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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>1st Post.. Family Issues w/Daycare??
Zeke 08:29 PM 05-25-2014
I'm totally knew here- just did a search for daycare forums and you popped up

I have been in this business for many years. Some years were on my own, some were 'registered' with my state, some have been 'approved' by the state and the past 10+ or so, have been licensed.

I've been married for almost 30 years, have 5 children, are grown now, but do still have a 19 y/o son living here with us, as well as our 13 y/o daughter.

The issue I'm having is with my husband. The past 5 years or so, he has let me know that he HATES the DC toys. We have a large lawn in front.. I have several climb on toys out there and the kids love to play there. Last summer, he began to shove all my toys up under some trees as he mowed the lawn... not a good place for them to play. I would have to draaag them out each day so they could play safely on them.

We have a patio off the back of our house and we play out there in the morning... it's about 12 by 35'. I have placed 'fake grass' (astro-turf type stuff) per licensing so they would not slip in the rain. We have a few ride on toys, a little toddler tugboat, picnic table, our regular sized patio swing/table etc.

Today he let me know that he cannot handle the toys on the deck. They NEED to be put AWAY. They need to have 'a home' at the end of the day and it's my place to see they get there.

I get my 1st kiddo between 7:15/7:30 am... most leave at 5:15, but the last one goes home usually at 6:30 pm- she IS my 5 y/o grand daughter, but IS a DC child. I am able to start getting a few things done even with her here, but she is pretty high maintenance as well! (possibly adhd?) By the time she leaves, I am LEVELED! I have to go right into getting supper on, cleaning my home after a day with 6-8 kiddos. I like to ride my recumbent bike for exercise, but find myself doing that at 9:00 pm- getting finished at 10 p.m

Going out and putting the toys away on the patio on a week day, has never really crossed my mind even, I'm so busy INSIDE trying to make it HOME again after a long day with kids. Are any of your dhs like this? Granted, the deck is not very large, and I love it picked up nicely as well, but I have had to set my priorities. When the kids go home- I center on INSIDE.

We have a split level home with the bottom being a large play area. But are often UPSTAIRS with crafts, all our eating and napping is upstairs... we use both equally really.

We have never been able to enjoy our home as JUST A HOME.. it has ALWAYS had DC stuff mingled throughout. I don't like this either. But if I am to earn a living- THIS IS WHAT I DO!

I'm sorry for the vent, but gosh... we just took a 3 day trip- just us two- 1st time in 20 YEARS with just US. We flew to Seattle (from Alaska) Had a WONDERFUL time! Got up at 4:30 this morn, got on the plane at 7, arrived home at 11... I am TIIIIIRED... and he chose TODAY to rage about the patio being messy!? Grrrr (and where is he right now? On the couch taking a nap! Arg!)

So my question is... do YOU have issues like this with a family daycare? And what do YOU do to help mellow the situation? My kids don't like to help with it, as they wish I didn't do daycare anymore- they are GREAT with the kiddos, but when they go home- they don't want to think about DC anymore- and I don't either really. It's hard to get them to take the babies exrsaucer down to the DC room! But they WILL eventually
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tehck_1013 09:21 PM 05-25-2014
Maybe the biggest problem is that your DH has no special area... Do you guys have a "usable" garage (I mean enough room for him to do something)? Or a tool shed? An office is even great for some. If you don't have anything like this that he can call his own or can do what he likes alone in there then maybe that could be the reason why the daycare stuff is bothering him so much. He should have a place to go that isn't daycare related if you know what I mean. That's the only thing I can think of.
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NightOwl 12:32 AM 05-26-2014
My husband is OCD and his obsession is cleanliness. Sigh..... It's a daily battle. But we've made a few modifications to help soothe his impulses. We put a small shed in the back yard just outside the door. Most of the daycare stuff goes in there at the end of the day and he's happy to help get it out there because he wants our house back in the evenings. We also added a fenced in area for the playground equipment inside of the regular back yard fence. So he still has the rest of the yard to himself and my kiddos can't leave toys laying around everywhere in his yard. That's worked out pretty well.
If he's so unhappy with the arrangement, engage him in the problem. Have a discussion where you both compromise and come up with solutions, such as the separate area for playground stuff. Yes, it's your business, but the house belongs to both of you, therefore both of you should be on the same page when it comes to the arrangement of the equipment.
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NightOwl 12:32 AM 05-26-2014
And welcome, btw!! Stick around! This forum has been a god send for me.
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Michael 01:09 AM 05-26-2014
Welcome to the forum!
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deliberateliterate 06:26 AM 05-26-2014
I get where you both are coming from. I'm so sick of the daycare taking over our house, I feel like we're busting at the seams. But I'm so tired at the end of the day that I don't do anything about it.

Try getting the kids involved in putting the outside toys away when you are coming in, so it doesn't get left for you at the end of the day.
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coolconfidentme 07:22 AM 05-26-2014
Maybe I'm the odd (wo)man out. I feel if he is bothered by the tools for a business which brings in family income, he needs to put them up at the end of the evening or quit his belly aching. If he drove a company truck home at the end of the day would, you get bend outta shape cuz it was in YOUR driveway? How's he going to feel when you have g'kids? idk..., that's my rant about it.
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KiddieCahoots 07:54 AM 05-26-2014
Welcome to the forum!!!
Ditto to what Wednesday said....this forum has been a God send!

You mentioned that you have day care items throughout your house. Seeing you have the split level, have you tried claiming one particular spot for day care? Like concentrate on the lower level only? Maybe if it's not always in his way or space, he won't think about it so much, and ease some of his tension.

I know it drives me crazy to have to look at the day care items on the weekends. I'd rather my mind be clutter free from the thought of day care then, and back to me time, and family.

As for my family understanding the concept of my livelihood coming from day care.....they don't get it! They try, and can appreciate how the income helps them, but can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that because I'm home I could possibly be working. They still tend to look at it like I'm a stay at home mom/wife.
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dalman 08:00 AM 05-26-2014
Honestly, I think he needs to have a change of attitude. Your home has been home to daycare children for many years and provided you both with the blessing of being able to keep your children at home while they were growing up. An attitude of gratitude is highly in order. Rather than his ranting, he needs to realize that you never get to leave you place of employment. You live where you "work". He gets a break from his place of employment. My husband and I have always been a team and as such, when he comes home from work, he jumps right in with the duck, dinner, pushing swings, whatever. It doesn't sound like daycare is going away anytime soon, so I would tell him to "suck it up Buttercup". And as they say on Veggietales, "a thankful heart is a happy heart."
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CraftyMom 08:01 AM 05-26-2014
I struggle with this also. I have no words of wisdom but I can sympathize.

My husband likes that I work from home, don't have to leave every night like I used to, and make a good income.

He hates the toys though! He doesn't want to see daycare stuff at the end of the day, and neither do I. We have one room that is the daycare playroom and ALL toys stay in there which helps. The problem is the playroom is also the entry to our home, so it's the first thing you see when you walk in.

When I first opened I tried to arrange things so that at the end of the day it didn't look like a playroom. That didn't last long since it wasn't kid cozy.

I told him if he wants me to do this he has to give a little. I run a daycare. Daycares have kids in them. Kids play with toys.

He has gotten better, but every once in a while he does the same as your husband. He'll gather up all my daycare toys and put them on the front porch. Ugh

It's not easy for our families.
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Blackcat31 08:09 AM 05-26-2014
Was your DH supportive when you first said you wanted to operate a daycare?

Has he always felt this way or is this something new?

If he has always felt this way, I don't blame him for feeling out of place in his own home.

If this is a new attitude on his part, what has changed recently that has caused him to feel this way?


I know that when I had young children of my own, I didnt mind the mess kids bring and the chaotic atmosphere that usually happens but now that I am a parent of adult children, I am much less tolerant of that.

I operate my child care out of a separate house so NONE of my business invades my personal space but thinking about nieces and nephews and other young visitors in my home....it was a welcome thing when my own kids were little as I was used to all the kid stuff on a daily basis, day in and day out.

Now that my own kids are grown and gone, I am not as apt to invite my younger nieces/nephews over nor am I as tolerant of them when they do visit so I understand where you husband could be coming from.


Have you two had a sit-down, serious conversation about this?

Like anything else in life, I believe open honest communication is the key to finding a solution or at least a compromise so that you can both be happy in your own home.


Welcome to the forum too!
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JenNJ 08:42 AM 05-26-2014
I see it differently than most here. This is his home. Yes, you work from home but I see it as part of my responsibility to clean up my work day so we can enjoy our home. I wouldn't be able to leave my area at work a mess if I worked outside the home either.

Also, it sounds like you have a lot of stuff. Maybe take this as an opportunity to sell a few things and keep the favorites. Maybe move the outside toys to a certain area of the yard so that they aren't on the deck or in an area he uses daily.
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NightOwl 08:55 AM 05-26-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
Maybe I'm the odd (wo)man out. I feel if he is bothered by the tools for a business which brings in family income, he needs to put them up at the end of the evening or quit his belly aching. If he drove a company truck home at the end of the day would, you get bend outta shape cuz it was in YOUR driveway? How's he going to feel when you have g'kids? idk..., that's my rant about it.

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spinnymarie 10:07 AM 05-26-2014
My DH is unhappy with the outside toys especially, too. Other people can see it, he thinks that looks a little trashy to have toys all over the place. We compromised by cleaning out an area of our garage for the toys - he gave up a little space and helped clean it out, and I keep all the toys put away when we aren't using them - except for the climbers, which I don't move but I do keep up near the back of the house. And we have three small children using them as well.
I think it's reasonable for him to be annoyed by some of the toys and I don't think it's unreasonable to put them away at the end of each day. The DCK help me with this.
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Unregistered 10:23 AM 05-26-2014
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I see it differently than most here. This is his home. Yes, you work from home but I see it as part of my responsibility to clean up my work day so we can enjoy our home. I wouldn't be able to leave my area at work a mess if I worked outside the home either.

Also, it sounds like you have a lot of stuff. Maybe take this as an opportunity to sell a few things and keep the favorites. Maybe move the outside toys to a certain area of the yard so that they aren't on the deck or in an area he uses daily.
But climbing structures outside aren't just a mess! They're not easy to just move every morning and evening either. I could see play toys on the floor or crafts on the table being leaving my workplace a mess.
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daycaremum 11:35 AM 05-26-2014
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I see it differently than most here. This is his home. Yes, you work from home but I see it as part of my responsibility to clean up my work day so we can enjoy our home. I wouldn't be able to leave my area at work a mess if I worked outside the home either.

Also, it sounds like you have a lot of stuff. Maybe take this as an opportunity to sell a few things and keep the favorites. Maybe move the outside toys to a certain area of the yard so that they aren't on the deck or in an area he uses daily.

I agree with the above. It is a home first and foremost, he is a member of the household and if he wants to enjoy his patio, toy free, he should be able to. I think you need to sit down and have a talk and ask him to help get dinner started or do the dishes when done if you find it too much to add putting the toys away to your list of responsibilities. That way he is contributing to his own desire to have things tidier.
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saved4always 12:00 PM 05-26-2014
I know where your husband is coming from. I was the one doing in home daycare but I was also the one who got totally fed up with it taking over our home. I just got to the point where I needed to be done with little kid stuff in my home.

I started with moving everything to the basement. That became the main part of my daycare. Just one bucket of toys upstairs in the living area that fit in the corner behind a couch and table. That bucket was just for use at drop off and pick up time so we could play near the entrance; it was easy to clean up and stash as soon as the last child left. I still needed to use the kitchen for meals and the bedrooms for naps but it was an improvement. We have a deck but, once my own youngest outgrew the toys, I no longer kept any there. This did help me stay in the biz for a while longer but, eventually, I got a job in a center so I could dispense with all small child related items in my home, like the pack and plays in the bedrooms. I don't plan on bringing any back til I have some grand-babies .

Is it possible to compromise with your husband? Move all the toys off the deck and into a designated area of the yard. Keep the play and craft area to one area of the home. Allow him to have some child free space in his home? I think there just comes a time in some of our lives where we are just done with kids and their supplies surrounding us 24/7. When you work outside the home, you can leave the job reminders at the office...if you have an in-home office, you can shut the door at the end of the day....it is much more difficult for an in home daycare to disappear after hours, but, minimizing the effect could go a long way to make your husband more content with it.
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Unregistered 12:01 PM 05-26-2014
I may sound like a big meanie but I make the last kids here every day help pick up outside.I bought a beautiful cedar shed last year and we spend about a half hour cleaning up every night.Actually I don't,the kids do. They put all small toys,ride on toys,balls,etc. away and that way we can enjoy our lovely patio evey night! As far as the big structures go,I decided last year all the plastic climbers,slides,playhouses,swings were really an eye sore.I went to having a natural playscape and couldn't be happier. The kids enjoy it more too!
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saved4always 12:20 PM 05-26-2014
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I see it differently than most here. This is his home. Yes, you work from home but I see it as part of my responsibility to clean up my work day so we can enjoy our home. I wouldn't be able to leave my area at work a mess if I worked outside the home either.

Also, it sounds like you have a lot of stuff. Maybe take this as an opportunity to sell a few things and keep the favorites. Maybe move the outside toys to a certain area of the yard so that they aren't on the deck or in an area he uses daily.
When I moved to one area of the house, I also went through all the toys and kept what the kids actually played with and got rid of the best. Pairing down and organizing really helped keep it all under control. I also started controlling how many toys came out at once. I did that at the center I worked at, too. It took much less energy to keep it all together when I did not allow all toys out at once.
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debbiedoeszip 12:31 PM 05-26-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
Maybe I'm the odd (wo)man out. I feel if he is bothered by the tools for a business which brings in family income, he needs to put them up at the end of the evening or quit his belly aching. If he drove a company truck home at the end of the day would, you get bend outta shape cuz it was in YOUR driveway? How's he going to feel when you have g'kids? idk..., that's my rant about it.
My thinking is the same as yours. Being a home daycare provider isn't a hobby, it's an income-generating career. I think that it's pretty unfair of her DH to get so bent out of shape that the "tools" of her trade are visible outside of daycare hours. Being a daycare provider means long, physically and mentally draining hours. That after her long workday, she has to spend even more time basically hiding the fact that she has a home business, seems really, really unfair. I really feel for her.
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