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Old 04-14-2011, 02:39 PM
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Default How Embarrassing!!!!

I am so humiliated. My 3yo dd threw the biggest temper tantrum when another 3 yo dcg's dad showed up. I always am paranoid around these parents anyway because their dd who is 3 never has been to a daycare before mine and they have noticed some changes in her behavior since she started coming here like sassiness. Now, I dont claim to be perfect in the parenting department, but I also have 3 kids and I know that with my oldest her personality changed alot when she turned 3. Anyway, I often worry that they attribute her "changes" to being at my house. My 3 yo dd seems to behave her worst in front of these parents and today took the cake. Dcg sees her dad (we are outside) and goes running to him saying "I need to go potty", Im like "OK, lets go" and Im a little baffled because this is the 1st Ive heard that she needs to potty. She doesnt want me to take her, yet I dont want dcd in my bathroom because I know it is not in tip top shape since my oldest dd came home, changed her clothes and left them on the floor etc.

So, I proceed to the bathroom telling dcg "come on" and in the meantime my 3 yr old dd is wailing because she and my oldest dd got in a fight over a bike in the backyard. She basically collapses on the ground behind me screaming and grabbing my legs as Im trying to lead dcg to the bathroom in front of her dad. I seriously had to lock the door to keep my daughter out. She was screaming at me to hold her. I was so embarrassed. I cannot even describe how stressful this was to me. I open the door and my daughter is wailing "but I love you" and I say back to her "I love you too, but I dont love your behavior, go get on the couch", because I know she needs a nap. The entire time I am speaking to dcd, my dd is lying on the floor at my feet screaming and pulling at my pantleg while I am holding my 2yo ds. This dad looks at me like Im crazy. I did raise my voice to my daughter and told her "that is enough!!" a couple of times, but I honestly didnt know what to do. I am sure he wondered why dcg didnt want me to take her to the bathroom initially (she wanted her dad) and then I tried to explain to him that usually she tells me when she needs to go, but maybe she didnt because it is always a race to get on the swings (this little girl has a really hard time sharing the swingset), so I am assuming she didnt want someone else on there before her so she just didnt mention her need to go to the bathroom, I dont know.

The whole thing stresses me out. Should I email them and apologize for dd behavior or just let it go? I am just really embarrassed.

Last edited by Michael; 04-15-2011 at 05:08 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-14-2011, 02:54 PM
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I would probably bring it up in passing, like at next pickup. Something like, "Wow, yesterday, DD sure threw a fit when I took DCG to the bathroom. She's at that stage where she's having a hard time sharing me. That was embarassing! So I figured I would try to head that off at the pass today by making sure they all got a chance to hit the restroom before we went on the swings."

Let him know you noticed, it wasn't ok with you, and you are working on fixing it.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:02 PM
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I have a dcf that thinks my 3.5 year old is the devil....


One day they diecided to hold a play date on a friday and invited my son and the only other two kids taht I have to come over... So we went.

Guess what happened...their sweet innocent little angle turned into a devil. She screamed at any child that tried to touch her toys, she kicked anyone who attempted to continue playing with anything. The mom and dad were trying to get her to chill out and play with the kids and the child just kept going and going. I finally said, well know what you know it's like to have to share your toys with everyone... The parents gave me the look of death.

I laughed and said, dont worry about it, my kid acts like that a lot at home because he is still not used to having to wake up with a house full of kids playing with his toys.... This is her first time, she will eventually get it...
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:02 PM
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I have very strict rules for my son in regards to my business. He's ten and these rules have been in place since he has been old enough to walk and talk.

He is not allowed to talk to me when my dc parents are in the house.
He is not allowed to talk to my dc parents.
He is to LEAVE the room if the dc parents come.

He is not allowed to have ANY relationship with the dc parents on any level at any time for any reason. He's not to ask me for anything or talk to me when they are here. If he comes in from school when they are at the front door he is to come in BEHIND them and go directly OUT of the living room. If they say hello to him because they see him in passing he is to be polite and say "hello" and then be gone.

If he is upset about something and fussing or making any noise he is to STOP and go to another area of the house until I come and get him.

He is only around the dc kids unless myself or my staff is in the same room with him at all times. He is not to have ANY conflict with the kids. If they get hyper or he gets hyper he must leave the room.

I'm very very very strict with him that he must stay out of my business completely. He is a child and does not have the ability to decide what is acceptable and not acceptable around them. I will not let him put my business at risk.

When the dc parents are in the house he knows he has the ability to change his behavior and not have me discipline him in front of them. He knows that at that time I am weak because I'm in a public situation and I have my income standing in front of me. This is the most powerful time for him in our family and in our relationship.

He completely senses that my reaction to him will be muted, short, less strict, more tolerant because I am working and I want a simple pleasant time with my clients. Because he senses my weakness he feels empowered and wants to use this time to take control or to gain... get something... be allowed to do something... or put me into a position where i have to have a discussion with him where he can then argue or display unhappiness that he would NOT do if we were alone.

So how I solve this is to have very strict rules about where he can be PHYSICALLY when they are here and what he can and can't do if he happens upon them in the normal course of his home life. If he breaks these rules the consequences are very severe. There is little he can do that will garner a worse punishment than embarrass me in front of my customers.

He has never done anything like you describe so I can't give you advice on your own child or how to compensate for it or bring it up to the clients. I know ... for me.. I would have been willing to completely loose the clients immediately just to discipline him for behavior such as you have described. Even though I would most likely loose that client... he would learn a lesson that would be an insurance policy that he wouldn't ever do it again in front of another customer. That would happen ONCE.... only once.

He's nearly eleven now so he runs into my clients more because he is in and out of the house and home on breaks. He knows now that if he blows up one of my client relationships that our lives would be severely altered and his way of life would change. He knows about money now and about how the parents are the ones who pay me and afford us this life. It doesn't mean he doesn't try to push the boundaries but he knows clearly that I will do what I have to do to him and in front of them if that's what it takes. I can't ever let him think that he is in the power position... EVER. I would give up the child care and my career before I would allow him a minute of prevailing over me. If it means I have to give up the day care then I will. He knows me and knows that I will do what I have to do to keep the balance of power in the correct position.... even if that means giving all of this up today.

I think you are very very highly at risk for this happening again and soon. I wouldn't be worried about the day care parents reaction. I would be a thousand times more worried about how to manage my kid with the business in the future. That's really your biggest issue.
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:13 PM
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I had to implement somthing like this with my older two kids when my oldest son decided to tell one of my daycare parnets that his old friend was in jail. He went on telling some crazy story and I had to stop him in the middle of it to ask him to go do his home work.... I was soooo mad.

I had to explain that it was a neighbor kid not a friend.....ugghh
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Old 04-15-2011, 03:37 AM
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Both my girls (6.5, 8y) know that if a DCP is here they better now throw a fit. They also know they better use their manners with them.

I have a rule if they don't behave at pick up the next day when they get home from school they can go upstairs until the kids leave. (They want to play with the DCK's so this normally works)
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Old 04-15-2011, 04:32 AM
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My only thought after reading this was to have your older daughter make sure to clean up after herself in the bathroom from now on. This would have never happened at all if the little girl's dad could have gone into the bathroom with her - assuming you'd allow that in the first place, I guess. Sorry, not particularly helpful, I know .
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Old 04-15-2011, 05:40 AM
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Thanks for everyones advice I know there are several issues here to be addressed. I had a very "nice" talk with dd last night about what behavior is acceptable. I know that will not prevent this from happening again, but she knows that I was extremely upset with her. As far as suggestions to send her somewhere else in my home, I cant do that. My entire main level is open. You walk in the door and the only thing separating any other part of my main level is a massive fireplace that runs from my basement through the upstairs. There are no walls other than the bathroom and laundry room. I am not licensed to use my upstairs or basement so that is not an option. Our daycare area is the open area on one side of the fireplace which is connected to my kitchen. It is gated off from my living and dining rooms, but open as I said. No matter where you go on this main level (1000 sq ft), it is pretty much open. So, other than waiting out front for dcd (which I couldnt leave my kids inside at ages 2,3 and 6) I really dont have a way to physicallly remove her from the group. I will just have to really "work" on my parenting skills with her. She has always been my best behaved, shares well, listens until just recently at age 3-1/2, so I better fix this before it gets out of hand. Thanks for all the advice.
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Old 04-15-2011, 05:47 AM
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This is why I bring the DC kids to the door when parents arrive. My kids know they aren't allowed in the foyer and my clients don't go past the foyer. Simple solution.
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Old 04-15-2011, 06:50 AM
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Why don't you have DD apologize to the dd. Then may make her realize how unacceptable her behavior was and maybe embarrass her a little bit. No child is to young to apologize I believe.
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Old 04-15-2011, 01:01 PM
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I am a little diff. my DCS is 8yrs old and he is ADHD. Sometimes we have good days and others not so good. When I interview my whole family is there and they are a ware up front of my childrens behavior but that I am very strict. Not just with my children but with theirs. No one is treated diff. they are all treated exactly the same. I explain that when they come in if I am disciplining my children that this is a good time to see how i handle all type of situations and how I handle them. My daughter is 4 yrs old now and she has never had separation anxiety until now. I know why and what had happened and the parents are aware of what happened. You see my families and i always in communication I discuss everything with them. So when they see something like my DCD hanging on me they go back to what happened and associated with that. I am very calm when I deal with my children and sometimes i need to be stern and put my DCD in time out for acting out. With my son it's off to his room til the daycare parent leaves. Then we sit and have a talk bc for him he doesn't always understand why he feels frustration and it accelerates and I need to just calmly talk to him about what is bothering him. Mostly its me...lol!! Just stay calm always in front of the parents and be in control that is all the parents want to see.
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Old 04-15-2011, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by broncomom1973 View Post
I am so humiliated. My 3yo dd threw the biggest temper tantrum when another 3 yo dcg's dad showed up. I always am paranoid around these parents anyway because their dd who is 3 never has been to a daycare before mine and they have noticed some changes in her behavior since she started coming here like sassiness. Now, I dont claim to be perfect in the parenting department, but I also have 3 kids and I know that with my oldest her personality changed alot when she turned 3. Anyway, I often worry that they attribute her "changes" to being at my house. My 3 yo dd seems to behave her worst in front of these parents and today took the cake. Dcg sees her dad (we are outside) and goes running to him saying "I need to go potty", Im like "OK, lets go" and Im a little baffled because this is the 1st Ive heard that she needs to potty. She doesnt want me to take her, yet I dont want dcd in my bathroom because I know it is not in tip top shape since my oldest dd came home, changed her clothes and left them on the floor etc. So, I proceed to the bathroom telling dcg "come on" and in the meantime my 3 yr old dd is wailing because she and my oldest dd got in a fight over a bike in the backyard. She basically collapses on the ground behind me screaming and grabbing my legs as Im trying to lead dcg to the bathroom in front of her dad. I seriously had to lock the door to keep my daughter out. She was screaming at me to hold her. I was so embarrassed. I cannot even describe how stressful this was to me. I open the door and my daughter is wailing "but I love you" and I say back to her "I love you too, but I dont love your behavior, go get on the couch", because I know she needs a nap. The entire time I am speaking to dcd, my dd is lying on the floor at my feet screaming and pulling at my pantleg while I am holding my 2yo ds. This dad looks at me like Im crazy. I did raise my voice to my daughter and told her "that is enough!!" a couple of times, but I honestly didnt know what to do. I am sure he wondered why dcg didnt want me to take her to the bathroom initially (she wanted her dad) and then I tried to explain to him that usually she tells me when she needs to go, but maybe she didnt because it is always a race to get on the swings (this little girl has a really hard time sharing the swingset), so I am assuming she didnt want someone else on there before her so she just didnt mention her need to go to the bathroom, I dont know. The whole thing stresses me out. Should I email them and apologize for dd behavior or just let it go? I am just really embarrassed.
Don't feel humiliated or embarassed. Every parent has (or will be) at some time or another, embarassed by their child acting up. Those that say they haven't have just blocked it out
I would simply say "sorry about how pick-up went yesterday" and leave it at that. I would not make a big deal out of it to the dcd at all.
I would make a big deal out of it to dd though.
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