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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do You Take Problem Children?
MrsCoffee 10:50 AM 06-08-2010
Wondering what other providers do about children no one else wants to take?
I have quite the extreme case here, it isn't an issue for me because now I am full BUT I have the child's baby brother. I had the child's other brother as well but had to drop because summers here and my son is only 6.
Well 2 days ago one dcg was pulled to be put in a different summer program(whole other story!
) Her parents wanted her to return in the fall but I let them know top priority for me is to fill the spot. I offered it to dcb that had to leave because not enough space and parents declined because they had already hired someone. I understand that person expects Xamount$ for the four children so taking out dcb to put him here wouldn't work but I offered to them FIRST, then went to next on my list and they took! Yay 
But now that family has called me back for that spot. There DD is having a terrible time and the daycare provider called them wanting to quit on day one...!This same child has had the same issue with several other daycare's at least 2 that I know of. They wanted me to take the DD not the DCB that I had been watching.
I told them that if things didn't work out with the family I have lined up I will call them but I am concerned.... I want to help but not at the expense of my other children. Is there a resource I can provide to the parents or provider to help this family? Again this is an extreme case. I believe some ODD involved. She is very defiant and head strong, I am almost afraid that I would have to let her go as well if she doesn't get with the program... I don't meant that in a mean way but I make the children mind and they do.
I read on another post that we are just babysitter not the psychologist, I couldn't agree more! I do care for this little girl though. I think some of the reason she pushes so hard is to see if the people in her life will stick it out with her... But if 2 DC facilities and a in home licensed nanny can't do it... I am afraid to try
So what do you do
I have quite the extreme case here, it isn't an issue for me because now I am full BUT I have the child's baby brother. I had the child's other brother as well but had to drop because summers here and my son is only 6.
Well 2 days ago one dcg was pulled to be put in a different summer program(whole other story!
) Her parents wanted her to return in the fall but I let them know top priority for me is to fill the spot. I offered it to dcb that had to leave because not enough space and parents declined because they had already hired someone. I understand that person expects Xamount$ for the four children so taking out dcb to put him here wouldn't work but I offered to them FIRST, then went to next on my list and they took! Yay But now that family has called me back for that spot. There DD is having a terrible time and the daycare provider called them wanting to quit on day one...!This same child has had the same issue with several other daycare's at least 2 that I know of. They wanted me to take the DD not the DCB that I had been watching.
I told them that if things didn't work out with the family I have lined up I will call them but I am concerned.... I want to help but not at the expense of my other children. Is there a resource I can provide to the parents or provider to help this family? Again this is an extreme case. I believe some ODD involved. She is very defiant and head strong, I am almost afraid that I would have to let her go as well if she doesn't get with the program... I don't meant that in a mean way but I make the children mind and they do.
I read on another post that we are just babysitter not the psychologist, I couldn't agree more! I do care for this little girl though. I think some of the reason she pushes so hard is to see if the people in her life will stick it out with her... But if 2 DC facilities and a in home licensed nanny can't do it... I am afraid to try
So what do you do
mainemomma 10:53 AM 06-08-2010
Do you have any idea as to why the other daycares dropped her? I guess that would be a huge factor in my decision....
MrsCoffee 10:57 AM 06-08-2010
Because of her behavior. Completely out of control, and defiant. I wouldn't say everyday but a majority. She has issues with authority. She is not a mean child, like hitting or biting just challenges authority. She is seeing a Dr. for this I know her parents are really sweet people that are working hard with her. It's not neglect at home that is causing her problems.
Vesta 11:02 AM 06-08-2010
I've taken these types of children twice, and I won't ever do it again. I went into it with the best of intentions and a heart full of love, and a whole lot of misinformation from the parents.
I came out of it with, well, a giant chip on my shoulder, anger, sadness, misguided disappointment with my abilities as a care provider, and disappointment that I put my own child as well as the children in my care in harms way.
Sometimes a kid just needs more than one person available to be there when they blow their tops.
I came out of it with, well, a giant chip on my shoulder, anger, sadness, misguided disappointment with my abilities as a care provider, and disappointment that I put my own child as well as the children in my care in harms way.
Sometimes a kid just needs more than one person available to be there when they blow their tops.
mainemomma 11:07 AM 06-08-2010
Hmm....I would have to say I personally would take on the challenge..
She and her parents are working on the problem. I myself would ask if it was possible to speak to her dr though - I would want to know what I could do to help with the situation so you are all working together. Meaning..you giving time out's for behaviors, but parents have been told to do something else. I would also want updates from the doctor on things he's suggesting and working on with her. If her parents are willing to be open and allow you to be part of her 'treatment' process, as long as she stay's non physicall with the other children, I would give it a shot.
I also live in a small town, and dont have 10 children waiting to get in...
She and her parents are working on the problem. I myself would ask if it was possible to speak to her dr though - I would want to know what I could do to help with the situation so you are all working together. Meaning..you giving time out's for behaviors, but parents have been told to do something else. I would also want updates from the doctor on things he's suggesting and working on with her. If her parents are willing to be open and allow you to be part of her 'treatment' process, as long as she stay's non physicall with the other children, I would give it a shot.
I also live in a small town, and dont have 10 children waiting to get in...
Janet 11:18 AM 06-08-2010
That's a tough situation. I have taken on kids with authority issues and it's never been a walk in the park. Since this child has been through so many daycares, I would definitely let the parents know that full disclosure is needed. You need to know exactly what happened, fact wise, not the parents perception of what happened. I guess you'll never know if you don't try, but if this is a kid who will have a negative effect on your other dcks, then I wouldn't take her on. Good luck!
judytrickett 11:25 AM 06-08-2010
I don't take problem children. Period. The ONLY way I would take a problem child would be if the parents were willing to pay for five spots every day.
Problem children take away the providers time from the GROUP. And since daycare is group care I simply can not offer everyone what they need and deserve if all my time is spent controlling one child's behaviour.
Problem children take away the providers time from the GROUP. And since daycare is group care I simply can not offer everyone what they need and deserve if all my time is spent controlling one child's behaviour.
fctjc1979 11:31 AM 06-08-2010
If you decide to do it, I would definitely tell the that there will be a trial period. It's possible that you might be the best thing to happen for this girl but it's also possible that this might be too much for you or just not a good fit.
originalkat 11:32 AM 06-08-2010
I would not take on a problem child...especially in a home environment. When I worked in centers and had problem children there were resources available to me such as more staff and sending the child to the Director etc... I would not want to have a known problem child wreaking havok in my home and around my family. That is just too much stress.
Greenshadow 11:51 AM 06-08-2010
I tried taking on a child once that had issues. He was angry. Alot. Little things set him off. I figured since I had smaller children and he was a bit older, it wouldnt be much of an issue as they wouldnt really play together all that much anyway. I had him ONE WEEK and had to let him go. If a smaller child took his toy, he got angry and would ball his fists up and beat himself in the head over and over. It was awful to watch and scary for me and the other kids in care. I would have to calm him down which sometimes took a half hour for each episode. I just didnt have that kind of time to devote to one child. His parents were actually his grandparents and they cried when I told them he had to go. I felt awful but I just couldnt chance him hurting a child or himself like that and I didnt have whatever "tools" were necessary to help him.
I would think real hard before taking in a child with issues. And in the end, after what I've been through with him, I probably wouldnt do it again.
I would think real hard before taking in a child with issues. And in the end, after what I've been through with him, I probably wouldnt do it again.
My4SunshineGirlsNY 12:07 PM 06-08-2010
When I first started my daycare, I thought I could be superwoman...took on a Bipolar girl and after 6 months my nerves were absolutely SHOT, so I let them go.
Then a couple months later I took on a little 4 year old boy...all I knew was the old provider said she couldn't watch him anymore and his mom said it was a conflict with another little boy in that care. Well, his first day he was hitting and yelling at all my daycare kids and my own kids. Come to find out he has bad behavior issues...he kicked at me, hit kids...let him go after a couple of months.
my whole daycare was out of control because of these 2 problem kids....I can understand their issues, I went through a hard time with my oldest daughter, but realized quickly I cannot be superwoman when I'm running a daycare. It was total chaos every day when I had them in care.
I won't do it again if I am aware they have a behavior problem.
Then a couple months later I took on a little 4 year old boy...all I knew was the old provider said she couldn't watch him anymore and his mom said it was a conflict with another little boy in that care. Well, his first day he was hitting and yelling at all my daycare kids and my own kids. Come to find out he has bad behavior issues...he kicked at me, hit kids...let him go after a couple of months.
my whole daycare was out of control because of these 2 problem kids....I can understand their issues, I went through a hard time with my oldest daughter, but realized quickly I cannot be superwoman when I'm running a daycare. It was total chaos every day when I had them in care.
I won't do it again if I am aware they have a behavior problem.
Unregistered 08:34 AM 06-09-2010
I was just wanna say you deserve a pat on the back I myself have a Son who is ADHD combined type inattentive/impulsive and I cant imange if he had to go to daycare he would of been kicked out of everyone just like the school loves to suspend him from school because they dont wanna deal with it. My Son use to be more defaint, aggressive, he would hit, kick, scream, throw these awful tantrums untill I decided to get him a therpaist and a pshychiatrist he is on new meds and with therpy he is doing much better. I can give you a few tips if you like for dealing with the behaviors and tantrums also do you know if she has been evaluated by a psychiatrist and if not she should be asap they will find out what mental disorder she has I use to just take my Son to the peds and they wanted to label him with ADHD and ODD but he isnt ODD at all just ADHD. Stick with this little girl she needs someone who will love her and wanna help her and not give up on her.