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Old 11-15-2018, 06:47 AM
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Question Hazelnut Chocolate Bar for Breakfast and Much More!

So, a couple problems:

1.) My new parent sent her child in with a candy bar a bit bigger than the size of 4 yo DCG's hand...for breakfast? This is the family who got the $82 early fee who speaks Arabic.

You know what? I let her eat it. They're the first ones to come and I was having a good morning. I really wasn't in the mood to take away this giant candy bar and then have the meltdown that would surely ensue.

2.) Sometimes, this little girl is perfectly fine. She cleans up well and is very self sufficient. Other times, she has this ability to scream and wail for at least an hour straight and that's what she's doing now.

I'm not really sure what to do about these bouts of tantrums. She's 4 and acts like a teenager! She'll get moody and grunt no to everything I say, refuse to follow instructions, make her body limp when I try to move her and get out of timeout when I give one to her. I have to put her in the hallway that leads to our playroom with a baby gate between us so that she'll stay in her timeout spot.

Sometimes she'll get super attached to me and not leave me alone for even one second and then have a tantrum when I ask her to give me some space or move her away from my body. She's never been to daycare before, so that's probably why. She's only been taken care of by her mother. She often says she misses her mom I think (in Arabic). I mean, if I'm working on the computer, she'll push up on me so that I can't even work. Or if I'm cooking, she'll always be next to or in front of me to the point where it could actually be dangerous if not extremely annoying.

She's stubborn as all get out. And smart. She's old enough to know that timeout is a figment of one's imagination, which makes it very hard to enforce.

I plan on telling mom she can't bring candy or any other food into daycare at pick up today, but since we already had those other issues, I'm trying to train the girl (and her mom) a little at a time.

As far as the tantrums/screaming/crying/overly attached behavior, I'd like to know your thoughts and suggestions. I give her hugs and high fives when she comes in and throughout the day as I do the rest of the kids, but sometimes, I need to get work done without tripping over a little body.
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Old 11-15-2018, 08:14 AM
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I donít allow food in ever so thatíll solve that problem.

As for a 4 year old that acts like this? She would be on her bed until she could calm herself down. This is not how a 4 year old acts.
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Old 11-15-2018, 11:40 AM
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Right?

But as far as sending her to bed, we do naps in the main play area, so I can't really have her set up her cot while everyone else is playing. I would put her in the spare room, but that's where the babies sleep, so that's not always an option. I don't know what to do with her.
She's fine...until she's not. Then it's nuclear.
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Old 11-15-2018, 02:41 PM
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Well, clearly your first mistake was letting her eat that hazelnut chocolate bar. I would've scarfed that thing away and eaten it myself.
Does this dcg speak English and understand well? Is her family's culture different enough to be causing a lot of confusion for her? Are there other kids in your dc, that she plays with? Do you think she gets enough sleep and good nutrition((for the most part)? What seems to be the catalyst for her tantrums; frustration, fights with the kiddos, etc.?

I think, if it were me, I'd get her some activities to do by herself throughout the day; could be groups and lots of noise around her could stress her out? Even if you simply set up a towel for her to sit on away from everybody else, give her magnetic dolls, lacing cards, dry erase board, anything to keep her busy and away from underfoot when you're trying to get things done. If you're working in the kitchen, are there things she can help you with?
Maybe designate a quiet corner for any child who just needs to take a break from it all. Soft cushions, fuzzy blankets, books, sensory jars, stress balls.
To me, if she's missing mom and trying to hang out with you a lot, it sounds like she needs some one on one attention and/or maybe just to escape from the group for awhile.
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Old 11-15-2018, 02:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by storybookending View Post
I donít allow food in ever so thatíll solve that problem.

As for a 4 year old that acts like this? She would be on her bed until she could calm herself down. This is not how a 4 year old acts.
I watched my 5 yo dcg leave my house at 5 tonight, just all beside herself, because she was overtired. Having the biggest fit I've ever seen, even though she has had many tantrums. And she'd been excellent today until that minute dcm walked in. I remember when one of my dds was 5, she was more than a handful on many occasions. So I respectfully disagree that 4 yos don't act like this. Some do. Unfortunately. We wish they didn't. But some do. Heck, I had a dcb who was more like 6-7 who acted like this.
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Old 11-15-2018, 03:47 PM
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She let me have a piece this morning. It was really good. haha

I have a cozy corner in the playroom, but I love your idea of having table activities for if she wants to get away from the other kids. She is the oldest and the only girl. That'll probably help a ton.

I'm sending the end of day reports now and mentioning sleep and nutrition to mom with some links to usda posters, etc. I think the mom doesn't like that she has to send her kids to daycare now, so I mentioned having a positive demeanor at drop off and when she talks about daycare at home, too. Ohh I almost forgot-she can bring a picture of her family! The kids like that.
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Old 11-15-2018, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
I watched my 5 yo dcg leave my house at 5 tonight, just all beside herself, because she was overtired. Having the biggest fit I've ever seen, even though she has had many tantrums. And she'd been excellent today until that minute dcm walked in. I remember when one of my dds was 5, she was more than a handful on many occasions. So I respectfully disagree that 4 yos don't act like this. Some do. Unfortunately. We wish they didn't. But some do. Heck, I had a dcb who was more like 6-7 who acted like this.
I didnít mean that they donít act like this, ever. I meant that I donít put up with them acting like this, ever. And from what the OP is describing it sounds like this is happening often and for long periods of time, not just here and there.
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attachment issues, cultural differences, enforcing policies - consistency, four year old, professionalism, screaming child, tantrums, training

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