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Denali 01:58 PM 05-22-2015
Sent from my iPhone
On May 22, 2015, at 11:56 AM, Frozen Sakura <frozensakura02@yahoo.com> wrote:
Good morning everyone. I’m hoping someone might be able to help me.
I have 4 kids in my home daycare. A 10 month old (my daughter), a 2 and a half year old (32 months), an almost 3 year old, a 3 year old (my son) that I care for now. My son is delayed in development. His speech is around the 18 month mark and his physical development is at around 24 months. He is seeing a doctor for his hearing and for his eyes. We have a speech therapist (been seeing since he was 2 years old) that comes on Thursdays and a Physical therapist (that we’ve been seeing since he was 6 months) that comes on Tuesdays to help work with him in the home.
What I need help with is the two DCGs that just started. One little girl is 28 (almost 29) months and started back on April 6th and the other is 13 months old and started on May 14th. They are sisters and Mom seemed nice and down to earth for a DCM during the interview, the two girls also seemed nice, though mom held little sister for the whole time and older sister played in the front yard by herself. DCM made sure that they weren’t around long and insisted on taking my handbook home to read over instead of going over it with me during the interview.
So the 28 month old DCG (I’ll call her DCG1 from now on and sister, the 13 month old DCG2) started care and I knew something was not right when DCM dropped her off. DCG1 started screaming and throwing herself around and kicking and hitting anyone that would come within range as DCM was dropping her off and was leaving. DCM kept telling me, as she was heading out the door, that DCG1 doesn’t usually do this. DCM dropped off and was gone in less then 5 minutes.
DCG1 seems pretty delayed. She doesn’t seem to have any words, except for what you’d expect from a young infant (my 10 month old has more vocabulary from what I’ve heard) and she doesn’t seem to be able to follow basic one step instructions.
Anything along the lines of “DCG1 please don’t hit-” “Oh, DCG1 lets not push over the toy bins, if you want to poor here’s the bucket of blocks.“ would result in a full blown tantrum. Which leads to self harm or trying to harm others. My son’s speech therapist and also his physical therapist have both commented and gave me some booklets to give to mom. DCG1 also eats rocks, dirt, leaves, and grass when outside. I have spent most of my time trying to redirect her from doing these things, but its just one big circle of me chasing her around the yard and her having fits.
I haven’t given the booklets to the DCM yet as I'm afraid what will happen, but have been asking questions that will help build up to it. I’ve asked DCM about DCG1’s speech and ability to follow basic one step direction, and she told me that at home she speaks in full sentences and listens very well and cleans up her own toys at home when asked. Anytime I speak (time for lunch!
or time to come inside or please put that toy here) to DCG1 it is either ignored or results in a tantrum. It feels like I’m seeing one child at daycare and there’s this completely different child at home… Is it even possible for there to be that much of a difference between daycare and home?
Ok, on to DCG2. This little girl started on May 14th and mom told me that she was a cuddly and sweet girl that played good, but had never been in a daycare. That if she had trouble her sister (DCG1) would help if I asked. The only people that had ever watched DCG2 (who 13 months old) where her two sets of grandparents. I was like, ok no problem, the first day or two should be rough, but after that it should start to improve.
The 14th was a Thursday and all she did was cry for the 6 hours she was here. She took two naps for about 15-20 minutes each and then continued to cry some more. She cried herself to sleep both times. I thought, ok no problem (except that none of the other children could nap because of her crying…), she’s never been here before, never been away from family. At pick up I told mom and she asked “Didn’t her sister help?” to which I replied “No…” she followed up with “huh, that’s odd. Usually DCG1 will take care of her sister… and its odd that DCG2 would cry all day… Try packing her around some, that should help.” I bit my tongue on the fact that I tried that...
So Friday they get dropped off at 9:30am. As soon as mom puts DCG2 down she starts crying and mom again tells me “that DCG2 usually doesn’t do this…” and gets out the door as fast as she can. The day passes and I’ve tried everything, including packing her, and that only helps for about 10-20 minutes (as long as I continue to hold her) and then she starts crying again. I discovered that holding her and packing her around is the only way to sooth her. At pick up I tell mom this and ask is there ANYTHING else, any other soother, that I can do, and DCM tells me that “No, not really.” And goes on to tell me that I’m the only one DCG2 does this with and gets her kids out the door and gone.
Wednesday this week rolls around, and after a long talk with my husband over the weekend, I sit down and talk to mom about DCG2 and her crying. I tell DCM that I’d like to come up with a time frame that DCG2 can cry for before I call to have her come pick her up. That I cant pack DCG2 around for the whole time that she’s here because its not fair to the other children, that it's also not fair or healthy to DCG2 and the other kids that she cries for the 6-7 hours that she’s here for. DCM wound up leaving a little frustrated with both girls.
I didn’t think I’d see them again honestly. But Thursday DCM shows up at 10:30 and drops off both girls, telling me to call grandma if DCG2 continues to cry for more then two hours. Two hours later and DCG2 is still crying so I call grandma. Grandma comes and picks up both girls, seemingly a little tired, and telling me that “DCG2 does this with everyone except with mom.” I respond with “Oh… that’s not what mom told me.” And grandma says “Yeah, she’s very attached to mom, she cries all day until mom gets off work. She still sleeps in bed with mom and dad, gets packed around, and breastfeeds 24/7. The only time she gets bottles is here and with us grandparents.”
Today (Friday) only DCG1 got dropped off. DCM wants to come Tuesday next week (outside their Wednesday, Thursday, Friday schedule) and spend a few hours with DCG2 here. I’m pretty sure DCG1 will also tag along, for me to watch, free of charge…
I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal? What would you do?? All this and DCM is talking about potty training DCG1 in the next few weeks and I don’t believe she’s anyhere close to being ready… Please help...
On May 22, 2015, at 11:56 AM, Frozen Sakura <frozensakura02@yahoo.com> wrote:
Good morning everyone. I’m hoping someone might be able to help me.
I have 4 kids in my home daycare. A 10 month old (my daughter), a 2 and a half year old (32 months), an almost 3 year old, a 3 year old (my son) that I care for now. My son is delayed in development. His speech is around the 18 month mark and his physical development is at around 24 months. He is seeing a doctor for his hearing and for his eyes. We have a speech therapist (been seeing since he was 2 years old) that comes on Thursdays and a Physical therapist (that we’ve been seeing since he was 6 months) that comes on Tuesdays to help work with him in the home.
What I need help with is the two DCGs that just started. One little girl is 28 (almost 29) months and started back on April 6th and the other is 13 months old and started on May 14th. They are sisters and Mom seemed nice and down to earth for a DCM during the interview, the two girls also seemed nice, though mom held little sister for the whole time and older sister played in the front yard by herself. DCM made sure that they weren’t around long and insisted on taking my handbook home to read over instead of going over it with me during the interview.
So the 28 month old DCG (I’ll call her DCG1 from now on and sister, the 13 month old DCG2) started care and I knew something was not right when DCM dropped her off. DCG1 started screaming and throwing herself around and kicking and hitting anyone that would come within range as DCM was dropping her off and was leaving. DCM kept telling me, as she was heading out the door, that DCG1 doesn’t usually do this. DCM dropped off and was gone in less then 5 minutes.
DCG1 seems pretty delayed. She doesn’t seem to have any words, except for what you’d expect from a young infant (my 10 month old has more vocabulary from what I’ve heard) and she doesn’t seem to be able to follow basic one step instructions.
Anything along the lines of “DCG1 please don’t hit-” “Oh, DCG1 lets not push over the toy bins, if you want to poor here’s the bucket of blocks.“ would result in a full blown tantrum. Which leads to self harm or trying to harm others. My son’s speech therapist and also his physical therapist have both commented and gave me some booklets to give to mom. DCG1 also eats rocks, dirt, leaves, and grass when outside. I have spent most of my time trying to redirect her from doing these things, but its just one big circle of me chasing her around the yard and her having fits.
I haven’t given the booklets to the DCM yet as I'm afraid what will happen, but have been asking questions that will help build up to it. I’ve asked DCM about DCG1’s speech and ability to follow basic one step direction, and she told me that at home she speaks in full sentences and listens very well and cleans up her own toys at home when asked. Anytime I speak (time for lunch!
or time to come inside or please put that toy here) to DCG1 it is either ignored or results in a tantrum. It feels like I’m seeing one child at daycare and there’s this completely different child at home… Is it even possible for there to be that much of a difference between daycare and home?Ok, on to DCG2. This little girl started on May 14th and mom told me that she was a cuddly and sweet girl that played good, but had never been in a daycare. That if she had trouble her sister (DCG1) would help if I asked. The only people that had ever watched DCG2 (who 13 months old) where her two sets of grandparents. I was like, ok no problem, the first day or two should be rough, but after that it should start to improve.
The 14th was a Thursday and all she did was cry for the 6 hours she was here. She took two naps for about 15-20 minutes each and then continued to cry some more. She cried herself to sleep both times. I thought, ok no problem (except that none of the other children could nap because of her crying…), she’s never been here before, never been away from family. At pick up I told mom and she asked “Didn’t her sister help?” to which I replied “No…” she followed up with “huh, that’s odd. Usually DCG1 will take care of her sister… and its odd that DCG2 would cry all day… Try packing her around some, that should help.” I bit my tongue on the fact that I tried that...
So Friday they get dropped off at 9:30am. As soon as mom puts DCG2 down she starts crying and mom again tells me “that DCG2 usually doesn’t do this…” and gets out the door as fast as she can. The day passes and I’ve tried everything, including packing her, and that only helps for about 10-20 minutes (as long as I continue to hold her) and then she starts crying again. I discovered that holding her and packing her around is the only way to sooth her. At pick up I tell mom this and ask is there ANYTHING else, any other soother, that I can do, and DCM tells me that “No, not really.” And goes on to tell me that I’m the only one DCG2 does this with and gets her kids out the door and gone.
Wednesday this week rolls around, and after a long talk with my husband over the weekend, I sit down and talk to mom about DCG2 and her crying. I tell DCM that I’d like to come up with a time frame that DCG2 can cry for before I call to have her come pick her up. That I cant pack DCG2 around for the whole time that she’s here because its not fair to the other children, that it's also not fair or healthy to DCG2 and the other kids that she cries for the 6-7 hours that she’s here for. DCM wound up leaving a little frustrated with both girls.
I didn’t think I’d see them again honestly. But Thursday DCM shows up at 10:30 and drops off both girls, telling me to call grandma if DCG2 continues to cry for more then two hours. Two hours later and DCG2 is still crying so I call grandma. Grandma comes and picks up both girls, seemingly a little tired, and telling me that “DCG2 does this with everyone except with mom.” I respond with “Oh… that’s not what mom told me.” And grandma says “Yeah, she’s very attached to mom, she cries all day until mom gets off work. She still sleeps in bed with mom and dad, gets packed around, and breastfeeds 24/7. The only time she gets bottles is here and with us grandparents.”
Today (Friday) only DCG1 got dropped off. DCM wants to come Tuesday next week (outside their Wednesday, Thursday, Friday schedule) and spend a few hours with DCG2 here. I’m pretty sure DCG1 will also tag along, for me to watch, free of charge…
I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal? What would you do?? All this and DCM is talking about potty training DCG1 in the next few weeks and I don’t believe she’s anyhere close to being ready… Please help...
Kabob 02:04 PM 05-22-2015
Honestly I didn't read all the details but I will say crying for 6 hours and the severe lack of adjustment and Dcm's behavior would cause me to term.
I would just term effective immediately and say it is just isn't a good fit.
You sound super stressed and I speak from experience when I say it isn't worth keeping them around....
I would just term effective immediately and say it is just isn't a good fit.
You sound super stressed and I speak from experience when I say it isn't worth keeping them around....
Unregistered 02:15 PM 05-22-2015
If what grandma says is true, then it is no wonder mom hustles out the door. She is LYING to you and she knows it! That alone would be reason for me to terminate care asap. I can work with parents adn with children to fix problems, but I will NOT work with a parent who blatantly lies to me, at the expense of her own child, the other children in your care, and your own mental well being. Hearing a child cry for hours on end is not healthy for anyone, so mom needs to deal with the mess she created or find someone else who will...like a nanny who gets paid far more than I am sure she pays you. Good luck!
Denali 05:30 PM 05-22-2015
How would you guys go about terming? Should I see how Tuesday goes and use that to point out to mom that it's not going to work out? I kinda would like to keep them, as long as DCG2 stops the crying thing, at least for now. They will be paying me $975 a month for their Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday schedule.
But then mom lying to me really irks me... Not to mention I don't think the crying is going to change anytime soon... I know it would be best to just term, but I have no backbone...
But then mom lying to me really irks me... Not to mention I don't think the crying is going to change anytime soon... I know it would be best to just term, but I have no backbone...
spedmommy4 06:51 PM 05-22-2015
Originally Posted by Denali:
How would you guys go about terming? Should I see how Tuesday goes and use that to point out to mom that it's not going to work out? I kinda would like to keep them, as long as DCG2 stops the crying thing, at least for now. They will be paying me $975 a month for their Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday schedule.
But then mom lying to me really irks me... Not to mention I don't think the crying is going to change anytime soon... I know it would be best to just term, but I have no backbone...
I won't give advice on terming or not; only you can decide what your stress limit is. If you decide to keep them, you need to have a really candid discussion with dcm.How would you guys go about terming? Should I see how Tuesday goes and use that to point out to mom that it's not going to work out? I kinda would like to keep them, as long as DCG2 stops the crying thing, at least for now. They will be paying me $975 a month for their Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday schedule.
But then mom lying to me really irks me... Not to mention I don't think the crying is going to change anytime soon... I know it would be best to just term, but I have no backbone...
It should go something like this, - I really enjoy caring the girls, and I would like to caring for them. However, we need to problem solve the behaviors that are happening here at daycare.
Crying all day causes a lot of stress for your little ones and the other children in my care. It is also a behavior that many centers and home child cares are unable to work with you on long term basis. I am willing to work on this if you are. I am certain we can help dcg adjust if we are both working on this together.
Then, if this goes well, you want to work on the why of the behavior. Yes, you already know why, but dcm needs to come to the same realization or you will get nowhere. Ask open ended questions. Why do you think the transition to childcare has been difficult? What can WE do to work on this?
Mom will probably need to change some of her parenting habits if group care is ever going to work for them. And mom should NOT stay with them at childcare. That will set the expectation that mom is always going to stay. If anything, maybe shorten their day and gradually increase it. That is a much better strategy for reducing separation anxiety.
For things you can do, I have seen visual schedules work wonders for kid over the age of two. (Pictures of whats happening- first play, snack, outside, nap, then mommy comes) Schedules can be really helpful for kids who are experiencing that level of separation anxiety. I would also NOT give a ton of attention to the behavior. Acknowledge once or twice, "you are sad, mommy will be here after nap. You are okay." After the first 10 minutes or so, I don't carry littles around.
If child cries and mom comes, the child learns that crying gets mom to come. Ultimately, while distressing, it is a behavior. If it doesn't get the little one what they want (mom) it will ultimately resolve. *Although I have seen it take a good amount of time. If this has been going on awhile, prepare for a good month of this.
Feel free to PM me if you need help . . .
childcaremom 02:31 AM 05-23-2015
Originally Posted by Denali:
Sent from my iPhone
On May 22, 2015, at 11:56 AM, Frozen Sakura <frozensakura02@yahoo.com> wrote:
Good morning everyone. I’m hoping someone might be able to help me.
I have 4 kids in my home daycare. A 10 month old (my daughter), a 2 and a half year old (32 months), an almost 3 year old, a 3 year old (my son) that I care for now. My son is delayed in development. His speech is around the 18 month mark and his physical development is at around 24 months. He is seeing a doctor for his hearing and for his eyes. We have a speech therapist (been seeing since he was 2 years old) that comes on Thursdays and a Physical therapist (that we’ve been seeing since he was 6 months) that comes on Tuesdays to help work with him in the home.
What I need help with is the two DCGs that just started. One little girl is 28 (almost 29) months and started back on April 6th and the other is 13 months old and started on May 14th. They are sisters and Mom seemed nice and down to earth for a DCM during the interview, the two girls also seemed nice, though mom held little sister for the whole time and older sister played in the front yard by herself. DCM made sure that they weren’t around long and insisted on taking my handbook home to read over instead of going over it with me during the interview.
So the 28 month old DCG (I’ll call her DCG1 from now on and sister, the 13 month old DCG2) started care and I knew something was not right when DCM dropped her off. DCG1 started screaming and throwing herself around and kicking and hitting anyone that would come within range as DCM was dropping her off and was leaving. DCM kept telling me, as she was heading out the door, that DCG1 doesn’t usually do this. DCM dropped off and was gone in less then 5 minutes.
DCG1 seems pretty delayed. She doesn’t seem to have any words, except for what you’d expect from a young infant (my 10 month old has more vocabulary from what I’ve heard) and she doesn’t seem to be able to follow basic one step instructions.
Anything along the lines of “DCG1 please don’t hit-” “Oh, DCG1 lets not push over the toy bins, if you want to poor here’s the bucket of blocks.“ would result in a full blown tantrum. Which leads to self harm or trying to harm others. My son’s speech therapist and also his physical therapist have both commented and gave me some booklets to give to mom. DCG1 also eats rocks, dirt, leaves, and grass when outside. I have spent most of my time trying to redirect her from doing these things, but its just one big circle of me chasing her around the yard and her having fits.
I haven’t given the booklets to the DCM yet as I'm afraid what will happen, but have been asking questions that will help build up to it. I’ve asked DCM about DCG1’s speech and ability to follow basic one step direction, and she told me that at home she speaks in full sentences and listens very well and cleans up her own toys at home when asked. Anytime I speak (time for lunch! or time to come inside or please put that toy here) to DCG1 it is either ignored or results in a tantrum. It feels like I’m seeing one child at daycare and there’s this completely different child at home… Is it even possible for there to be that much of a difference between daycare and home?
Ok, on to DCG2. This little girl started on May 14th and mom told me that she was a cuddly and sweet girl that played good, but had never been in a daycare. That if she had trouble her sister (DCG1) would help if I asked. The only people that had ever watched DCG2 (who 13 months old) where her two sets of grandparents. I was like, ok no problem, the first day or two should be rough, but after that it should start to improve.
The 14th was a Thursday and all she did was cry for the 6 hours she was here. She took two naps for about 15-20 minutes each and then continued to cry some more. She cried herself to sleep both times. I thought, ok no problem (except that none of the other children could nap because of her crying…), she’s never been here before, never been away from family. At pick up I told mom and she asked “Didn’t her sister help?” to which I replied “No…” she followed up with “huh, that’s odd. Usually DCG1 will take care of her sister… and its odd that DCG2 would cry all day… Try packing her around some, that should help.” I bit my tongue on the fact that I tried that...
So Friday they get dropped off at 9:30am. As soon as mom puts DCG2 down she starts crying and mom again tells me “that DCG2 usually doesn’t do this…” and gets out the door as fast as she can. The day passes and I’ve tried everything, including packing her, and that only helps for about 10-20 minutes (as long as I continue to hold her) and then she starts crying again. I discovered that holding her and packing her around is the only way to sooth her. At pick up I tell mom this and ask is there ANYTHING else, any other soother, that I can do, and DCM tells me that “No, not really.” And goes on to tell me that I’m the only one DCG2 does this with and gets her kids out the door and gone.
Wednesday this week rolls around, and after a long talk with my husband over the weekend, I sit down and talk to mom about DCG2 and her crying. I tell DCM that I’d like to come up with a time frame that DCG2 can cry for before I call to have her come pick her up. That I cant pack DCG2 around for the whole time that she’s here because its not fair to the other children, that it's also not fair or healthy to DCG2 and the other kids that she cries for the 6-7 hours that she’s here for. DCM wound up leaving a little frustrated with both girls.
I didn’t think I’d see them again honestly. But Thursday DCM shows up at 10:30 and drops off both girls, telling me to call grandma if DCG2 continues to cry for more then two hours. Two hours later and DCG2 is still crying so I call grandma. Grandma comes and picks up both girls, seemingly a little tired, and telling me that “DCG2 does this with everyone except with mom.” I respond with “Oh… that’s not what mom told me.” And grandma says “Yeah, she’s very attached to mom, she cries all day until mom gets off work. She still sleeps in bed with mom and dad, gets packed around, and breastfeeds 24/7. The only time she gets bottles is here and with us grandparents.”
Today (Friday) only DCG1 got dropped off. DCM wants to come Tuesday next week (outside their Wednesday, Thursday, Friday schedule) and spend a few hours with DCG2 here. I’m pretty sure DCG1 will also tag along, for me to watch, free of charge…
I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal? What would you do?? All this and DCM is talking about potty training DCG1 in the next few weeks and I don’t believe she’s anyhere close to being ready… Please help...
Sent from my iPhone
On May 22, 2015, at 11:56 AM, Frozen Sakura <frozensakura02@yahoo.com> wrote:
Good morning everyone. I’m hoping someone might be able to help me.
I have 4 kids in my home daycare. A 10 month old (my daughter), a 2 and a half year old (32 months), an almost 3 year old, a 3 year old (my son) that I care for now. My son is delayed in development. His speech is around the 18 month mark and his physical development is at around 24 months. He is seeing a doctor for his hearing and for his eyes. We have a speech therapist (been seeing since he was 2 years old) that comes on Thursdays and a Physical therapist (that we’ve been seeing since he was 6 months) that comes on Tuesdays to help work with him in the home.
What I need help with is the two DCGs that just started. One little girl is 28 (almost 29) months and started back on April 6th and the other is 13 months old and started on May 14th. They are sisters and Mom seemed nice and down to earth for a DCM during the interview, the two girls also seemed nice, though mom held little sister for the whole time and older sister played in the front yard by herself. DCM made sure that they weren’t around long and insisted on taking my handbook home to read over instead of going over it with me during the interview.
So the 28 month old DCG (I’ll call her DCG1 from now on and sister, the 13 month old DCG2) started care and I knew something was not right when DCM dropped her off. DCG1 started screaming and throwing herself around and kicking and hitting anyone that would come within range as DCM was dropping her off and was leaving. DCM kept telling me, as she was heading out the door, that DCG1 doesn’t usually do this. DCM dropped off and was gone in less then 5 minutes.
DCG1 seems pretty delayed. She doesn’t seem to have any words, except for what you’d expect from a young infant (my 10 month old has more vocabulary from what I’ve heard) and she doesn’t seem to be able to follow basic one step instructions.
Anything along the lines of “DCG1 please don’t hit-” “Oh, DCG1 lets not push over the toy bins, if you want to poor here’s the bucket of blocks.“ would result in a full blown tantrum. Which leads to self harm or trying to harm others. My son’s speech therapist and also his physical therapist have both commented and gave me some booklets to give to mom. DCG1 also eats rocks, dirt, leaves, and grass when outside. I have spent most of my time trying to redirect her from doing these things, but its just one big circle of me chasing her around the yard and her having fits.
I haven’t given the booklets to the DCM yet as I'm afraid what will happen, but have been asking questions that will help build up to it. I’ve asked DCM about DCG1’s speech and ability to follow basic one step direction, and she told me that at home she speaks in full sentences and listens very well and cleans up her own toys at home when asked. Anytime I speak (time for lunch!
or time to come inside or please put that toy here) to DCG1 it is either ignored or results in a tantrum. It feels like I’m seeing one child at daycare and there’s this completely different child at home… Is it even possible for there to be that much of a difference between daycare and home?Ok, on to DCG2. This little girl started on May 14th and mom told me that she was a cuddly and sweet girl that played good, but had never been in a daycare. That if she had trouble her sister (DCG1) would help if I asked. The only people that had ever watched DCG2 (who 13 months old) where her two sets of grandparents. I was like, ok no problem, the first day or two should be rough, but after that it should start to improve.
The 14th was a Thursday and all she did was cry for the 6 hours she was here. She took two naps for about 15-20 minutes each and then continued to cry some more. She cried herself to sleep both times. I thought, ok no problem (except that none of the other children could nap because of her crying…), she’s never been here before, never been away from family. At pick up I told mom and she asked “Didn’t her sister help?” to which I replied “No…” she followed up with “huh, that’s odd. Usually DCG1 will take care of her sister… and its odd that DCG2 would cry all day… Try packing her around some, that should help.” I bit my tongue on the fact that I tried that...
So Friday they get dropped off at 9:30am. As soon as mom puts DCG2 down she starts crying and mom again tells me “that DCG2 usually doesn’t do this…” and gets out the door as fast as she can. The day passes and I’ve tried everything, including packing her, and that only helps for about 10-20 minutes (as long as I continue to hold her) and then she starts crying again. I discovered that holding her and packing her around is the only way to sooth her. At pick up I tell mom this and ask is there ANYTHING else, any other soother, that I can do, and DCM tells me that “No, not really.” And goes on to tell me that I’m the only one DCG2 does this with and gets her kids out the door and gone.
Wednesday this week rolls around, and after a long talk with my husband over the weekend, I sit down and talk to mom about DCG2 and her crying. I tell DCM that I’d like to come up with a time frame that DCG2 can cry for before I call to have her come pick her up. That I cant pack DCG2 around for the whole time that she’s here because its not fair to the other children, that it's also not fair or healthy to DCG2 and the other kids that she cries for the 6-7 hours that she’s here for. DCM wound up leaving a little frustrated with both girls.
I didn’t think I’d see them again honestly. But Thursday DCM shows up at 10:30 and drops off both girls, telling me to call grandma if DCG2 continues to cry for more then two hours. Two hours later and DCG2 is still crying so I call grandma. Grandma comes and picks up both girls, seemingly a little tired, and telling me that “DCG2 does this with everyone except with mom.” I respond with “Oh… that’s not what mom told me.” And grandma says “Yeah, she’s very attached to mom, she cries all day until mom gets off work. She still sleeps in bed with mom and dad, gets packed around, and breastfeeds 24/7. The only time she gets bottles is here and with us grandparents.”
Today (Friday) only DCG1 got dropped off. DCM wants to come Tuesday next week (outside their Wednesday, Thursday, Friday schedule) and spend a few hours with DCG2 here. I’m pretty sure DCG1 will also tag along, for me to watch, free of charge…
I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal? What would you do?? All this and DCM is talking about potty training DCG1 in the next few weeks and I don’t believe she’s anyhere close to being ready… Please help...
You have gotten some good advice. Ime, crying is a huge stressor: to the child, to the group and to me. If it is an all day occurrence, I would not be able to let it continue for very long.
I had a little one like this. She would cry all day. I only kept her for 2 days. I was very upfront with mom and we both decided to discontinue care.
In your case, if you are willing to work with mom, I would do as above pps have suggested and get her to come and pick up dcg after a certain period of time. I would cap it at 30 mins or 60 mins (even that seems long).
If you don't want to work with mom, there is nothing wrong with knowing your own limits, and terming immediately.
Dear Dcm,
I am no longer able to provide care for your children effective immediately.
Sincerely,
Dcp
Good luck
Kabob 07:31 AM 05-23-2015
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
I won't give advice on terming or not; only you can decide what your stress limit is. If you decide to keep them, you need to have a really candid discussion with dcm.
It should go something like this, - I really enjoy caring the girls, and I would like to caring for them. However, we need to problem solve the behaviors that are happening here at daycare.
Crying all day causes a lot of stress for your little ones and the other children in my care. It is also a behavior that many centers and home child cares are unable to work with you on long term basis. I am willing to work on this if you are. I am certain we can help dcg adjust if we are both working on this together.
Then, if this goes well, you want to work on the why of the behavior. Yes, you already know why, but dcm needs to come to the same realization or you will get nowhere. Ask open ended questions. Why do you think the transition to childcare has been difficult? What can WE do to work on this?
Mom will probably need to change some of her parenting habits if group care is ever going to work for them. And mom should NOT stay with them at childcare. That will set the expectation that mom is always going to stay. If anything, maybe shorten their day and gradually increase it. That is a much better strategy for reducing separation anxiety.
For things you can do, I have seen visual schedules work wonders for kid over the age of two. (Pictures of whats happening- first play, snack, outside, nap, then mommy comes) Schedules can be really helpful for kids who are experiencing that level of separation anxiety. I would also NOT give a ton of attention to the behavior. Acknowledge once or twice, "you are sad, mommy will be here after nap. You are okay." After the first 10 minutes or so, I don't carry littles around.
If child cries and mom comes, the child learns that crying gets mom to come. Ultimately, while distressing, it is a behavior. If it doesn't get the little one what they want (mom) it will ultimately resolve. *Although I have seen it take a good amount of time. If this has been going on awhile, prepare for a good month of this.
Feel free to PM me if you need help . . .
I agree that OP can have a discussion with dcm but it sounds like OP already addressed the issue multiple times and dcm dismissed it. There was no real concern on dcm's part about the crying and she just expected OP to carry dcg around all day. Not a good expectation for group care.I won't give advice on terming or not; only you can decide what your stress limit is. If you decide to keep them, you need to have a really candid discussion with dcm.
It should go something like this, - I really enjoy caring the girls, and I would like to caring for them. However, we need to problem solve the behaviors that are happening here at daycare.
Crying all day causes a lot of stress for your little ones and the other children in my care. It is also a behavior that many centers and home child cares are unable to work with you on long term basis. I am willing to work on this if you are. I am certain we can help dcg adjust if we are both working on this together.
Then, if this goes well, you want to work on the why of the behavior. Yes, you already know why, but dcm needs to come to the same realization or you will get nowhere. Ask open ended questions. Why do you think the transition to childcare has been difficult? What can WE do to work on this?
Mom will probably need to change some of her parenting habits if group care is ever going to work for them. And mom should NOT stay with them at childcare. That will set the expectation that mom is always going to stay. If anything, maybe shorten their day and gradually increase it. That is a much better strategy for reducing separation anxiety.
For things you can do, I have seen visual schedules work wonders for kid over the age of two. (Pictures of whats happening- first play, snack, outside, nap, then mommy comes) Schedules can be really helpful for kids who are experiencing that level of separation anxiety. I would also NOT give a ton of attention to the behavior. Acknowledge once or twice, "you are sad, mommy will be here after nap. You are okay." After the first 10 minutes or so, I don't carry littles around.
If child cries and mom comes, the child learns that crying gets mom to come. Ultimately, while distressing, it is a behavior. If it doesn't get the little one what they want (mom) it will ultimately resolve. *Although I have seen it take a good amount of time. If this has been going on awhile, prepare for a good month of this.
Feel free to PM me if you need help . . .
I think if one last chance is to be given to dcm, I would not give 1 month, it would be much less than that. Dcm needs to get on board with group care and fast. I know children need time to adjust but expecting OP to do all the work while dcm has done no work is not worth one month of crying for 6-7 hours a day. Not calling for pick up sounds very stressful for all parties involved.
I'd tell dcm she has x amount of days/weeks to help transition dcg to daycare or she will be termed. Pick up must occur within x amount of minutes (not hours) of crying.
Personally, I wouldn't continue with this family. Too much stress for a family that is not interested in group care.
But, OP, you need to do what works for you and your business. If you don't take care of yourself, this will be very difficult. Dcm isn't concerned about the behaviors you are seeing because it currently doesn't affect her.
