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  #1  
Old 08-03-2019, 11:34 AM
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Default What Would You Do?

I mentioned about a little over a month ago my husband was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. I took off about a month for his surgery and recovery which just happened a week ago. Surgery went well but recovery has been a little rough for him. Anyways because the cancer spread to one of the lymph nodes he has to do 6 months of chemo every 2 weeks. We have heard that although everyone reacts different it can be quite brutal. He will have to go every 2 weeks for 8 hours plus bring a pump home for 2 additional days. I don't know what to do with my daycare. I really am afraid that if I stay open he is going to have a really hard time which causes me stress because I already know he will complain that I'm not there ect and it is really hard to do my job when he's complaining and having a hard time, nausea is a huge side effect of the chemo and he is already having a lot of nausea and they don't know why so driving is another thing we would have to deal with.
My husband thinks I should remain closed for an additional couple months to see how the chemo goes but I feel like that is making it harder for my parents especially if it wasn't going well and I had to close after those couple of months. I really don't know what to do, part of me feels like I should close right now, of course knowing that I would lose all my clients but find a job that is very flexible so I can be available for his chemo appointments. I am willing to do that. I just have know idea what to do and what would be appropriate, I don't want to make parents mad by extending the closure then turning around and saying well it's not going well so I have to close.
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Old 08-03-2019, 01:26 PM
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I am so very sorry that you and your husband are going through this. My heart goes out to you both. Do you do your daycare from your home? is there someone that could come in and help with you for the days that you need to help him more?
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Old 08-03-2019, 02:41 PM
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I am sure they'd understand if you needed to close. I'm very sorry for what you're both going through. You need to know it's definitely okay to think of you and dh first before worrying about making your dcps mad at you.

Take care my dear!!
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Old 08-03-2019, 03:26 PM
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So sorry to hear he is having a hard time.As his wife its hard to be torn between work and family.In 1995my husband was diagnosed with non Hodgkin's Lymphoma .I had 6 daycare kids and 2 middle schoolers as well as 2 in college .We needed the money,I was able to pick him up after chemo and a assistant took care of the daycare.He was able to have treatment on Friday afternoons and was well enough to work by Monday.Each person is different.You may want to just close for the time of his treatments.Then when he is feeling better you could reopen.It is very draining for the caregiver you will need some time as well.Good luck.PS my husband was lucky to get through chemo and radiation and has been cancer free since 1997.This past weekend we celebrated our 46th wedding anniversary good thoughts sent to you.
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Old 08-03-2019, 04:36 PM
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Thank you everyone. rosieteddy I'm so happy to hear your husband has been cancer free, that is very promising to hear. Right now my husband is the mentality that this will come back. I want to say he will do well through chemo but I'm not very hopeful since he is already feeling ill.
As for someone coming here, our state requires a lot to have someone be able to stay with the kids, plus I don't think my husband would feel comfortable on his days right after chemo when he isn't feeling good having someone else here (this is just info we have received about this chemo). I am not really afraid to close for 6 months and lose all my clients and start all over, I don't think that will be an issue, the hard thing is losing my kids I have right now, I love and miss them so much right now, it's hard to see not seeing them again.
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Old 08-03-2019, 05:48 PM
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It is a very difficult situation. We do miss them when they are not with us.
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Old 08-04-2019, 04:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosieteddy View Post
So sorry to hear he is having a hard time.As his wife its hard to be torn between work and family.In 1995my husband was diagnosed with non Hodgkin's Lymphoma .I had 6 daycare kids and 2 middle schoolers as well as 2 in college .We needed the money,I was able to pick him up after chemo and a assistant took care of the daycare.He was able to have treatment on Friday afternoons and was well enough to work by Monday.Each person is different.You may want to just close for the time of his treatments.Then when he is feeling better you could reopen.It is very draining for the caregiver you will need some time as well.Good luck.PS my husband was lucky to get through chemo and radiation and has been cancer free since 1997.This past weekend we celebrated our 46th wedding anniversary good thoughts sent to you.
Congratulations on all fronts!!
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Old 08-04-2019, 05:48 AM
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Sit quietly ....the answer will come. Sending healing vibes!
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Old 08-04-2019, 06:22 AM
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That's a tough choice. A friend of mine had a 2 year old son diagnosed with leukemia and the time that had to be dedicated to him made it hard for her other 3 kids. Your husband wouldn't need as much as a 2 year old, but he will be needing you a lot.

I agree with Ms.Kay. Go day by day for now, and keep parents updated. They can then decide if they want to wait or not. When you are more certain about a choice, make it then.
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Old 08-04-2019, 09:02 AM
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Thank you, I was tentatively scheduled to reopen August 19th, I feel like if I don't give them a more definite answer they will go elsewhere anyway, especially 2 of my kids the parents are teachers therefore right now it doesn't effect them because they aren't working anyways but they do go back to work that week I was planning on reopening. I would really like to know how the chemo will go first, although he has been talking about not even doing the chemo because he already feels so sick. I'm just so confused, I feel like either way I'm going to make the wrong choice. thanks everyone
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Old 08-05-2019, 03:30 AM
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Something to consider is that he will be immune compromised while on chemo so you really need to keep as many of the germs that normally come into the home during daycare away from him.
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Old 08-05-2019, 08:57 AM
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That is something I had concerns about and were going to ask his oncologist about this.
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Old 08-05-2019, 05:58 PM
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When my husband was having chemo we were extra careful.Daycare was pretty separate we were concerned if children had immunizations with live viruses.I was extra careful with spraying Lysol and hand washing ect.
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Old 08-06-2019, 08:27 AM
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I would have a sub or assistant cover for you when you need to take him in to appointments and etc or even to help during his roughest time of day if you know when that is.

I think closing for a few months for him would build resentment for everyone and would say that clients would likely go elsewhere since the timeframe isn't certain for his recovery (versus surgery or baby most people take 6-8 weeks off).
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Old 08-06-2019, 09:59 AM
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Finding a sub would be very difficult because there are so many requirements for a sub and even if someone was willing it would take them to long to go through all of the requirements to actually be able to stay.
Plus even though my daycare is in a separate area it is still close enough that when my husband isn't feeling well that he may be uncomfortable having someone else here.
I do understand that I may lose the majority of my clients but right now, I think my family needs to come first. I am pushing it out another month so I think we will see what happens from that point on I guess.
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Old 08-12-2019, 12:48 PM
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So I ended up making the decision to remain closed at least until the end of September to get him through a couple sessions of chemo plus he started to develop an auto immune disorder he had about 15 years ago that affects the nerves so I am so thankful I made that choice. I did tell them in the letter that I can't be for certain that I would reopen at that time as we are taking this step by step. Thankfully most everyone responded with they were there for us and they have backup care until if and when I decide to reopen. I sent the letter out beginning of last week, I haven't heard back from a couple of them, which I'm assuming one of them is not happy but whatever then.
We have been talking about me remaining closed until this is all over and I go to work and do something very flexible evenings, weekends just so I can be there with him during his appointments. Not sure how easy it would be to reopen after 6 months because I'm sure that the majority of them will not return (I know 3 families that will for sure) but not going to worry about that not.
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  #17  
Old 08-13-2019, 10:18 AM
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Rest assured if you remain closed the clients will find someone else.If you take the time you need and have to start your client base over you can.I closed to care for two relatives in my home.It was to hard to stay open,When I decided to reopen it took a couple of months to fill all the spots.I stayed full until retirement.Do what you need for you.Good luck hope your husband feels well soon.
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