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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Kinda Sad...
Meeko 03:46 PM 08-17-2011
.....as I was watching the children play today. They have really been into role playing.
I noticed that they were playing role playing games that included going to "the Mommy's house" or to "the Daddy's house". I realized that for all these kids, it's normal for parents to live apart. Not once all day have they played at being a family with Mom AND Dad. Just one or the other.
I noticed that they were playing role playing games that included going to "the Mommy's house" or to "the Daddy's house". I realized that for all these kids, it's normal for parents to live apart. Not once all day have they played at being a family with Mom AND Dad. Just one or the other.
daycare 04:20 PM 08-17-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
.....as I was watching the children play today. They have really been into role playing.
I noticed that they were playing role playing games that included going to "the Mommy's house" or to "the Daddy's house". I realized that for all these kids, it's normal for parents to live apart. Not once all day have they played at being a family with Mom AND Dad. Just one or the other.
It is very sad but I was once there. My son was about 6 and he came home from hid first play date at a school friends house. .....as I was watching the children play today. They have really been into role playing.
I noticed that they were playing role playing games that included going to "the Mommy's house" or to "the Daddy's house". I realized that for all these kids, it's normal for parents to live apart. Not once all day have they played at being a family with Mom AND Dad. Just one or the other.
He gets into my car as I pick him up and says to me mom you'll never guess what, it's the strangest thing. My friends mom and dad both live in the same house.
I was so sad when he told me that...
Crystal 04:21 PM 08-17-2011
That has always been one thing that has bothered me with children of separated or divorced parents....they never say I am going "home" It's always Mommy or Daddy's house. 
godiva83 04:43 PM 08-17-2011
Heart breaking
I came from a divorced family, where my Dad raised my brother and I as a single Dad for the majority of my childhood. I always hid the fact My parents were not together and I was raised by my Dad- I was the odd one out, dad to see the roles reversed.
I came from a divorced family, where my Dad raised my brother and I as a single Dad for the majority of my childhood. I always hid the fact My parents were not together and I was raised by my Dad- I was the odd one out, dad to see the roles reversed.
mom2many 12:13 AM 08-18-2011
That is so sad and yet so true. When I first started my childcare business, I didn't have any divorced families...but now it's the exception to have the child live with both mom and dad.
Meyou 02:13 AM 08-18-2011
Reading this I just realized that I'm really, really lucky that my girls call both my house and their dad's house home. It actually drives me a little batty because everytime they say "home" we have to ask which one. Their dad and I share them. He moved 4 blocks away and although they sleep here most school nights and there most weekends they have to option to go back and forth daily if they want. We still parent them together and get along well. In fact when he goes away for work we feed his cats for him. Yep, I have keys to my ex's house. lol Everyone thinks our relationship is odd now but my goodness....it's so much better for my kids that we laugh again and don't fight with each other.
wdmmom 06:13 AM 08-18-2011
I'm in Iowa and after my ex husband and I split, he moved to New York. We haven't seen him since and since he has warrants (for unpaid tickets), I doubt he'll be coming back to Iowa anytime soon!
It's worked out very well for my kids and I. I've been the only solid, consistent thing in their life and that's all they need. I have been able to provide enough structure that they've turned out to be good kids and they know what is expected of them.
Since my divorce, I've been with my husband now for 4 years (only married for almost a year) and they don't see things much differently. The same rules apply in this house as with any house we've ever lived in.
Because they've never had any other house, this is home. As long as I'm here, they're home.
That means more to me than anything! I'll feel privledged to have done it on my own and not have to share my kids or worry about visitation, etc.
It's worked out very well for my kids and I. I've been the only solid, consistent thing in their life and that's all they need. I have been able to provide enough structure that they've turned out to be good kids and they know what is expected of them.
Since my divorce, I've been with my husband now for 4 years (only married for almost a year) and they don't see things much differently. The same rules apply in this house as with any house we've ever lived in.
Because they've never had any other house, this is home. As long as I'm here, they're home.
That means more to me than anything! I'll feel privledged to have done it on my own and not have to share my kids or worry about visitation, etc.
Cat Herder 06:52 AM 08-18-2011
It is becoming the norm.
I had a herd of teenaged girls over recently for a "sleep"
over and I overheard "What??? Your parents are still together? Your Christmas must suck."
Yep, they know two houses, twice the stuff.
I had a herd of teenaged girls over recently for a "sleep"
over and I overheard "What??? Your parents are still together? Your Christmas must suck."Yep, they know two houses, twice the stuff.
awestbrook713 06:57 AM 08-18-2011
I think about this a lot. All of the children but 1 of them come from divorced or separated homes, and I see a whole bunch of behavior problems stemming from this sometimes. That is why I can be so patient I know that although everything else may be messed up for them but I can be that calm constant in their lives.
littlemommy 06:57 AM 08-18-2011
I remember hearing kids talk about that when I worked at a daycare a few years ago. I just started a family in my home who is divorced. The 3 year old asks me every day who is picking her up or what house she is going to. Lately she's been whining about wanting to go to daddy's house because mommy is not happy. I'm not sure what that's all about-I don't ask. Is it wrong not to ask?
littlemissmuffet 07:06 AM 08-18-2011
I don't think it's sad at all. My parents divorced when I was little - and I am WAY better off for it. I couldn't imagine having to have grown up in a house with both of them for any longer than I did - they weren't working out, and it was very obvious, even as a child. The best deicision either my mom or dad made was to split up.
The whole idea of "staying together for the kids" is most definitely NOT in the best interest of any kid.
Anyhow, growing up I had ONE friend whose parents were still married! The older I get, the more often I encounter folks whose parents are still happily married. It's sort of reverse for me than others.
All of my daycare parents, past and present, are married too.
The whole idea of "staying together for the kids" is most definitely NOT in the best interest of any kid.
Anyhow, growing up I had ONE friend whose parents were still married! The older I get, the more often I encounter folks whose parents are still happily married. It's sort of reverse for me than others.
All of my daycare parents, past and present, are married too.
Meeko 07:08 AM 08-18-2011
Knowing what I know about some of the parents....the kids are better off with the one parent...but it still makes me sad that society as a whole has shifted along this path.
I am 50 years old. Not ancient (well...my kids think so) but when I was kid, I spent my days playing at my home (my parents are still together after 53 years) or at my friends home. Lots and lots of friends. I don't ever recall going to a home where there wasn't two parents. School functions always seemed to have both parents there too. Birthday parties...two parents...etc etc.
I currently have 8 clients with 19 children between them. Only two of those parents are married. That's 4 kids out of 19 that have parents together. Some of the kids have never even KNOWN a father.....just a constant stream of boyfriends and all their siblings have a different last name.......just makes me wonder what the next generation will be like.....
I am 50 years old. Not ancient (well...my kids think so
) but when I was kid, I spent my days playing at my home (my parents are still together after 53 years) or at my friends home. Lots and lots of friends. I don't ever recall going to a home where there wasn't two parents. School functions always seemed to have both parents there too. Birthday parties...two parents...etc etc. I currently have 8 clients with 19 children between them. Only two of those parents are married. That's 4 kids out of 19 that have parents together. Some of the kids have never even KNOWN a father.....just a constant stream of boyfriends and all their siblings have a different last name.......just makes me wonder what the next generation will be like.....
littlemissmuffet 07:11 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
That has always been one thing that has bothered me with children of separated or divorced parents....they never say I am going "home" It's always Mommy or Daddy's house.
Well, all of my daycare kids live in two parent homes and almost all of them say "daddy's house" when referring to the home where the entire family resides. No matter how much I correct them to say "my house", they say "daddy's"... so it could just be a kid thing.That has always been one thing that has bothered me with children of separated or divorced parents....they never say I am going "home" It's always Mommy or Daddy's house.
Michelle 07:11 AM 08-18-2011
A few years ago, I was dropping off my youngest daughter at school and the principal asked me the name of her father because there was a 8 year gap between her and her oldest sister. I told her all 6 kids are my husbands kids.
She laughed and said, "You don't know how unusual that is!
She laughed and said, "You don't know how unusual that is!
JaydensMommy 07:20 AM 08-18-2011
I have to disagree with you.. Coming from a divorced family IT IS SAD. I was devastated when my parents divorced at the age of 10. I NOW know they fought a lot but I DO NOT remember that and was not aware of it as a child. I only remember us being a family. So, I feel that if they would of done what was best for their family then they would of stayed together and made it work. After the divorce my dad remarried and moved too far to ever see. So we really did suffer as kids not being able to have our dad in our lives. Now as a mother to a wonderful little boy, I can tell you that no matter what me and my husband are going to make it work. My husband also comes from a divorced family and he was also really affected by that divorce, in his case it was inevitable because it was more than just arguing. But I do not think that the answer to arguing is getting a divorce. People don't think about Marriage as something that is supposed to be forever, pretty sad.
Blackcat31 07:31 AM 08-18-2011
I agree that the general population and it's way of thinking has changed. My DH and I had our oldest child before we were married. When people ask how old she is (23 years) and how long we've been married (22 yrs) I always get the same response, "Oh, well who is her dad?"
My own children also noticed the fact that most of their friends in school had a daddy's house and a mommy's house. My kids were the rare ones who actually lived with both parents.
A quick count of my daycare families here at this moment and only 5 of my 9families are together. One of them has been in the middle of deciding what the next step in their marriage will be so it may soon only be 4, but still I think that is pretty good.
Of the 4 who are not living with both parents, 2 have a father in their life on a regular basis and 2 have 100% absent fathers (1 has a mom with a live in boyfriend though).
Funny how times change.....when my BFF's parents divorced when we were in the 3rd grade it was the talk of the school for the WHOLE year!
My own children also noticed the fact that most of their friends in school had a daddy's house and a mommy's house. My kids were the rare ones who actually lived with both parents.
A quick count of my daycare families here at this moment and only 5 of my 9families are together. One of them has been in the middle of deciding what the next step in their marriage will be so it may soon only be 4, but still I think that is pretty good.
Of the 4 who are not living with both parents, 2 have a father in their life on a regular basis and 2 have 100% absent fathers (1 has a mom with a live in boyfriend though).
Funny how times change.....when my BFF's parents divorced when we were in the 3rd grade it was the talk of the school for the WHOLE year!
Meeko 07:34 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
A few years ago, I was dropping off my youngest daughter at school and the principal asked me the name of her father because there was a 8 year gap between her and her oldest sister. I told her all 6 kids are my husbands kids.
She laughed and said, "You don't know how unusual that is!
We have 4 kids. We had two boys that are three years apart. But then Mother Nature decided to be cruel and we had all but given up on trying for more children when ten years later we had a girl, followed by another girl 20 months later! I have lost count of the number of times that people assume my girls have a different father to my boys because of the ten year gap!A few years ago, I was dropping off my youngest daughter at school and the principal asked me the name of her father because there was a 8 year gap between her and her oldest sister. I told her all 6 kids are my husbands kids.
She laughed and said, "You don't know how unusual that is!
KEG123 07:36 AM 08-18-2011
I guess we're lucky. My dbf and I are not married obviously- but living together and have been for 6 years? and then my two families, one is married the others are also living together.
jen 07:53 AM 08-18-2011
Personally, I think the bigger problem is joint physical custody. I am divorced, my kids live with me, this is their home. They visit Dad and spend time with him, but they have ONE home. They don't switch back and forth; joint custody leaves ALOT to be desired in terms on consistency. I have had daycare kids that switch out on Wednesday and every other weekend and they seem to struggle far more than those who are raised in one home either with both parents, one parent, or a blended family.
I do agree that divorce should be the last possible resort, but a divorce doesn't necessarily mean damaged kids. My oldest is 17, getting ready for college (pre-med!!!) and has never given me the least amount of trouble. My 11 year old struggles academically, but is a great kid and has never had any behavioral issues.
Not cool to make judgements based on a parents marital status or to assume that their child is sad or a problem child.
I do agree that divorce should be the last possible resort, but a divorce doesn't necessarily mean damaged kids. My oldest is 17, getting ready for college (pre-med!!!) and has never given me the least amount of trouble. My 11 year old struggles academically, but is a great kid and has never had any behavioral issues.
Not cool to make judgements based on a parents marital status or to assume that their child is sad or a problem child.
littlemissmuffet 07:54 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by JaydensMommy:
I have to disagree with you.. Coming from a divorced family IT IS SAD. I was devastated when my parents divorced at the age of 10. I NOW know they fought a lot but I DO NOT remember that and was not aware of it as a child. I only remember us being a family. So, I feel that if they would of done what was best for their family then they would of stayed together and made it work. After the divorce my dad remarried and moved too far to ever see. So we really did suffer as kids not being able to have our dad in our lives. Now as a mother to a wonderful little boy, I can tell you that no matter what me and my husband are going to make it work. My husband also comes from a divorced family and he was also really affected by that divorce, in his case it was inevitable because it was more than just arguing. But I do not think that the answer to arguing is getting a divorce. People don't think about Marriage as something that is supposed to be forever, pretty sad.
I'm sorry but if your dad got remarried shortly after and moved too far away to see... then he probably didn't want to be there to begin with. My dad lived 20+ hours away from me when growing up and my mom and dad made it work for us to see him once a year - better than nothing. My mom did a good enough job as both mother and father to me. I have to disagree with you.. Coming from a divorced family IT IS SAD. I was devastated when my parents divorced at the age of 10. I NOW know they fought a lot but I DO NOT remember that and was not aware of it as a child. I only remember us being a family. So, I feel that if they would of done what was best for their family then they would of stayed together and made it work. After the divorce my dad remarried and moved too far to ever see. So we really did suffer as kids not being able to have our dad in our lives. Now as a mother to a wonderful little boy, I can tell you that no matter what me and my husband are going to make it work. My husband also comes from a divorced family and he was also really affected by that divorce, in his case it was inevitable because it was more than just arguing. But I do not think that the answer to arguing is getting a divorce. People don't think about Marriage as something that is supposed to be forever, pretty sad.
You might not have heard or seen the actual arguing, but do you really think moms and dads are at their best if they're miserable in their relationship?
We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.
Blackcat31 08:03 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I'm sorry but if your dad got remarried shortly after and moved too far away to see... then he probably didn't want to be there to begin with. My dad lived 20+ hours away from me when growing up and my mom and dad made it work for us to see him once a year - better than nothing. My mom did a good enough job as both mother and father to me.
You might not have heard or seen the actual arguing, but do you really think moms and dads are at their best if they're miserable in their relationship?
We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.
I don't usually watch Dr. Phil, but years ago he made a comment that stuck with me and I find I use it often. Your statement made me think of it. I'm sorry but if your dad got remarried shortly after and moved too far away to see... then he probably didn't want to be there to begin with. My dad lived 20+ hours away from me when growing up and my mom and dad made it work for us to see him once a year - better than nothing. My mom did a good enough job as both mother and father to me.
You might not have heard or seen the actual arguing, but do you really think moms and dads are at their best if they're miserable in their relationship?
We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.
He said, "Children would rather come from a broken home than have to live in one."
JaydensMommy 08:10 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I'm sorry but if your dad got remarried shortly after and moved too far away to see... then he probably didn't want to be there to begin with. My dad lived 20+ hours away from me when growing up and my mom and dad made it work for us to see him once a year - better than nothing. My mom did a good enough job as both mother and father to me.
You might not have heard or seen the actual arguing, but do you really think moms and dads are at their best if they're miserable in their relationship?
We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.
Well maybe he didn't, but I think the problem now is that everyone thinks if were not happy then lets get a divorce. Or people say " It's the best for this kids", I was one of those kids. I don't think it was the best for us, I think it was the easiest thing for them. And I'm sorry but you see aunts and uncles once a year or maybe grandparents, but for a child to only see their dad once a year doesn't seem right to me. Yes, it's better than nothing. But I think children need a mom and dad in their lives all the time.I'm sorry but if your dad got remarried shortly after and moved too far away to see... then he probably didn't want to be there to begin with. My dad lived 20+ hours away from me when growing up and my mom and dad made it work for us to see him once a year - better than nothing. My mom did a good enough job as both mother and father to me.
You might not have heard or seen the actual arguing, but do you really think moms and dads are at their best if they're miserable in their relationship?
We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.
Meeko 08:56 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
Personally, I think the bigger problem is joint physical custody. I am divorced, my kids live with me, this is their home. They visit Dad and spend time with him, but they have ONE home. They don't switch back and forth; joint custody leaves ALOT to be desired in terms on consistency. I have had daycare kids that switch out on Wednesday and every other weekend and they seem to struggle far more than those who are raised in one home either with both parents, one parent, or a blended family.
I do agree that divorce should be the last possible resort, but a divorce doesn't necessarily mean damaged kids. My oldest is 17, getting ready for college (pre-med!!!) and has never given me the least amount of trouble. My 11 year old struggles academically, but is a great kid and has never had any behavioral issues.
Not cool to make judgements based on a parents marital status or to assume that their child is sad or a problem child.
Jen...I didn't mean it as passing judgement on the kids or their parents. Some of my dck's are better off with the one parent. Some are not. Most seem happy. Personally, I think the bigger problem is joint physical custody. I am divorced, my kids live with me, this is their home. They visit Dad and spend time with him, but they have ONE home. They don't switch back and forth; joint custody leaves ALOT to be desired in terms on consistency. I have had daycare kids that switch out on Wednesday and every other weekend and they seem to struggle far more than those who are raised in one home either with both parents, one parent, or a blended family.
I do agree that divorce should be the last possible resort, but a divorce doesn't necessarily mean damaged kids. My oldest is 17, getting ready for college (pre-med!!!) and has never given me the least amount of trouble. My 11 year old struggles academically, but is a great kid and has never had any behavioral issues.
Not cool to make judgements based on a parents marital status or to assume that their child is sad or a problem child.
It was more of a general observation really. I was sad because society as a whole has reached this point.
I am still in touch with many of my old childhood friends. Every single one of them has elderly parents still together and happy...or even if they have passed on...they were happily married "til death do us part". Most of my family and friends are married...but their children have more divorces in their lives and their grandchildren even more. Each generation gets worse. What's happening?
The only thing I can think of is that it is just too easy to throw in the towel when things get rough. Instead of working at it and growing and learning together...couples just give up or refuse to see that the other spouse may have a point. I've actually heard comments from engaged couples like "Well, if it doesn't work out, then we can just get divorced".. With that kind of an attitude, the relationship is doomed before it starts. I have been happily married for 30 years. Divorce NEVER crossed my mind BEFORE I even got married!!!! I had no doubts. I was in love...100% certain this was for me and it still is. We went into our marriage as "one". We still get "get a room!" comments from our children when they catch us in a smooch.
Don't get me wrong...I know some people work very hard at their marriage and it still doesn't work out. Things happen...people get divorced for some very GOOD reasons. I get that. But I personally think that the general trend is leaning towards "I'll give it a whirl, but if I get bored...or if there's whiff of contention....I'm out"
A constantly fighting couple SHOULD get divorced rather than live in misery. But my question is WHY ARE SOOO MANY COUPLES MISERABLE? We have often made comments on this board about how selfish and self-centered the young day care parents can seem to be. I can only assume that doesn't stop at the door of the day care. It goes into their personal life too and thinking about another person before themselves doesn't register. It's all about ME ME ME.....not US.
I really can't think of a better answer to the whole situation. I dare say some of you will think I am close-minded and old-fashioned. But I can't help feeling sad when I see so many kids growing up knowing their parents hate each other or never even seeing one of them. Splitting up Christmas Day and birthdays etc......while necessary to the situation.....I find sad.
One poster mentioned having teens at her house discussing that "Christmas must suck at your house" (said to the teen with two parents together) because they were from divorced parents and therefore got double the presents. That's HORRIBLE! They really don't know what it's like to have Christmas in a loving home surrounded by their entire family. It's all about how much you GET and playing one parent against the other and the parents trying to outdo each other. So much for Christmas spirit!
Sorry for the long post. Again...I do not mean to offend anyone who is divorced. I am looking at the trend IN GENERAL.
Country Kids 09:10 AM 08-18-2011
Ok, I'll put a new twist on this one! I actually asked my parents to divorce. Well, really my mom and let her know if she didn't that I would leave and live somewhere else. To many details to go into of why but then my parents divorce didn't even officially wrap up for 10 years because of different things. I swear it was the longest divorce in history. I was married and had children before it was officially done!!!!! Also, I didn't see my father for at least 7 years during this time. When he did find me again, we began a relationship that was guarded on my part and it has taken me years to feel like I can be around him and not worry about things.
Of my 9 sets of parents only two are not with the father. I really, really like the stability of the others because I know where they have slept every night, who is dropping/picking up every day and who is paying me. Makes it soooo much easier!
Of my 9 sets of parents only two are not with the father. I really, really like the stability of the others because I know where they have slept every night, who is dropping/picking up every day and who is paying me. Makes it soooo much easier!
Sunshine44 10:40 AM 08-18-2011
I really agree, it is sad. All of my daycare families are still together. I haven't had any that are divorced. Also, almost all of my friends are still married. I do have a few friends who are not with their 'babies daddy', but that is because they got pregnant as a teen and never got married to the guy. And that is not the norm here.
All of my daycare families are still together. I haven't had any that are divorced. Also, almost all of my friends are still married. I do have a few friends who are not with their 'babies daddy', but that is because they got pregnant as a teen and never got married to the guy. And that is not the norm here.
Sunshine44 10:41 AM 08-18-2011
And this dicussion really got me thinking about that. I am glad my kids have both me and my husband. All of their friends come from happy homes, not broken with divorce. I think it sets a good fountain for when they start dating.
jen 01:19 PM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
Jen...I didn't mean it as passing judgement on the kids or their parents. Some of my dck's are better off with the one parent. Some are not. Most seem happy.
It was more of a general observation really. I was sad because society as a whole has reached this point.
I am still in touch with many of my old childhood friends. Every single one of them has elderly parents still together and happy...or even if they have passed on...they were happily married "til death do us part". Most of my family and friends are married...but their children have more divorces in their lives and their grandchildren even more. Each generation gets worse. What's happening?
The only thing I can think of is that it is just too easy to throw in the towel when things get rough. Instead of working at it and growing and learning together...couples just give up or refuse to see that the other spouse may have a point. I've actually heard comments from engaged couples like "Well, if it doesn't work out, then we can just get divorced".. With that kind of an attitude, the relationship is doomed before it starts. I have been happily married for 30 years. Divorce NEVER crossed my mind BEFORE I even got married!!!! I had no doubts. I was in love...100% certain this was for me and it still is. We went into our marriage as "one". We still get "get a room!" comments from our children when they catch us in a smooch.
I would say that one of the reasons the there are more divorces is because there are more women in the workforce. Prior to the late 1960's divorce was really, really uncommon...so was working outside of the home. However, as women gained more financial independence, they became less likely to make due in marriages that weren't working for them...they simply had more options.Jen...I didn't mean it as passing judgement on the kids or their parents. Some of my dck's are better off with the one parent. Some are not. Most seem happy.
It was more of a general observation really. I was sad because society as a whole has reached this point.
I am still in touch with many of my old childhood friends. Every single one of them has elderly parents still together and happy...or even if they have passed on...they were happily married "til death do us part". Most of my family and friends are married...but their children have more divorces in their lives and their grandchildren even more. Each generation gets worse. What's happening?
The only thing I can think of is that it is just too easy to throw in the towel when things get rough. Instead of working at it and growing and learning together...couples just give up or refuse to see that the other spouse may have a point. I've actually heard comments from engaged couples like "Well, if it doesn't work out, then we can just get divorced".. With that kind of an attitude, the relationship is doomed before it starts. I have been happily married for 30 years. Divorce NEVER crossed my mind BEFORE I even got married!!!! I had no doubts. I was in love...100% certain this was for me and it still is. We went into our marriage as "one". We still get "get a room!" comments from our children when they catch us in a smooch.
Also, whatever our thoughts on dual earner families may be, the increased hours away from home and family, in my opinion, are damaging to marital relationships.
**I know some people say they NEED both incomes, some want them, some want big things, doesn't really matter which.**
Then there is the social stigma that was once attached to being divorces, which really doesn't exist anymore.
I'm really glad your marriage worked out for you. I feel the same way about my husband now. I just feel very, very lucky to have found someone who works at it and values it as much as I do. I personally have never met anyone who had the attitude of "of well, we'll just get divorced" or met anyone who took the decision lightly and didn't experience a great deal of pain with that decision.
Meeko 02:01 PM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
I would say that one of the reasons the there are more divorces is because there are more women in the workforce. Prior to the late 1960's divorce was really, really uncommon...so was working outside of the home. However, as women gained more financial independence, they became less likely to make due in marriages that weren't working for them...they simply had more options.
Also, whatever our thoughts on dual earner families may be, the increased hours away from home and family, in my opinion, are damaging to marital relationships.
**I know some people say they NEED both incomes, some want them, some want big things, doesn't really matter which.**
Then there is the social stigma that was once attached to being divorces, which really doesn't exist anymore.
I'm really glad your marriage worked out for you. I feel the same way about my husband now. I just feel very, very lucky to have found someone who works at it and values it as much as I do. I personally have never met anyone who had the attitude of "of well, we'll just get divorced" or met anyone who took the decision lightly and didn't experience a great deal of pain with that decision.
Not with me now...but one DCM was married 2 times in the few years I tended her sons and is currently on number 3.. I have shed more tears and shown more emotion over a broken washing machine than she did on getting divorced.. Every "dad" was a deadbeat. She jumps in and out of marriage like teenagers do with pop star crushes.. each time, she only knew the guy a few week tops before rushing off to Vegas or something. It really is a mockery of marriage.I would say that one of the reasons the there are more divorces is because there are more women in the workforce. Prior to the late 1960's divorce was really, really uncommon...so was working outside of the home. However, as women gained more financial independence, they became less likely to make due in marriages that weren't working for them...they simply had more options.
Also, whatever our thoughts on dual earner families may be, the increased hours away from home and family, in my opinion, are damaging to marital relationships.
**I know some people say they NEED both incomes, some want them, some want big things, doesn't really matter which.**
Then there is the social stigma that was once attached to being divorces, which really doesn't exist anymore.
I'm really glad your marriage worked out for you. I feel the same way about my husband now. I just feel very, very lucky to have found someone who works at it and values it as much as I do. I personally have never met anyone who had the attitude of "of well, we'll just get divorced" or met anyone who took the decision lightly and didn't experience a great deal of pain with that decision.
jen 02:27 PM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
Not with me now...but one DCM was married 2 times in the few years I tended her sons and is currently on number 3.. I have shed more tears and shown more emotion over a broken washing machine than she did on getting divorced.. Every "dad" was a deadbeat. She jumps in and out of marriage like teenagers do with pop star crushes.. each time, she only knew the guy a few week tops before rushing off to Vegas or something. It really is a mockery of marriage.
That is very sad...you have to wonder if she didn't have some serious issues at play in her life.Not with me now...but one DCM was married 2 times in the few years I tended her sons and is currently on number 3.. I have shed more tears and shown more emotion over a broken washing machine than she did on getting divorced.. Every "dad" was a deadbeat. She jumps in and out of marriage like teenagers do with pop star crushes.. each time, she only knew the guy a few week tops before rushing off to Vegas or something. It really is a mockery of marriage.
Michelle 05:48 PM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
Knowing what I know about some of the parents....the kids are better off with the one parent...but it still makes me sad that society as a whole has shifted along this path.
I am 50 years old. Not ancient (well...my kids think so) but when I was kid, I spent my days playing at my home (my parents are still together after 53 years) or at my friends home. Lots and lots of friends. I don't ever recall going to a home where there wasn't two parents. School functions always seemed to have both parents there too. Birthday parties...two parents...etc etc.
I currently have 8 clients with 19 children between them. Only two of those parents are married. That's 4 kids out of 19 that have parents together. Some of the kids have never even KNOWN a father.....just a constant stream of boyfriends and all their siblings have a different last name.......just makes me wonder what the next generation will be like.....
wow! That reminded me of something one of the kids asked my dd.Knowing what I know about some of the parents....the kids are better off with the one parent...but it still makes me sad that society as a whole has shifted along this path.
I am 50 years old. Not ancient (well...my kids think so
) but when I was kid, I spent my days playing at my home (my parents are still together after 53 years) or at my friends home. Lots and lots of friends. I don't ever recall going to a home where there wasn't two parents. School functions always seemed to have both parents there too. Birthday parties...two parents...etc etc. I currently have 8 clients with 19 children between them. Only two of those parents are married. That's 4 kids out of 19 that have parents together. Some of the kids have never even KNOWN a father.....just a constant stream of boyfriends and all their siblings have a different last name.......just makes me wonder what the next generation will be like.....
My 6 year old dcg asked my dd how many dads she has. Like it was a normal question. Also, I just had my new dcb ask me if I was his new mommy.
NiNi.R. 06:05 AM 08-19-2011
Originally Posted by Meyou:
Reading this I just realized that I'm really, really lucky that my girls call both my house and their dad's house home. It actually drives me a little batty because everytime they say "home" we have to ask which one. Their dad and I share them. He moved 4 blocks away and although they sleep here most school nights and there most weekends they have to option to go back and forth daily if they want. We still parent them together and get along well. In fact when he goes away for work we feed his cats for him. Yep, I have keys to my ex's house. lol Everyone thinks our relationship is odd now but my goodness....it's so much better for my kids that we laugh again and don't fight with each other.
Kudos to you! I think parents sometimes forget that even though they are sick of each other they still must parent together. Ultimately, I believe that it's better for children to have happily married parents. But if the "happily" part is impossible the next best thing is to be happily co parenting.Reading this I just realized that I'm really, really lucky that my girls call both my house and their dad's house home. It actually drives me a little batty because everytime they say "home" we have to ask which one. Their dad and I share them. He moved 4 blocks away and although they sleep here most school nights and there most weekends they have to option to go back and forth daily if they want. We still parent them together and get along well. In fact when he goes away for work we feed his cats for him. Yep, I have keys to my ex's house. lol Everyone thinks our relationship is odd now but my goodness....it's so much better for my kids that we laugh again and don't fight with each other.