I have a dcg who is two. She comes twice a week to be around other children and has never been in daycare or around other children before. She started with me in December last year a few weeks after I started doing daycare and only had one other part time girl, as well as my daughters, a baby and a four year old. The first month, she screamed and cried a majority of the time, and I had to hold her constantly in order for her to calm down. I understood it was hard being cared for by someone else when she had only ever been watched by her parents or grandma, but I'm not about to hold one child the ENTIRE time. It took awhile, but now she does great at drop off, doesn't expect to be held all the time, and has learned to play with toys.

The parents told me during our interview she wasn't very social, and didn't talk MUCH. They also said the doctor said not to worry. Not a big deal; I figured being around other children would help. Another warning sign I should have been concerned about was when explaining that I use time outs or redirection, or remove the child to a quieter spot with me if needed, for discipline, the mom said, "well, she doesn't really UNDERSTAND things like that." In other words, she gets no discipline at home.

So, I find the dcg doesn't say anything, except occasional random words. She doesn't follow/understand any simple directions (sit down, please walk, put toys away). I can say her name repeatedly, and she ignores me. I'm fairly sure her hearing is ok though, because she responds to music by dancing and will come running when she hears her dad's voice at pick up. She climbs everything, stands on chairs, and throws toys. Most of her worst behavior happens when I'm doing something like sitting on the sofa to give my baby a bottle-she's 6 months, and I'm starting an 8 month old next week too- or doing diaper changes, hand washing, ect with another child. She won't respond to any verbal correction, like sit down, come here, pick that up please. I have to physically remove her, help her pick up, or bring her to me. I often have to put the baby down in the middle of feeding to go get her.

I don't know if she has some developmental delays that need addressed, or if she is so spoiled from mom, dad, and grandma that she hasn't had a chance to develop and learn as she should. Other behaviors that bother me: at lunch she will stand on her chair and take food from other's plates; she grabs other children's sippy cups and drinks; she will finish eating and run and dive on my couch unless I am right there to catch her and clean her hands and face; she walks right into kids using the swings outside (she was looking at them the entire time, deliberately walked close enough one boy had to jump off the swing so he didn't run into her. Naturally, I was helping another kid get out the chalk, was watching but not right there to pull her away). The list is endless, really. I feel I have given it enough time to know she can't behave and follow directions like the other two-year-olds. For her safety and for the other kid's safety, she needs to be restricted (high chair at lunch, pnp when I can't be right beside her, or a fenced play yard). Or else I need to give her family notice that I can't watch her anymore. I'm worried about people thinking it's unfair that a two year old gets confined whenever I change a diaper, feed a baby, make lunch, go to the rest room, ect. I have more dcks now, and another baby starting, and I just can't follow her all day long. And, of course, her family dismisses my reports of her behavior because, "she just doesn't know better" so they probably would be upset if she's the only one I have to do this to.

I would love to know what others would do in this situation...stick it out and keep working with her, or go ahead and replace her. I hate to "give up" because I feel she needs someone who believes and expects that she can behave appropriately, but the stress and worry is getting worse! Thanks, everyone.

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IME it takes part-timers a lot longer to integrate into a daycare setting especially at this age. 2 days a week means she's not learning much from your program and likely never will. Are the 2 days consecutive or spaced?

I currently have a 2 yr old that started at 18 months. I had to work pretty hard with her as she had zero socialization and zero words. She only came 3 days per week. Some of the things I did was make the 3 day consecutive and chat with the parents about how to socialize her at home and encourage her language. Luckily for me they were really receptive and 5 months later she's talking in 2 word sentences and her social skills are great.

I think if things hadn't improved my next step would be to let the parents know that part-time wasn't working. That kids this age rarely adapt to part-time and that the best thing to do would be to go full-time or terminate care. I wouldn't see it as me "giving up" I would see it as me allowing myself to stop banging my head against a brick wall in a situation that can't be improved on a part-time basis. Right now her #1 influance is her home environment. Your environment doesn't even enter into it because she's just not there enough. If the mom isn't willing to bring some of your environment home then things will never get better IMO.

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I agree that she needs to be there full time. On one hand, I do feel for the little girl- that it seems like she was spoiled (which I think is competely okay and the right of the parents-IF they are the ones dealing with the aftermath). Sending a 2 year old with 0 skills to a part time provider just seems almost-cruel to me. The child is probably confused; she is going from no order at all to an orderly daycare setting.

I woud talk to the parents and let them know your concerns, and that you are happy to work with her full time, but that currently, part time does not work for your program because she just is not adjusting.

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sounds to me that she rules the roost at home. They talk for her, they let her pick off their plate, she does what she wants. I would suggest maybe 3 times a week would be better.

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She comes Tuesday and Thursdays. I have thought that if I had her full time I might be able to make more of difference, but I don't think the family can afford that, or would be willing, since grandma watches her for free. They just want her to have a little "social" time, but they don't understand her behavior makes the other kids not want to play with her at times!

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Boy, she sounds a lot like the twins I have. They are full-time, but we start over every week. They are almost 2. They tag-team test me, and some days it's exhausting!

I guess you have to decide if it's worth it to financially. If it is, and you need to go the playpen/high chair route, then do it. It doesn't matter if people think you are "mean". It matters that she is safe, and that you can give the other kids what they need as well. That's not mean...that's just what your kids need.

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Could they afford 3 days a week? Then you could make them consecutive days and see if that helps?

She sounds so much like the little one I have. Rules the roost at home and had a hard time with my rules. I started taking her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and for the first little while Mondays were torture!! Then Tues and Wed would be great because she settled into my rules. Now every day is great!

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I'll ask tomorrow how they feel about 3 days. If they won't I think I'll have to let her go. It's getting to the point it's unfair to the other kids. I can't even read books to them when she's here. I can't have certain toys out because of the throwing. I can't have crayons out because she dumps them all on the floor and walks away. I feel bad that on her days EVERYONE is affected.

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Yes and don't feel bad about it. You have to do what's best for the whole group

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Part timers are hard. None of what you explained sounds like delays.....she sounds completely unrestrained at home and probably, not much interaction with her which may account for the speech issue. She acts like a little animal because she is treated like one at home. I would do the restriction for a few weeks and have her earn her way back into the group. If that doesnt work, then term.

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I went through the same thing with a little girl I started watching. Her dad was a firefighter so one week she would be here one day, the next week she'd be here two days and the following week, three days. Her attendance of 7 days per month was detramental. Not only for me but for her to get acclimated to our routine and to her adjusting to being around me and the other kids. She was here for 7 months and every single day she was here was a struggle.

I absolutely adored the parents and really enjoyed the DCG too but holding her and getting/keeping her in a routine was horrible. The parents wanted to go fulltime, which would have been the best route to take but I didn't have any full time openings.

I still talk to DCM every now and again and she emails me pictures but if I had to do it all over again, I prefer not to take ANY child of ANY age 2 days per week unless they are consecutive. 2 is my minimum although 3 is preferred.

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I now have a minimum of 3 full days in my contract. They also have to have consistant 3 days, such as M, W, F. I have gone thru one day, two days per week and so on- I have all fulltime, and I have for about 3 yrs. now, I honestly don't know if I would do part-time again. Plus they are still taking up a fulltime spot.

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If it's 3 consecutive days, that may be hard too. She'll then have 4 consecutive days at home to do whatever, and then come to you.

The part timers I've had have had a terrible time adjusting. I once had 2 year old that was the same exact way. Couldn't follow direction, wouldn't eat a thing, was severely anti-social due to never being around anyone but Grandma. He started full time due to his parent's schedule and was better within a week. After a couple weeks of being a COMPLETELY different child, his mom lost her job and she pulled him. After a few months, she called and asked if he could come a few hours a week. I knew it would be constant screaming again, so I denied.

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