I decided 6 months ago to take on my nephew. I had some reservations about it, but I went over all my policies with my in laws and explained I wasn't going to treat them special. My brother in law did not take me seriously at all during the interview though and it felt really awkward. Things have pretty much been a nightmare since. My dh doesnt support me holding up my policies with them and when I do use my backbone and stick to my policies, they talk badly about me behind my back, but never to my face so I can actually confront them about it. And it is hard to to say no to watching him for extra time because then I feel like a bad aunt. They are constantly asking for special and favors. I'm to the point where I can't stand seeing them outside of daycare hours, which is bad and obvious because our families do everything together. Is there anyway I can salvage this after letting them get away with so much, or is it just time to call it quits? I know some of you have been successful at taking in family, but maybe I'm just not cut out for it.

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I would call it quits, because if they have gotten special treatment, they will not like you changing it up and without the support of your husband, it is gonna be hard to do much. Sorry they are being so difficult. It always stinks when family acts that way. I had the opposite when I took care of my niece and nephew. My sister paid on time and early and always came early and took amazing care to be great to me. She felt the extra urge to treat me well because I was doing HER a favor. I was keeping her kids and she knew me and trusted me, so that was invaluable to her. I would be done witht hem and let them go elsewhere where they will not get to set rules. They will learn very quickly just how good they had it.

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This was me when I watched my SIL's kids, the only difference was that my DH did support me. Things still got awkward though because she was constantly late in picking up, paying me etc. and because she was my DH's sister I was giving her a HUGE discount.

It got to the point that, like you, I hated family events because during the week she'd be late in picking up her son and paying me as well as breaking other policies and pretty much deciding things that went against how I ran things without ever even asking me, she just automatically assumed that I would be fine with it so would TELL me instead of ASKING me. That's what irked me the most, not that she was late, or that she needed extra favors but that she expected it from me without so much as a "can I?".

When she started talking about me to my DH's family which DH and I didn't do at all, we kept it between us, I finally had it. I had to sit her down and remind her that she signed a contract that included a privacy policy and that she was breaking that policy by talking about business related things with other family members. I was honest with her and told her that it was such a strain on her that I was uncomfortable being around her and other family members because they were hearing her one-sided stories while I was unable to say my side because I was policing my own privacy policy so I thought it was best if we parted ways so that we wouldn't have this issue anymore. I gave her the number to some other local ladies that I know.

She cried. Probably not because she realized that she had hurt my feelings and made things awkward by involving others that had no business knowing the things that she was telling them about me and my family and my business but because she had messed up and now had to find alternate child care and pay full price.

I personally was never angry at her or emotional when I talked to her about these things and just stayed neutral and matter-of-fact and specified that the best thing for all of us was to keep our relationship familiar and take the business part out of it because I didn't want to ruin the peace in the family. I ran my business a certain way and although I understood that she must have felt like since I was family that I would go above and beyond for her that my feeling was that because she was family I expected her of all people to respect me and my time more so than my clients. I expected that sometimes clients would be late, or try not to pay me, or try to sneak their sick kids in to daycare but that I expected her to treat me better than that BECAUSE we were family. I think that was the first time that she even thought about it that way.

I kept being nice to her after that and family gatherings are fine now and I don't feel like cringing every time I see her ... okay I still cringe sometimes but for other reasons, not because of business related things

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How do you know they are talking badly about you behind your back?

WHY do they ask for extra time? Work related or just because you are there and they figure why not?

(I'm asking those questions for a reason.... )

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I've been there too. It's not easy; especially when family or friends insinuate that your profession is not a "real" one (which it sounds like that might be the case).
Honestly, it's affecting your family life and apparently your husband's outlook on your chosen profession. To me; that's time to end the business relationship and find a replacement.

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I hear negative things from mutual friends and they will even go to dh and complain. The biggest thing I hear them complain about is making them pay when they take random days off and for my holidays. I don't charge for personal days and take very few anyway so honestly I don't know what they expect.

They ask for extra time for personal reasons like haircuts or to play golf. In their defense, she normally schedules to pick up at noon on Fridays which I don't discount for and Fridays have been when she is asking for extra time. She believes she is paying me for this time, but with anyone else I make them stick to their schedules or pay extra. This is so I can fill in with a drop in or make other plans if I need to. She always gives me her schedule the week before and then not ask for the extra time until last minute. I feel like she is doing this on purpose because she knows it bugs me, because she could just write down that she needs until 5 every day and I would plan for that and it would cost her nothing extra! I don't like thinking I will be done at noon though one day and then adding 4 extra hours last minute for no extra pay!! When I make them pay extra or say no, so much drama ensues that I started just saying yes.

There are so many other things. I'm just feeling so guilty for being fed up with them and not just wanting to give them breaks. I get that they probably feel like I'm being nitpicky and should give them a break, but they don't give breaks to me in return!

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This is my situation too. Thank you for sharing. I think it's time for a talk with them.

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I have been lucky with family that they respected my business and our relationship enough that it worked.

If its not working (and you sound miserable) you need to end it. Tell them you have been giving this a lot of thought and how important your relationship is with them, because of this you will release them from their contract because you know they would be happier with another provider, as they don't agree with your policies and how you run your business. Explain you want to be the "fun" aunt and worry being the child's daycare provider takes away the specialness of the relationship. (or whatever will make them feel good and make you look good). Give them a list other providers in the area for them to call and give them a month to find alternate care.

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