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Old 08-30-2019, 06:15 PM
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Exclamation Baby Cries When Dad Leaves... But Not Mom

The baby’s mother made a comment about her child being well behaved when he is dropped off... and I couldn’t help the look of surprise on my face. She asked me if he wasn’t, and I told her that whenever the baby’s father leaves to go to work, he cries. I think she was upset at this, based on a comment that she made afterward. The baby cries when the father leaves him, but never when she does. I feel like I would be jealous myself, if my child cried over the other parent leaving, but not when I did. Is there anything I can say to help the situation? I offered a suggestion “I think he sees his father less”, but she didn’t seem to think that was true. Is it even my job to try and make things better, when this kind of thing is not uncommon? Did any of you have a situation like this with your own child(ren)?
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Old 08-30-2019, 06:33 PM
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https://imperfectfamilies.com/child-prefers-one-parent/

It’s not uncommon for children to prefer one parent over the other.

Sometimes this is due to a change in the parenting roles: a move, a new job, bedrest, separation. During these transitions, parents may shift who does bedtime, who gets breakfast, or who is in charge of daycare pickup.
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Old 08-30-2019, 07:25 PM
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A secure attachment can mean crying or not crying at drop off. An insecure attachment almost always means crying.

To me this could be a negative thing about the dad, not a positive OR it means nothing at all. Is the child easily consoled? If so he has a secure attachment to both parents. Insecure infants are inconsolable and do not trust others.
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Old 08-31-2019, 09:49 AM
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Thank you both for your responses!
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Old 08-31-2019, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
A secure attachment can mean crying or not crying at drop off. An insecure attachment almost always means crying.

To me this could be a negative thing about the dad, not a positive OR it means nothing at all. Is the child easily consoled? If so he has a secure attachment to both parents. Insecure infants are inconsolable and do not trust others.
Interesting, I have a two year old that I can not console. He will stop for a little while but then cry again later, ten minutes later. I have to plug (pacifier) him up all day to get him to stop. He looks very tried all the time. Dcm says he just woke just before drop off at 8. Thoughts?
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Old 09-02-2019, 06:45 AM
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How the parent handles the morning routine and drop off makes a huge difference! I once had a child in care for over a year. Mom and Dad were not together, I actually never met Dad until Mom started pushing for Dad to bring DCB on his weekday that he usually had him. Drop off with Mom was always uneventful. The first day Dad did it, the kid flipped out! Dad, of course, assumed this was the norm and looked at me like I was a monster. I tried to tell him that this wasn't typical, but hard to do with a screaming child. He left, DCB was fine within 5 minutes of us doing our usual routine. Dad comes back, says "I can't leave him here like this..." It was great fun to go through putting his shoes back on him, collecting his things, etc.... I should've made him do it, but I just wanted them gone. I got up early for this drop off.


I talked to Mom, suggested Dad prepare DCB that he was coming here that morning, etc and the next time went much better.

So, if your DCB isn't used to spending the morning with Dad or Dad is all over the place with the routine or DCB gets to say watch TV all morning and then comes to daycare. Well, of course things are not going to go well because the child is thrown for a loop, just like my poor 3 year old DCB who thought he was getting another fun day with Dad and ends up here with me.

Just a thought.
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Old 09-02-2019, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
Interesting, I have a two year old that I can not console. He will stop for a little while but then cry again later, ten minutes later. I have to plug (pacifier) him up all day to get him to stop. He looks very tried all the time. Dcm says he just woke just before drop off at 8. Thoughts?
An insecure attachment to me is the hardest thing to deal with as a provider. These kids spend their entire day trying to get their needs met, are generally anxious and whiny and just generally cranky. Lack of sleep can also mimic this so you have to know the kid. I have had a few kids unhappy to be here, but once their sleep is ironed out they are fine. Habe you tried popping him down for a short nap when he arrives? Even a 20-30min catnap can help! Securely attached kids generally have independent personalities, can explore on their own and trust easily.

You can Google the attachment theory online and even see videos of babies reacting.
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Old 09-02-2019, 11:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
An insecure attachment to me is the hardest thing to deal with as a provider. These kids spend their entire day trying to get their needs met, are generally anxious and whiny and just generally cranky. Lack of sleep can also mimic this so you have to know the kid. I have had a few kids unhappy to be here, but once their sleep is ironed out they are fine. Habe you tried popping him down for a short nap when he arrives? Even a 20-30min catnap can help! Securely attached kids generally have independent personalities, can explore on their own and trust easily.

You can Google the attachment theory online and even see videos of babies reacting.
I have tried napping in the morning. He just cries, the whole time and it's worse because I am not in his sight.
Dcm says he is still on two naps at home, he just won't stop crying long enough to relax.
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Old 09-03-2019, 06:42 AM
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I have tried napping in the morning. He just cries, the whole time and it's worse because I am not in his sight.
Dcm says he is still on two naps at home, he just won't stop crying long enough to relax.
Oh no poor little guy . Hopefully he will develop a good bond with you and things will die down a bit and he can start napping.
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