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DaisyMamma 05:09 PM 06-10-2013
I'm seriously upset right now.
Dcb just left 1.5 hrs ago. He was totally normal all day and we had a normal day. Just before pickup I had him sitting with me for about ten minutes while we waited for mom. He was a little quiet at that point.
Mom comes in to get him. Getting him ready to go, signs out. Etc. Then says did he just wake up cuz he seems real quiet? I say no. She asks how he was today and I said great, totally normal. He's been quiet the past few min sitting with me but other than that crawling around, happy, normal day. That's that. She leaves.
Emails me an he later and asks if he was ok today. If he fell or if I gave him any medication. I reply no, normal day, no meds.
Now I'm sitting here like what???? Totally no trust there. I'm completely offended. I don't have permission to give meds and they never gave me any and if I did it would be on his slip and so would any falls, etc. So why even ask those questions? unless the kid is tototally comotose, in which case I would think they would call, go to the DR, but not send an email!! ?? Is this weird, or is it just me?
I don't even know how to put into words what I'm feeling.
This isn't the first conversation they've made me feel this way and I do not like it. At all.

I feel that i want to term! But I don't want to look like I'm guilty of something, as I did nothing. But I'm seriously insulted.

Hmmmmm

And its 7pm. This is my family time and now I'm stressing about THIS.
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MissAnn 05:21 PM 06-10-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
I'm seriously upset right now.
Dcb just left 1.5 hrs ago. He was totally normal all day and we had a normal day. Just before pickup I had him sitting with me for about ten minutes while we waited for mom. He was a little quiet at that point.
Mom comes in to get him. Getting him ready to go, signs out. Etc. Then says did he just wake up cuz he seems real quiet? I say no. She asks how he was today and I said great, totally normal. He's been quiet the past few min sitting with me but other than that crawling around, happy, normal day. That's that. She leaves.
Emails me an he later and asks if he was ok today. If he fell or if I gave him any medication. I reply no, normal day, no meds.
Now I'm sitting here like what???? Totally no trust there. I'm completely offended. I don't have permission to give meds and they never gave me any and if I did it would be on his slip and so would any falls, etc. So why even ask those questions? unless the kid is tototally comotose, in which case I would think they would call, go to the DR, but not send an email!! ?? Is this weird, or is it just me?
I don't even know how to put into words what I'm feeling.
This isn't the first conversation they've made me feel this way and I do not like it. At all.

I feel that i want to term! But I don't want to look like I'm guilty of something, as I did nothing. But I'm seriously insulted.

Hmmmmm

And its 7pm. This is my family time and now I'm stressing about THIS.
I am so sorry. Parents don't understand how questions along these lines makes providers stress!
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DaisyMamma 05:26 PM 06-10-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
I am so sorry. Parents don't understand how questions along these lines makes providers stress!

You mean to tell me that she was seriously "just asking"? That makes me even more mad. that's not a "just asking" question. In fact, its a very, very serious accusation!

That makes me want to reach through my computer, smack her, and tell her to never come back.
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cheerfuldom 05:46 PM 06-10-2013
from just this one email, I think you are over reacting. Yes it is rude to imply that you would give him medication without permission. I understand how that would be offensive. But overall, it doesnt sound like that big of a deal. You clarified and thats all you can do.

That said, I have no idea what you have already been thru with this family in the past.
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DaisyMamma 05:49 PM 06-10-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
from just this one email, I think you are over reacting. Yes it is rude to imply that you would give him medication without permission. I understand how that would be offensive. But overall, it doesnt sound like that big of a deal. You clarified and thats all you can do.

That said, I have no idea what you have already been thru with this family in the past.
That actually kind of makes me feel better!
If a mom sent you this email you wouldnt be this upset?
My first thought was that I would never see them again and the state would be on my doorstep.
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e.j. 05:59 PM 06-10-2013
I understand how upset an email like that can make you but try not to let it stress you out so much that it ruins your night with your family. Her child's behavior seems "off" to her and since she wasn't with her child all day, she's probably just trying to figure out what's going on with him. It's possible he's coming down with something and acting sicker than when you last saw him. She could be trying to rule out any obvious causes before she calls her pediatrician. She could have been more tactful in how she questioned you about his day but some people just aren't as tactful as others - especially if they're worried about their child.

I'd either send her another email saying, "Hey, dcm....I was thinking about your last email message and just want you to know I would never give him meds without permission etc...... Hope it's nothing serious and that he's feeling better by morning."

If you'd rather give it the night to cool down a little, make it a point to follow up with her face-to-face in the morning and explain what your medication policy is so there is no misunderstanding on her part as to when and how you give meds. Also, reassure her that you will always report any injuries he might get while playing during his time at day care.

How long has this family been with you? If they're relatively new, it could be that she needs time with you to develop trust in your ability to care for her child. Some parents are very laid back; others are a little more wary about others' caring for their kids. She may not realize how her questions/comments are coming across to you.
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DaisyMamma 06:06 PM 06-10-2013
There's been other comments that don't sit well with me.

They've been around 4 months. They are first time parents.
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Laurel 06:17 PM 06-10-2013
Originally Posted by e.j.:
I understand how upset an email like that can make you but try not to let it stress you out so much that it ruins your night with your family. Her child's behavior seems "off" to her and since she wasn't with her child all day, she's probably just trying to figure out what's going on with him. It's possible he's coming down with something and acting sicker than when you last saw him. She could be trying to rule out any obvious causes before she calls her pediatrician. She could have been more tactful in how she questioned you about his day but some people just aren't as tactful as others - especially if they're worried about their child.

I'd either send her another email saying, "Hey, dcm....I was thinking about your last email message and just want you to know I would never give him meds without permission etc...... Hope it's nothing serious and that he's feeling better by morning."

If you'd rather give it the night to cool down a little, make it a point to follow up with her face-to-face in the morning and explain what your medication policy is so there is no misunderstanding on her part as to when and how you give meds. Also, reassure her that you will always report any injuries he might get while playing during his time at day care.

How long has this family been with you? If they're relatively new, it could be that she needs time with you to develop trust in your ability to care for her child. Some parents are very laid back; others are a little more wary about others' caring for their kids. She may not realize how her questions/comments are coming across to you.


Laurel
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e.j. 06:44 PM 06-10-2013
If they're nervous first time parents, four months may not be quite long enough for them to feel totally secure and relaxed with you. (I know because I was a nervous first time parent and it took me awhile before I felt I could trust my dc providers. Truth be told...I never did develop that ability to fully trust anyone with my child. It's one of the reasons I started my own dc business!)

They probably just don't realize how their comments are coming across to you. If you can stand it, I'd give them a little more time to get adjusted to you and your way of doing things. If they make comments, address them as calmly and positively as you can.

If their comments are stressing you out, though, it couldn't hurt to start a conversation with them. "It's been 4 months since you've had your son enrolled in my day care. Does it seem to be working out as far as you're concerned? Are you happy here? Sometimes, I get the feeling you're not totally comfortable. Am I misreading some of the comments you've made? Is there anything I can do to help you feel more confident in your son's care while he's here?" I always have a similar conversation with my dc parents at the end of their trial period. that way, I know if they're happy or if they have concerns. If they have concerns, I at least know where I stand and can decide if it's worth trying to meet their needs or send them packing.

Just wanted to add: I do understand how stressful it can be to get an email message like that. After a very long relationship with one family, I got a call one afternoon from dc mom asking, "What did you feed him today?! He starting vomiting almost as soon as he walked in the door!". The tone was definitely accusatory and I was very upset by it. I ran down the list of food he had eaten all day. I also told her he had left my house happy and feeling fine. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong but felt upset about that phone call the entire night. Long story short, I got an apology the next morning. Dc dad had found a bottle under the car seat and gave it to the boy to drink on the way home. After thinking about it, the parents realized the bottle had to have been at least a couple of weeks old. Mystery solved!
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MyAngels 06:48 PM 06-10-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
There's been other comments that don't sit well with me.

They've been around 4 months. They are first time parents.
If that's the case you probably should take some time to have a sit down with them so you can clear the air. As first time parents they probably don't realize how they're coming across, and if they do realize it then it will give you an opportunity to let them know that they need to stop it, or they may risk losing their spot.
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DaisyMamma 06:55 PM 06-10-2013
I love this forum. Thank you guys for putting this into perspective for me. I felt so much better after reading the responses.

I have had the exact conversation that is being recommended. DCM is stuck working as a the bread winner, while dad works at home, but wants dcb in pt daycare for socialization and time to work. I think she would really prefer to be home, so nothing is "good enough", kwim?
Apparently its time for conversation #2 with a warning against these comments or at least how things are approached.

As I'm typing she responded, " ok thanks"
ugh
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Leigh 08:23 PM 06-10-2013
I am guessing that Mom is just trying to piece together what's going on and trying to make a decision on how to take care of her child. I would have called my provider and asked similar questions had I picked up a kid who didn't seem normal. I would just let it go and assume that Mom is just worried and figuring how to proceed with treating her son (without asking questions, she can't know if he's sick/hurt/distressed).
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Cat Herder 07:38 AM 06-11-2013
Maybe you should text back "Are you sure you fed him? Did you always take your prenatal vitamins??? Did you drink while pregnant?"

Just tell her asking leading questions like that feel like accusations. If she has something she needs to say, she needs to do it directly.

I know it is frustrating.. that stuff get's under my skin, too.
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littlemissmuffet 12:05 PM 06-11-2013
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Maybe you should text back "Are you sure you fed him? Did you always take your prenatal vitamins??? Did you drink while pregnant?"

Just tell her asking leading questions like that feel like accusations. If she has something she needs to say, she needs to do it directly.

I know it is frustrating.. that stuff get's under my skin, too.

Reply
williams2008 12:17 PM 06-11-2013
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Maybe you should text back "Are you sure you fed him? Did you always take your prenatal vitamins??? Did you drink while pregnant?"

Just tell her asking leading questions like that feel like accusations. If she has something she needs to say, she needs to do it directly.

I know it is frustrating.. that stuff get's under my skin, too.

Reply
DaisyMamma 04:51 AM 06-12-2013
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Maybe you should text back "Are you sure you fed him? Did you always take your prenatal vitamins??? Did you drink while pregnant?"

Just tell her asking leading questions like that feel like accusations. If she has something she needs to say, she needs to do it directly.

I know it is frustrating.. that stuff get's under my skin, too.


On top of it all they forgot to pay me!
I sent a note saying so and that a $5/day late fee applies. I was out yesterday morning and when I returned I found a check. No late fee
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e.j. 06:04 AM 06-12-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:


On top of it all they forgot to pay me!
I sent a note saying so and that a $5/day late fee applies. I was out yesterday morning and when I returned I found a check. No late fee
The upside is she now owes you an extra $10, right?
Reply
Cat Herder 07:08 AM 06-12-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:


On top of it all they forgot to pay me!
I sent a note saying so and that a $5/day late fee applies. I was out yesterday morning and when I returned I found a check. No late fee
Forgot? WHO forgets to pay their bills??? Not likely... Blew it off until it was more convenient for her sounds more appropriate.

Have you started interviewing for her replacement family, yet?

**Child issues are enough work to earn your pay, "childish" adult issues are not in the job description...
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Unregistered 12:46 PM 06-12-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
I'm seriously upset right now.
Dcb just left 1.5 hrs ago. He was totally normal all day and we had a normal day. Just before pickup I had him sitting with me for about ten minutes while we waited for mom. He was a little quiet at that point.
Mom comes in to get him. Getting him ready to go, signs out. Etc. Then says did he just wake up cuz he seems real quiet? I say no. She asks how he was today and I said great, totally normal. He's been quiet the past few min sitting with me but other than that crawling around, happy, normal day. That's that. She leaves.
Emails me an he later and asks if he was ok today. If he fell or if I gave him any medication. I reply no, normal day, no meds.
Now I'm sitting here like what???? Totally no trust there. I'm completely offended. I don't have permission to give meds and they never gave me any and if I did it would be on his slip and so would any falls, etc. So why even ask those questions? unless the kid is tototally comotose, in which case I would think they would call, go to the DR, but not send an email!! ?? Is this weird, or is it just me?
I don't even know how to put into words what I'm feeling.
This isn't the first conversation they've made me feel this way and I do not like it. At all.

I feel that i want to term! But I don't want to look like I'm guilty of something, as I did nothing. But I'm seriously insulted.

Hmmmmm

And its 7pm. This is my family time and now I'm stressing about THIS.
This is why I stopped taking the kids of first time parents...they are so paranoid and almost strange. I am sure I was the same way with my first but as a DP it is way too hard to deal with. I wouldn't overreact to the email though, I think they were just trying to rule stuff out because they are probably just worried about the little guy. I'm sure he is just coming down with something and as a first time parent I guess you don't realize that kids become quite off prior to showing symptoms of illness. I think they are genuinely just clueless about how a kid acts when he starts to get sick. After doing childcare for 10 years and being a mom of 3, I know that when the kids get quiet it is time to get out the Tylenol, buckets and Kleenex.

Ignore that email and enjoy your family time. If they honestly think you medicate the kids to sedate them so they are calmer during the day, then they should probably find a different DP.
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AmyKidsCo 02:30 PM 06-12-2013
First time parents can be really weird. Then there are some that are really great too.

Just to CYA you might want to document everything that went on - the email, what she said what you said, what the child was like all day. You may never need it, but it's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

That said, I rarely remember to document things as much as I probably should.
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DaisyMamma 11:57 AM 06-13-2013
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
First time parents can be really weird. Then there are some that are really great too.

Just to CYA you might want to document everything that went on - the email, what she said what you said, what the child was like all day. You may never need it, but it's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

That said, I rarely remember to document things as much as I probably should.
Great idea.

I didn't have to ask for the late payment fee. It was brought in cash.
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Tags:parents - accusing, stress, trust
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