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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Reg user but logged out.....Have question in Ontario Canada. Want my dh out!
Unregistered 10:05 AM 02-22-2013
I am seriously thinking of kicking my dh out. We have major issues, mainly he does not give a crap about me, or my feelings or the health of our family. He always does what he wants, when he wants with no regard for anyones feelings but his own. When ever I try to communicate I am the nag. its with so many things but the main issue right now is his smoking in my house!
He goes down in the basement and spends most of his time down there. He has a room with his TV his computer and a bed. He smokes in there all the time. I never go down there except to get something from the freezer. The smell of smoke down there is horrible and now it smells on the main floor of my home as well.
I am giving him until tomorrow evening to clean up his smoking area down in the basement which is full of empty soda cans and ashes and it is so gross and stinks!
I really can not get the smell out of my nose. I go to bed at night and smell cigarette smoke. I spend all day smelling cigarette smoke. Even when he is not home and not smoking I can smell it. I feel like I am going crazy thinking I am imagining it, but when I go downstairs it is so strong.
My question is how do I get him out? Can I even do that, Or do I have to leave? Because I am ready to do it.
If I can get him out that would be better. He can come back when he quits! He is so disrespectful of me! Like I said he cares about no one but himself. Talking to him even very calmly and nicely always ends up in an argument.
He goes down in the basement and spends most of his time down there. He has a room with his TV his computer and a bed. He smokes in there all the time. I never go down there except to get something from the freezer. The smell of smoke down there is horrible and now it smells on the main floor of my home as well.
I am giving him until tomorrow evening to clean up his smoking area down in the basement which is full of empty soda cans and ashes and it is so gross and stinks!
I really can not get the smell out of my nose. I go to bed at night and smell cigarette smoke. I spend all day smelling cigarette smoke. Even when he is not home and not smoking I can smell it. I feel like I am going crazy thinking I am imagining it, but when I go downstairs it is so strong.
My question is how do I get him out? Can I even do that, Or do I have to leave? Because I am ready to do it.
If I can get him out that would be better. He can come back when he quits! He is so disrespectful of me! Like I said he cares about no one but himself. Talking to him even very calmly and nicely always ends up in an argument.
countrymom 10:50 AM 02-22-2013
my back up provider just went thru this and I was with her every step of the way.
1.is the house in both your names, if yes, then you will have a hard time getting him out
2.if he leaves the house, then its considered abandoment---so don't you leave
3.go and file seperation papers asap, let them know that he has left the house
4.you can't change the locks if his name is on the house
5.call a lawyer and ask questions
you can contact me and I can give you more info.
1.is the house in both your names, if yes, then you will have a hard time getting him out
2.if he leaves the house, then its considered abandoment---so don't you leave
3.go and file seperation papers asap, let them know that he has left the house
4.you can't change the locks if his name is on the house
5.call a lawyer and ask questions
you can contact me and I can give you more info.
canadiancare 10:56 AM 02-22-2013
If your husband owns the home jointly with you then it is called illegal eviction if you toss him out and change the locks. You can ask him to leave and file separation papers if he does or you can talk to a lawyer about living at the same residence but being separated- you may or may not get permission to do this as it is tricky to prove.
I hope that the whole process goes as easily as something like this can.
I hope that the whole process goes as easily as something like this can.
Blackcat31 11:01 AM 02-22-2013
Did he always smoke or did he take it up recently?
Curious, as I think that makes a big difference in what to do and how to handle things.
Curious, as I think that makes a big difference in what to do and how to handle things.
rmc20021 11:12 AM 02-22-2013
I'm not judging, but I have to wonder if there's something deeper going on than just the smoking. Are you looking for a 'reason' to separate and that is the best one you see as leverage? I'd hate to see a divorce only based on smoking (as much as I myself detest smoking).
I understand you've said he's disrespectful to you, but are you sure there aren't other steps you can take first? Therapy? Even if he refuses to go, it may be beneficial to you.
I don't know about where you are, but where I am, even if a home is only in one person's name it's still considered marital property and can be considered joint. I doubt there's anything you can legally do to get him out other than file for divorce and even then you'd have to wait until the divorce was final to force him out.
When I got divorced, my home was only in my name and when I found out my ex was cheating on me and moving out, I immediately quit claimed it to my parents so he couldn't touch it. He ended up suing my parents in order to get his portion of the home back...which was actually a good thing for me because my mother had decided she was going to sell it and keep the money and my ex ended up letting me keep the house in the divorce.
I had a friend who's husband moved his girlfriend into the home. The friend had moved out, but moved back in while the girlfriend was living there...and there was nothing either party could do.
The best thing to do is see an attorney who knows the laws in your state...if that's what you want to do.
I understand you've said he's disrespectful to you, but are you sure there aren't other steps you can take first? Therapy? Even if he refuses to go, it may be beneficial to you.
I don't know about where you are, but where I am, even if a home is only in one person's name it's still considered marital property and can be considered joint. I doubt there's anything you can legally do to get him out other than file for divorce and even then you'd have to wait until the divorce was final to force him out.
When I got divorced, my home was only in my name and when I found out my ex was cheating on me and moving out, I immediately quit claimed it to my parents so he couldn't touch it. He ended up suing my parents in order to get his portion of the home back...which was actually a good thing for me because my mother had decided she was going to sell it and keep the money and my ex ended up letting me keep the house in the divorce.
I had a friend who's husband moved his girlfriend into the home. The friend had moved out, but moved back in while the girlfriend was living there...and there was nothing either party could do.
The best thing to do is see an attorney who knows the laws in your state...if that's what you want to do.
Oneluckymom 12:56 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Did he always smoke or did he take it up recently?
Curious, as I think that makes a big difference in what to do and how to handle things.
I agree and was thinking the same thing? Has he always smoked?Did he always smoke or did he take it up recently?
Curious, as I think that makes a big difference in what to do and how to handle things.
laundrymom 01:00 PM 02-22-2013
I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom. I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
Blackcat31 01:18 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom.
I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom.
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
Starburst 01:26 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom. I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
I hope you also terminated her I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom. I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
WoodOx 01:32 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom. I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
WTHI'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom. I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
...Glad you did that
laundrymom 01:34 PM 02-22-2013
Yep. They are married, have had several affairs through the years. I thank God for her every single day.
MyAngels 01:52 PM 02-22-2013
If you seriously want a divorce, why not just ask him to leave? Maybe he's just as unhappy as you are and will cooperate in doing what's best for your family.
If not, I'd recommend counseling. Preferably for both of you, but if not then you should go alone. It will definitely help you figure out a lot of things.
If not, I'd recommend counseling. Preferably for both of you, but if not then you should go alone. It will definitely help you figure out a lot of things.
littlemissmuffet 01:56 PM 02-22-2013
Hmmm, it sounds like he might not be happy either... afterall, he sounds like he's spending an awful lot of time in a room of his own... away from you. I would just tell him you'd like a divorce and hopefully you two can come to an agreement on the house. But, you said you were also willing to leave - so at this point I think you need to just get the ball rolling by asking for a divorce and going from there.
KnoxMom 01:58 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom. I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
I'm in Indiana and I must have done it wrong. I found out x was cheating with a dcmom. I packed up his crap, and dumped it in her front yard. :-x
The nerve! TERM
laundrymom 02:10 PM 02-22-2013
Op. have you talked to dh about divorce?