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  #1  
Old 09-29-2015, 06:07 AM
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Default The aggravator in the group!!

Why can't some kids just leave others alone and play with someone else. I have a 9 year old dcb who thrives on the attention to aggravate other certain dcks. I'm not going to force the kids to play with him, there is certainly plenty of others for him to do things with. How do I deal with him? He doesn't listen when redirected, he invades personal space constantly, he always comments and interrrupts conversations not involving him. I am so tired of listening to the arguing of the older kids!
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Old 09-29-2015, 06:54 AM
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There could be a variety of reasons for his behavior. Asperger's Disease is basically when the child has no concept of accepted social behavior. He might not get any or enough attention at home or in school, either now or when he was younger, other kids in school might behave that way towards him possibly to harass him and he then carries over the behavior to others.

When I have a child who constantly bothers others, I start out telling them what they are doing that is unacceptable and why it bothers others. I also say things like, "You wouldn't want me this close (and I stand right beside them), would you? You can't even turn around without bumping into me. See, it would bother you and get on your nerves. I'm in your way." etc. After I get tired of trying to explain everything to them and obviously getting nowhere with it, I make them sit by themselves for activities. After a little while, I will ask if they want to join the group of kids and tell him/her that they may join the kids, but "DO NOT..." and I list the things that the child does to bother the kids. I then tell the child that the first time they do one of those things, they will have to sit by themselves again. They go join the group and almost immediately have to sit alone again. It is a constant viscous circle that wears you out in an hour!
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Old 09-29-2015, 06:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Why can't some kids just leave others alone and play with someone else. I have a 9 year old dcb who thrives on the attention to aggravate other certain dcks. I'm not going to force the kids to play with him, there is certainly plenty of others for him to do things with. How do I deal with him? He doesn't listen when redirected, he invades personal space constantly, he always comments and interrrupts conversations not involving him. I am so tired of listening to the arguing of the older kids!
Personally, I don't think it sounds like anything is wrong with him at all, I just think it sounds like a bored 9 yr old boy.

The behaviors you listed are exactly why I stopped taking school aged kids. They really are out of place in family child care if you mostly provide care for kids under 5.

The school age kids go out of their way to irritate and bother others. They rarely listen and are awful with manners/respect so the interrupting and sassy comments are also age appropriate in my opinion.

The key not going crazy with school agers is to keep them busy enough that they do not have time to bother anyone.
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:06 AM
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I only have 2 that are not school age, 5 that are in school. He is not bored, he annoys when doing activities, he invades personal space when playing outdoors, he follows around too closely, he has to be first for everything. It is truly his personality, but what I'm looking for is how to deal with it without myself or the other kids having to be "mean" saying just leave them alone for heavens sake!!



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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Personally, I don't think it
sounds like anything is wrong with him at all, I just think it sounds like a bored 9 yr old boy.

The behaviors you listed are exactly why I stopped taking school aged kids. They really are out of place in family child care if you mostly provide care for kids under 5.

The school age kids go out of their way to irritate and bother others. They rarely listen and are awful with manners/respect so the interrupting and sassy comments are also age appropriate in my opinion.

The key not going crazy with school agers is to keep them busy enough that they do not have time to bother anyone.
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I only have 2 that are not school age, 5 that are in school. He is not bored, he annoys when doing activities, he invades personal space when playing outdoors, he follows around too closely, he has to be first for everything. It is truly his personality, but what I'm looking for is how to deal with it without myself or the other kids having to be "mean" saying just leave them alone for heavens sake!!
Well, what interest him then? Are the activities you are doing something he likes? Are they a topic he is interested in?

Just because we provide structured activities doesn't mean the child still isn't bored..kwim?

Also it sounds like he has never been taught personal space or boundaries.

Does he like it if others are right on top of him and into everything he does? Has he complained about other kids or is he just happy and content when others are unhappy? Is he an only child?

I would assign activities and spaces to him and be clear, firm and consistent about when he can be done and what he can and can't do while doing the assigned activity.

I would be blunt and VERY firm.

"Go play"

If he bothers others, he plays alone.

He will figure it out if you are routine and consistent with the follow through.

Make sure he knows the expectations beforehand.

Outside and inside I would use the 1,2,3 method.

1st time is a reminder of the rule
2nd time is a warning of the consequence
3rd time is removal from the activity and either redirection to a solo activity or a time out.

Rinse and repeat every day until he understands the expectations and proper social behavior.

Sometimes I think kids just need solid, short and FIRM instructions.

Apply the 1,2,3 method to everything and follow through every time. Sooner or later he will learn and understand that bothering others gets him nothing but alone time.

Otherwise, I have not other advice. I don't take school agers and haven't really had many issues with the ones I have had.
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Well, what interest him then? Are the activities you are doing something he likes? Are they a topic he is interested in?

Just because we provide structured activities doesn't mean the child still isn't bored..kwim?

Also it sounds like he has never been taught personal space or boundaries.

Does he like it if others are right on top of him and into everything he does? Has he complained about other kids or is he just happy and content when others are unhappy? Is he an only child?

I would assign activities and spaces to him and be clear, firm and consistent about when he can be done and what he can and can't do while doing the assigned activity.

I would be blunt and VERY firm.

"Go play"

If he bothers others, he plays alone.

He will figure it out if you are routine and consistent with the follow through.

Make sure he knows the expectations beforehand.

Outside and inside I would use the 1,2,3 method.

1st time is a reminder of the rule
2nd time is a warning of the consequence
3rd time is removal from the activity and either redirection to a solo activity or a time out.

Rinse and repeat every day until he understands the expectations and proper social behavior.

Sometimes I think kids just need solid, short and FIRM instructions.

Apply the 1,2,3 method to everything and follow through every time. Sooner or later he will learn and understand that bothering others gets him nothing but alone time.

Otherwise, I have not other advice. I don't take school agers and haven't really had many issues with the ones I have had.
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Old 10-01-2015, 07:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Why can't some kids just leave others alone and play with someone else. I have a 9 year old dcb who thrives on the attention to aggravate other certain dcks. I'm not going to force the kids to play with him, there is certainly plenty of others for him to do things with. How do I deal with him? He doesn't listen when redirected, he invades personal space constantly, he always comments and interrrupts conversations not involving him. I am so tired of listening to the arguing of the older kids!
Time for school work. I am guessing he is in school for most of day.
I would require a library book for all school aged kids.
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Old 10-01-2015, 10:40 AM
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Laurel Laurel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Why can't some kids just leave others alone and play with someone else. I have a 9 year old dcb who thrives on the attention to aggravate other certain dcks. I'm not going to force the kids to play with him, there is certainly plenty of others for him to do things with. How do I deal with him? He doesn't listen when redirected, he invades personal space constantly, he always comments and interrrupts conversations not involving him. I am so tired of listening to the arguing of the older kids!
I had one like that and I also had his baby brother. One day my inspector was there for an inspection and she remarked "Gee, he certainly gets everybody wound up doesn't he?" He was only there on school days off but I told mom that it wasn't working out as school agers need different things and with the babies I couldn't meet the needs of both age groups as I am only one person. That was the truth but mostly is was because he was a brat. There I said it!!! Luckily she didn't pull baby. She knew how he was.

That is why many of us stopped doing school age at some point. I did. That said, I had some wonderful school agers but even then it is a little hard to do the things they need when you also have to take care of baby needs. It is just easier not to have them.

One thing you could do is let him bring some toys/activities from home as long it is something that is not against your rules. I had one who loved Legos but those things are expensive so I'd let them bring things like that from home. I just had the little kiddie Duplos.

Laurel
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Old 10-01-2015, 10:44 AM
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I like Blackcat's suggestions too!

Laurel
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