Have you ever turned down a family because their child/ren are just too much? I have a child that is just out of control, he hits other children, doesn't want to eat anything I serve but then complains he's starving, makes a HUGE mess but never picks up, doesn't listen, and frequently says he's going to tell his parents about how we mistreat him.........etc. I know that others might be able to deal with it but my assistant & I are just overwhelmed with him and I just don't think he's a good fit for our daycare.

Is that rude? Or should I go with my instincts?

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It's so hard. I have one like that, and of course she's a friend's child and 2 1/2 so I am working hard with her. But bottom line is you need to be sane and you need to do what's best for your group. Will other parents pull their kids b/c of him? The hitting is a huge one in my book. Talk to parents, circle a date on the calendar. If not improving by then, time to go find other care.

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I have turned down families looking for care, as well as terminated care.

If the child is not a good fit for your program and you feel you cannot meet this child's needs, you need to let this child go. It is also not fair to the other children in care.

I only keep children that can get along well with others, are non violent, can adapt to our schedule and the parents follow my policies.

no money will justify the behavior of this child. I would follow your polices and give notice asap...

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I turned down one family at interview. Told them this wasn't going to work.

The child was about 4 and was completely out of control. We were still living in our day care home at the time. He jumped on the coffee table, threw toys, and told me to shut up when I told him we didn't do that here.

The interview lasted less than a minute before I sent them on their way. The parents were apologetic, but had no authority whatsoever over their son. I have always wondered if they ever found anywhere to leave him!

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I have. I was just starting and desperate for kids. The child was wonderful but dirty and unkempt, and her mom kept belittling her and screaming at her. My "This one needs me" radar kicked in and I lost all rational thought. Luckily my husband had sat in on the interview and he picked up on about a thousand red lights. He was literally standing behind her waving his arms and shaking his head no. I'm serious. She wanted to talk to her husband first and we got her out. I called that night and told her that it wasn't a good fit (there was a 13 year old step-daughter that she wanted me to watch for a month while she was living with them on summer visitation). In hindsight, it was the best decision ever.

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Life is too short to be miserable.

If he is a bad fit, he is a bad fit.

Don't let ANYONE guilt you into doing something you don't want to.

He'd have been gone at "hits other children", here...

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One thing Ive learned from all the wonderful ladies on here is that.....

We cant save them all!!!

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I turned down a family once after the mom told me her husband's sperm count...right in front of him! Really, I just told them I didn't have room "right now".

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Don't ever feel like everyone HAS to fit in.

When it is not a good fit, it effects everything else so taking kids on that wear us thin is not good for anyone.

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Oh wow I don't know what I would have done!

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I was nervous after I posted this question since the mom was due in an hour. I was ready to tell her it's just not working when.......... she told me that she didn't need care anymore! I was kind of surprised and honestly I think it's because I have a facial piercing. Her families been here less than a week and that first day she freaked when she saw it! She's extremelly religious and very clean cut. I do tell parents about it before but maybe she missed that part of my bio lol.

Thanks ladies I think if the situation every arises again I will definitely have the nerve to tell the family no at the interview!

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May I suggest reading Nan's blog, "Interviewing Nannyde Style?"

It is VERY HELPFUL and may save you some heartache later.

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/inte...nyde-style.htm

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I agree! This is 100% why I have a 6 week "trial period" where I get to choose to term at any time without any notice. It gives me time to assess a child and how they fit with us.

I once termed 2 brothers because one boy had very little language, some suspected delays and was a handful. He wouldn't even sit to watch a video while I made lunch, I couldn't trust him near anything in my home (hence the video while making lunch ) and he cried a LOT and said "mamamamama" over and over. He didn't play, mostly just stared. I started daycare for my daughter to have friends. I don't do it for the money (although thats good too). Mainly I look for children that are a good fit for my daughter. Unfortunately my daughter was scared of this little boy so I had to get rid of him. You have to keep your sanity and you have to look out for your family.

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I decided a long time ago that working from home means that I need to be happy here and if I'm not, changes need to take place.

I've had plenty of families come and go over the years...some by my request, some at the parents.

Either way, I have to do what is best for ME to stay happy in MY home.

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I'm glad it worked out!

I turned down a family once after an interview... the kids ran around screaming, climbing on the furniture, and dumping toys. One of them went into my pantry and helped themselves to some crackers. Mom said nothing.

I also had two families once that were coming to me from another DC...I only had room for one, so I called their previous provider and got her thoughts. The other family was not pleased, but I think I made the right choice.

I've never terminated care for a current family....but I've been tempted many, many times. Luckily in those situations, it was SA's who were leaving in the summer anyway.

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I've turned down a FEW possible clients! One, many years ago, the boy went around hitting kids and taking everyone's toys during the entire interview. Neither mom nor dad said anything at all to him about his behavior. However, about every other sentence of conversation with mom, I constantly reprimanded the child! Then, he came over to me, who at the time was OBVIOUSLY pregnant, and he punched me in the stomach!!! Again, neither mom nor dad said a word to or about the kid's behavior!!! I then pointed to the dad and said, "I need you to take your son out of my house immediately!" Then I told the mother that I would NEVER watch her child and gave her a speech about how I cannot believe that her son had hit everyone in my daycare including me, an adult, and taken toys from every child in the daycare and neither she nor her husband bothered to say anything to him! I let her know how horribly they raised their child and that I don't know ANYONE who would watch their child. I told her to get out of my house and to never contact me again.

Others, I typically say something to the effect that I don't think their child/situation and my daycare are a good fit. Often I try to suggest the type of care that I think might work better for them. Whether I think a nanny who watches their child in their home, a larger setting of a daycare center, or smaller setting with just maybe up to 3 or so kids, or a family member to watch the child would be, in my opinion, a better situation for their child and/or their needs.

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Always go with your instincts! Always, Always. Kids like that tend to color the mood of the whole group. Not every child will be a good fit to every provider.
Debbie

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I have terminated and not taken families before. When I first started yrs. and yrs. ago, I took everyone!! Now I have learned the hard way- if you have a gut feeling on something, go with that gut feeling, and tell them no, it's just not a good fit for your daycare.

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DOUBLE .... NO TRIPLE..
that first sentence...
My motto for LIFE.

LIFE IS TOOOOO SHORT!!

(sorry for the big font girls.. but.. this is a short post.. so)

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