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Old 10-19-2012, 06:56 PM
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Default Own Child's Aggressive Behavior

I have two boys ages 2.5 and 4.5 although we have cared for other children on and off over the years we really started taking on full time children at the end of the summer. My daycare is small and currently has one full time 14 month old boy and a part time 4 year old girl and some occasional. Last week the girl's mom explained to me that her daughter doesn't like coming because my boys hit her and hurt her feelings.

My boys are very active and loud boys. My younger one gets carried away sometimes, he is also only 2 so he pushes and grabs toys still. It is hard for him to share his toys and mommy. He also copies his older brother which is my main problem.

My 4 year old boy is very sensitive and has intense emotions (good and bad). He is not adjusting well to all these kids in the house. Oh he is also at home all the time as we have chosen to homeschool. He has issues getting into people's personal space. He is very tactile and wrestles his brother a lot. I am having trouble with him on our own time but he is so much worse with the daycare children around. I fear for the littlest one's safety being knocked down or hurt. The little girl doesn't like coming and I'm at a loss of what to do. Believe me we've tried lots of ideas, methods, etc...

Has anyone else come across difficulties with their own children misbehaving? What worked for you? I'm starting to wonder if this daycare is even going to work out.
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:59 PM
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Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I've upgraded your status. You can post freely now. Some threads on Aggressive Behavior: http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?ta...ssive+behavior

Provider Children vs Daycare Children: http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?ta...ycare+children
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Last edited by Michael; 10-19-2012 at 07:03 PM.
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Old 10-19-2012, 08:28 PM
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I STARTED daycare to be with my kids and now my 3dd goes to preschool 4 days a week because it is far too much for me to handle. Btw, she is an angel at preschool.
I can sympathize.
I started daycare to make extra cash and be with my kids when my youngest was just born. My older one had a hard time sharing but overall did good. She can still be a bit bossy, but its not just with daycare kids.
My youngest is a whole other story, now at three years old and my daycare is booming. I'm full. My oldest is SA, the younger one doesn't want to share, pushes, hits, bites, pulls hair, says mean things - you name it, she does it. She bit a new DCB TODAY.
Im so far into the business now that I make more $ than dh. I can't just quit, but its sooooo not what I was initially trying to do. I wanted to be with my kids. On the upside I'm using a sub a couple times a week and take my kids out for alone time with me.

Anyway, the point is that you have to be on top of your own kids at ALL times. Constant redirection, time outs, etc. It is very very exhausting. I've lost a dcg because of dd's aggression and I don't blame them.
Keeping toys separate for after daycare hours helps. Calling daycare toys daycare toys and their own toys in their bedrooms.
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Old 10-19-2012, 08:40 PM
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I will be honest...because you asked.

It does seem like in your post you are excusing your kids behavior to a certain point. I think the majority of us understand how challenging parenting can be and then add home daycare on top of it and things get even more complicated. But you have to find a way to address this behavior if your daycare is going to work long term. The issue is probably worse when daycare kids are there but like you said, its a problem even outside daycare hours...with both boys, correct? If you need your daycare to work long term, you are going to have to really get some consistency and consequences to break these habits with your kids. There is no magic solution.

I know my second child was quite physical. Its her nature to be high energy and in others' personal space. But in order for my daycare to work, we had to get her under control fast. She would hit, push, bite and all those sorts of things that were worse during daycare hours. I shadowed her like crazy, separated her, watched for her triggers and intervened BEFORE she escalated, worked on her diet, worked on getting her healthy outlets for her energy...long walks, outdoor play, etc. She is still my most challenging kid but this is what has worked for us to curb her behaviors and keep things running smoothly with the daycare.

It also helps to tailor your daycare to your own childrens needs! My kids NEED outdoor time. Its not negotiable. I have had parents interview that are not happy to hear that we talk daily walks or that the kids spend a lot of time outdoors. If that is the case, they arent the right fit for us. I am not keeping my kids indoors to suit daycare families. We keep interviewing till active, outdoor kids join our group. Perhaps this 4 year old girl just isnt the right fit for you set up anyway, even if the physical issues were addressed. Just something to keep in mind.
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Old 10-20-2012, 09:04 PM
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It is so hard... My son is the same way, he is my DC problem child, outside DC hours he is a very good child but DC hours are a nightmare, is just crazy, he has an OT that recommended for him to move to an outside Pschool when he turns 3, she says is better for him to be away from me. I don't know what I am going to do because this is something I started because I wanted to be home with him but it is just not working out the way I hoped and I really, really don't want him in another DC. I know what is like and it's been almost 2 years of the same situation and little has change, I thank God that I have some help from his OT and other teachers, he is not a special child but he has sensory issues and has teachers that come to see him and help him work with that and his behavior in DC, if it wasn't for them I would be in ICU right now LOL
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Old 10-20-2012, 10:25 PM
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I completely understand. My child is aggressive only during daycare. Outside everyone comments on how good he is. He has his incredibly sweet moments but it only takes a second. And, usually that is what is one second of aggressive behavior. It's exhausting for me though and I don't like how I have to parent differently.

I have done everything mentioned here. I shadow, set consequences, have separate daycare toys and personal toys, outside time because that is what he needs, and the biggest looking for triggers. It also sways, one day will be bad and then weeks will be good.

I just take it on a daily basis. So, know that you are not alone.
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Old 10-20-2012, 10:48 PM
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I don't have any advice as I'm in a similar situation. My DS isn't too aggressive but is very emotional, lots of tantrums and can make my days unbearable. For us, it seems to come and go with growth/developmental spurts. We just had about a month that was so bad I was ready to close down. I was able to move some schedules around and am now closed Mondays and I think the extra down time has helped a lot. Outside of DC he is a different child and my family doesn't believe me when I tell them about his behavior! I have always planned on sending him to an outside preschool when he turns 3 next year as I do believe he should have some time away from me. But this would only be 2 mornings each week so I'll still be spending a lot of time with him and it will hopefully ease the stress. Anyway, good to know I'm not alone! GL!
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:19 AM
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I'm having the same problem you are with my 2 year old daughter. Her and her father rough house and she has taken it a lot farther with the kids in my care. Pushing, hitting, grabbing... I've been working constantly on being gentle and making sure I give A LOT of praise for good behavior. Its been very difficult and she still has fits where she just needs mommy time, but she's come a long way. There is hope!
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