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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Gave Milk to 23 Month Old
Core12 02:27 PM 11-17-2016
Today a mother saw that I allowed her 23 month old to have a bottle, I know this is against her rules. The reason I did it it is bc I have another child who is the exact same age who takes a bottle at nap time (her mother doesn't mind). I am worn out fighting with the child who isn't allowed to have it. After she sees the other children with bottles she has a major Major meltdown!
Today one of the parents decided to come an hour earlier (probably to spy)....I feel like crap now. She didn't say anything but I know she saw it and I'm afraid of the consequences. Tired of learning the hard way!
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laundrymom 04:30 PM 11-17-2016
I would be angry too. It would make me wonder what other things were happening. I know you said the one child takes one and mom is okay w it. But why encourage it in your care knowing how developmentally inappropriate it is? I think I'd come up w a plan to stop all bottles by a year and change your policies to reflect the new plans. Then maybe mom who caught you doing it would know you aren't hiding.
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Ariana 04:48 PM 11-17-2016
I agree that I would not be happy especially if this was creating an unhealthy sleep habit which it most likely is. I also do not agree with children having bottles to nap at nearly two years old!

Might be time to revisit that decision. I know it might make it easier for you at nap time but the mom obviously knew something was up if she came to "spy".
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LysesKids 05:17 PM 11-17-2016
Originally Posted by Core12:
Today a mother saw that I allowed her 23 month old to have a bottle, I know this is against her rules. The reason I did it it is bc I have another child who is the exact same age who takes a bottle at nap time (her mother doesn't mind). I am worn out fighting with the child who isn't allowed to have it. After she sees the other children with bottles she has a major Major meltdown!
Today one of the parents decided to come an hour earlier (probably to spy)....I feel like crap now. She didn't say anything but I know she saw it and I'm afraid of the consequences. Tired of learning the hard way!
Bottles go out the door @ 12 months here... I don't like it that some parents allow their babes to have them @ home after the first birthday, but here - not happening; As a mom, I would be upset too if I had seen that. I deal with nothing but littles under 18 months... by the time they leave here most have mastered a spoon, fork & use real 3oz glasses to drink from
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Unregistered 05:17 PM 11-17-2016
Yep. I'd be mad too. Why let the child have a bottle whose parents weaned her off of it? Why not simply train the other child to do without a bottle WAY past the acceptable age? Just as I get angered by a lazy parent who won't toughen up when needed to train a child, I would be even angrier that someone I pay would be lazy and disrespectful to my parenting. I wouldn't be surprised if mom is looking around for a different caregiver soon. I would be
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AmyKidsCo 05:20 PM 11-17-2016
I'm sorry - it's no fun making a mistake and learning "the hard way." I hope things work out!
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Blackcat31 06:29 PM 11-17-2016
It's not the end of the world... if you have a decent relationship with the parent, just be open and honest about it.

Maybe you can brainstorm ideas together on how to teach the child to be more agreeable to nap time without any type of unwanted habit.

Like AmyKidsCo said its no fun learning the hard way

But you learn and move forward
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Core12 07:12 PM 11-17-2016
I have just started watching kids in June (not an excuse) but I guess since I don't have kids I didn't realize how terrible this is!!!! Tomorrow I am making changes! I feel like crying bc I really love this girl and I know I hurt her mom!!!! Ahh!!! Wish I could say it only happened once but that's not true....just got caught. So tomorrow is going to be very hard, but I guess I will give them a nice big drink of h2O out of a sippy cup and lay them down with a pacifier. Then I'm going to pray, for real.
Thanks again, I really mean it!
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laundrymom 07:14 PM 11-17-2016
You can do this. I promise.
Just stay consistent.
Originally Posted by Core12:
I have just started watching kids in June (not an excuse) but I guess since I don't have kids I didn't realize how terrible this is!!!! Tomorrow I am making changes! I feel like crying bc I really love this girl and I know I hurt her mom!!!! Ahh!!! Wish I could say it only happened once but that's not true....just got caught. So tomorrow is going to be very hard, but I guess I will give them a nice big drink of h2O out of a sippy cup and lay them down with a pacifier. Then I'm going to pray, for real.
Thanks again, I really mean it!

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LysesKids 07:31 PM 11-17-2016
Originally Posted by Core12:
I have just started watching kids in June (not an excuse) but I guess since I don't have kids I didn't realize how terrible this is!!!! Tomorrow I am making changes! I feel like crying bc I really love this girl and I know I hurt her mom!!!! Ahh!!! Wish I could say it only happened once but that's not true....just got caught. So tomorrow is going to be very hard, but I guess I will give them a nice big drink of h2O out of a sippy cup and lay them down with a pacifier. Then I'm going to pray, for real.
Thanks again, I really mean it!
Does the child use a paci? If not don't introduce one now because it's something else I don't allow unless my babies are special needs... when one gets it, they all want one & at almost 2, they shouldn't have it. The child needs to learn to self sooth for naps without help
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Core12 08:00 PM 11-17-2016
The child who wasn't supposed to have a bottle is very advanced and the other 2 yr old is normal. They both love paci's, and they are both really starting to have some temper tantrums!
I am almost 40 years old and wish I had my own kids and after I lost a job working in a cubicle in ins, this just started falling in place
I have learned so much from this daycare forum it's ridiculous! It's also nice knowing that so many providers on here are comedians! Hehe!
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Core12 08:07 PM 11-17-2016
The child who wasn't supposed to have a bottle is very advanced and the other 2 yr old is normal. They both love paci's, and they are both really starting to have some temper tantrums!
I am almost 40 years old and wish I had my own kids and after I lost a job working in a cubicle in ins, this just started falling in place
I have learned so much from this daycare forum it's ridiculous! It's also nice knowing that so many providers on here are comedians! Hehe!
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thebenners 08:15 PM 11-17-2016
Live and learn!

I don't mind kids having bottles or pacifiers after 12 months. I'm not a stickler for the age limits at all.

But, I wouldn't give a kid a bottle who doesn't have one at home. Mom might be upset but just apologize and hopefully you can move on.

Good luck!
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Mike 08:46 PM 11-17-2016
I say just explain to the mom that the baby wanted it because others had it and tell her you won't do it again. It's not a life risking mistake.

I know I will make mistakes when I start because I've done a lot of babysitting, but I know daycare is different. This forum has been very helpful for me to start right, and will be helpful when I do make a mistake or 2, or a few dozen.
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TheMisplacedMidwestMom 10:42 PM 11-17-2016
You've mentioned a couple times that you "just got caught". My advice would that anytime you are doing something that you would not want a parent to "catch" doing if they walked in the door, then you may want to rethink your actions and go another way. As providers we don't always have the same styles or views as parents, but there should never be a time when you doing something behind a parents back that you wouldn't do with them in the room. It sounds like you may have felt that little pang of guilt before the parent "caught" you. In the future, trust that gut feeling.
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mommiebookworm 08:38 AM 11-18-2016
Its really bad for their teeth to go to sleep with a bottle, and they are more prone to ear infections.
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Play Care 08:57 AM 11-18-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It's not the end of the world... if you have a decent relationship with the parent, just be open and honest about it.

Maybe you can brainstorm ideas together on how to teach the child to be more agreeable to nap time without any type of unwanted habit.

Like AmyKidsCo said its no fun learning the hard way

But you learn and move forward


I cringe at some of the things I did when first starting out. Not because I was being sneaky, but because I didn't know any better.

I would stick around here and get a better idea of how to run a child care, and making policies that are age/developmentally appropriate.
Good Luck!
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daycarediva 09:08 AM 11-18-2016
Originally Posted by LysesKids:
Bottles go out the door @ 12 months here... I don't like it that some parents allow their babes to have them @ home after the first birthday, but here - not happening; As a mom, I would be upset too if I had seen that. I deal with nothing but littles under 18 months... by the time they leave here most have mastered a spoon, fork & use real 3oz glasses to drink from
I take kids 18m+, THANK YOU for doing this! It prepares them SOOOO much more than children from programs who do not!

Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Yep. I'd be mad too. Why let the child have a bottle whose parents weaned her off of it? Why not simply train the other child to do without a bottle WAY past the acceptable age? Just as I get angered by a lazy parent who won't toughen up when needed to train a child, I would be even angrier that someone I pay would be lazy and disrespectful to my parenting. I wouldn't be surprised if mom is looking around for a different caregiver soon. I would be
Well, that's ridiculous to pull a child from a loving caregiver who was just trying to make the child happy. Geesh.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It's not the end of the world... if you have a decent relationship with the parent, just be open and honest about it.

Maybe you can brainstorm ideas together on how to teach the child to be more agreeable to nap time without any type of unwanted habit.

Like AmyKidsCo said its no fun learning the hard way

But you learn and move forward
I would be proactive. Send Mom an email and just say this is what's happening at rest time, and I want dcg to not be upset. How do you handle rest at home?

Originally Posted by Core12:
I have just started watching kids in June (not an excuse) but I guess since I don't have kids I didn't realize how terrible this is!!!! Tomorrow I am making changes! I feel like crying bc I really love this girl and I know I hurt her mom!!!! Ahh!!! Wish I could say it only happened once but that's not true....just got caught. So tomorrow is going to be very hard, but I guess I will give them a nice big drink of h2O out of a sippy cup and lay them down with a pacifier. Then I'm going to pray, for real.
Thanks again, I really mean it!

I would remove bottles from all the children at rest. It IS awful for their teeth and can contribute to ear infections as well. I would give water in a cup before rest. If you are consistent it will be easier. Like a bandaid, right off! You might have a few tough napping days, but they WILL adjust.
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Heart12 10:44 AM 11-18-2016
OP, we all make mistakes, so try not to beat yourself up

This is my first year running my own business & some of my worst mistakes have taught me very valuable lessons!
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LostMyMarbles 01:34 PM 11-18-2016
How did things go today with mom?
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Ariana 06:59 PM 11-19-2016
Yes I would love to know too! I am also glad you are getting rid of the bottles. I am perfectly ok with a pacifier if the parents are. My own child still uses a paci at sleep time and her dentist is perfectly ok with it. She has the NUK brand orthodontic one. We did the same for my eldest and when she was 4 she gave it up no problem.
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Unregistered 02:12 PM 11-20-2016
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I take kids 18m+, THANK YOU for doing this! It prepares them SOOOO much more than children from programs who do not!



Well, that's ridiculous to pull a child from a loving caregiver who was just trying to make the child happy. Geesh.



I would be proactive. Send Mom an email and just say this is what's happening at rest time, and I want dcg to not be upset. How do you handle rest at home?




I would remove bottles from all the children at rest. It IS awful for their teeth and can contribute to ear infections as well. I would give water in a cup before rest. If you are consistent it will be easier. Like a bandaid, right off! You might have a few tough napping days, but they WILL adjust.
A caregiver who will give into a child and sneak behind a parent to do so is NOT a good caregiver. We are second to the parents. By disrespecting their rules AND giving into something that isn't good for the child warrants terming. We can't expect parents to follow our rules if we refuse to follow theirs.
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Blackcat31 08:17 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
A caregiver who will give into a child and sneak behind a parent to do so is NOT a good caregiver. We are second to the parents. By disrespecting their rules AND giving into something that isn't good for the child warrants terming. We can't expect parents to follow our rules if we refuse to follow theirs.
Everyone can't be perfect.

It's easy to be unsupportive when posting as unregistered...

Normally, I have zero issues with unregistered posters.

Their opinion has just as much weight and value as a registered member but when registered members log out just to post harsh comments it's unhelpful and unnecessary.

If you have nothing nice, helpful or supportive to say, please don't say anything....especially when you've posted your fair share of "issues" and problems that you've sought assistance, advice and support for too...
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daycarediva 08:57 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Everyone can't be perfect.

It's easy to be unsupportive when posting as unregistered...

Normally, I have zero issues with unregistered posters.

Their opinion has just as much weight and value as a registered member but when registered members log out just to post harsh comments it's unhelpful and unnecessary.

If you have nothing nice, helpful or supportive to say, please don't say anything....especially when you've posted your fair share of "issues" and problems that you've sought assistance, advice and support for too...

Yes, attempting to make a child happy (who is obviously not broken off of a bottle) is such a terrible, term worthy thing to do.
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Josiegirl 09:30 AM 11-21-2016
I'm such a nosy ole farT, I'm always wondering who unregistered is.
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Play Care 10:08 AM 11-21-2016
At the risk of being slammed, I actually kind of agree with unregistered

That said, if I had an older child begging for a bottle before nap, because it was obvious they were still getting it at home, I would be telling mom that SHE needed to do something about it or be calling for pick up if child wouldn't rest without it.
And I have had a parent ask me not to give a paci to her child, but it was clear they were either still doing it at home, or sleeping with their child to get them to go without and I told her flat out NO. I was not about to deal with screaming and crying at nap time over it. She could have pulled if she wanted, but she knew how I stood (I now have all three of her kids in care, soooo)
But I also understand just starting out and not knowing any better. I don't know if I would have had the stones to be that firm my first few years.
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Annalee 10:12 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
I'm such a nosy ole farT, I'm always wondering who unregistered is.
I have a pretty good guess in my mind, but not sure I am right
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LysesKids 10:25 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Annalee:
I have a pretty good guess in my mind, but not sure I am right
Are you thinking who I am thinking? LOL

That being said, I haven't had too many issues with weaning off a bottle (never deal with paci's) even though the child still gets one @ home. I figure its their issue as long as it doesn't affect how things run in my home
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daycarediva 10:28 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Play Care:
At the risk of being slammed, I actually kind of agree with unregistered

That said, if I had an older child begging for a bottle before nap, because it was obvious they were still getting it at home, I would be telling mom that SHE needed to do something about it or be calling for pick up if child wouldn't rest without it.
And I have had a parent ask me not to give a paci to her child, but it was clear they were either still doing it at home, or sleeping with their child to get them to go without and I told her flat out NO. I was not about to deal with screaming and crying at nap time over it. She could have pulled if she wanted, but she knew how I stood (I now have all three of her kids in care, soooo)
But I also understand just starting out and not knowing any better. I don't know if I would have had the stones to be that firm my first few years.
If a child isn't getting it at home, they won't be screaming for it at daycare.
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Play Care 10:35 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
If a child isn't getting it at home, they won't be screaming for it at daycare.
Agreed. But that's where having the experience and backbone to be firm with the parents is key. I don't like that the provider did it knowing she shouldn't have. I would have been more upfront with a "if you don't wean from the bottle, I am NOT doing it"
No secrets here. Except for my hidden Milky Ways, but I'm not giving those to the kids
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Annalee 10:40 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by LysesKids:
Are you thinking who I am thinking? LOL

That being said, I haven't had too many issues with weaning off a bottle (never deal with paci's) even though the child still gets one @ home. I figure its their issue as long as it doesn't affect how things run in my home
Same here! The bottles and pacis are gone here long before they are gone at home......this is probably one of the most amazing thing parents think I do! They just don't get it!
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Blackcat31 10:45 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
I'm such a nosy ole farT, I'm always wondering who unregistered is.
Originally Posted by Annalee:
I have a pretty good guess in my mind, but not sure I am right
Originally Posted by LysesKids:
Are you thinking who I am thinking? LOL

That being said, I haven't had too many issues with weaning off a bottle (never deal with paci's) even though the child still gets one @ home. I figure its their issue as long as it doesn't affect how things run in my home
I'm sorry ladies, I didn't mean to toss the "unknown" into this thread. I normally support and usually defend unregistered posters but when one intentionally logs out to post rude or bullying type post, it gets under my skin.

I think that is the major reason most honest unregistered users get so much flack around here...

Originally Posted by Play Care:
At the risk of being slammed, I actually kind of agree with unregistered

That said, if I had an older child begging for a bottle before nap, because it was obvious they were still getting it at home, I would be telling mom that SHE needed to do something about it or be calling for pick up if child wouldn't rest without it.
And I have had a parent ask me not to give a paci to her child, but it was clear they were either still doing it at home, or sleeping with their child to get them to go without and I told her flat out NO. I was not about to deal with screaming and crying at nap time over it. She could have pulled if she wanted, but she knew how I stood (I now have all three of her kids in care, soooo)
But I also understand just starting out and not knowing any better. I don't know if I would have had the stones to be that firm my first few years.
In your defense though, your first post wasn't rude, unsupportive or unusually harsh..... you also didn't log out to say what/how you feel. BIG difference.

Whether we agree or disagree with a situation, kicking someone when they're down isn't beneficial to anyone.

Unregistered could have easily shared her opinion and offered some advice on how to "fix" it or move forward.

The "sandwich" technique... something most people learned early on....
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JackandJill 11:04 AM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Play Care:
At the risk of being slammed, I actually kind of agree with unregistered

That said, if I had an older child begging for a bottle before nap, because it was obvious they were still getting it at home, I would be telling mom that SHE needed to do something about it or be calling for pick up if child wouldn't rest without it.
And I have had a parent ask me not to give a paci to her child, but it was clear they were either still doing it at home, or sleeping with their child to get them to go without and I told her flat out NO. I was not about to deal with screaming and crying at nap time over it. She could have pulled if she wanted, but she knew how I stood (I now have all three of her kids in care, soooo)
But I also understand just starting out and not knowing any better. I don't know if I would have had the stones to be that firm my first few years.
Yes!! In the beginning I struggled so much because I could tell some parent were trying to get me to do their dirty work by breaking habits at daycare. All I could see was that parents were leaving me and their little one in a lurch for 8 hours!! I almost closed my doors because one dck was not to be given a paci at daycare, but then later found out he had unlimited access to it at home. It was such a stressful couple of months!

Now I make sure that all habits are broken/started at home before implementing the change at daycare. And when I do give into a child, I always let parents know right at pick up. Like someone said, no one is perfect, we all have a breaking point!
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Mom2Two 02:25 PM 11-21-2016
So does the child get a bottle at home or not? Usually it will only help them sleep if that's how they normally go to sleep.

I had one dcg who was still on a bottle when she started at 20 mths. I told mom I would allow her to have it at naptime but only with water. And at meals and snacks, I wanted her to learn a straw cup. She aged off the bottle after a few months.

I'm wondering how long you've been doing home daycare. The lack of backbone and sneakiness would be a big turn off to me as a parent.
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Blackcat31 02:56 PM 11-21-2016
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:

I'm wondering how long you've been doing home daycare. The lack of backbone and sneakiness would be a big turn off to me as a parent.
OP said in post #8 that she's only been watching kids since June so less than months
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