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Old 07-06-2015, 12:24 PM
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Default Potty Training and My Own Child...

OK ladies, you all deal with lots of potty training...HELP!!!
My son will be 4 on Friday. I have tried since he was 3 to potty train him and nothing works. No bribe, reward, punishment, nothing. Sometimes he'll do good going in and trying and go successfully for a few days, then he decides no more and throws a huge tantrum over even just sitting on it. He will not tell me if he has to go...be knows when he is going, or when he is wet etc but has never said beforehand he is needs to go. He's very advanced verbally, pretty much right on track in all other areas, I absolutely discipline him with consistency and he has a pretty regular routine. No major changes to his life. Last one was when his sister was born 14m ago. I am pregnant with number 3 but I'm not sure if that is playing into anything now. Any suggestions?? I feel like I'm failing here and I know he CAN do it but it's like banging my head against a wall every day lately. I have tried taking "breaks" but really, how many more "breaks" are needed?! Starting to doubt if backing off when he throws a fit was even the best idea in the first place. Never works in any other situation but in terms of potty training it was what everyone suggested at first :/
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Old 07-06-2015, 12:39 PM
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Put it on HIM, not you.

"my darling son, you are simply TOO OLD to be wearing baby diapers. From now on, I expect you to use the toilet like a big boy. So, if you have an accident, you will change yourself. I will NOT do it for you.

Then, keep your cool, and help MINIMALLY just to keep any major messes at bay.

Put a pile of clean clothes and undies in the bathroom, a hamper for soiled clothes, and a pile of wet wipes. Put paper towels and soap-and-water in a sprayer nearby, get rid of your bath mats for a little while.

If you see he's wet, simply say, very matter-of-factly "Son, you are wet. We do not play in wet clothes. Go change please, and I will guard your tower/lego building/ball for you while you're gone. Let me know if you need any help, please". Put up his toy, and wait. IF he calls for help, then go help him MINIMALLY. Just enough so that you don't end up with 85 dirty paper towels and a wall full of poop or something.

Next time, same thing. It's got to be more inconvenient for him to change than to just go.

If you see him doing "the potty dance", say "Oh, I see you're doing the potty dance. Do you want me to safe guard your Legos for you while you go potty?"

You've got yourself in a power struggle you can't really win. Make it his business vs. yours, I say. You're just there to assist when he makes a mistake; it happens. Show him how to fix it.
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Old 07-06-2015, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
Put it on HIM, not you.

"my darling son, you are simply TOO OLD to be wearing baby diapers. From now on, I expect you to use the toilet like a big boy. So, if you have an accident, you will change yourself. I will NOT do it for you.

Then, keep your cool, and help MINIMALLY just to keep any major messes at bay.

Put a pile of clean clothes and undies in the bathroom, a hamper for soiled clothes, and a pile of wet wipes. Put paper towels and soap-and-water in a sprayer nearby, get rid of your bath mats for a little while.

If you see he's wet, simply say, very matter-of-factly "Son, you are wet. We do not play in wet clothes. Go change please, and I will guard your tower/lego building/ball for you while you're gone. Let me know if you need any help, please". Put up his toy, and wait. IF he calls for help, then go help him MINIMALLY. Just enough so that you don't end up with 85 dirty paper towels and a wall full of poop or something.

Next time, same thing. It's got to be more inconvenient for him to change than to just go.

If you see him doing "the potty dance", say "Oh, I see you're doing the potty dance. Do you want me to safe guard your Legos for you while you go potty?"

You've got yourself in a power struggle you can't really win. Make it his business vs. yours, I say. You're just there to assist when he makes a mistake; it happens. Show him how to fix it.
Thank you!! He does change himself now with his pull ups but I think switching to just underwear could help. At this point, it can't hurt! Lol.
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Old 07-06-2015, 01:10 PM
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I TOTALLY agree with Heidi. However, I'll tell you that my child was trained differently. He was reluctant to poop in the toilet. He occasionally would pee in there, but that was not consistent, either. One day, he'd taken off his wet diaper and smashed it on the floor, sending those little gels all over my freshly scrubbed floor.

I took his diaper away and told him that if this is how he acts in diapers, then he can't have them anymore. I handed him a pair of underwear, told him to put them on, and made him clean up the mess. That was it. Over a year of begging, coercion, bribery...and just telling him "that's it" was all it took.

There is another method that a gastroenterologist does (and will guide you through for only $450). Put a TV, books, and toys in the bathroom, put the kid in ONLY a tee shirt, give the child Miralax, and spend 72 hours in the bathroom with the child (sleeping in there, too). He says that by age 4, it's all about control, and that the child WILL be using the toilet at the end of this period, and will be "trained" at the end of 96 hours. Honestly, his method makes sense to me-if the child has no choice but the toilet, and nowhere to hide to poop behind the couch or whereever, he'll learn to use the toilet. Here's a link to his page: http://doctordaum.com/
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Old 07-06-2015, 03:30 PM
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Yeah...I think I'd use that above method as a last resort!

The thing is, with your own child, if they have an accident, you can deal with it a bit differently than a dck. At least for me, that's the truth.

I would absolutely put him in underwear ONLY at this point. No pullups, no diapers, ever. He just needs to get a very black-and-white message.

If bed wetting is a concern, cover the mattress with something water proof, give him the tools to change his bedding and pj's himself, and let him deal with it, too. We found that a couple old towels on the sheets helped a lot, and they could easily put down new ones after an accident at night. Big adult bedding is too hard for a little person to manage, and a lot of laundry, too.

Again, it's HIS job, not yours. Of course, if there's a horrible accident, you can help him a little, reassure him not to panic; it can be fixed.

I don't think you should be harsh, judgemental, etc. Just matter-of-fact and reasonable. Give him lots of reassurance that you believe he can do it, even if it's hard for him. Lots of extra love and hugs, too!
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:52 AM
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My son will be 3 in a couple of weeks. I never thought he would want to potty train and never said anything so I took it upon myself and just put him in underwear one day. I set a timer for every 30 minutes and he actually went when it would go off, most of the time. When he wouldn't, I would take off his pants and underwear and tell him he couldn't put them back on until he went potty and he would go. He did great (with the exception of going #2)...for a couple of weeks. So then I bought pullups so he could pull them up and down himself and he did pretty good, but after a while, he knew he could wet in them so I went back to underwear (except at night and nap) and so far, he has been doing great (a couple of accidents, but that's to be expected), with the exception of #2. He has even been waking up dry for the most part in the morning and after nap, And I do admit, (I said I was NEVER going to do this), but I do let him have a little treat when he goes.

Now to conquer going #2 on the potty!
I wish you luck!
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
Yeah...I think I'd use that above method as a last resort!

The thing is, with your own child, if they have an accident, you can deal with it a bit differently than a dck. At least for me, that's the truth.

I would absolutely put him in underwear ONLY at this point. No pullups, no diapers, ever. He just needs to get a very black-and-white message.

If bed wetting is a concern, cover the mattress with something water proof, give him the tools to change his bedding and pj's himself, and let him deal with it, too. We found that a couple old towels on the sheets helped a lot, and they could easily put down new ones after an accident at night. Big adult bedding is too hard for a little person to manage, and a lot of laundry, too.


Again, it's HIS job, not yours. Of course, if there's a horrible accident, you can help him a little, reassure him not to panic; it can be fixed.

I don't think you should be harsh, judgemental, etc. Just matter-of-fact and reasonable. Give him lots of reassurance that you believe he can do it, even if it's hard for him. Lots of extra love and hugs, too!
I 100% agree, underwear all the way! I'm potty training my almost 3 year old and as soon as I went to underwear, he's been doing great for the most part (except for #2). I put him in diapers for a few days because we were doing traveling and visiting people and he immediately knew he could go potty in them.
For my son, when he has an accident, it is different than when another child does. Sure, cleaning up #2 out of underwear is disgusting to me, but it's my own child and has to be done.

I haven't conquered the no diapers at night/nap. He's not even 3 yet, but I like your ideas for when I decide to go to no diapers at night/nap!
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
Yeah...I think I'd use that above method as a last resort!

The thing is, with your own child, if they have an accident, you can deal with it a bit differently than a dck. At least for me, that's the truth.

I would absolutely put him in underwear ONLY at this point. No pullups, no diapers, ever. He just needs to get a very black-and-white message.

If bed wetting is a concern, cover the mattress with something water proof, give him the tools to change his bedding and pj's himself, and let him deal with it, too. We found that a couple old towels on the sheets helped a lot, and they could easily put down new ones after an accident at night. Big adult bedding is too hard for a little person to manage, and a lot of laundry, too.

Again, it's HIS job, not yours. Of course, if there's a horrible accident, you can help him a little, reassure him not to panic; it can be fixed.

I don't think you should be harsh, judgemental, etc. Just matter-of-fact and reasonable. Give him lots of reassurance that you believe he can do it, even if it's hard for him. Lots of extra love and hugs, too!
This is what we had to do with older DD. she was pee trained for over a year but would not poop on the potty. She was old enough and able enough. We finally just had to say pull ups were done. And it was fine. Once she realized we weren't going to cave she went on the potty and never had an accident. We kicked ourselves for not doing it sooner
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Old 07-08-2015, 11:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
This is what we had to do with older DD. she was pee trained for over a year but would not poop on the potty. She was old enough and able enough. We finally just had to say pull ups were done. And it was fine. Once she realized we weren't going to cave she went on the potty and never had an accident. We kicked ourselves for not doing it sooner
I wonder what it is with kids not wanting to poo on the potty?
I'm just about a month/month and a half into potty training (in underwear) my ds who will be 3 on the 20th and he has only done it a hand full of times, once on his own without being "caught".
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Old 07-08-2015, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by melilley View Post
I wonder what it is with kids not wanting to poo on the potty?
I'm just about a month/month and a half into potty training (in underwear) my ds who will be 3 on the 20th and he has only done it a hand full of times, once on his own without being "caught".
I know in our case DD had (and continues to have) constipation issues. I think she probably had a couple painful BM's and decided enough was enough
I've heard it is easier to have a BM standing up though I've not tried it out
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Old 07-08-2015, 11:31 AM
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I've heard it is easier to have a BM standing up though I've not tried it out
Oh come on, why not?
That would be really interesting to see how that would turn out.....maybe not...lol
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:17 PM
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Thank you ladies!! We are trying underwear only (except at night, he never wakes up dry...I'll tackle that one later lol) and it's going alright. Not great but good, definitely improving and better then pull ups oddly enough he LOVES to poop in the potty smh lol. Not that I have a problem with that just surprises me since most people seem to have more trouble with poop vs pee and for us its been the opposite.
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Old 07-09-2015, 03:35 AM
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Oh come on, why not?
That would be really interesting to see how that would turn out.....maybe not...lol


I imagine it's a little like having a baby - you know when I was in labor they kept trying to get me to my knees so the baby would just "drop out" ...

(she didn't )
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Old 07-09-2015, 03:40 AM
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Thank you ladies!! We are trying underwear only (except at night, he never wakes up dry...I'll tackle that one later lol) and it's going alright. Not great but good, definitely improving and better then pull ups oddly enough he LOVES to poop in the potty smh lol. Not that I have a problem with that just surprises me since most people seem to have more trouble with poop vs pee and for us its been the opposite.
Does he drink a lot? Can you cut back on liquids safely?

I'm sure it's not your issue, but a friend of mine had a water/milk guzzler kid that kept having accidents. They didn't realize how much he was drinking because of their child care arrangements (with dad while mom was working, with grandma if both parents were working, at a center if grandma was busy, etc) No medical issues/reasons, so they cut back a bit and it helped.
Probably not your issue but wanted to mention it just in case.
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