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  #1  
Old 07-26-2011, 11:23 AM
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Default Sending Kid Home With Bite Marks..

and I'm not sure who did it. As said in a previous post, my son has been more aggressive towards the other boys in my daycare. I'm not sure it was him that did it, though. The only time the kids were unattended was when I was preparing lunch, and I made a point to bring my son and the 10 month old boy into the kitchen with me. In the living room was a 2 year old girl and this 23 month old boy.

I never heard him cry or scream. DS did run in there a couple times, but came right back to the kitchen. I would think if he ran in there, bit him 3 times, and came back the boy would have cried! The 2 year old has never bitten in my care.

I'm scared to tell the boys' father at pick up. He can be very rude. If I tell him I don't know who did it I'm scared that he'll say I need to keep a better eye on them. I just examined the bites further and one of them is very long..and I don't think my son's mouth can open that wide. When DS has bitten me in the past, he's never clamped down like a snake. It's more like a kiss gone wrong..like he opens his mouth and just pushes his mouth into the skin. From these marks, if his mouth was open that wide I don't think he could push that hard to leave marks like that. They seem like they are from a hard bite.
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:28 AM
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"I cannot share that information as it would violate privacy laws."

Is it possible the child bit himself? I agree that it seems odd that he wouldn't have cried if he bit hard enough to leave marks...
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:28 AM
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I never disclose the biter or biteees name. Just " your child was bitten or bit, I am closely monitoring the children to prevent or limit another incident and will let you know if anything further happens. I washed the area with soap & water , dried it and gave lots of comfort. Date and sign it.
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:34 AM
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Littlest C bites. So, we just always assume it was him, but I don't always see it happen. When he bites the little girl, she never cries... she just plots her next attack in retaliation.

Some of the kids have distinct teeth, so it's easy to tell who the biter is by the bite marks. However, that won't help you much since the bites have already occurred.

If you think it might be your son, you may need to contain him in a playpen with toys while you can't be right with him. If it is your son, it should be easy to fix this because you have him 24/7 and you can make this your new project.

I love using playpens to contain biters. It's not a punishment, but it keeps the other kids safe. You have to watch closely though, because his friends will still hang on the sides and can be bitten then. (or break him out of jail)
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
"I cannot share that information as it would violate privacy laws."

Is it possible the child bit himself? I agree that it seems odd that he wouldn't have cried if he bit hard enough to leave marks...
Yup yup this!!!
No matter the situation, we are not allowed to disclose the name of the other party involved.

The reason the privacy law is there, is to protect the families.....

Some people are crazy and will try to "GET BACK" or take matters into their own hands. That is the last thing you would want to have happen.

I would watch the kids a little closer, I know it's hard to do, and try to find out who is the one doing the biting...Does not mean that it was the same person, or like silver said, it might have been the child himself.

I would tell the family that you are taking all necessary mesaures to resolve the matter.

I would probably send out a letter addressed to all families so that they know you are aware of the problem and are taking the right steps to fixing it, as well as prohibit it from happening again in the future..................But as we all know we cant prevent everything from happening......
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
"I cannot share that information as it would violate privacy laws."

Is it possible the child bit himself? I agree that it seems odd that he wouldn't have cried if he bit hard enough to leave marks...
That's what I thought...but with the positioning of the bites there is no way he could have done it. One is vertical on the backside of his bicep, the other is horizontal above his elbow. On the other arm is one horizontal above the elbow. The horizontal ones could have been self inflicted, but not the vertical one.

His parents know that my son has bitten him once before. I never thought not to mention names, and told them it was DS last time he had a mark. I saw that one happen, so I had proof. This time I don't know. It doesn't quite add up to DS.

Do I ask the girls' mom if she has ever bitten? Do I tell the victim's parents that I don't know who did it and never heard him cry? I want to keep it professional and not lose a kid over it.
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:41 AM
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Do you have a gate that separates the rooms so your son can't run back and forth? That might help.

As for as the dad, I would just say that the bite happened when you were preparing lunch and you didn't see what happened. Apologize profusely and tell him that you will do everything possible to make sure it never happens again. If he has any heart, he won't give you a hard time.
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by littlemommy View Post
and I'm not sure who did it. As said in a previous post, my son has been more aggressive towards the other boys in my daycare. I'm not sure it was him that did it, though. The only time the kids were unattended was when I was preparing lunch, and I made a point to bring my son and the 10 month old boy into the kitchen with me. In the living room was a 2 year old girl and this 23 month old boy.

I never heard him cry or scream. DS did run in there a couple times, but came right back to the kitchen. I would think if he ran in there, bit him 3 times, and came back the boy would have cried! The 2 year old has never bitten in my care.

I'm scared to tell the boys' father at pick up. He can be very rude. If I tell him I don't know who did it I'm scared that he'll say I need to keep a better eye on them. I just examined the bites further and one of them is very long..and I don't think my son's mouth can open that wide. When DS has bitten me in the past, he's never clamped down like a snake. It's more like a kiss gone wrong..like he opens his mouth and just pushes his mouth into the skin. From these marks, if his mouth was open that wide I don't think he could push that hard to leave marks like that. They seem like they are from a hard bite.
Yeah, I would be pretty nervous, too . 3 times in one day would be a really big deal here.

After 3 bites a child is suspended for 24 hours from care, although I have only had to enforce it once a few years back. That case ended with a termination of services for the 3yo biter/hitter/spitter/kicker and a backlash visit from monitoring who agreed terming was in the best interest of the group.

Maybe you could call Mom to give her a heads up and let her know how you treated the wounds and your plan to resolve the situation if they come back tomorrow? That may help buffer Dads reaction on your doorstep in front of other children.
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemommy View Post
That's what I thought...but with the positioning of the bites there is no way he could have done it. One is vertical on the backside of his bicep, the other is horizontal above his elbow. On the other arm is one horizontal above the elbow. The horizontal ones could have been self inflicted, but not the vertical one.

His parents know that my son has bitten him once before. I never thought not to mention names, and told them it was DS last time he had a mark. I saw that one happen, so I had proof. This time I don't know. It doesn't quite add up to DS.

Do I ask the girls' mom if she has ever bitten? Do I tell the victim's parents that I don't know who did it and never heard him cry? I want to keep it professional and not lose a kid over it.
Hmm, tricky. I would casually ask the girl's parents at pick-up if she has ever bitten. As for the boy who was bitten, I would tell the parents that you can't release the name of the biter, assure them you're taking steps to correct the situation and prevent further incidents, and that he didn't cry when it happened. I wouldn't say you didn't hear him cry...that could be interpreted as you weren't within earshot at the time, or something.

Consider bringing all the kids into the kitchen while you get lunch, sit them in their seats, and sing songs/give crayons and paper to keep them entertained.
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Old 07-26-2011, 11:44 AM
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i wouldn't point fingers because you don't know who did it. I also wouldn't bother with a lot of details just state dcb was bit and that you are very sorry.

lots of kids go through a biting phase, and lots of kids are evil when eyes aren't on them, even the perfect little angelic girls. I wouldn't ask the dcgs parents if she bites though, they will almost guaranteed say no.
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Old 07-26-2011, 12:57 PM
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They are going to assume it was your son because your son has bitten their child before. Saying you cannot say who did it due to privacy laws is going to make it sound like you are lying to protect yourself/your son.

First and foremost, if you know you have a biter in house, NEVER, EVER leave ANY of the children unnattended.....if you gotta make lunch, move all the kids to an area where they can be visually supervised.

Second, NEVER lie to a daycare parent.....you wouldn't want them to lie to you, don't do it to them. Be honest, tell them you did not see it happen and that you will from this day forward keep all children in sight while attending to lunch or place them in pack-n-plays (or whatever) when you potty.

Be prepared for them to terminate the contract and leave without notice. 3 bites is a pretty big deal and I would be nervous too. But, if you give them the truth, give them a plan of action to prevent it from happening again, hopefully they will be understanding about it. Good luck
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Old 07-26-2011, 12:58 PM
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This has happened to me on different things but could he have come with them and you didn't notice them at first. I have had children show up with new owies and the parents forget to tell me and then I'm trying to figure out how it happened. Come pickup time I explain and then they will say "Oh, that happened last night at .......". You might see if this is the case here.
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Old 07-26-2011, 01:06 PM
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This has happened to me on different things but could he have come with them and you didn't notice them at first. I have had children show up with new owies and the parents forget to tell me and then I'm trying to figure out how it happened. Come pickup time I explain and then they will say "Oh, that happened last night at .......". You might see if this is the case here.
yep this has happened to me too. dcb woke up from a nap one afternoon and one ear was HUGE! i mean completely pulsing swollen and dark deep red almost purple. I panicked and called dcm, and she said no he has a bug bite and if he rubs it it swells up. she said if you put cool/cold on it and the swelling goes down you'll see a little spot where the mosquito got him. Sure enough, it was the case. WHEW!

I had an incident last week where dcb's were biting each other, and both connected and screaming bloody murder. I was sitting right beside them too. I couldn't just yank them away because they had such good bites on each other. But it didn't leave much of a mark. One boy had little teeth impressions on his wrist, but they faded within an hour or so. I had to pry their mouths open that's how hard they were biting and both kids were screaming loudy. I can't imagine that dck getting 3 bites that leave a mark for long and not screaming.
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Old 07-26-2011, 01:31 PM
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I called and talked to the boy's mother to give her a heads up. She was very understanding and said that little kids will do that. I explained to her that I don't know for certain who did it, and that he did not cry, but I will bring all kids in the kitchen with me every day while preparing lunch. I'm glad she was so understanding, and I'm glad I was able to explain it well to her since I'm scared to tell his dad at pick up.

I didn't say anything about privacy laws or anything because I figured they would think it was my son anyways, since he has bit the boy before. That is good to know for future reference, though. I'm planning on asking the girls' mom tonight if she has ever bitten.

I still find it so strange that the boy never cried. This boy cries about everything it seems. He screamed today because he took one teeny tiny bite of a tortilla (we had chicken enchiladas) and didn't want to chew it up. He screams if anyone gets close to him, so I don't know how he wouldn't even cry if he was bit...3 times!!
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Old 07-26-2011, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
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I'm glad she was so understanding, and I'm glad I was able to explain it well to her since I'm scared to tell his dad at pick up.
Giving the heads up call is good and most of the time the parent says "it's okay... no worries". They HAVE to say that because in the end you still have their kid in your house and they have to get through TODAY.

Once they get the kid picked up and see the bites it can easily be reset back to start and the process of explanation and what will be done to prevent it in the future begins. The Mom can't speak to the Dads reaction too... so that's another hill to climb.

Just don't get too comfy in your relief. All it takes is a parent seeing it and really thinking about the whole idea that this happened three times and you didn't see it... then the reaction starts. If you had seen it then the focus would be what kid did it, why, how, and could it have been prevented etc... when you don't see it the focus is that you didn't see it.

When I was a school nurse I would have rather called a parent to tell them their kid broke a bone than tell them their kid got bit. They were really really upset over bites.

If you have biting you have a cycle of escalation that's happening and going unchecked. Really look at how they are playing with each other... how they are handling transitions... your basic toy playing rules... the position of your son in the group...

really LOOK at what your environment is for all the kids and see if you can start making some changes that will decrease your chances of this happening. DIRECT proximal supervision at ALL times is number one... keeping a calm stable group is number two..

Not being hard on ya friend. I'm really not. I'm just trying to help you get thru this one and prevent the next one.
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