them and say "Thank you for the offer to continue the probationary trial period for your daughter at Your Snowflakes Daycare. After much consideration and consultation with our lawyer, I have decided to decline your generous offer. Our attorney is concerned that because the situation with your son's behavior warranted a legal consult with your attorney, that there must be additional concerns of which I am unaware of.

It is for this reason we believe it is in everyone's best interest to terminate our agreement as outlined in the daycare policies.

Best of luck,

Your Snowflakes Daycare"

I'll see your attorney and raise you a termination.

Attorney that
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KiddieCahoots 03:14 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by Martha Stewart:
Make sure you let him know that you were the former head cheerleader, so you know what it's like to have an inflated ego. After consulting your friend, who is a judge, you've decided to keep neither child.
......Perfect!!
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KiddieCahoots 03:16 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would contact them and say "Thank you for the offer to continue the probationary trial period for your daughter at Your Snowflakes Daycare. After much consideration and consultation with our lawyer, I have decided to decline your generous offer. Our attorney is concerned that because the situation with your son's behavior warranted a legal consult with your attorney, that there must be additional concerns of which I am unaware of.

It is for this reason we believe it is in everyone's best interest to terminate our agreement as outlined in the daycare policies.

Best of luck,

Your Snowflakes Daycare"

I'll see your attorney and raise you a termination.

Attorney that
......and it just keeps getting better!!
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Unregistered 03:45 PM 04-17-2015
Hahaha, you ladies are killing me. Man, the things we wish we could say, hey?
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daycare 04:11 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hahaha, you ladies are killing me. Man, the things we wish we could say, hey?
only one can dream
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Kabob 04:39 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:

I'll see your attorney and raise you a termination.

Attorney that
I'm adding this to my growing list of favorite quotes from this forum for the year.
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Thriftylady 04:49 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would contact them and say "Thank you for the offer to continue the probationary trial period for your daughter at Your Snowflakes Daycare. After much consideration and consultation with our lawyer, I have decided to decline your generous offer. Our attorney is concerned that because the situation with your son's behavior warranted a legal consult with your attorney, that there must be additional concerns of which I am unaware of.

It is for this reason we believe it is in everyone's best interest to terminate our agreement as outlined in the daycare policies.

Best of luck,

Your Snowflakes Daycare"



I'll see your attorney and raise you a termination.

Attorney that
Perfect as always.
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Baby lady 05:15 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you everyone. My gut tells me to cut all ties... It has only been a day and I'm already driving myself batty with the "what ifs". I'd be worried that DCD will be contacting his "lawyer friend" anytime DCG took a fall (she's just learning to walk). I appreciate your help <3
That's enough right there. This job is stressful enough without that kind of worry.

and what nannyde said!
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missbecky 06:18 PM 04-17-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would contact them and say "Thank you for the offer to continue the probationary trial period for your daughter at Your Snowflakes Daycare. After much consideration and consultation with our lawyer, I have decided to decline your generous offer. Our attorney is concerned that because the situation with your son's behavior warranted a legal consult with your attorney, that there must be additional concerns of which I am unaware of.

It is for this reason we believe it is in everyone's best interest to terminate our agreement as outlined in the daycare policies.

Best of luck,

Your Snowflakes Daycare"

I'll see your attorney and raise you a termination.

Attorney that
RIGHT ON! Sounds like trouble if you keep the girl on.
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