Daycare.com Forum
tntsmom 06:14 AM 09-18-2014
Okay, to make a long story short, I have had a little girl age 4 now and her brother age 6 now since she was 1 and he was 3, and have become attached and been part of the families birthday parties, etc. The boy I take to and from school daily and did preschool with him before starting school. I have done preschool with the daughter for the last 1 1/2 and have taken her to Speech therapy 2 days a week, always hold their check if they ask me to and have absorbed many bank fees to reprocess their check if funds were not available. The mom took a new job and found out she can get 1/2 off of preschool which is $95/week and I charge $105/week full time and they want to pull her to put her in it until next August and then come back if spot is available so I can transport her to/from school. They want me to still care for their son because there is very few providers in our town that transport.
I am taking this very personal because they are only saving $40/month and taking her from an environment she has known for 3 1/2 years and pull her for 10 months and then maybe bring her back.
Should I take this personal or am I overreacting?
I am taking this very personal because they are only saving $40/month and taking her from an environment she has known for 3 1/2 years and pull her for 10 months and then maybe bring her back.
Should I take this personal or am I overreacting?
Blackcat31 06:21 AM 09-18-2014
I'm sorry you are hurt by this but honestly this is a profession that involves emotional connections and that is always hard to navigate.
Families will ALWAYS do what's best/easiest for them. Even if that means leaving you.
They don't keep using you for child care for emotional reasons, they are using your services because it works for them.
Personally, I love the kids while I have them but I KNOW they will leave the second that my services are no longer required. I'm okay with that.
Because I would do the same.
As a business owner, I don't keep clients I love for free. I do it because they pay me. If they stopped paying me, I would stop offering services.
Goes both ways.
I'm sure that isn't what you want to hear but I think it's the truth.
Again, I am sorry you are feeling this way.
Families will ALWAYS do what's best/easiest for them. Even if that means leaving you.
They don't keep using you for child care for emotional reasons, they are using your services because it works for them.
Personally, I love the kids while I have them but I KNOW they will leave the second that my services are no longer required. I'm okay with that.
Because I would do the same.
As a business owner, I don't keep clients I love for free. I do it because they pay me. If they stopped paying me, I would stop offering services.
Goes both ways.
I'm sure that isn't what you want to hear but I think it's the truth.
Again, I am sorry you are feeling this way.
tntsmom 06:26 AM 09-18-2014
You are exactly right and I needed to hear that. Thank You Blackcat31 for your honesty and perspective. 
SSWonders 07:45 AM 09-18-2014
I'm probably going out on a limb here, and I know it is just a service oriented profession, but if someone leaves me because they find something "better" for them, then I am done. Period. I won't take them on off days when the "better" alternative is closed for them, etc. I do take it personally to be second choice. That's just me. Can't get past it.
KSDC 08:00 AM 09-18-2014
I agree with BC that you need to try and not let it get to you.
BUT, you also need to make sure they know that you are not going to be saving that spot for them. When they decide to come back, they probably won't be able to...
BUT, you also need to make sure they know that you are not going to be saving that spot for them. When they decide to come back, they probably won't be able to...
Kimskiddos 08:02 AM 09-18-2014
Originally Posted by SSWonders:
I'm probably going out on a limb here, and I know it is just a service oriented profession, but if someone leaves me because they find something "better" for them, then I am done. Period. I won't take them on off days when the "better" alternative is closed for them, etc. I do take it personally to be second choice. That's just me. Can't get past it.
I'm probably going out on a limb here, and I know it is just a service oriented profession, but if someone leaves me because they find something "better" for them, then I am done. Period. I won't take them on off days when the "better" alternative is closed for them, etc. I do take it personally to be second choice. That's just me. Can't get past it.
Yes, I feel the same way. Have turned away a couple of dcf's that left for cheaper or free care and then wanted to come back because it didn't work out.
hope 08:03 AM 09-18-2014
I would still watch the boy and fill the girls spot when she leaves. I would stop accepting late payments. Let them know this is what you are willing to do. Be prepared for them to pull both children.
tntsmom 08:08 AM 09-18-2014
Yes, I agree. I just feel so taken advantage of, and I don't like to feel this way.
nanglgrl 08:10 AM 09-18-2014
Would it even be worth keeping their son since you have to transport if he's a schoolager? It seems to me the minimal amount you get for watching him before/after school wouldn't be worth the time/hassle/extra insurance and gas unless he has a sibling in care full time. I would tell the family that and chances are they will stay with you. I agree not to take it personally and hopefully they won't take it personally if you say the new arrangement doesn't work for you.
tntsmom 08:11 AM 09-18-2014
KSDC, yes, I will let them know, and let them know that if a full time family needs care, I will fill the spot.
Thriftylady 09:01 AM 09-18-2014
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
Would it even be worth keeping their son since you have to transport if he's a schoolager? It seems to me the minimal amount you get for watching him before/after school wouldn't be worth the time/hassle/extra insurance and gas unless he has a sibling in care full time. I would tell the family that and chances are they will stay with you. I agree not to take it personally and hopefully they won't take it personally if you say the new arrangement doesn't work for you.
I agree with this. And if they wanted to pull the girl, I would tell them that I couldn't promise a spot when they want you back next fall. I understand them doing what they think is best for them, but YOU need to do what is best for you. Jumping through hoops for a family that doesn't even treat you right isn't best for you IMHO.Would it even be worth keeping their son since you have to transport if he's a schoolager? It seems to me the minimal amount you get for watching him before/after school wouldn't be worth the time/hassle/extra insurance and gas unless he has a sibling in care full time. I would tell the family that and chances are they will stay with you. I agree not to take it personally and hopefully they won't take it personally if you say the new arrangement doesn't work for you.
Cat Herder 09:05 AM 09-18-2014
I agree with BC above.
BUT
I would not take them back. I simply don't do it.
As an aside, it does seem to be the family we do the most for that treat us the worst. I think it is because we inadvertently teach them that they are more important than us by doing it.
Never do special for the families. Do it only for you. What makes you feel good about you, and nothing more. It is easier to digest the slaps in the face that way.
BUT
I would not take them back. I simply don't do it.
As an aside, it does seem to be the family we do the most for that treat us the worst. I think it is because we inadvertently teach them that they are more important than us by doing it.
Never do special for the families. Do it only for you. What makes you feel good about you, and nothing more.
It is easier to digest the slaps in the face that way.
Crazy8 09:09 AM 09-18-2014
you can't take it personally, this is a business and you have to treat it as such. Yes, it hurts to lose a child you love but like BC said, you need to realize parents are always going to do what is best for them and you need to do what is best for you in your business making decisions. And the things you did for them, they don't see any of that as "extra" they see it all as part of what they were paying you for. Do not accept late payments, waive fees, etc. for anyone and you won't feel like you did them any favors. Remember, its a business!!
In a case like this I would not take the child back in 10 months, I would be "full" when that time comes. And depending on how much they are paying me and what my schedule is like I would probably drop the brother too. I would let them know that while you "normally" don't do school age children (if you don't?) you kept him on because of their daughter but since she is leaving you feel it is best to eliminate that hassle from your day and focus on providing all day care to younger children.
Basically, I'd be done with them.
In a case like this I would not take the child back in 10 months, I would be "full" when that time comes. And depending on how much they are paying me and what my schedule is like I would probably drop the brother too. I would let them know that while you "normally" don't do school age children (if you don't?) you kept him on because of their daughter but since she is leaving you feel it is best to eliminate that hassle from your day and focus on providing all day care to younger children.
Basically, I'd be done with them.
NeedaVaca 09:20 AM 09-18-2014
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
you can't take it personally, this is a business and you have to treat it as such. Yes, it hurts to lose a child you love but like BC said, you need to realize parents are always going to do what is best for them and you need to do what is best for you in your business making decisions. And the things you did for them, they don't see any of that as "extra" they see it all as part of what they were paying you for. Do not accept late payments, waive fees, etc. for anyone and you won't feel like you did them any favors. Remember, its a business!!
In a case like this I would not take the child back in 10 months, I would be "full" when that time comes. And depending on how much they are paying me and what my schedule is like I would probably drop the brother too. I would let them know that while you "normally" don't do school age children (if you don't?) you kept him on because of their daughter but since she is leaving you feel it is best to eliminate that hassle from your day and focus on providing all day care to younger children.
Basically, I'd be done with them.
you can't take it personally, this is a business and you have to treat it as such. Yes, it hurts to lose a child you love but like BC said, you need to realize parents are always going to do what is best for them and you need to do what is best for you in your business making decisions. And the things you did for them, they don't see any of that as "extra" they see it all as part of what they were paying you for. Do not accept late payments, waive fees, etc. for anyone and you won't feel like you did them any favors. Remember, its a business!!
In a case like this I would not take the child back in 10 months, I would be "full" when that time comes. And depending on how much they are paying me and what my schedule is like I would probably drop the brother too. I would let them know that while you "normally" don't do school age children (if you don't?) you kept him on because of their daughter but since she is leaving you feel it is best to eliminate that hassle from your day and focus on providing all day care to younger children.
Basically, I'd be done with them.
Sugar Magnolia 09:37 AM 09-18-2014
Originally Posted by tntsmom:
Yes, I agree. I just feel so taken advantage of, and I don't like to feel this way.
They are using you. They are exploiting your kindness and flexibility.Yes, I agree. I just feel so taken advantage of, and I don't like to feel this way.
Shell 09:46 AM 09-18-2014
Oh, I understand your hurt. $40 is not worth uprooting their daughter, but I find that whenever a parent pulls this b.s., there's usually more going on than what they tell you. I am the same way as one of the other posters- when someone pulls this, they are done in my book. I know it's hard not to take things personally, especially when you feel you have gone above and beyond. I'm sure dcm didn't give how this would affect you much thought, just thought about what is best for their scenario. I would be looking for replacements ASAP.
tntsmom 10:29 AM 09-18-2014
ThriftyLady, that is my thought exactly. I am so emotional today, I am a wreck!
tntsmom 10:42 AM 09-18-2014
Shell, you are right. What is $40, I know before I would consider that with my own children if it is financial, I would have spoken to the provider about working something out instead of ripping her heart out.
tntsmom 10:45 AM 09-18-2014
Yes, I feel that way Sugar Magnolia, but with a small town not a lot of business comes your way and I put myself through way too much and care too much and it costs me emotionally. Kids are not easily replaced in our town, but guaranteed, if I get the chance to replace the sons spot, I most definitely will.
daycarediva 10:46 AM 09-18-2014
I would let them BOTH go. Give two weeks for both kids. Seriously, they will pull for cheaper-and honestly it's not much cheaper at ALL, regardless of history- bye bye.
"Sorry dcm, I can't hold a space and find that once a parent pulls one child, they end up pulling the other as two pick up/drop off locations are difficult. Here is your notice for otherchild. Best of luck to you, your children have been a pleasure to care for."
and replace both kids, no taking backsies!
"Sorry dcm, I can't hold a space and find that once a parent pulls one child, they end up pulling the other as two pick up/drop off locations are difficult. Here is your notice for otherchild. Best of luck to you, your children have been a pleasure to care for."
and replace both kids, no taking backsies!
tntsmom 10:48 AM 09-18-2014
Daycarediva, I need your backbone. I am such a push over! I want to so bad, but I need the income. I will do everything in my power to replace them trust me on that!
Crazy8 11:09 AM 09-18-2014
Originally Posted by tntsmom:
Daycarediva, I need your backbone. I am such a push over! I want to so bad, but I need the income. I will do everything in my power to replace them trust me on that!
how much are you getting for the boy b/a school? Is it really worth keeping this family in your life? Daycarediva, I need your backbone. I am such a push over! I want to so bad, but I need the income. I will do everything in my power to replace them trust me on that!
I get replacing kids is hard, it has been really hard here too, but since you are losing the f/t child anyway I would seriously think twice about keeping the son. Then get your name out there and advertise like crazy for replacements!!!
tntsmom 09:37 PM 09-20-2014
I am getting $85/week and really I am looking and advertising like crazy to get rid of him. Mom and dad decided Thursday that mom was having a "mental data y" and took the afternoon off!
coolconfidentme 05:20 AM 09-21-2014
Crazy as it sounds, when I term someone & really need their income, my phone with ring with families looking for care as soon as I give the two week notice. Have faith something better will come along!
tntsmom 08:10 AM 09-22-2014
Thank you coolconfidentme!
I work long and hard for my spots and I work 58 hours a week and am finishing out my Bachelors in Social Work taking 12 credit hours per semester and I am hitting an all time low and I needed your faith, it helps. You are AWESOME!
I work long and hard for my spots and I work 58 hours a week and am finishing out my Bachelors in Social Work taking 12 credit hours per semester and I am hitting an all time low and I needed your faith, it helps. You are AWESOME!
CraftyMom 09:14 AM 09-22-2014
I also would not take him back.
They found something better, but when they need to use you for transportation you will do just fine. Nope. You are not a taxi that is there for their convenience.
They found something better, but when they need to use you for transportation you will do just fine. Nope. You are not a taxi that is there for their convenience.