Daycare.com Forum Kidacare by Minute Menu Force of Nature Disinfectant HiMama Childcare App

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-14-2019, 09:42 AM
Valerie928's Avatar
Valerie928 Valerie928 is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 68
Default Need Advice, Trying to Help Parents with Very Difficult Toddler

Dcg is 21 months, been coming to me since she was 2 months, 5 days a week, 8.5 hours and she is just fine for me. Very rarely misbehaves. If she does misbehave a simple time out works fine. All in all dcg is pleasant for me.

A little about dcg parents. They are older, mid 40's. They have admitted to me that they are/ were set in there ways before dcg came along and have a hard time integrating her into their every day lives. They both like alone time away from dcg and seem to strive for that. I kinda feel like dcg senses this??

The problem is this. Dcg turns into a completely different child the moment her parents are around. At home she hits them, kicks them and defies almost 100% of everything they are doing with her. She is very very difficult.

The parents put her in time out. They put her in her crib so they can breathe a minute. They are NOT coddling her. They are not letting her have her way ect.

Again, I have no idea what to do to help these parents. My own children never exhibited these behaviors. And like I said, dcg doesn't act badly here.

Any advice? I can't see what goes on in their home so what really goes on there I will never know. These parents look defeated. But the fact that they seem to not have her as priority could be an issue???
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-14-2019, 10:14 AM
BumbleBee's Avatar
BumbleBee BumbleBee is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,348
Default

Sounds like she's found a way to get their attention
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-14-2019, 10:44 AM
Valerie928's Avatar
Valerie928 Valerie928 is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 68
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BumbleBee View Post
Sounds like she's found a way to get their attention
I never thought of this☹ You are probably right. Here she receives a lot of my attention. At home probably not so much.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-14-2019, 11:28 AM
Mom2Two's Avatar
Mom2Two Mom2Two is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 1,851
Default

The parents need to learn to love. They need to spend special time together each day--reading stories on lap, trips to the park.

The kid isn't a small sized adult. She has developmentally appropriate needs.

I'm a talker, so while I do try to not judge or micromanage, parents here also get "positive guidance."

I would start talking about how children do need lots of positive attention and lots of patience and then a little firmness with some appropriate personal boundaries.

But 20 mths old would be at the beginning of learning boundaries. She's not going to learn to keep quiet while parents have "me" time. They need to learn to do what the rest of us do--have "me" time during naps or after bed time.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-14-2019, 11:50 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 11,425
Default

I'd start with suggesting the parents keep a journal of how much time they are actually spending with her, uninterrupted and without distractions, every day for one week. That may shine some light on it. Then reevaluate.

Kids have a right to feel angry and hurt. Punishing that can lead to self-alienation over time.
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-14-2019, 12:34 PM
Valerie928's Avatar
Valerie928 Valerie928 is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 68
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I'd start with suggesting the parents keep a journal of how much time they are actually spending with her, uninterrupted and without distractions, every day for one week. That may shine some light on it. Then reevaluate.

Kids have a right to feel angry and hurt. Punishing that can lead to self-alienation over time.
I think they are just punishing for the kicking and hitting. Not every single thing. Ar least I hope not.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-14-2019, 12:37 PM
Valerie928's Avatar
Valerie928 Valerie928 is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 68
Default

Dad was telling me that mom is at her wits end. They put her to bed by 7:30, even though she naps 2.5 hours here (1-3:30) Dad said mom watches the clock. Can't wait for that bedtime🙁
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-14-2019, 12:53 PM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 11,425
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Valerie928 View Post
I think they are just punishing for the kicking and hitting. Not every single thing. Ar least I hope not.
I get it. My point was they need to be punishing less and disciplining, more. They clearly are not listening to her. Communication is not just words. She is angry. They need to find out why then start there. I think you already have a grasp on what it is, they need to see it and actually do something to bring change in their home.

https://www.positiveparenting.com/di...ne-punishment/
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-14-2019, 03:48 PM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,066
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Valerie928 View Post
Dad was telling me that mom is at her wits end. They put her to bed by 7:30, even though she naps 2.5 hours here (1-3:30) Dad said mom watches the clock. Can't wait for that bedtime🙁
I wonder how much of that 'I don't want to really be here right now' spills out of the parents' time spent with their child? Even a toddler can sense when someone really doesn't want to spend time with them. I agree with the thought that she's begging for attention.
Plus, at 21 mo, are they simply putting her into time out without teaching her the proper ways of interacting? Parent could show her gentle ways to touch rather than using TO. JMO
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-14-2019, 05:14 PM
Valerie928's Avatar
Valerie928 Valerie928 is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 68
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
I wonder how much of that 'I don't want to really be here right now' spills out of the parents' time spent with their child? Even a toddler can sense when someone really doesn't want to spend time with them. I agree with the thought that she's begging for attention.
Plus, at 21 mo, are they simply putting her into time out without teaching her the proper ways of interacting? Parent could show her gentle ways to touch rather than using TO. JMO
I agree they should be teaching her gentle. In my home she is gentle. I have been teaching her since she was mobile because we have a cat that I will not allow to be mistreated. She is gentle with me and the other kids too. Not mean at all. It's attention seeking behavior I am certain.😕 And now that I think about it, it breaks my heart. She is such a cute, smart little girl
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 08-15-2019, 06:08 AM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,046
Default

Unfortunately parents have set her up for failure and experience has taught me they won’t take your advice anyway. Super selfish parents rarely do. They want a quick fix that does not involve a hands on, extra attention approach.

I would suggest that the mom have more one on one time with the child. Just one hour a day to snuggle and reconnect at the end of the day. Maybe a special day once a month. I would say it once and then it is up to them.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-15-2019, 11:23 AM
Mom2Two's Avatar
Mom2Two Mom2Two is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 1,851
Default

I'm having crazy wishes of wanting to copy these parents on this thread somehow. I know it's crazy...

One tip for that special time is for the parents to get toys that they ALL love. If they can love building lego cars...then do it. If they love building with wooden blocks, then get a big set and do it together. Find children's books that THEY love, and they are more likely to do it.

Grrr. I want to come visit you and just preach my heart out to those parents.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
parent - its a verb

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Advice Please...Problem With Parents And Child Angelwings36 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 18 03-26-2014 02:51 PM
Toddler Injury - Advice Needed ASAP! bunnyslippers Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 32 01-18-2013 06:49 AM
In Need Of Advice On Testy Toddler...Ugh! JennyBear Parents and Guardians Forum 11 09-11-2012 02:30 PM
Toddler Transition Advice E Daycare Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 2 01-26-2011 11:03 AM
Is it Common For Parents to Vacation Without Children? skittles Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 126 08-05-2010 10:14 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:40 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming