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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Help. Obvious on The Spectrum 4 Year Old And Denier Parents
Unregistered 06:01 AM 05-15-2019
I've had this 4year old in my care since he was 9 months old. As of now he is nonverbal (mostly dinosaur growls and whines) can follow simple commands (like go get your shoes or cup) hes obsessive with toys (melts down if someone has one of his favorite daycare toys) cannot take bites (hell shove an entire nugget or whatever uncut food and eat it whole, often choking) he lines up toys, tears and flaps paper and has this thing where he kisses anyone anywhere (leg, exposed foot etc)
Hes always been a good bit behind developmentally, which I have brought up to the parents multiple times over the years. My son is also the same age and of normal development so they see that he isn't where he should be. The mother is a middle school teacher and is just super defensive and stand off like any time I bring anything up. Seriously anything other than it was a great day.
Like tearing books has been an issue. Hell tear a page and flap it a few times around the room and then go back to tear more. I've brought this up with her and she said I should just move the books out of the room. My home is my daycare and these are my sons books in HIS room. She said all they have for him is board books. Hes 4 years old!!
I know their pediatrician suggested the boy get evaluated and she posted on Facebook looking for new pediatrician recommendations.
My reason for writing this today is because yesterday he took off running from me in the yard. He didnt get all the way to the road but still I had to leave the other 4 children in my care behind to go and grab him all the while hes laughing because he thinks it's a game.
I'm just at my wits end. Hes so much harder to watch now than hes ever has been and its showing to be a real liability. With the parents there is absolutely no support. I've asked both parents to pick up today so we can have a talk about it. Help me!!
Hes always been a good bit behind developmentally, which I have brought up to the parents multiple times over the years. My son is also the same age and of normal development so they see that he isn't where he should be. The mother is a middle school teacher and is just super defensive and stand off like any time I bring anything up. Seriously anything other than it was a great day.
Like tearing books has been an issue. Hell tear a page and flap it a few times around the room and then go back to tear more. I've brought this up with her and she said I should just move the books out of the room. My home is my daycare and these are my sons books in HIS room. She said all they have for him is board books. Hes 4 years old!!
I know their pediatrician suggested the boy get evaluated and she posted on Facebook looking for new pediatrician recommendations.
My reason for writing this today is because yesterday he took off running from me in the yard. He didnt get all the way to the road but still I had to leave the other 4 children in my care behind to go and grab him all the while hes laughing because he thinks it's a game.
I'm just at my wits end. Hes so much harder to watch now than hes ever has been and its showing to be a real liability. With the parents there is absolutely no support. I've asked both parents to pick up today so we can have a talk about it. Help me!!
boy_mom 06:13 AM 05-15-2019
Honestly, if parents wont support you then it's time to term. Running is a huge liability, he could be hurt or one of the other child could be injured if you have to chase him and they are left unattended. It is in your best interest, as well as the other children, that he be in a center or daycare facility with a bigger staff ratio that can manage this kind of behavior.
My sister is going through this with her 3 year old, it's so hard to hear your child is not developing typically. It's such a heart break, but as a parent it is your job to find the right support for your child's needs. If these parents dont want to support you, then it's time to put this back in their laps.
My sister is going through this with her 3 year old, it's so hard to hear your child is not developing typically. It's such a heart break, but as a parent it is your job to find the right support for your child's needs. If these parents dont want to support you, then it's time to put this back in their laps.
Unregistered 06:24 AM 05-15-2019
Thank you for your response. I thought maybe of warning them if this ever happens again (totally will) then I'll be forced to terminate. I really just want him to get the help he needs.
boy_mom 06:37 AM 05-15-2019
Sometimes I think making these issue a "problem" for parents forces them to see the issues they are trying to ignore.
They have switched pediatricians, but I'm sure when they hear the same thing from a second doctor, they will start to listen.
They aren't listening to you, even though you've been his caregiver for years. If they switch providers or head to a preschool, they will hear the same concerns from other provider.
Sometimes they need to hear this from many people before they start to listen. It's super frustrating!!
They have switched pediatricians, but I'm sure when they hear the same thing from a second doctor, they will start to listen.
They aren't listening to you, even though you've been his caregiver for years. If they switch providers or head to a preschool, they will hear the same concerns from other provider.
Sometimes they need to hear this from many people before they start to listen. It's super frustrating!!
Ariana 08:16 AM 05-15-2019
I had a similar experience with a parent in denial and after a year of it I termed. This should not be your problem and the parents need to know that.
Blackcat31 08:23 AM 05-15-2019
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you for your response. I thought maybe of warning them if this ever happens again (totally will) then I'll be forced to terminate. I really just want him to get the help he needs.
I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen. Thank you for your response. I thought maybe of warning them if this ever happens again (totally will) then I'll be forced to terminate. I really just want him to get the help he needs.
I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.
I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.
Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.
MamaG2903 09:24 AM 05-15-2019
Oh I've so been here! A few years ago I was caring for a preschooler - he was born addicted to crack, mom gave him up and dad has been in jail basically all his life, so his paternal grandparents were raising him. I tried SO hard to get them to see something was wrong and they just continually made excuses. I finally terminated and strongly suggested they get him evaluated within the school. Well, two years later he has been diagnosed as on the spectrum, ADHD and SPD 
parents and guardians who are in deep denial like that won't listen to anyone. I've found that for whatever reason, educators are especially bad at acknowledgement of developmental issues - like that couldn't POSSIBLY happen to their kid. Except it can and they of all people should know the value of early intervention!
I say terminate before something tragic happens!
parents and guardians who are in deep denial like that won't listen to anyone. I've found that for whatever reason, educators are especially bad at acknowledgement of developmental issues - like that couldn't POSSIBLY happen to their kid. Except it can and they of all people should know the value of early intervention!I say terminate before something tragic happens!
Cat Herder 09:31 AM 05-15-2019
I would hand it back to mom. A hard No may be the only way she is forced to take a hard look at his behaviors. This child needs services he is not getting.
"This child needs evaluation. If you are not willing to do it or to allow me to call for services (available free in my state to providers) this needs to be his last week here. I cannot continue to enable you to ignore this."
"This child needs evaluation. If you are not willing to do it or to allow me to call for services (available free in my state to providers) this needs to be his last week here. I cannot continue to enable you to ignore this."
ColorfulSunburst 09:32 AM 06-16-2019
Originally Posted by MamaG2903:
I've found that for whatever reason, educators are especially bad at acknowledgment of developmental issues - like that couldn't POSSIBLY happen to their kid.
Not only educators, doctors too.I've found that for whatever reason, educators are especially bad at acknowledgment of developmental issues - like that couldn't POSSIBLY happen to their kid.
I had a child with developmental delays that were mostly based on hearing and vision problems. His mom is a child psychologist. She denied everything. It ended up that the kid had huge adenoids which caused problems with hearing and as a result of speech development problems. He also failed his vision test before kindergarten and now wears glasses with very strong lenses.
It was possible to avoid all his delays if mom check his eyes and ears when I asked her to do it. But it took 2 years before she asked her own friend!!!-pediatrician to check on his adenoids. Even after that, she did not consider to believe me and check his eyesight. She waited next half of a year before the physical examination for kindergarten.
Mom2Two 11:52 AM 05-17-2019
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen.
I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.
I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.
Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.
I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen.
I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.
I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.
Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.
Yeah, really the parent should be on top of the problem.
amberrose3dg 07:54 AM 05-20-2019
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen.
I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.
I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.
Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.
I have had similar issues. Parents being in denial about their child can be a big deal and possible issues for you.I wouldn't wait for this to "happen" again and just terminate care. If they've been part of your daycare for several years now and are still in denial, there isn't much farther you can go other than waiting for further disaster or tragedy to happen.
I would absolutely terminate a child that was a flight risk like that. No way could I accept that liability.
I would terminate care based on the fact that you are not the right fit for them. They need someone who will turn a blind eye to their child. (not really but you know what I mean) If you've tried to discuss this with them and they aren't on board or even in agreeance then there really is no point.
Eventually this will come to a head and like mom's posts looking for a new pediatrician, she'll do the same to you...
I would straight up tell the parents you are unable to provide what their child needs and that is one on one assistance. If the parents continue to deny this won't be the last time they find themselves in this position.
I would simply terminate care. I know it seems hard but it is truly what is best. A new provider will also tell them the same thing and maybe that will be the boost to get an evaulation done.
theassistant 11:48 AM 05-23-2019
I agree with the others. Either a warning or it will be time for you to part ways. We had an autistic child in our care and it was a challenge even with the parents' support. If the parents aren't doing anything, then it's time to go.