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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>2.5 Year Old Constantly Calling Others Names
Unregistered 08:12 AM 03-04-2016
Help...I currently have a 2.5 year old that is constantly name calling and saying inappropriate word. It has gone on for several months. I have tried everything...ignoring, telling the other children to ignore because they now will tell me when he calls them these names which is giving attention to the behavior, explaining these are bathroom words and we only say in bathroom, etc. It gets worse at the table during mealtimes. I have done daycare for 20years and have never dealt with this type of behavior before. I am not sure where he is picking up the words, he is an only child and the other kids here are not saying these words. I have talked to mom and I believe she thinks he is doing this because the kids here do. I have explained that is not the case. She is ignoring at home as well and not giving attention but that is obviously not working. Any other ideas?
Unregistered 08:42 AM 03-04-2016
Tell him 'only use real names'. Tell the other child, 'you didn't like it when John called you that. Tell John 'don't say that' tell him you don't like it.'... Have the child who is the 'victim' tell them not to do it. Tell the name caller that you won't let him hurt others feelings with name calling and inappropriate words. Tell him he will have to find another activity if he continues to be inappropriate. Then remove him if he does it again - by saying, "ok, you were using inappropriate names or language again here so you need to move to another area". If he doesn't move away, give ideas, " you can go to the books or the blocks area. Which do you want". If he doesn't move, "I can help you move your body or you can move yourself because I won't let you stay here, using inappropriate names and language and hurting others". If he doesn't move, pick him up and move him. Let him come back when he wants (even 2 minutes later) but ask are you going to be appropriate?..
Play Care 09:26 AM 03-04-2016
I don't do this often, but this is term worthy. Not so much because of the child's behavior, which is troublesome enough. But the fact the mom is blaming you/day care?
That's not something I'd entertain.
I feel bad for the OTHER kids.
That's not something I'd entertain.
I feel bad for the OTHER kids.
Ariana 09:35 AM 03-04-2016
Every time he says a bathroom word he goes to the bathroom. Go through the whole routine of using the toilet and washing hands etc. Act as if he actually had to go...don't get angry be very non chalant about it. "Oh timmy you must need to go the bathroom since you just said poopy head". Or whatever word of choice he is using. I had a child like this at the centre I worked in. I had 8 kids in my group and I had to do this consistantly for a few days before it stopped. I had to do it with my own daughter as well. Totally worth it though. I would recommend that mom does the same and make sure she knows that you do not tolerate this behavior at your house.
Unregistered 10:47 AM 03-04-2016
This is the original poster..the mom is not blaming me or angry with me. The times we have talked about it, I think she thought he had picked it up here...she is at a loss to for how he picked up these words. And i know and believe her when she says they are not words they use at home. I did forget to mention that I have tried removing him from the area we are at...example if it happens at mealtime I remove him from the counter that we eat at and move him over to my dining table so he is sitting by himself. But he sometimes continues to say the words over there. I do think he is doing this for attention. He says sorry to the kids after the fact but then will continue to use the words when he rejoins us again. I have been very calm and trying very hard not to show any frustration. I think I will continue to seperate him from the kids each time he says those words and I will talk to mom and ask her to do same at home.
Ariana 11:42 AM 03-04-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
This is the original poster..the mom is not blaming me or angry with me. The times we have talked about it, I think she thought he had picked it up here...she is at a loss to for how he picked up these words. And i know and believe her when she says they are not words they use at home. I did forget to mention that I have tried removing him from the area we are at...example if it happens at mealtime I remove him from the counter that we eat at and move him over to my dining table so he is sitting by himself. But he sometimes continues to say the words over there. I do think he is doing this for attention. He says sorry to the kids after the fact but then will continue to use the words when he rejoins us again. I have been very calm and trying very hard not to show any frustration. I think I will continue to seperate him from the kids each time he says those words and I will talk to mom and ask her to do same at home.
Simply seperating him won't work and isn't working. This has to be something where he is inconvenienced....something he finds annoying. Going to the bathroom, using it and washing his hadns every time is annoying has heck This is the original poster..the mom is not blaming me or angry with me. The times we have talked about it, I think she thought he had picked it up here...she is at a loss to for how he picked up these words. And i know and believe her when she says they are not words they use at home. I did forget to mention that I have tried removing him from the area we are at...example if it happens at mealtime I remove him from the counter that we eat at and move him over to my dining table so he is sitting by himself. But he sometimes continues to say the words over there. I do think he is doing this for attention. He says sorry to the kids after the fact but then will continue to use the words when he rejoins us again. I have been very calm and trying very hard not to show any frustration. I think I will continue to seperate him from the kids each time he says those words and I will talk to mom and ask her to do same at home.
Unregistered 11:58 AM 03-04-2016
I can see that working, but it's not really honest and doesn't work long term. Saying you think he means he needs to go to the bathroom when you know her doesn't... ? I see what you're getting at and I've heard that method in the past. But to really teach him (not just punish by inconveniencing him) to talk to other people with respect won't happen by faking you misunderstand and acting as if you don't know his real needs. Why not tell him you won't let him hurt friends by calling them inappropriate names and saying inappropriate words? Tell him you don't allow him to hurt people and that he will have to go elsewhere if he can't stop. Then move him. Let the consequences match the mistake. Can't appropriately socialize, remove from social situation. Want to try again- go for it! Oh, mistake again, remove. Eventually he will learn what is appropriate in each situation.
Blackcat31 12:09 PM 03-04-2016
Rather than have him use the bathroom repeatedly (is he even toilet trained?) I would instead set up some activities/games/toys etc that will interest him.
I would make sure he understands that "certain" activities, games and toys are for kids old enough and mature enough to participate (able to follow the rules/not speak with potty words) and that younger kids that haven't matured enough cannot participate until they understand the expected behaviors.
When he says any potty words, I would exclude him from those activities, toys and games and restrict him to using only toys, games and activities for the younger crowd.
I would make a big deal of using positive reinforcement with the other kids about how and WHY they are allowed to play with the "big kid" stuff (because they don't name call/use potty words) I would even consider empathizing with him "Joey, I know you want to play with Billy but you keep using potty words and/or use name calling and by doing those things that tells/shows me that you are not ready to play with those things yet."
Rather than punish him or cause him to be inconvenienced, let him FEEL the consequences of his actions.
I don't view this as shaming or punishing in any way. It is merely a set of privileges that need to be EARNED via age and/or appropriate behaviors.
Over the years, I have had MUCH better luck and results by using positive reinforcement with the other kids than I have ever had by using punishment with the kids that are exhibiting unwanted behaviors.
Use of potty words and name calling at his age IS for show and attention. Applying appropriate consequences and limiting his participation in certain activities/games/toys is a natural consequence that all kids understand.
Most kids strive to be bigger, older, mature, recognized and accepted by their peers so using that as a basis for discipline and guidance is almost always successful.
I would make sure he understands that "certain" activities, games and toys are for kids old enough and mature enough to participate (able to follow the rules/not speak with potty words) and that younger kids that haven't matured enough cannot participate until they understand the expected behaviors.
When he says any potty words, I would exclude him from those activities, toys and games and restrict him to using only toys, games and activities for the younger crowd.
I would make a big deal of using positive reinforcement with the other kids about how and WHY they are allowed to play with the "big kid" stuff (because they don't name call/use potty words) I would even consider empathizing with him "Joey, I know you want to play with Billy but you keep using potty words and/or use name calling and by doing those things that tells/shows me that you are not ready to play with those things yet."
Rather than punish him or cause him to be inconvenienced, let him FEEL the consequences of his actions.
I don't view this as shaming or punishing in any way. It is merely a set of privileges that need to be EARNED via age and/or appropriate behaviors.
Over the years, I have had MUCH better luck and results by using positive reinforcement with the other kids than I have ever had by using punishment with the kids that are exhibiting unwanted behaviors.
Use of potty words and name calling at his age IS for show and attention. Applying appropriate consequences and limiting his participation in certain activities/games/toys is a natural consequence that all kids understand.
Most kids strive to be bigger, older, mature, recognized and accepted by their peers so using that as a basis for discipline and guidance is almost always successful.
Ariana 02:45 PM 03-04-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I can see that working, but it's not really honest and doesn't work long term. Saying you think he means he needs to go to the bathroom when you know her doesn't... ? I see what you're getting at and I've heard that method in the past. But to really teach him (not just punish by inconveniencing him) to talk to other people with respect won't happen by faking you misunderstand and acting as if you don't know his real needs. Why not tell him you won't let him hurt friends by calling them inappropriate names and saying inappropriate words? Tell him you don't allow him to hurt people and that he will have to go elsewhere if he can't stop. Then move him. Let the consequences match the mistake. Can't appropriately socialize, remove from social situation. Want to try again- go for it! Oh, mistake again, remove. Eventually he will learn what is appropriate in each situation.
It absolutely works long term and has for me. The point is to get him to understand that bathroom words belong in the bathroom. He already knows those words are hurting other peoples feeling and he already knows there is no real consequence. I also agree with positive affirmations when he does stop using those words. The point is to nip it in the bud and then teach him how to interact positively.I can see that working, but it's not really honest and doesn't work long term. Saying you think he means he needs to go to the bathroom when you know her doesn't... ? I see what you're getting at and I've heard that method in the past. But to really teach him (not just punish by inconveniencing him) to talk to other people with respect won't happen by faking you misunderstand and acting as if you don't know his real needs. Why not tell him you won't let him hurt friends by calling them inappropriate names and saying inappropriate words? Tell him you don't allow him to hurt people and that he will have to go elsewhere if he can't stop. Then move him. Let the consequences match the mistake. Can't appropriately socialize, remove from social situation. Want to try again- go for it! Oh, mistake again, remove. Eventually he will learn what is appropriate in each situation.
Anyway you don't have to agree with how I solved this issue! I take no offense to it. We all do things differently
. Good luck with your strategy.
Sheri 03:11 PM 03-06-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Simply seperating him won't work and isn't working. This has to be something where he is inconvenienced....something he finds annoying. Going to the bathroom, using it and washing his hadns every time is annoying has heck
I agree with this but it might put a negative vibe on going to the bathroom. Maybe have him clean something every time he says a dirty word. Clean a table top, a few toys, a small area of the floor, etc. When there is punishment, it should be balanced with a reward.Simply seperating him won't work and isn't working. This has to be something where he is inconvenienced....something he finds annoying. Going to the bathroom, using it and washing his hadns every time is annoying has heck
CalCare 05:41 PM 03-06-2016
Cleaning a table doesn't have a lot to do with using inappropriate words or hurting feelings with name-calling. It's not a logical or natural consequence. Also, I'm wondering what you mean about balancing a punishment with a reward?
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:50 AM 03-09-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Simply seperating him won't work and isn't working. This has to be something where he is inconvenienced....something he finds annoying. Going to the bathroom, using it and washing his hadns every time is annoying has heck
I've had this work very well for older little boys as well. They don't do it past one day because it's too much work to maintain the potty talk and have to actually go use the restroom.Simply seperating him won't work and isn't working. This has to be something where he is inconvenienced....something he finds annoying. Going to the bathroom, using it and washing his hadns every time is annoying has heck
Ariana 04:03 PM 03-09-2016
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I've had this work very well for older little boys as well. They don't do it past one day because it's too much work to maintain the potty talk and have to actually go use the restroom.
Yes! I think the longest I did this was 3 days and by the third day the child was sent once. Once the negative behaviors are gone, then it's time to start healthy behaviors with lots of praise.I've had this work very well for older little boys as well. They don't do it past one day because it's too much work to maintain the potty talk and have to actually go use the restroom.