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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Urgent Need of Discipline AT HOME!!!!
lolaland 05:41 AM 03-09-2013
Decided to delete post for privacy reasons....
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sahm1225 03:53 PM 03-09-2013
were you planning on reposting without the details?
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Michael 03:57 PM 03-09-2013
Yes, repost with general information.
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lolaland 07:26 PM 03-09-2013
Well, my previous post (that I deleted...) was giving several examples of how I observe in a daily basis my daycare parents being afraid of disciplining their children at home. But after I read it I realized that if any of my daycare parents read it they would recognize themselves in it … and I find very hard to make my self clear without giving these examples.

I'll try : My daycare parents are well educated but seem to be clueless of how to deal with their kids and are living in fear of their kids disapproval of everything. Their kids are in absolute control of their household, and any routine/structure is completely absent because the kids will oppose to it... refusing to take a bath, change diaper, eat at the table, dress for daycare, go to bed before 10 pm... it goes on and on... and parents will obey to the children s “wants”.... to the point that now I see some parents are rewarding the child with new toys if they cooperate with no tantrum to one/any of the essential steps of their daily routine described above. Of course I do not feel surprised that when I try to make these kids follow my routine/structure they will yell/spit/hit me. They will try to impose in my daycare the same “power lessons” learned at home.

I think kids in our days/society are becoming overwhelmed/lost* between these 2 social “transformations”:

1)- The parents complete absence of authority/discipline/structure in the child's life
2)- And the Child Early Education Laws that completely scares teachers/child care providers to address this growing defiant/oppositional/aggressive behaviors in young children and their parents absent of disciplinary role in children s lives – no time outs/ no saying the words “NO” and so on and so on...

This “evolution” just keeps surprising me...

* Lost because what society expects/wants children to behave and what/how we allow children to behave are very different realities.
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blandino 08:04 PM 03-09-2013
Originally Posted by lolaland:
1)- The parents complete absence of authority/discipline/structure in the child's life
2)- And the Child Early Education Laws that completely scares teachers/child care providers to address this growing defiant/oppositional/aggressive behaviors in young children and their parents absent of disciplinary role in children s lives – no time outs/ no saying the words “NO” and so on and so on...

This “evolution” just keeps surprising me...

* Lost because what society expects/wants children to behave and what/how we allow children to behave are very different realities.


I couldn't agree with you more. I have a thousand examples of this, but the best one I have ever see was last weekend. My jaw dropped...

I was at a past DCG's birthday party at Cherry Berry (a frozen yogurt chain). A parent arrived 3/4 of the way through the party and said they had accidentally gone to the wrong Cherry Berry, and since she brought her 2 year old in, they couldn't leave without getting her an ice cream. So the mom actually sat down and had an ice cream with her 2 year old, because she was throwing a fit. Not only did she get away with the fit - she got an ice cream !!

One of my current DCMs came up to me after and said "did you hear that ? I couldn't believe it.
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AfterSchoolMom 05:26 AM 03-10-2013
I SO agree and see examples of what you mean all the time. I have a friend who is like this with their kids - drives me up the wall. They are constantly bribing and negotiating with the kids, or threatening punishments or consequences that the kids know will never happen (ie, "I'm going to take you out to the car" - but they never ever do). For a while, whenever I babysat them, I ended up in a standoff with at least one of them. The difference between Mom and me, though, is that I mean what I say, expect to be obeyed, and will follow through. Guess what? They behave better here than they ever do with their own parents. Guess what else? They love coming here, and are always begging to come over!

I don't know your specific situation, but I say stick to it - show them that you mean business, and follow through with appropriate consequences for their actions. I actually had to say to these kids, "you may get away with that at home, but you're at my house now, and you will follow my rules".

Unfortunately, I doubt there's anything you can do about what's happening at home - but kids are smart, and they can figure out that your house is different.
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Starburst 08:02 AM 03-10-2013
If only it were manditory to take parenting classes before you have a child. Thats why they should bring back home-ec/family and marrraige classes to high school and have curriculum in child care/ parenting techniques.
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Blackcat31 08:11 AM 03-10-2013
Part of my job as a child care provider is to help parents and guide them in regards to parenting styles, techniques and appropriate development.

If you do any type of parent-caregiver conferences, it would be the perfect time to discuss these issues with parents.

Talk to them about why routines and consistency is necessary for you, them and their child.

I wouldn't sit them down and tell them they are doing things wrong so to speak as each parent has a right to follow their own set of beliefs but I surely wouldnt shy away from offering them tips, tricks and assistance in getting their child's behavior under control.

A great way to start the conversation out is to ask them what areas they have questions or concerns about...sleeping, eating, disciplining etc....

Work WITH the parent and together you can make a difference.

This is also another reason why it is vital for providers to talk a bit about this during the interview. The more your parents share your views on child rearing, the less issues or trouble you will have with these sorts of things later on.
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Holiday Park 02:40 PM 03-10-2013
Well, I know in my state, doing that very thing what you suggest (above,what blackcat says) is looked down on,as a no no. An aquantance who has been doing daycare for 20+ years has been telling me the things that the state has been slwoly changing over the last few years. She attends those mandatory classes/meetings for Providers and th last one she went to,she came back and told me about how they (I guess licensing) were telling them how you can't be telling the parents advice or what to do or anything like that because they are the parent and like to feel like they are in control .(Something to that affect) .
The reason that came up,was because she was having an issue and I suggested she make suggestions to the parent about something to help fix the situation . She is too afraid to say ANYthing to her DCparents (in my opinion,and from our past conversations about having a backbone,speaking up,etc..) for fear of looking like she is telling them what to do in any way shape or form,because licensing acted like that is this big no no. Now,i don't know if that is really true as it's coming from her and maybe she interpreted it all wrong at this meeting she went to. But that is what I was told . even then, I don't see why we can't just make certain things "policy" so if they don't fit with our schedule,etc... we have reasons t terminate because they are not following policy,or am not a good fit.
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Blackcat31 04:05 PM 03-10-2013
Originally Posted by Holiday Park:
Well, I know in my state, doing that very thing what you suggest (above,what blackcat says) is looked down on,as a no no. An aquantance who has been doing daycare for 20+ years has been telling me the things that the state has been slwoly changing over the last few years. She attends those mandatory classes/meetings for Providers and th last one she went to,she came back and told me about how they (I guess licensing) were telling them how you can't be telling the parents advice or what to do or anything like that because they are the parent and like to feel like they are in control .(Something to that affect) .
The reason that came up,was because she was having an issue and I suggested she make suggestions to the parent about something to help fix the situation . She is too afraid to say ANYthing to her DCparents (in my opinion,and from our past conversations about having a backbone,speaking up,etc..) for fear of looking like she is telling them what to do in any way shape or form,because licensing acted like that is this big no no. Now,i don't know if that is really true as it's coming from her and maybe she interpreted it all wrong at this meeting she went to. But that is what I was told . even then, I don't see why we can't just make certain things "policy" so if they don't fit with our schedule,etc... we have reasons t terminate because they are not following policy,or am not a good fit.
Wow, that is too bad that your state is like that. Our state has been slowly changing too but a HUGE part of QRIS or Parent Aware is partnerships with parents.

We are required to have family conferences and assist the parent in finding resources and organizations needed on an individual basis.

Sitting down and discussing things with a parent is something that is strongly encourgaged for us.
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