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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What is Wrong with Kids These Days!!?
Soccermom 08:17 AM 11-05-2014
I have had the worst behaviors so far this year....I had seriously considered not opening this year due to last year being so hard but after a long summer off, I was looking forward to the kids returning in the fall.

BUT, every year gets worse. Every year the behavior is more atrocious, most shocking, more intense.

Years ago when I spoke kids listened. They were afraid of being disciplined by an adult...now they think they are our equals. They laugh when I correct them and think that time out is a hilarious game.

I am at a loss. None of the methods I have always used in the past seem to affect kids anymore.

This morning I forgot to put away the box of cheese nip crackers that DH was eating on the couch last night. DCG asked if she could have some and I told her that she could not since they did not belong to us, they belonged to DH.
She proceeded to tell me how much she really likes them and I told her that maybe if she asked DH, he would let her have a few when he arrives. The box was about half full.

Anyway, I should have picked the box up and put it away but I had a potty run and dealt with that. Then I forgot about it. Throughout the morning I was running around trying to reorganize the toys and deal with a very cranky, miserable 3 year old.

When I finally picked up the box of crackers, there were 2 left!!! DCG had somehow eaten crackers throughout the whole morning without me even noticing!! When I scolded her, she laughed. She thought it was hilarious.

Kids just don't care what adults think anymore.....am I the only one noticing this trend?
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jgcp 08:33 AM 11-05-2014
I notice it too. I often think its just me and I need to change. But even when i try that it dosnt work, and you know why? Because when they go home with their parents everything we have taught them goes right out the window!! Even when we explain how it worked, its to hard for them to have to actually work at it. They would rather give in or ignore it and it drives me nuts. Example: I had a dcg 3yrs, mon tell the school age kids ( i was listening) in a very creepy way, " your mom is gonna die" I asked her not to talk like that, she said ok. When i mentioned it to mom her response was " well were all gonna die hahaha" uggg sometimes i wanna smack parents. And about ten min ago same dcg started talking about The Walking Dead show???? WTH is going on in this home?

Im not perfect, or a perfect parent buuuut, I have enough common sence to know what should and shouldnt be acceptable. Its scary to think what it will be like in another 5-10 yrs
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Soccermom 08:42 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by jgcp:
I notice it too. I often think its just me and I need to change. But even when i try that it dosnt work, and you know why? Because when they go home with their parents everything we have taught them goes right out the window!! Even when we explain how it worked, its to hard for them to have to actually work at it. They would rather give in or ignore it and it drives me nuts. Example: I had a dcg 3yrs, mon tell the school age kids ( i was listening) in a very creepy way, " your mom is gonna die" I asked her not to talk like that, she said ok. When i mentioned it to mom her response was " well were all gonna die hahaha" uggg sometimes i wanna smack parents. And about ten min ago same dcg started talking about The Walking Dead show???? WTH is going on in this home?

Im not perfect, or a perfect parent buuuut, I have enough common sence to know what should and shouldnt be acceptable. Its scary to think what it will be like in another 5-10 yrs
It is terrifying! I think I am going to move into a little cabin in the woods somewhere LOL

I have an 8 YO DCG who watches all those shows too...she watches Big Brother with her parents...like WTH?

My kids are 12, 10 and 5...we watch the family channel and sometimes the food network or TLC together.

I have a DCB who is 7 and swears constantly! I had to give DCM the talk yesterday. Shape up or ship out. She thinks it's funny and says she talked to him and told him that he can't say those things here. So he CAN say them at home?!

I hate to term any kid at this point because I am so afraid of what kind of kid is coming up next on my wait list.
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hope 08:58 AM 11-05-2014
I have a dcg that left at pick up and dcm was nocking on my door 20 minutes later because dcg wanted a hug from me. Really? I expect children to have crazy requests but I do not expect their parents to give in! Saying no to this dcg would have been easier than turning the car around, taking her and her sister out of their car seats and knocking on my door after closing. Not to mention a lot less crazy!
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Soccermom 09:24 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by hope:
I have a dcg that left at pick up and dcm was nocking on my door 20 minutes later because dcg wanted a hug from me. Really? I expect children to have crazy requests but I do not expect their parents to give in! Saying no to this dcg would have been easier than turning the car around, taking her and her sister out of their car seats and knocking on my door after closing. Not to mention a lot less crazy!
I think we have the same DCM! The DCM of the cracker eater would have done the exact same thing!

Why do parents feel the need to indulge their child's every wish and desire...don't they see that these kids are testing them in order to determine how much power they have?
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Rockgirl 09:29 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I think we have the same DCM! The DCM of the cracker eater would have done the exact same thing!

Why do parents feel the need to indulge their child's every wish and desire...don't they see that these kids are testing them in order to determine how much power they have?
Because the child might CRY!
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Soccermom 09:37 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by when is naptime?:
Because the child might CRY!

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hope 09:38 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by when is naptime?:
Because the child might CRY!
They only want to see the child cry when they are leaving to prove to themselves they are loved. Otherwise the child can never ever cry. If the child cries than they may not love the parents as much. Sounds crazy but I believe this is what parents think.
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KiddieCahoots 10:00 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I hate to term any kid at this point because I am so afraid of what kind of kid is coming up next on my wait list.
Exactly what I'm thinking these days....what will I open my doors to next!?

Have a dcm who took her 1yr out for the day for his birthday.
Most of us would think....ohhhh so nice, taking the day off to celebrate with your baby and show how much you care and love him. This unfortunately is not the case! This baby is extremely special (if you know what I mean) came back exhausted, and continued with the regular problems he has with basics, just more intense. Diapering, throwing food, shoveling in the food he likes and gagging, throwing toys, refusing nap, and all accompanied with tantrums galore.
And when I give the report of "very challenging day", dcm clearly gets miffed, and tells me how great grandma swears that dcb can do no wrong.
While I'm thinking, judging by dcb's behavior, more than just great grandma feels and teaches this with dcb.
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melilley 10:14 AM 11-05-2014
My kids are pretty good, but I have one dcm (who is a teacher in a GSRP room by the way) that gives in to her kids all the time. Dcb will come in without a coat or shoes, when it's 30 degrees out, because "he wouldn't put them on". Yesterday dcb's older brother came walking up to the door with no shoes on and mom said he wouldn't put them on so he can suffer. I can kind of see using that as a natural consequence, but when it happens all the time, it's ridiculous! It's bad when other dcp's notice too.
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Bookworm 10:15 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by when is naptime?:
Because the child might CRY!
Or they're afraid their child won't like them.
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cheerfuldom 10:18 AM 11-05-2014
It doesn't seem that abnormal to me to have a child sneaking crackers.....of course it is not okay but I am more than positive that kids in generations past would grab a snack and eat it if it was right there in front of them unattended.
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Soccermom 10:20 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Or they're afraid their child won't like them.


It feels like they want so desperately to be best friends with their kids including their toddlers...I don't get it.

Sure I want my own kids to love me but I also want them to respect me as an adult and as an authority figure.
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Annalee 10:22 AM 11-05-2014
I have good behavior children in my care when it comes to actions, but the part that gets me is the "listening" and then doing what is expected simply because they should.....I have 5 children going to school next year....2 of these 5 DO NOT listen...they both have siblings but it is like they all are "only children".....the parents do whatever it takes (buying things, taking them places, etc) to keep them happy with NO TEARS......if I say yes or no to these kids they attempt the sway me to the answer they won't to hear...they are manipulators and are pros at it at HOME.....we have made progress here! The little girl used to give me mean looks when the yes/no was not in her favor until I consistently would tell her to go look in the mirror because NO ONE here wanted to see a face like that. The little boy always asks me "why" when I say yes/no and I do not answer anymore because when I did answer it give him the idea I would reason with him and he thought he could win that and it would drag on forever
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crazydaycarelady 10:22 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by :
I have a dcg that left at pick up and dcm was nocking on my door 20 minutes later because dcg wanted a hug from me.
I had a dcm come all the way back to my house last week for a toy - it was a McDonalds figure! All because she would rather do that than listen to her kid cry.
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deliberateliterate 10:25 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Or they're afraid their child won't like them.
I think it also has a little to do with the fact that so many parents (myself included) just don't know what they're doing. Until very recently, kids helped raise their younger siblings and multi-generation houses were so common. Experience + lots of support means that parents probably didn't question and second guess themselves. It's more common for me to fall asleep each night wondering what I could have done different/better than for me to be confident
in my mothering abilities and happy with the job that I did that day. All of that to say that if you're not completely confident in what you are doing I think it's very easy to look to your kids to try to gauge how you're doing. Maybe these parents that give in to their kid's every whim think that happy kids = good parents??
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Soccermom 10:27 AM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
It doesn't seem that abnormal to me to have a child sneaking crackers.....of course it is not okay but I am more than positive that kids in generations past would grab a snack and eat it if it was right there in front of them unattended.
I agree with you there Cheerfuldom. It was completely my fault for not putting the crackers away and totally normal for her to grab a snack so I am not upset at all about that (Truth be told, it is almost funny) but it is the way that children react to adults scolding them for disobeying that gets me.

They either don't react at all or laugh it off. I couldn't even get her to apologize for taking something that she was told not to eat since she would just giggle every single time. (She is almost 4) I didn't feel like it was a time out worthy offense (not that time outs seem to even work here anymore) but by the end I was so frustrated with her thinking the entire thing was hilarious despite me pretending to be upset with her for being naughty.
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Unregistered 12:05 PM 11-05-2014
I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.
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Annalee 12:15 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.
I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......
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Butter Biskets 12:17 PM 11-05-2014
Agreed!
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KiddieCahoots 12:22 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.
I'm feeling bold today so....

I agree. Feel it's combined with structure and setting limits, and when you combine structure and limits, like you said, you end up not even having to spank.
Like pp, parents are afraid to do any of this now a days, want to be bff's with their child, or play "good cop/bad cop", and the children are conditioned to know this, use it, and manipulate it.
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cheerfuldom 12:22 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I agree with you there Cheerfuldom. It was completely my fault for not putting the crackers away and totally normal for her to grab a snack so I am not upset at all about that (Truth be told, it is almost funny) but it is the way that children react to adults scolding them for disobeying that gets me.

They either don't react at all or laugh it off. I couldn't even get her to apologize for taking something that she was told not to eat since she would just giggle every single time. (She is almost 4) I didn't feel like it was a time out worthy offense (not that time outs seem to even work here anymore) but by the end I was so frustrated with her thinking the entire thing was hilarious despite me pretending to be upset with her for being naughty.
I don't do timeouts and I don't force apologies either. In this case, I would have just put the crackers away with a quick discussion that Mrs. so-and-so told her she could not have any crackers and that she made a poor decision in sneaking crackers after being told not to. I wouldn't worry about her reaction after that. It still seems within typical behaviors for a 3 year old to be giggling about this versus really understanding why it wasn't okay. I think you are being too hard on her.

I do agree that in general I see some appalling parent reactions toward kids behaving badly but in this specific case, to me, it was not that big of a deal. I know you have been through a lot of drama with the daycare OP (just judging from past posts) so I would imagine that at this point, you are just burnt out with the whole daycare thing so a small issue like cracker stealing is going to seem much bigger.
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Rockgirl 12:23 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Annalee:
I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......
Spot on!!
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SignMeUp 12:33 PM 11-05-2014
Having come from that generation, "logged out", I understand what you are saying, and I'm not going to go into the spanking discussion

But I think it went downhill FROM there, if you know what I mean. Went from 'not spanking' to 'never saying no'.
It's the 'never saying no' and never setting any kind of boundary that is the problem, in my (honestly humble) opinion.

And I do think that the parents who cannot ever allow their child to ever cry for any reason, also comes from progression.
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SignMeUp 12:36 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
I'm feeling bold today so....

I agree. Feel it's combined with structure and setting limits, and when you combine structure and limits, like you said, you end up not even having to spank.
Like pp, parents are afraid to do any of this now a days, want to be bff's with their child, or play "good cop/bad cop", and the children are conditioned to know this, use it, and manipulate it.
And that part is normal, the attempts to manipulate. This is how children learn. They manipulate toys, they manipulate people, they manipulate with emotions.

But it's our job as adults, to set some honest and healthy boundaries and not allow them to become manipulative.
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Jazminsdaycare 12:42 PM 11-05-2014
I won't log out for this because I believe 100 % that kids are out of control nowadays because it is considered " bad" to spank

I am so tired of parents bragging about how they don't believe in corporal punishment ( I hate this term) and they have the most insane kids!

Anyways, I don't believe all kids should be spanked and for every little thing but they have to learn respect and obedience for adults.

I had one of my 3 year old dcg's come up to me yesterday and said " my Mommy hurts me all the time"
I said " how does she hurt you?"
she said " she spanks me on my butt"
I then said " what did you do?"
she then proceeded to list all of her offenses
then I said " and now you are a good girl because you have a good mommy"

she seemed disappointed she didn't get any sympothy from me
oh well!
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Butter Biskets 12:45 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Jazminsdaycare:
I won't log out for this because I believe 100 % that kids are out of control nowadays because it is considered " bad" to spank

I am so tired of parents bragging about how they don't believe in corporal punishment ( I hate this term) and they have the most insane kids!

Anyways, I don't believe all kids should be spanked and for every little thing but they have to learn respect and obedience for adults.

I had one of my 3 year old dcg's come up to me yesterday and said " my Mommy hurts me all the time"
I said " how does she hurt you?"
she said " she spanks me on my butt"
I then said " what did you do?"
she then proceeded to list all of her offenses
then I said " and now you are a good girl because you have a good mommy"

she seemed disappointed she didn't get any sympothy from me
oh well!
Hahaha! I do the same thing! Good for you AND her mommy!
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jgcp 02:51 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.
Well thank you for saying it because i agree! I was spanked and sometimes with a belt! I was a pretty happy kid otherwise and Im not "damaged" In fact, I was always told by my teachers, my first boss, and friends parents how respectful I was, and I will expect the same thing from my children!! Why dont parents now days expect this?? My other dcm is the one that dosnt like listening to her kid cry so she gets EVERYTHING she wants ... not here Ill listen to her cry all the live long day, I dont care I wont give into my kids and I wont give in to DC kids either!
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midaycare 02:58 PM 11-05-2014
I think a large part of the issue is working mom guilt. Feminists will hate me for this, and I should have logged out, but I'm lazy. Moms want to appease their kids because they feel bad for working.

Every dcm I have tells me of the guilt they feel. I felt bad while working. I don't think it's a secret that a lot of women - not all - but a lot feel bad and try to make up for it in other ways.
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Unregistered 03:00 PM 11-05-2014
It's the parents. They don't know how to discipline their children, because they weren't. The generation grew up with daddy/step dad/step dad number 2/and all sorts of broken homes and extended relatives have no clue how to raise a child, because mom and dad were competing over who was the coolest while working 80 hours a week. I know some of you are single moms and divorced, but I refuse to take children from broken homes. I've noticed when dad is in the picture, things don't go down like that. Dad. Not step daddy or husband number 6 or whoever. Children know how to play divorced parents.

I used to make the parents do things. Like pay for what was broken. It doesn't make the children stop. I make the make the cracker eater earn off those crackers. Like make her clean up things or not let her play where she wanted tomorrow.
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Annalee 03:00 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by jgcp:
Well thank you for saying it because i agree! I was spanked and sometimes with a belt! I was a pretty happy kid otherwise and Im not "damaged" In fact, I was always told by my teachers, my first boss, and friends parents how respectful I was, and I will expect the same thing from my children!! Why dont parents now days expect this?? My other dcm is the one that dosnt like listening to her kid cry so she gets EVERYTHING she wants ... not here Ill listen to her cry all the live long day, I dont care I wont give into my kids and I wont give in to DC kids either!
Not only am I NOT damaged from my "whippins", my family is still very close...I have a large extended family ...all 5 generations on my dad's side and the 4 generations on my mom's side.....I think there was a CLOSENESS instilled in us about the importance of family and how respect for others leads to trust in each other....non-conditional love....no matter what you love the person even if you do not condone what they are doing. Not saying these "whippins" will solve ALL family issues but I think accountability/responsibility goes a long way!
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Unregistered 03:01 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I think a large part of the issue is working mom guilt. Feminists will hate me for this, and I should have logged out, but I'm lazy. Moms want to appease their kids because they feel bad for working.

Every dcm I have tells me of the guilt they feel. I felt bad while working. I don't think it's a secret that a lot of women - not all - but a lot feel bad and try to make up for it in other ways.
I agree. It doesn't help when bio mommy and daddy don't get along (divorced). Children know they can play the sides against each other.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 07:23 PM 11-05-2014
This thread is so full of wisdom. Ah, the world hasn't completely lost it.
The bad parenting is 100% going to be the reason I quit sooner rather than later.
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daycarediva 09:17 AM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by when is naptime?:
Because the child might CRY!
The child must NEVER cry. That's why I quit infants. Soooo many rage babies who were just spoiled babies with no self soothing skills. Crying is how babies communicate!


Originally Posted by Annalee:
I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......
THIS. I don't care what method you chose. BE CONSISTENT with rules, routine and expectations. NOTHING works if you only use it SOMETIMES.

Originally Posted by midaycare:
I think a large part of the issue is working mom guilt. Feminists will hate me for this, and I should have logged out, but I'm lazy. Moms want to appease their kids because they feel bad for working.

Every dcm I have tells me of the guilt they feel. I felt bad while working. I don't think it's a secret that a lot of women - not all - but a lot feel bad and try to make up for it in other ways.
I ABSOLUTELY agree with this---- but the Moms that spout the I feel so bad for leaving snowflake---- are out every weekend night, sometimes during the week, too. The ones who are REALLY missing their kids are HOME spending time with them. It may not be QUANTITY time, but they try to make it QUALITY.

Like ECS said, the only reason I'll ever leave the field is if I can't get a good mix of kids due to behavior. I've seen more and more horrendous things, and parents just excusing it, it makes me sad.

I term at will now, I no longer put my all into working to fix a problem unless I KNOW the parent is on board completely and I see results and the results LAST. It RARELY happens. They're just looking for someone to shut up and deal with the kid because they pay you to.

I NEVER EVER thought I would be spit on, slapped, kicked, head butted, laughed at, swore at, told NO, you're not my boss! etc.
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Cat Herder 09:37 AM 11-06-2014
Each time I think I figured out the root of the issue, another twist presents itself.

Today. 8:10 am, 3yo walks in, places hand to forehead and dramatically announces "I don't feel good! I am so drunk!! I could splode and fall down." Last week I was informed that "Daddy is an a$$ at work."....

I shrug it off blaming TV or eavesdropping. It makes me wonder what is next, though . Who knows....

Screen time? Parents "keeping it real"? All the "Potty Mouth" mommy websites? Attachment parenting that forgets to filter adult topics during "attached" time? The concept of "off limits" topics for children is outdated? Who knows...

I just know that it has made it's way into a rural farming community, now.... I can only assume how bad it is in a larger community with more social interaction.

I have been the butt of quite a few jokes lately for being "a 50's wife". I work hard to be the mom I WANT TO BE... while earning a nice living. Does it make them feel better about themselves? IDK
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KiddieCahoots 09:40 AM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Each time I think I figured out the root of the issue, another twist presents itself.

Today. 8:10 am, 3yo walks in, places hand to forehead and dramatically announces "I don't feel good! I am so drunk!! I could splode and fall down." Last week I was informed that "Daddy is an a$$ at work."....

I shrug it off blaming TV or eavesdropping. It makes me wonder what is next, though . Who knows....

Screen time? Parents "keeping it real"? All the "Potty Mouth" mommy websites? Attachment parenting that forgets to filter adult topics during "attached" time? The concept of "off limits" topics for children is outdated? Who knows...

I just know that it has made it's way into a rural farming community, now.... I can only assume how bad it is in a larger community with more social interaction. :eek:
Don't even get me going.................
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Annalee 09:48 AM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Each time I think I figured out the root of the issue, another twist presents itself.

Today. 8:10 am, 3yo walks in, places hand to forehead and dramatically announces "I don't feel good! I am so drunk!! I could splode and fall down." Last week I was informed that "Daddy is an a$$ at work."....

I shrug it off blaming TV or eavesdropping. It makes me wonder what is next, though . Who knows....

Screen time? Parents "keeping it real"? All the "Potty Mouth" mommy websites? Attachment parenting that forgets to filter adult topics during "attached" time? The concept of "off limits" topics for children is outdated? Who knows...

I just know that it has made it's way into a rural farming community, now.... I can only assume how bad it is in a larger community with more social interaction.

I have been the butt of quite a few jokes lately for being "a 50's wife". I work hard to be the mom I WANT TO BE... while earning a nice living. Does it make them feel better about themselves? IDK
Every thing a child/adult does/acts now has a name.....ODD, ADD, ADHD, OCD. While I do realize these are legit terms and "some" children/adults suffer from these issues, I DO NOT believe in sugar-coating by labeling a child a certain set of these initials. It seems, no one is guilty of anything anymore....there is always a reason for why a person did what they did even if it is MURDER....These diagnosis should never have become a license for anyone to be hurtful/disrespectful to others, but society has allowed this to happen in such a subtle way that "BAM" it is here and our nation is faced with a huge dilemma.....just my opinions....
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Blackcat31 10:14 AM 11-06-2014
I think it has to do with parents being friends with their children.

Never has their been a generation that was afraid their child would not like them.

I think more parents need to lead instead of follow. More parents need to follow THROUGH and have clear consistent boundaries that are enforced.

Whether a parent chooses to use spanking or speaking as a form of discipline and guidance is up to each parent as no method works better than another.....the key to proper guidance/discipline is unique to each child as each child is unique.

Spanking or not spanking is not the issue. It's the follow through that comes with ANY method a parent chooses to use.

When we lead, role model and demonstrate the behaviors, character and actions we want our children to have, they WILL follow.

If we fail to lead, the children run amok.
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hope 10:47 AM 11-06-2014
I don't believe it's mommy guilt. I have yet to see one true case of mommy guilt although many dcms have claimed they have it. My own sister believes she is a better mom for sending her children to daycare bc she doesn't think she has the patience to be with her children all day long???? I think many parents really don't like being parents. They only like the status. So they make it easy on themselves and become a helicopter parent so that the child can't get into anything that would involve effort. Some parents chose to give in to every whim of a child so they won't fuss. I don't really think they care if their child likes them. I think they just don't want to make waves because that would require work and effort.
I think all the problems with children lately are due to selfish parents. The world revolves around the parents and the child is intruding in on the parents selfish needs.
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JoseyJo 11:30 AM 11-06-2014
My parents were not spankers and I also turned out okay

I agree that CONSISTENCY is the key, and confidence too. Parents are too wishy washy, always afraid that someone (kid, grandparent, cashier at the store) wont like how they discipline. I love Love and Logic parenting. No spanking involved, but also firm boundaries and consequences for all ages.
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midaycare 12:06 PM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by hope:
I don't believe it's mommy guilt. I have yet to see one true case of mommy guilt although many dcms have claimed they have it. My own sister believes she is a better mom for sending her children to daycare bc she doesn't think she has the patience to be with her children all day long???? I think many parents really don't like being parents. They only like the status. So they make it easy on themselves and become a helicopter parent so that the child can't get into anything that would involve effort. Some parents chose to give in to every whim of a child so they won't fuss. I don't really think they care if their child likes them. I think they just don't want to make waves because that would require work and effort.
I think all the problems with children lately are due to selfish parents. The world revolves around the parents and the child is intruding in on the parents selfish needs.
I had serious mommy guilt. To the point of anxiety attacks. And I wasn't a
mom who was gone on the weekends. I felt guilty about grocery shopping without DS on the weekends after working all week.

There are a lot of problems with parents nowadays!
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spinnymarie 12:42 PM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I had serious mommy guilt. To the point of anxiety attacks. And I wasn't a
mom who was gone on the weekends. I felt guilty about grocery shopping without DS on the weekends after working all week.

There are a lot of problems with parents nowadays!
I'm with you. I've still got my mommy-guilt, only now it's for doing work at home instead of for being away at work. And I still drag everyone to the grocery store.
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hope 01:54 PM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I had serious mommy guilt. To the point of anxiety attacks. And I wasn't a
mom who was gone on the weekends. I felt guilty about grocery shopping without DS on the weekends after working all week.

There are a lot of problems with parents nowadays!
I'm sure there are mom's out there that do have mommy guilt and it is genuine and they probably have well balanced kids. I apologize for not clarifying. I was referring to parents of children that seem to have behavior issues. When children don't respect adults and constantly misbehave I feel it is due to lack of parenting which is due to selfish parents.
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midaycare 02:04 PM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by hope:
I'm sure there are mom's out there that do have mommy guilt and it is genuine and they probably have well balanced kids. I apologize for not clarifying. I was referring to parents of children that seem to have behavior issues. When children don't respect adults and constantly misbehave I feel it is due to lack of parenting which is due to selfish parents.
I will own up to this, although I'm quite ashamed. When I was working outside of the home, I was constantly trying to buy ds's love. I spoiled him rotten with things, thinking it would make up for the daycare dump each day.

He didn't hear "no" much, either. Finally I realized my mistake when he was 2.5 and I quickly corrected it.
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Josiegirl 04:25 PM 11-06-2014
I think parents need to stop negotiating with their kids, stop bribing them to do the things they should be doing anyways, and stop praising them for every single little thing under the sun. When did it become wrong to say "Because I say so and I'm the parent"???

If you try to explain to a 3 yo, the whys of doing something, make it brief and firm. Don't allow them time to manipulate you because they become masters of manipulation very quickly.

It's so sad really. Adults, authority figures, teachers, never got sassed the way do now by kids. They didn't get told NO emphatically, or hit, ignored, disrespected, called names. There was only that occasional challenging kid in class that would be sent to the principal's office or got to stay after class. Now kids are the rulers and I think they're crying out for someone to take the lead back, to show them the way lovingly but firmly.

So much has been taken away from teachers, parents, etc., as ways to discipline that the roles have been completely reversed. Bus drivers used to kick kids off the bus for being mean. Kids would get lower grades if homework wasn't turned in. They wouldn't be able to go on field trips if disciplinary action needed to be taken. Parents would be called into school and the child would become very afraid because they knew they were going to get in trouble twice.

Sometimes I feel there is so much wrong with 'kids these days' but then I see other kids, very sweet, kind-hearted appreciative respectful loving kids. I have some in my daycare, former dcks...I still remember a dcb who's now 13 yo. The last summer I had him, every day when he left he'd say thank you. I'm not giving up yet.

As I was writing all this down, the one simple thing that every single parent could do to help change their behavior is to take the time to be, really BE with their child. Take the time to show them how loved they are just by focusing that time on their child. No phone, no texting, no ipads, no computers, and good grief no tv. Snuggle in bed and read books together. Throw a ball and talk about school. Laugh with them. Let them know you want to be with them. Don't shove them off onto everybody else. Like all those dcps we hear about who would do just about anything to leave their kid/s with us as long as they possibly could and not take them anywhere or spend free time with them. Kids are not stupid. They figure it out.
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cheerfuldom 05:40 PM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
I think parents need to stop negotiating with their kids, stop bribing them to do the things they should be doing anyways, and stop praising them for every single little thing under the sun. When did it become wrong to say "Because I say so and I'm the parent"???

If you try to explain to a 3 yo, the whys of doing something, make it brief and firm. Don't allow them time to manipulate you because they become masters of manipulation very quickly.

It's so sad really. Adults, authority figures, teachers, never got sassed the way do now by kids. They didn't get told NO emphatically, or hit, ignored, disrespected, called names. There was only that occasional challenging kid in class that would be sent to the principal's office or got to stay after class. Now kids are the rulers and I think they're crying out for someone to take the lead back, to show them the way lovingly but firmly.

So much has been taken away from teachers, parents, etc., as ways to discipline that the roles have been completely reversed. Bus drivers used to kick kids off the bus for being mean. Kids would get lower grades if homework wasn't turned in. They wouldn't be able to go on field trips if disciplinary action needed to be taken. Parents would be called into school and the child would become very afraid because they knew they were going to get in trouble twice.

Sometimes I feel there is so much wrong with 'kids these days' but then I see other kids, very sweet, kind-hearted appreciative respectful loving kids. I have some in my daycare, former dcks...I still remember a dcb who's now 13 yo. The last summer I had him, every day when he left he'd say thank you. I'm not giving up yet.

As I was writing all this down, the one simple thing that every single parent could do to help change their behavior is to take the time to be, really BE with their child. Take the time to show them how loved they are just by focusing that time on their child. No phone, no texting, no ipads, no computers, and good grief no tv. Snuggle in bed and read books together. Throw a ball and talk about school. Laugh with them. Let them know you want to be with them. Don't shove them off onto everybody else. Like all those dcps we hear about who would do just about anything to leave their kid/s with us as long as they possibly could and not take them anywhere or spend free time with them. Kids are not stupid. They figure it out.
thank you for posting. I feel the same way. Yes many kids and parents are crazy! but there are so many kids that are wonderful! smart and kind and creative. These are kids from a variety of situations so I dont think there is just one way to parent. Saying "kids should be spanked" is grossly oversimplifying how and why the world and parenting and kids have changed. I refuse to be one of those people that just give up on kids of the next generation. They deserve better than that! I also think there are way too many old and cranky people that like to complain about "kids these days" as if they were never a pain to anyone when they were little.

I was wild and unsupervised when I was little. Climbing onto the roof and running thru the neighborhood. But now I am all grown and thanks to a number of caregivers that made up for the lack of parenting I received, I am a law abiding citizen with a job, never been arrested or in trouble, I am a college graduate and a mother and a wife. People didn't give up on me. I am not going to give up on my kids or their friends or my own community. Sure I roll my eyes about stuff here and there and remain baffled about parents and kids sometimes but I would just encourage us all to remain hopeful. Dont let this industry suck all the hope from you! lol
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KiddieCahoots 09:46 AM 11-07-2014
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
I think parents need to stop negotiating with their kids, stop bribing them to do the things they should be doing anyways, and stop praising them for every single little thing under the sun. When did it become wrong to say "Because I say so and I'm the parent"???

If you try to explain to a 3 yo, the whys of doing something, make it brief and firm. Don't allow them time to manipulate you because they become masters of manipulation very quickly.

It's so sad really. Adults, authority figures, teachers, never got sassed the way do now by kids. They didn't get told NO emphatically, or hit, ignored, disrespected, called names. There was only that occasional challenging kid in class that would be sent to the principal's office or got to stay after class. Now kids are the rulers and I think they're crying out for someone to take the lead back, to show them the way lovingly but firmly.

So much has been taken away from teachers, parents, etc., as ways to discipline that the roles have been completely reversed. Bus drivers used to kick kids off the bus for being mean. Kids would get lower grades if homework wasn't turned in. They wouldn't be able to go on field trips if disciplinary action needed to be taken. Parents would be called into school and the child would become very afraid because they knew they were going to get in trouble twice.
Sometimes I feel there is so much wrong with 'kids these days' but then I see other kids, very sweet, kind-hearted appreciative respectful loving kids. I have some in my daycare, former dcks...I still remember a dcb who's now 13 yo. The last summer I had him, every day when he left he'd say thank you. I'm not giving up yet.

As I was writing all this down, the one simple thing that every single parent could do to help change their behavior is to take the time to be, really BE with their child. Take the time to show them how loved they are just by focusing that time on their child. No phone, no texting, no ipads, no computers, and good grief no tv. Snuggle in bed and read books together. Throw a ball and talk about school. Laugh with them. Let them know you want to be with them. Don't shove them off onto everybody else. Like all those dcps we hear about who would do just about anything to leave their kid/s with us as long as they possibly could and not take them anywhere or spend free time with them. Kids are not stupid. They figure it out.
.......agree, and great post!

With the bolded part.....I feel the same and believe this applies to older children, but not so much with the younger children, or babies.
Feel people don't know how to draw the line between needs and wants with infants, along with everything else that has been previously mentioned, and this is where it starts going into a downward spiral from there.
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Bookworm 08:19 AM 11-09-2014
This comment is from my DH: He believes that Parents have willing given away their power to avoid being seen/thought of as being abusive. Children have picked up on this and use it to their advantage. He believes that when children were told to call the authorities (Police, Child Sevices, Teachers, etc), the persons telling them this failed to take into account the "Logic of Children". Children who were rarely spanked of fussed at took that as a sign of abuse and the minute they didn't get their way, the were on the phone. I've witnessed this many times in my family. For some children, the entire process of the investigation was very traumatizing and they quickly learned the repercussions of lying. For other children, the extra attention that their lie gave them was the payoff. They saw how afraid their parents were of being called an "Abuser" and they used it to their advantage. Add to the list that Parents were and still are being told that any negativity in their child's life could be detrimental to their development. They are to negotiate with their child and validate every feeling, good and bad, in order to keep the child happy.

While this maybe an oversimplification, please understand that he is NOT saying that children having the power to report their abusers is a bad thing. He believes that this is one of the best things to happen for children. He means that like any idea, rule, or law, someone will find a way to exploit it.
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Unregistered 07:52 PM 11-09-2014
The problem is the world is different than it used to be. Both in "good" ways and in very bad ways. I'll give you an example. If a child who I know is a liar. Let's not sugar coat it. Some children are liars. Tells me her mom went home and threatened to feed her to their dog, I have to protective services. Even if I know, they don't have any pets. I once a child lie and tell me she was attacked by a cat with rabies. Her sister owned the cat. I knew this was a lie, but I called the authorities. I spoke with someone from licensing. I was basically told, even though it was a lie, if that child told someone else and it was found I knew I could lose my license. I can understand how mandated reporting is mostly good, it's really ridiculously.

About the bad way. Years ago, if a child was being a smart ass you could make them sit outside until they learned a lesson. Have them walk home. Hell, we were poor. I used to take the regular bus with my family places. If someone stank or acted like a nut, they were kicked off. I recently took the bus to somewhere that had limited parking. You would think it was a mental asylum on wheels. No one was being thrown off. There also a lot of molesters out there. They have rights. Do you know how bad a molester had to be before the general public finds out? I've been given paper work by police officers and told "Well he's a tier 1, so we HAVE to give it to you. You're not allowed to tell the parents his name or description". WHAT?! I remember being a child, and a molester moved into my town. He messed around with a child and was beaten within an inch of his life. He moved out. Now a days, if you do that, you'll end up in jail with the molesters and murders. I know people will get mad, but CRAZY people have too many rights now a days. Years ago, they would be medicated or "dealt" with. Now, there are a lot of unwell people roaming around. Unless they're PROVEN to have commit a crime, they can decline medical attention.
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Thriftylady 09:26 AM 11-11-2014
I wouldn't call child services if I KNOW a child is lying. I also think a big part of the problem is the parents, doesn't even have to do with spanking but parents need do discipline if they spank whatever as long is it isn't abusive, if grounding works that's great also. But I think part of the problem is that parents are now programmed to give into kids. Parents are afraid to discipline because someone will call child services. We are taught to "always give choices", the list goes on and on. I think things like giving choices is fine sometimes, but I am not about to always give a choice.
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daycare 12:38 PM 11-11-2014
I have not read everything but the title of this post just made me giggle a little.

whats wrong with parents these days is that they have Parents that don't PARENT..............
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Bookworm 01:05 PM 11-11-2014
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I wouldn't call child services if I KNOW a child is lying. I also think a big part of the problem is the parents, doesn't even have to do with spanking but parents need do discipline if they spank whatever as long is it isn't abusive, if grounding works that's great also. But I think part of the problem is that parents are now programmed to give into kids. Parents are afraid to discipline because someone will call child services. We are taught to "always give choices", the list goes on and on. I think things like giving choices is fine sometimes, but I am not about to always give a choice.


Bingo
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daycare 01:24 PM 11-11-2014
what I can see is that parents don't know the difference between discipline, consequences and punishment.



discipline- teaching/ learning, discipline is not what you do to a child, it's what you do with a child.

punishment--stop a child from doing what you don't want - and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him, like spanking, verbal punishment, withholding rewards, and etc.

consequence-is a result of an action, hopefully people use natural and logical ones.

I just see that parents don't know how to set boundaries and it starts from birth. we set limits as soon as they are born and as they grow the limits and boundaries change. I see that it is easier for parents to do nothing because they are TOO tired or on their FB Page that they just keep doing nothing.

I have a family that did some dumb stuff in front of my house after daycare that other families saw and I told this parent either you attend a parenting class and start showing immediate signs of parenting or find new childcare.

they took the parenting class, got it signed off and seem to be doing ok right now. BUT I really think that parents just don't really understand the difference of the above and so they think that they are left with no form of parenting for their child. I hear it all the time, well I can't spank them like my mom did to me, so what else is there to do..........and the response is NOTHING...........
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SignMeUp 03:09 PM 11-11-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
what I can see is that parents don't know the difference between discipline, consequences and punishment.



discipline- teaching/ learning, discipline is not what you do to a child, it's what you do with a child.

punishment--stop a child from doing what you don't want - and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him, like spanking, verbal punishment, withholding rewards, and etc.

consequence-is a result of an action, hopefully people use natural and logical ones.

I just see that parents don't know how to set boundaries and it starts from birth. we set limits as soon as they are born and as they grow the limits and boundaries change. I see that it is easier for parents to do nothing because they are TOO tired or on their FB Page that they just keep doing nothing.

I have a family that did some dumb stuff in front of my house after daycare that other families saw and I told this parent either you attend a parenting class and start showing immediate signs of parenting or find new childcare.

they took the parenting class, got it signed off and seem to be doing ok right now. BUT I really think that parents just don't really understand the difference of the above and so they think that they are left with no form of parenting for their child. I hear it all the time, well I can't spank them like my mom did to me, so what else is there to do..........and the response is NOTHING...........
Much of what you've said rings true to me. To me, this goes along with that: One of the difficulties that I think parents often have today is that they want to treat their baby like a baby: that works Then they want to treat their toddler like a baby: that begins to not work Then they want to treat their child like a baby or toddler: that can go seriously wrong. It's all fixable, but the longer they wait, the longer it takes to move in the right direction.
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daycare 03:16 PM 11-11-2014
Originally Posted by SignMeUp:
Much of what you've said rings true to me. To me, this goes along with that: One of the difficulties that I think parents often have today is that they want to treat their baby like a baby: that works Then they want to treat their toddler like a baby: that begins to not work Then they want to treat their child like a baby or toddler: that can go seriously wrong. It's all fixable, but the longer they wait, the longer it takes to move in the right direction.
so true I see it everyday. today I had a dad carry in his 5, yes 5 year old 70lb son into the daycare, take his shoes and jacket off for him and talk to him like hes two. Then the family wonders why he still behaves like a two year old................

reminds me of that video of the nail in the head from you tube...

OMG dont make me state the obvious......
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Starburst 11:11 PM 11-11-2014
Originally Posted by Annalee:
I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......


I don't believe fear and respect are the same thing. After a while fear leads to distance and resentment. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't discipline (which comes from the word disciple which means 'to teach'), but that doesn't have to equal physical punishment (or it's polar opposite- coddling/smothering). And from what I have observed from my own family it just makes everyone more hostile and less respectful of everyone (this is not arguable, I am just using what I know from MY expedience/ observation/ perception).

My mom and I have always had a strained relationship. She snaps a lot when I ask her questions, but gets mad at me when I do the same (it's a habit I obviously picked up from her, I'm still working on it but I mostly only do that when I'm around her). And she was always inconsistent with discipline, which always made me resent her more.

She was a single mom and I know she was always stressed, but many times I had to step up and basically had to be the adult at home for my brother when she was at work. Sometimes I had to tell her when he wasn't listening or doing something she told him not to do and she would always let him get away with it because she was too tired to deal with it. Long story short- he has gotten in trouble with the law many times, and is just barely now getting is life together- we all just moved to a new state and he's starting a new job and I'm still looking for one {might take another year or so before I get to open my daycare}. I also noticed that she's very lenient with my cousin's son (5 y/o) and lets him get away with everything when she watched him. I still cringe when ever she calls him "the baby".

On top of that my mom always says stuff like: "If I talked to my mom like that she would have beat the $#!+ out of me". Newsflash: saying things like that doesn't make your children like, love, or respect you more; it just makes them like/love/respect their grandparents less. Though to be fair, I was never close to grandmother- or almost anyone in my family for that matter. There are times where I think I might have an attachment disorder.

And yes she did spank us a few times when we were younger and even as an adult there are times when she threatens to hit me (usually because I'm challenging her reasoning for a bad decision she's made) and she even slapped me in the face once this year.

Before she let me stay home alone, she would always try to take me to my aunt's house and I always hated it there. My uncle (aunt's husband) wasn't necessarily an alcoholic, but he did drink beer regularly and got mad over the littlest things (i.e. it was the end of the world if you left a toy on the floor- but 20 years later we were cleaning up their hoarder house that he couldn't careless about). I hated him for years because his first reaction would be to spank us. One time a cat peed on my homework (it wasn't a hard assignment- just writing vocabulary words down 10 times) and he throw it from the living room through the kitchen and into the family room's sliding glass door- I cried even more by seeing him doing that then when he spanked us (as mentioned in a heated post debate a few months ago: I love animals, especially cats). I learned to let go of most of the anger, but mostly only because the years of drinking damaged his health and I feel sorry for him.

2 out of 3 of my cousin's also barely tolerate my aunt (their mother) because of her inconsistency; her other one is a mama's boy who is older than me and just barely got his first job ever last month because they moved and he wanted to stay- he is slighly delayed but she coddled him way too hard. I notice that's a pattern in our family (the mom's coddle the boys, but are tougher on the girls).

So that might of turned a little bit into a rant and there is a whole bunch more to these that I'm not even sure I can share for legal reasons. Overall, I know I have an attitude problem but I think the problem steams from family with lost of stress and anger issues, who don't know how to manage their anger, and didn't come up with a consistent chain of consequence which just wound up making all of us kids more angry and confused. Thus continuing the cycle of another angry generation.
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sariejohnston 06:39 AM 11-12-2014
I totally agree I work for a Christian day care, you would think these children would come from homes that teaches them good manners and morals! No I have 19 four year olds. Me and my co-teacher are at a loss of what to do, they are out of control. We always are telling them to stop hitting, kicking, fighting, yelling, jumping of everything. And they want to act out scary movie chachters like Freddie kruger and Michael Myers. I have one girl who throws a fit for me daily, when my co teacher leaves automaditcly this lil girl always has something wrong with her such has a tummy ache, leg pain, etc she is fine all day long until she is left with me. She refuses to listen to me and throws fits all day long especially if I am not giving her all my attention. I have tried everything giving her a special job, talking to her mom, using praises and consaqunces this little girl stresses me out! Every year it gets worse, part of me feels like it's time for me to leave the child care filed but I love working with kids but the behavior problems is to much!!
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Ariana 10:07 AM 11-12-2014
I find this whole thread appalling. They are KIDS. Not mini adults. I think y'all need to relax a bit and remember when you were kids. Not to mention how young some of these kids are. They don't have impulse control. Sure you can beat them into submission with spanking and shaming but the world doesn't need more angry people. Seriously this thread makes me sad for every single child that's in your care. Kids need more love, compassion and empathy. That's what's missing.
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craftymissbeth 10:26 AM 11-12-2014
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I find this whole thread appalling. They are KIDS. Not mini adults. I think y'all need to relax a bit and remember when you were kids. Not to mention how young some of these kids are. They don't have impulse control. Sure you can beat them into submission with spanking and shaming but the world doesn't need more angry people. Seriously this thread makes me sad for every single child that's in your care. Kids need more love, compassion and empathy. That's what's missing.
You're right, the kids aren't at fault. The parents are. The thread title is "What is Wrong with Kids These Days!!?" and the consensus of the posts in this thread is that the parents are what's wrong with them.

Although, I do agree that the OP's cracker situation was a bit harsh. I'm positive that every one of my dck's would have done the exact same thing and they're not bad kids.
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Soccermom 10:46 AM 11-12-2014
There was nothing Harsh about the cracker situation. She was told several times not to eat them and was spoken to when she did not listen. There was no punishment or time out. I have mentioned before that it is not about the crackers...I could care less about the crackers and likely would have given all the kids some with snack since she told me she really likes them. But I did not get that chance because she ate them all, after being told several times not to. This is a very bright and intelligent little girl who runs her parents like a well oiled machine. She gets everything she wants. She spits at me when her mother arrives or will find the nearest kid and attempt to rip their hair out just to test DCM who in turn, does absolutely nothing.

The cracker thing was just an example. The issue is the fact that children have no respect for authority anymore. Everything is a big joke for them, including any type of pathetic attempt to discipline them in a manner that is accepted and encouraged by the parenting books.

Ariane - Of course kids will be kids! Of course they act up. They push. They hit. They scream. They cry. They throw things. They refuse to do things. They don't listen at times. They are little kids and our job is to guide them and teach them how to behave nicely.

I have a degree in family education and took several child psychology classes not to mention that I have been doing this for over 10 years so I am well aware of what is normal behavior for a child.

I remember being a kid quite clearly and can tell you that when I was a kid, I would never have dreamed of acting or speaking to adults the way some of these kids do now.

I love all my daycare kids very dearly and your comment that you feel sorry for the children in my care is extremely hurtful. I go out of my way to please them and care for them like they are my own. They are all VERY happy here and don't want to leave when their parents arrive.

Because I love them, I also expect them to respect me and my rules. I am an adult and they are children. I am not their best friend, nor do I wish to be. I am their caregiver.

It is clear from all the posts here that I am not the only one who feels this way. A lot of parents need to stop working on being friends with their children by giving in to them all the time and start teaching them to respect the reality that society has certain rules that need to be followed.

They are creating a world full of spoiled rotten brats who will be completely lost when the real world comes calling.
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Hunni Bee 11:20 AM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.
I agree, and you said it very well.
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renlenfel 12:12 PM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by SignMeUp:
Having cinform me from that generation, "logged out", I understand what you are saying, and I'm not going to go into the spanking discussion

But I think it went downhill FROM there, if you know what I mean. Went frombelievepanking' to 'never saying no'.
It's the 'never saying no' and never setting any kind of boundary that is the problem, in my (honestly humble) opinion.

And I do think that the parents who cannot ever allow their child to ever cry for any reason, also comes from progression.
I have had two sets of parents inform me this year that they do not want their child to be told no. It has been a challenge for me to constantly find ways to avoid those "no-no" situations with toddlers. I'm constantly moving furniture around. I do believe the atmosphere should be as positive as possible but i think its healthy for little ones to know there are boundries and learn to respect them.
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SignMeUp 12:23 PM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by renlenfel:
Originally Posted by SignMeUp View Post
Having cinform me from that generation, "logged out", I understand what you are saying, and I'm not going to go into the spanking discussion

But I think it went downhill FROM there, if you know what I mean. Went frombelievepanking' to 'never saying no'.
It's the 'never saying no' and never setting any kind of boundary that is the problem, in my (honestly humble) opinion.

And I do think that the parents who cannot ever allow their child to ever cry for any reason, also comes from progression. I have had two sets of parents inform me this year that they do not want their child to be told no. It has been a challenge for me to constantly find ways to avoid those "no-no" situations with toddlers. I'm constantly moving furniture around. I do believe the atmosphere should be as positive as possible but i think its healthy for little ones to know there are boundries and learn to respect them.
What happened to what I said Because I don't type like that
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Bookworm 01:27 PM 11-13-2014
I was talking about this three to another coworker this morning and she said something that I never thought about. She used to teach Elem. school (1st and 2nd grade) and she noticed their of the parents were older. She said around mid 30's-mid 40's. She noticed that most of the behavior problems were the children of these older parents. The term she uses was "Grandparent Parenting". She described it as people who waited late in life to have children, for whatever reason, and parent them by being over-indulgent and permissive because this is their super extra-special miracle baby. They spoil and cater to every whim to make their baby happy and expect you to do the same. No discipline is allowed in the classroom. She said meetings with these parents were the most frustrating for her because she couldn't get them to understand that Timmy can't read/write because he can't do what he wants to do first. And because he can't do what he wants, he won't do anything. Of course this is all her fault for not letting him do whatever he wants.

I found this interesting and thought I'd share her thoughts, with her permission.
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Josiegirl 03:23 AM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I find this whole thread appalling. They are KIDS. Not mini adults. I think y'all need to relax a bit and remember when you were kids. Not to mention how young some of these kids are. They don't have impulse control. Sure you can beat them into submission with spanking and shaming but the world doesn't need more angry people. Seriously this thread makes me sad for every single child that's in your care. Kids need more love, compassion and empathy. That's what's missing.
Wow, now *that's* harsh. Providers come to this forum and speak from frustration within the job they do, thanklessly, day after day, trying to meet the challenges of each and every child in just the right way. We are underpaid, overworked, unappreciated, spend so much of our off-time living and breathing childcare. Most times we have no other place to go and vent, beg for advice, commiserate. It's an exhausting and draining job in which we re-invest a lot of our income, lose personal family time, tolerate dcps who don't respect what we do, all while trying to guide their challenging children towards growing into a loving, kind and respectable child, sometimes with no help from the parent. Many times we come here and say things or 'let it all out' so the teapot doesn't overflow.
Why do so many of us stick it out? Because we actually care about the children and what we're doing, we want to see better for these kids than spitting on people, hitting their peers, using terrible language, etc.
We are not an abusive bunch. Being honest here, I form a bond with 95% of the kids here but having been in this biz 30+ years there were a few during that time that I couldn't wait for them to leave due to their behavior. I've termed twice for a child's bad behavior. BUT if I didn't have a forum such as this to VENT on, I A) would've pulled all my hair out B) quit years ago C) been a terrible provider. Please let people come here to share their feelings and do NOT judge them.
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sariejohnston 04:50 AM 11-14-2014
You are right they are kids, they don't have i plus control but at the same time when parents allow their child to misbehave without consequences they will treat other adults the same way! I love all students that walk in my classroom, but when other students are in danger because another child is acting in a dangerous manner, or they are purposely disobeying then there needs to be consequences taking place. Not just in the classroom, but I do expect parents to reinforce consequences at home for their behaviour at school, when parents do not the child will believe its okay to behave in such a manner. On aside note I am a firm believer in spanking I can tell a huge difference in children who are spanked and those who are not, if I were a parent you better believe I would spank my child if he or she treated his/her teacher like that! I am offended by you saying you feel sorry for our children in our classroom. no one said they didn't love their students and want to provided the best care possible, they simply said parents need to be consistent in punishment rather it be spanking or whatever. -Sariejohnston
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Cat Herder 08:30 AM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
Wow, now *that's* harsh. Providers come to this forum and speak from frustration within the job they do, thanklessly, day after day, trying to meet the challenges of each and every child in just the right way. We are underpaid, overworked, unappreciated, spend so much of our off-time living and breathing childcare. Most times we have no other place to go and vent, beg for advice, commiserate. It's an exhausting and draining job in which we re-invest a lot of our income, lose personal family time, tolerate dcps who don't respect what we do, all while trying to guide their challenging children towards growing into a loving, kind and respectable child, sometimes with no help from the parent. Many times we come here and say things or 'let it all out' so the teapot doesn't overflow.
Why do so many of us stick it out? Because we actually care about the children and what we're doing, we want to see better for these kids than spitting on people, hitting their peers, using terrible language, etc.
We are not an abusive bunch. Being honest here, I form a bond with 95% of the kids here but having been in this biz 30+ years there were a few during that time that I couldn't wait for them to leave due to their behavior. I've termed twice for a child's bad behavior. BUT if I didn't have a forum such as this to VENT on, I A) would've pulled all my hair out B) quit years ago C) been a terrible provider. Please let people come here to share their feelings and do NOT judge them.

No worries. Just put her on your ignore list...

You know who she is, now...
Attached: let-me-introduce-you-to-the-internet-meme.jpg (57.0 KB) 
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Josiegirl 10:40 AM 11-14-2014
Haha Catherder, I can't put anyone on ignore. I'm afraid I might miss something.
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Blackcat31 11:05 AM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
Haha Catherder, I can't put anyone on ignore. I'm afraid I might miss something.
LOL!
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AngelsMommy 12:46 PM 11-14-2014
I think parents these days raise their kids to be happy, not respectful. They want to be liked by their children and don't discipline the way we were disciplined. They give in to the children because its easier and don't realize they are creating a disaster, especially for care providers!!
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SignMeUp 02:09 PM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by AngelsMommy:
I think parents these days raise their kids to be happy, not respectful. They want to be liked by their children and don't discipline the way we were disciplined. They give in to the children because its easier and don't realize they are creating a disaster, especially for care providers!!
Especially for their children, IMO. The world is tough enough once you are an adult, without having never been told "no" before
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AngelsMommy 02:33 PM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by SignMeUp:
Especially for their children, IMO. The world is tough enough once you are an adult, without having never been told "no" before
Amen!!
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Unregistered 06:02 PM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I have had the worst behaviors so far this year....I had seriously considered not opening this year due to last year being so hard but after a long summer off, I was looking forward to the kids returning in the fall.

BUT, every year gets worse. Every year the behavior is more atrocious, most shocking, more intense.

Years ago when I spoke kids listened. They were afraid of being disciplined by an adult...now they think they are our equals. They laugh when I correct them and think that time out is a hilarious game.

I am at a loss. None of the methods I have always used in the past seem to affect kids anymore.

This morning I forgot to put away the box of cheese nip crackers that DH was eating on the couch last night. DCG asked if she could have some and I told her that she could not since they did not belong to us, they belonged to DH.
She proceeded to tell me how much she really likes them and I told her that maybe if she asked DH, he would let her have a few when he arrives. The box was about half full.

Anyway, I should have picked the box up and put it away but I had a potty run and dealt with that. Then I forgot about it. Throughout the morning I was running around trying to reorganize the toys and deal with a very cranky, miserable 3 year old.

When I finally picked up the box of crackers, there were 2 left!!! DCG had somehow eaten crackers throughout the whole morning without me even noticing!! When I scolded her, she laughed. She thought it was hilarious.

Kids just don't care what adults think anymore.....am I the only one noticing this trend?
Well, at least it was only crackers.

You're right though, kids don't care what adults think. It isn't a new phenomenon. I have an adult child -- kids in his daycare would have reacted the same way, and then informed you that you CAN'T spank because the police would give you trouble.
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nannyde 09:48 PM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by renlenfel:
I have had two sets of parents inform me this year that they do not want their child to be told no. It has been a challenge for me to constantly find ways to avoid those "no-no" situations with toddlers. I'm constantly moving furniture around. I do believe the atmosphere should be as positive as possible but i think its healthy for little ones to know there are boundries and learn to respect them.
When a parent requests you to not say "no" say "no" to them.

They may leave but they will get the message that in real life a human is going to be told "no". They will walk out alive and well and figure out what to do after the "no" but they WILL have received a "no".
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