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  #1  
Old 07-31-2014, 10:32 AM
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Default My biter has struck again....

And he struck HARD. 18m dcb. This is his 4th bite here and I can't let it continue. I sent him home and told dc parents I would do some research and pass it on so that we can get this nipped (no pun intended). They are very concerned and want to work on this. Terming is at the very bottom of my list of options, but I need help! What do the all knowing, all seeing forum goddesses do with biters to end it??
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:51 AM
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Sorry, but 4th bite? He'd be gone. After the 1st & 2nd, the PARENTS should have been looking for solutions, not leaving it up to you to figure something out & leave yourself open and liable for injuries.
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:58 AM
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Sorry, but 4th bite? He'd be gone. After the 1st & 2nd, the PARENTS should have been looking for solutions, not leaving it up to you to figure something out & leave yourself open and liable for injuries.
I have to disagree there. I don't know what the parent of an 18mo is going to do about behavior that happens while a child is under my supervision.
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:58 AM
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Quote:
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Sorry, but 4th bite? He'd be gone. After the 1st & 2nd, the PARENTS should have been looking for solutions, not leaving it up to you to figure something out & leave yourself open and liable for injuries.
As I typed that, the thought occurred to me that it shouldn't be solely on me to find a solution. You are definitely right about that! This has to be a team effort.
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:59 AM
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So, Wednesday, we're in the same boat.

I'm experiencing the same frustration. My favorite dcg, 19m, has bitten the same child several times. I step up supervision, it goes well for a while, and then bam! again. It's always the same scenario. Other child gets in her space (like sitting on her lap), and she nails him.

Mom of bitee has been more than patient. She knows her little man is bold and in-your-face, but I have to figure out something.

I literally can't do ANYTHING but watch them while they are playing. This is becoming a problem! I've tried separating her, but then they all want to be with her, or she whines and whines because she's confined in some way. The other toddlers see her being in a booster at the table as a reward, but I can't very well park 4 kiddos in chairs all day long, and of course once they are in sad chairs, they want OUT, anyway!

I am going to try letting her have her pacifier all the time for a few weeks. I dont' know what else to try, honestly. I hate the idea of her trying to talk around it, etc, but it's better than her biting by a long shot.
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:59 AM
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Oh no!
I had a biter (among other issues). He was 18 months. He is now almost 3 and doesn't bite anymore. I was foolish and let him stay, but I really worked with him. He was my shadow all the time and I did a ton of redirection. He finally, one day, stopped. Other dc parents were concerned, I was stressed, it wasn't worth it and honestly, if I get a biter like him again, I will term.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:08 AM
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Maybe that's why I haven't termed. Both sets of parents are very understanding and trying to find a solution. If the victim's parents ever expressed a concern that they may pull their child, that would be the end of it. I'd have to let him go. He's my fav too Heidi! I'm so torn. I know they outgrow it, but there's no telling how long it will take.
I've done the same things to curb it. Shadowing, intense supervision, etc. And two or three weeks later, he bites again.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
Maybe that's why I haven't termed. Both sets of parents are very understanding and trying to find a solution. If the victim's parents ever expressed a concern that they may pull their child, that would be the end of it. I'd have to let him go. He's my fav too Heidi! I'm so torn. I know they outgrow it, but there's no telling how long it will take.
I've done the same things to curb it. Shadowing, intense supervision, etc. And two or three weeks later, he bites again.
What if you give him a teether to bite on? That may help.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by melilley View Post
What if you give him a teether to bite on? That may help.
I have done that in the past, and it's always worked. Not this time..she doesn't like them. That's why I'm thinking Binky may help.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
Maybe that's why I haven't termed. Both sets of parents are very understanding and trying to find a solution. If the victim's parents ever expressed a concern that they may pull their child, that would be the end of it. I'd have to let him go. He's my fav too Heidi! I'm so torn. I know they outgrow it, but there's no telling how long it will take.
I've done the same things to curb it. Shadowing, intense supervision, etc. And two or three weeks later, he bites again.
Same problem here.

She knows how to say "STOP!" and put her hands out, but this guy just will NOT stop and move away. Well, until she bites him, and then he DOES move away. So, there's the payoff, right?

So, if I give her a pacifier all the time, I'm inhibiting her ability to "use her words", and not creating a long-term solution.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
I have done that in the past, and it's always worked. Not this time..she doesn't like them. That's why I'm thinking Binky may help.
I'm thinking it probably will help as well.
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  #12  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:25 AM
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It's so frustrating. I really want to work with this kid, not just term him.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post

So, if I give her a pacifier all the time, I'm inhibiting her ability to "use her words", and not creating a long-term solution.
But atleast her not talking is only an issue for her.

Biting is other people's problem.

I'd give her the Binky every single day if that helped.

Her parents can work on talking at home on their time since they can't work on the biting thing...kwim?
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
I have to disagree there. I don't know what the parent of an 18mo is going to do about behavior that happens while a child is under my supervision.
ITA. At 18 months biting is developmentally appropriate, but not socially acceptable. It's not much different from hitting, pinching, kicking, pushing, yelling "No" and similar behaviors, except that it often leaves more of a mark and is socially seen as worse.

Most biting occurs because:
- The child is in pain from teething.
- The child enjoys the attention.
- The child is unable to express himself verbally or in other ways.
- A combination of the above.

The key is to figure out why the child is biting so you can meet those needs in other ways, like offering a teether or giving attention at other times, teaching ways to communicate (sign language) etc.

In most cases terminating the child doesn't solve the problem, it just removes the problem from your setting.

I've attached my Biting policy
Attached Files
File Type: pdf Biting policy.pdf (35.2 KB, 31 views)
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  #15  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
But atleast her not talking is only an issue for her.

Biting is other people's problem.

I'd give her the Binky every single day if that helped.

Her parents can work on talking at home on their time since they can't work on the biting thing...kwim?
Yeah...that's what my sis said..it's the lesser of the two evils.

Bitee's mom think's someone should bite HER to demonstrate that it hurts. I, of course, disagree. She wouldn't make the connection. If she did, and she could logic it out, she'd do it MORE then, because it gets her what she wants...HIM out of HER space.

I'm absolutely not blaming the "victim" here, but I can see why it's happening. I'm just not sure how to prevent it yet. Like I said, it's always the same kiddo!
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo View Post
ITA. At 18 months biting is developmentally appropriate, but not socially acceptable. It's not much different from hitting, pinching, kicking, pushing, yelling "No" and similar behaviors, except that it often leaves more of a mark and is socially seen as worse.

Most biting occurs because:
- The child is in pain from teething.
- The child enjoys the attention.
- The child is unable to express himself verbally or in other ways.
- A combination of the above.

The key is to figure out why the child is biting so you can meet those needs in other ways, like offering a teether or giving attention at other times, teaching ways to communicate (sign language) etc.

In most cases terminating the child doesn't solve the problem, it just removes the problem from your setting.

I've attached my Biting policy
THIS!! It will not solve the problem, just pawn it off on someone else.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo View Post
ITA. At 18 months biting is developmentally appropriate, but not socially acceptable. It's not much different from hitting, pinching, kicking, pushing, yelling "No" and similar behaviors, except that it often leaves more of a mark and is socially seen as worse.

Most biting occurs because:
- The child is in pain from teething.
- The child enjoys the attention.
- The child is unable to express himself verbally or in other ways.
- A combination of the above.

The key is to figure out why the child is biting so you can meet those needs in other ways, like offering a teether or giving attention at other times, teaching ways to communicate (sign language) etc.

In most cases terminating the child doesn't solve the problem, it just removes the problem from your setting.

I've attached my Biting policy
That's a GREAT policy!

I hope I'm not hijacking, sorry Wednesday! Hopefully, we can both come up with a solution from this conversation.

I love your policy, Amy. I've already identified WHY, though. I'm her shadow as much as one person can be with 4 kiddos. I'm encouraging using her words (I think I mentioned above she says "STOP!" quite often).

I don't think it's attention seeking. I think it's her awkward and socially unacceptable way of "protecting" herself.
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  #18  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:48 AM
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Default my biter has struck again

I had this kid he's almost 3 and still would be biting but now he does have pacifier all day long.......and can now talk to verbalize his issues,also instead of biting he has an extrememly short fuse and will strike/kick out over the slighest thing.Also I thought I'd develope a toddler muzzle...but haven't gotten too far( they're ok for other animals).
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:51 AM
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I've had my share of biters, including my own children and grandchildren, so I know how hard it is. As long as it's developmentally appropriate for the child I don't get too upset. It's when a child who should've grown out of the biting stage (like my 5 yr old granddaughter) bites someone that I freak out.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo View Post
I've had my share of biters, including my own children and grandchildren, so I know how hard it is. As long as it's developmentally appropriate for the child I don't get too upset. It's when a child who should've grown out of the biting stage (like my 5 yr old granddaughter) bites someone that I freak out.
I almost want to put something in writing to the bitee's mom. She's been pretty patient, but our paths are diverging on how it should be handled. Of course, every time it happens, it's "proof" to her that I'm not being firm enough. She sees her baby as a victim, which I get and empathize with.

I have a call in to my licenser because this all could blow-up in my face. I think some sort of letter, cc'd to my licenser, might be a proactive step?

Can someone help me with that, and Amy, can I borrow some wording from your policy?
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Old 07-31-2014, 12:12 PM
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Not at all Heidi! Hijack away!
We're in the same boat. I think my little guy's problem is a territory issue. He bit once when he was standing at the kitchen gate waiting for his sippy and another child beat him there, then again when another child hugged my ds (he feels like my ds is HIS. They play together constantly). So i'm thinking this may all stem from the toddler creed. What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, if it looks like it's mine, it's mine, etc.
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Old 07-31-2014, 12:35 PM
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When I think about it, biting really is NO different than hitting...except in one important way. It leaves a mark...

You wouldn't tell a dcp about every single time another child hit or pushed their kiddo. With biting, though, you have to report every incident and log it. Having all that documentation makes it seem worse.
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Old 07-31-2014, 03:03 PM
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I attended an AWESOME training last week on behavior management and one suggestion that the therapist who conducted the training gave in regards to biting, is to get Aquarium tubing (what is used inside of a fish aquarium) Cut it long enough to put on string and make a necklace out of it. She said it is good for biting on as it is very strong and will not fall apart when chewed/bitten, and if it is a sensory issue the child has that is contributing to the biting, this could relieve some of the "symptoms"
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Old 07-31-2014, 03:23 PM
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That's a great idea! ^^^^
The victim's mom just picked up. I told her it would be handled, one way or another, immediately. I don't want to give up on him, but she doesn't want her daughter to be his chew toy either. I have to consider both sides.
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Old 07-31-2014, 04:07 PM
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I don't know if I would DIY one of these but you can buy them online, just google chewy tubes or chewy necklace and you will get a ton of hits. I would also ask biters mom to buy it.
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Old 07-31-2014, 04:25 PM
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Some good ideas. It's cool that both sets of parents are patient & understanding though. I wouldn't term then either. Frustrating though...sorry!
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Old 07-31-2014, 04:28 PM
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Sooooo frustrating. Both of these kids are so great, they just don't click when they're together.
Victim's mom thanked me immensely for being on top of it and said she knew biter's mom feels terrible (which she does).
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Old 07-31-2014, 04:54 PM
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I know its not the victims fault, but if it is always the same child have you tried removing him from the situation. We had a biter who only bit 1 child, and it was because he was always in her space. I finally made him stay away from her for a while and she stopped biting. It is kind of the opposite of shadowing the biter, I keep the bitee from trying to take her toys which was our issue.
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Old 07-31-2014, 05:26 PM
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It's not the same one, but he does seem to target her. She's received 3 of the 4 bites.
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