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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Do You Handle the Constant Questioning That The dc Kids Do?
sahm2three 01:44 PM 07-20-2010
I feel like a few of them try to micromanage me. It drives me NUTS! Not only that, but they ask me a question (asking for something usually) and if I say no, they ask why and try to strengthen their case by saying, well so and so had two, or something like that. For instance, today we had homemade popsicles and home made granola bars. Each got one of each. Well, one of the boys didn't want his granola bar so he gave it to my son. ODD dcb came up to me and said, can I have another granola bar? I said, no, you each got a popsicle and a granola bar. He says, "Well X had two, why can't *I* have two." Well, because of the book I am reading I gave him a 1. I wanted to say, because X lives here and is not in daycare! UGH! I am just tired of being questioned as to why I do this or why this rule is that. It has just been a long week already.
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TGT09 02:33 PM 07-20-2010
OH MY GOSH, I can totally empathize with you! I actually try ignoring as much as possible unless it continues. I get SO tired of answering the same questions by every child since they weren't listening the first time I said something. I have only 1 toddler and the rest are school-agers this summer and I seriously want to slit my throat at times.

I have 1 8yo dcg that questions EVERYTHING I do. She will question why I put someone in timeout. I finally had to start telling her she wasn't the boss and that she doesn't need to know everything at my house. Her mom has mentioned several times that she is super nosy so I think it has to do with that. Really though, what is she going to do with the information I give her....plus it's between ME and that child....that's it!

Good luck at figuring out how to handle it! I'd love to hear some more seasoned responses to this so maybe I can use them too. lol
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My4SunshineGirlsNY 02:54 PM 07-20-2010
It's been a LONG week for me too ::sigh:: I have a bunch of catty girls, can't wait until this week is over...or summer for that matter!
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Bizzymom1111 03:44 PM 07-20-2010
Must be something about today! I am ready to go nuts over here too! I have my 6yo neice and she questions EVERYTHING I do. If everything is not 100% fair and equal, she'll let me know. It drives me nuts. She thinks that because we're related that she gets all the same privilages that my kids get. Anyways.. I totally hear ya! At one point last week I just put on my iPod and tuned it all out for a few to gather myself! A nice glass of wine at the end of the day can't hurt either!! Good luck!
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nannyde 04:05 PM 07-20-2010
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I feel like a few of them try to micromanage me. It drives me NUTS! Not only that, but they ask me a question (asking for something usually) and if I say no, they ask why and try to strengthen their case by saying, well so and so had two, or something like that. For instance, today we had homemade popsicles and home made granola bars. Each got one of each. Well, one of the boys didn't want his granola bar so he gave it to my son. ODD dcb came up to me and said, can I have another granola bar? I said, no, you each got a popsicle and a granola bar. He says, "Well X had two, why can't *I* have two." Well, because of the book I am reading I gave him a 1. I wanted to say, because X lives here and is not in daycare! UGH! I am just tired of being questioned as to why I do this or why this rule is that. It has just been a long week already.
I don't have this at all.

I don't allow children to decide when I need to explain myself. When they ask for something and I say "NO" their answer is OK. If I decide they need an explanation then I explain the NO. This is almost ALWAYS in safety situations. If I don't want them to do something that is unsafe to them, the other kids, the property... THEN I follow the no with an explanation. Other than that I don't feel obligated to explain reasons that are most likely something they either aren't going to accept or they don't understand.

Remember that when the kids are at your home they are in public. Your home is your home.. your kids home... but to the day care children it is their public. Would it be appropriate if an eight year old asked a parent in Wal Mart WHY the parent said NO to the kid having a new toy? Would it be appropriate for an eight year old to ask her teacher WHY another child went to the Nurse?

It's important to set the example that the child is a CHILD in the home and should not be a part of adult decisions and adult behavior. Their childhood should be about being a CHILD not being a part of adult things that are way beyond their understanding. They have their whole lives to be adults. Childhood is a very small window of time. Don't steal away her role as a child by allowing her to be a part of the adult world when she can not possibly understand it.

The kids time in my home is about being a kid and being WITH the kids. The shouldn't be devoted to what I'm doing. I want them to talk to each other. I want them to ask each other "why".

If the child is engaging the adult then they are NOT in the right environment. They shouldn't have a care about what you are doing. It should be boring to them compared to the fun of playing with friends and self entertainment.

When kids are overengaging the adult the best response is to answer with what they SHOULD be doing at that time. When they ask "why" so and so is in time out the answer is "GO PLAY". If you answer with a promt to get them back into what they SHOULD be doing then you don't have to worry about them disecting your answer to build their next engaging statement that is really just a disguise for arguing.

I also don't have the kids asking me for things. Whatever is available to them is already at their disposal. If they don't have it available they can't have it.

I decide what they do when they do it. I don't allow kids to ask me to do MORE. I have WAY more available to them than any eight kids could ever use in an entire childhood. The last thing they need is MORE or different. They've got a good gig here with lots to do to entertain themselves and play with the other kids. No need to ask for anything else.

If I "think" they may need different or more then I ask them if they would like it. The granola bar incident is a perfect example of a kid asking for more when "I" wouldn't have wanted him to have it. If I wanted him to have the option to have a second one I would have offered it with the first.

Let's get the kids back to being kids. They will be SO much happier and satisfied with the life in your home if you secure their role as a child first. Let them PLAY and not be concerned about what you, any other kid, or what they "can" have that is more or different. Let them be happy with what they have NOW and what you lovingly already provide. Be secure in what you are doing and KNOW that you don't need the influence of young children to dictate what you KNOW is right, good, and enough.
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sahm2three 04:38 PM 07-20-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't have this at all.

I don't allow children to decide when I need to explain myself. When they ask for something and I say "NO" their answer is OK. If I decide they need an explanation then I explain the NO. This is almost ALWAYS in safety situations. If I don't want them to do something that is unsafe to them, the other kids, the property... THEN I follow the no with an explanation. Other than that I don't feel obligated to explain reasons that are most likely something they either aren't going to accept or they don't understand.

Remember that when the kids are at your home they are in public. Your home is your home.. your kids home... but to the day care children it is their public. Would it be appropriate if an eight year old asked a parent in Wal Mart WHY the parent said NO to the kid having a new toy? Would it be appropriate for an eight year old to ask her teacher WHY another child went to the Nurse?

It's important to set the example that the child is a CHILD in the home and should not be a part of adult decisions and adult behavior. Their childhood should be about being a CHILD not being a part of adult things that are way beyond their understanding. They have their whole lives to be adults. Childhood is a very small window of time. Don't steal away her role as a child by allowing her to be a part of the adult world when she can not possibly understand it.

The kids time in my home is about being a kid and being WITH the kids. The shouldn't be devoted to what I'm doing. I want them to talk to each other. I want them to ask each other "why".

If the child is engaging the adult then they are NOT in the right environment. They shouldn't have a care about what you are doing. It should be boring to them compared to the fun of playing with friends and self entertainment.

When kids are overengaging the adult the best response is to answer with what they SHOULD be doing at that time. When they ask "why" so and so is in time out the answer is "GO PLAY". If you answer with a promt to get them back into what they SHOULD be doing then you don't have to worry about them disecting your answer to build their next engaging statement that is really just a disguise for arguing.

I also don't have the kids asking me for things. Whatever is available to them is already at their disposal. If they don't have it available they can't have it.

I decide what they do when they do it. I don't allow kids to ask me to do MORE. I have WAY more available to them than any eight kids could ever use in an entire childhood. The last thing they need is MORE or different. They've got a good gig here with lots to do to entertain themselves and play with the other kids. No need to ask for anything else.

If I "think" they may need different or more then I ask them if they would like it. The granola bar incident is a perfect example of a kid asking for more when "I" wouldn't have wanted him to have it. If I wanted him to have the option to have a second one I would have offered it with the first.

Let's get the kids back to being kids. They will be SO much happier and satisfied with the life in your home if you secure their role as a child first. Let them PLAY and not be concerned about what you, any other kid, or what they "can" have that is more or different. Let them be happy with what they have NOW and what you lovingly already provide. Be secure in what you are doing and KNOW that you don't need the influence of young children to dictate what you KNOW is right, good, and enough.
Sorry, WAY easier said than done! If one is in time out, one kid after the other comes by and asks why X is in time out. One thing I am constantly saying is, "Who is the only person that Sally has to worry about? Just Sally." I have a few I say this to multiple times a day. I am trying to teach them to mind their own business and not worry about what everyone else has and is doing, but kids will be kids. They are curious beings, I am just looking for better ways to handle it. And also I was venting a bit. I don't "allow" kids to question me, but they do it. And I have to respond appropriately. I would have to ban talking in this house to keep them from questioning anything and everything! LOL!
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DBug 04:43 AM 07-21-2010
I have had the constant questioning too. When I finally got sick of it, I started using "No" and "It's not your business" alot more. I just heard a radio interview the other day about an author that says that parents shouldn't use the word "No". They should find more creative ways to say no (ie. "We're not doing that right now, but we can do this."). While I do believe there is a place for that, I think kids today have gotten used to that kind of parenting. It's almost to the point where alot of parents forfeit their authority so that kids can be part of the decision-making.

I find using the word "No", and repeating it until the child understands that "no" means "no" is the only way to handle it. Same with "not your business". For school-agers especially, it teaches an important social skill too -- that it's rude to meddle. Kids have to learn that not everything is open for negotiation and that sometimes they're just not allowed to do certain things. Allowing them to think otherwise can set them up for trouble in the future. Try arguing with a cop over the speeding ticket he's giving you, and see where that goes
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Pammie 05:25 AM 07-21-2010
Originally Posted by DBug:
I find using the word "No", and repeating it until the child understands that "no" means "no" is the only way to handle it. Same with "not your business".
I *totally* agree!

I think the four phrases that I use most in any given day are:

"I love you"
"No means no"
"Worry about yourself"
"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit"


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Vesta 05:40 AM 07-21-2010
I do occasionally whip out the "because she's my kid and she lives here".

Here's my list.
*It's none of your concern
*Don't worry about it
*Stay in your lane
*Let's just worry about ourselves right now
*Nachos (as in Not your business), this can take the form of
Them: "why is little Bobby sitting beside you"
Me: "because he wants some nachos"
They know what that means and will go on about their way, usually smiling.
*Get out of my house
Not really, but I wish, only 18 more weekdays until school starts!!!!!!
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