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Angelwings36 02:21 PM 09-20-2011
Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?


I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.
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blessedmess8 03:05 PM 09-20-2011
(That was actually my quote.) So, I agree. Whew! Bout to open a can of worms here!! I didn't mean a woman SHOULDN'T work. I guess my point is this: Like it or not, politically correct or not, we women are, the majority of the time, the nurturers. So, if we are trying to make a living plus be the glue for our family, it is just HARD! Now that my oldest two are school age and in sports, it is even harder to juggle it all. It is a lot of pressure. But, we can't survive on my husband's income, alone. My hubby is a lot of help, but I still feel like SO much rests on my shoulders and like there just is never enough of me!
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Angelwings36 03:10 PM 09-20-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
(That was actually my quote.) So, I agree. Whew! Bout to open a can of worms here!! I didn't mean a woman SHOULDN'T work. I guess my point is this: Like it or not, politically correct or not, we women are, the majority of the time, the nurturers. So, if we are trying to make a living plus be the glue for our family, it is just HARD! Now that my oldest two are school age and in sports, it is even harder to juggle it all. It is a lot of pressure. But, we can't survive on my husband's income, alone. My hubby is a lot of help, but I still feel like SO much rests on my shoulders and like there just is never enough of me!
Oh geeze I'm so sorry I edited! lol
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MyAngels 03:15 PM 09-20-2011
I think in an ideal world, women could do what they want to do, rather than what they have to do in order to survive.

Some women really want to work and have a career. I respect that, and I think that it can work. I have had daycare moms over the years that have proved it.

Some women really would rather be stay at home moms and wives. I respect that, too, and wish it were a feasible alternative for every woman who really wants to do it.

I was caught in the middle - I wanted to be the stay at home mom, but could not afford to do it in those early years.

I tried to be available to my kids as much as possible through the years, and owning my home daycare allowed that. I needed to be super organized to do it, but I managed it.

It's a tough world out there for families right now, and I sympathize with every mother or father who are not able to make the "right" choice for themselves and their families.
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daycare 03:16 PM 09-20-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
(That was actually my quote.) So, I agree. Whew! Bout to open a can of worms here!! I didn't mean a woman SHOULDN'T work. I guess my point is this: Like it or not, politically correct or not, we women are, the majority of the time, the nurturers. So, if we are trying to make a living plus be the glue for our family, it is just HARD! Now that my oldest two are school age and in sports, it is even harder to juggle it all. It is a lot of pressure. But, we can't survive on my husband's income, alone. My hubby is a lot of help, but I still feel like SO much rests on my shoulders and like there just is never enough of me!
I cried this weekend for this very reason.
I feel there's not enough of me.
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blessedmess8 03:25 PM 09-20-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
I cried this weekend for this very reason.
I feel there's not enough of me.
Been there! And time goes by so fast. so far the home daycare has been the "best" solution in most ways. And, that feeling is the reason I don't mind going the extra mile for my families here and there.
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boysx5 03:28 PM 09-20-2011
I know I don't spend enough time with my kids and when I can its either I'm driving them somewhere. I feel like no matter what job you have there is never enough hours in the day to be the perfect parent
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DaycareMama 03:38 PM 09-20-2011
I stress about this every day! Daycare is HARD WORK! Even my youngest one who is in my daycare does not get enough "face time" from me. I actually think that she ends up with the least attention. What kills me the most is that NO ONE realizes that but me. The parents and even my husband don't see it as it really is..... Just like the original post.

I have not read the Face time original thread yet.... but i am heading to that one now!

Would it be wrong to show the parents something like the this original post so they could understand that just because your doing "home" daycare doesn't mean that you are "home" for your children ?
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sharlan 03:40 PM 09-20-2011
Ladies, face it, we don't live in an ideal world, but we do live in the real world. As wives, mothers, we do what we have to do in order to take care of our families.

I would love to go back and do some things differently with my daughters, 32 & 34, but I can't. I have to do the best that I can do today, let whatever go overnight, and start anew tomorrow and do the best I can do.
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DBug 03:41 PM 09-20-2011
I'll be completely honest here and just say it: I think "face" time is overrated. There, I said it .

The way I see it, having daycare kids around is just like having extra children of my own. My boys can't have "face" time when I'm giving my daughter a bath. They need to learn to wait (or I multi-task ). It's the same with the daycare kids around. I can't really initiate conversation with my own 3 after school because I have to watch the dc kids outside while pick-up is going on. But today my son came out and sat on the step beside me and told me all about his day while I kept an eye on the kids. Our kids and husbands have to learn at some point that they can't have us all to themselves ALL the time. They have to share with each other .

But here's the thing: as dc providers, we're present all the time in case something really important does come up.

Taking your son to run errands is part of life, and he's living it with you. No, you're not maintaining constant eye contact and hanging on every word you say, but you're still living life together. You're probably talking most of the time you're out, and if he really has something he needs or wants to tell you, you're there to hear it.

What I would be more worried about is the parent that runs all of their errands alone, picks up their child, plunks him in front of a tv with food, then tucks him into bed with very little to no actual interaction . THAT's the mom that should feel guilty.
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Cat Herder 03:56 PM 09-20-2011
IDK, My family gets up at 5 has breakfast together stress free, get's ready for the day, then one of us drives them to school by 7:50 (unless they choose to catch the bus at 7 to chat with/tutor a friend).

Then the kids have from 4-6 for homework and chores while I finish getting the littles out the door. 6pm is family dinner followed by homework checks, making lunches together and cleaning up the kitchen together.

Occasionally there are concerts, recitals, etc.... I can attend them all . Sometimes we go for walks, leaf looking, yard ball etc. until showers and bedtime at 9pm. (right now they are gluing family tree collages for school in the playroom)

I homeschooled them until junior high very easily and they transitioned into advanced placement classes seamlessly. I honestly have not missed anything. THEY wanted to go to school so they could do clubs and social events. It is not mandatory so they LOVE it.

Home daycare has been the absolute BEST fit for us. Every job has it's benefits and disadvantages. It is about making the best of it.
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mom2many 04:01 PM 09-20-2011
My children are 25, 22 and 20 and I started doing daycare when my oldest was just 6 wks old. I remember all too well the struggles of juggling a family and a daycare career.

I would have loved to have the luxury at times to concentrate 100% on my own kids, but I feel my job truly benefited them in many respects. They had to learn responsibility and independence (I couldn't do everything for them and I know I would have tried!) There were crazy mornings getting them dressed and fed, while welcoming families in the morning and then making sure they got off to school on time! They learned quickly to get ready and cooperate!

The afternoons were also busy making sure homework was completed and providing snacks, while caring for others too. All 3 of kids were involved in sports or dance, so they knew they needed to get their homework done in order to go to these activities. Consequences played a part in making sure they got it done.

My saving grace during this time was that I was only licensed for 6 and I had to include my 3 in this number until they turned 10, so I wasn't caring for a bunch of other kids too...usually only 2 or 3 others.

This income helped supplement our family when my husband was out of work and in between jobs and made a huge difference. It was a sacrifice at times, but overall it was a blessing and my kids learned a great deal from the experience.

The dcks were always considered part of our extended family and my kids formed wonderful friendships with many of them, that they still have today.

I think it would be AWESOME for all kids to be home with a parent, but for those that cannot do this, I try to my best to offer the kind of daycare, that I would have wanted my own children to have.
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Kaddidle Care 04:04 PM 09-20-2011
This is why I work at a Center and only when my son is at School. Several days a week I get out early and can get whatever shopping done before he gets home.

I don't make much money - it's our fun money - our pizza money. But every little bit helps.

Prior to my children reaching SA I did do some Childcare. I never sought it, I was approached by a neighbor who's child was in another home childcare situation and the Caregiver's child was a wild one and their child was getting rather beat up over it.

I've never watched more than 2 children in my home besides my own children. The FT child had Teacher Parents and the other was only a couple of hours before Kindergarten.

You have to do what works for you and sometimes it takes a bit to find the right match.

If I started a Home Daycare in order to stay home with my child and realized that because of it I had no time with my child, I'd be pretty upset too.
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cheerfuldom 05:04 PM 09-20-2011
This is just reality for most people. There is no realistic ideal that can be reached. you just get as close to it as possible and pray for everything to turn out. there are plenty of times that i doubt my current choices (including home daycare) but it is what it is. I hope I am making the right choices and that my kids turn out okay. there would be just as many dilemmas if i worked outside the home or even if i was a SAHM.
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jessrlee 07:51 PM 09-20-2011
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?


I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.
I disagree...

I read an awful lot here that is CHOICE. You can choose to budget your time however you like. If you really are shopping every night, you might want to make a list and run errands on the weekend. If you are eating on the run every night, you may want to cook at home and save money, have good quality family time, and plenty of face time around the table. Daycare paperwork and prep work could be juggled to naptime, free play, or early morning. Does your son join you in gym time? If not could he have quality time with Dad when you go? Could you do family walks, bike rides, sports instead?

I feel like the "well life would be perfect if I could be a stay at home mom" deal is annoying. You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

I have made every effort and sacrifice to make sure my daughters have as much mom time as they want. That mom time is usually a group thing. My daughters have been taught the patience they need to be able to wait, AND my littles know they might need to be patient too.

Here is my daily schedule, maybe it will help you?

5am- wake shower dress
530am- first dk kid arrives and lies down ( I make my breakie, check and return email, do FB, do MB, play farmville, start and fold a couple of loads of laundry, Put dinner in the crock pot on tues and thurs etc.)
7am I wake DD DH and the 6 dck sleeping, DD gets ready for school, makes her lunch, and has everything ready for me to check. ( I am feeding everyone breakie, and doing hair, greeting the rest of the arrivals)
7:45am DD and school agers to school
8:20am Pre-k kids to school
11:30 I start lunch during free play, get anything chopped for dinner that I need, take out meat to thaw on mon and wed
12:30 NAPTIME Finish and laundry that needs doing, chill out, paperwork, tidy up the daycare for the night
2:30-3 wake up, diapers, get shoes on and go outside, my assistant arrives
3:15 school agers home DD sits beside me and we go through her backpack together, I sign her planner, we go over homework and her day while everyone else plays. DD has snack with us and then does her homework at the outdoor table.
4-5:30 kids are picked up. DD plays with the school ages, finishes her homework, or goes inside to watch tv and chill
5:30 I finish supper, DD sets table and gets drinks, we sit down with the remaining 4 dck
6:30 DD does the dishes, we chat while I put away leftovers and then she does her 30-60 min daily reading. (Tues she has violin so this is the time she does homework)
8pm DCK in jammies and sleeping, DD is usually watching tv or playing
8:30pm DD in bed, Hubs and I watch a movie together or he plays on the computer while I read, scrapbook, or putter around the house.
11:30pm dck's are picked up. We head to bed.

Saturdays we do errands as a family with lunch after (If we have plans DH does errands THurs or Fri evening sometimes with DD) Sunday is church and then we go on social visits. We do see friends or the grandparents and have lunch. Sunday evening is figure out your own dinner night, and entertain youself night. Sometimes we go bowling or to the movies.

I think our kids get way more than enough parent time, and remember if you are busy or need a break DH is just as much a parent as you are. He can supervise homework or showers while you chill, or do the errands while you finish cleaning and supper. My relationship with Dh is great when I lean on him a little and ask him to join in. Friday night is Dh cooking night. Sometimes we get takeout, sometimes frozen pizza, sometimes he really goes all out and makes amazing meals. It doesn't matter. It is the best night of the week for me, he has to do all of the planning and figuring it out. (At first supper was late because he would forget so we would have to order pizza. I had a great attitude about it, and now he really tries to do awesome on his night )
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justgettingstarted 08:09 PM 09-20-2011
You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

I find this EXTREMELY annoying. Why does everyone think that if you are working outside the home you wear expensive clothes and drink lattes? I don't have/do any of the things you listed, I sacrifice a lot and there is still absolutely no way possible for us to live on just my husbands salary. He is college educated and has a good job but its just not enough. I hate this assumption and this lecture (which I have heard MANY times).
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jessrlee 08:52 PM 09-20-2011
Originally Posted by thinkinboutstarting:
You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

I find this EXTREMELY annoying. Why does everyone think that if you are working outside the home you wear expensive clothes and drink lattes? I don't have/do any of the things you listed, I sacrifice a lot and there is still absolutely no way possible for us to live on just my husbands salary. He is college educated and has a good job but its just not enough. I hate this assumption and this lecture (which I have heard MANY times).
I agree, it was heavy handed of me. My point is that the things we want most in life are the things we work the hardest and sacrifice the most for. I do however belive that if what you want most is to be a SAHM there is a way. In many cases it could take a lot more sacrificing than someone would want. My grandmother raised 4 kids in a two bedroom house with no dishwasher or microwave and they had to eat from a large garden and eat fish grandpa caught. It is possible, it just might be bare bones. I don't know what you wear/ drink/ do. I do belive with every fiber of my being that we have a lot more "necessities" than previous generations. I'm sorry that I offended you.
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Kaddidle Care 05:11 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by thinkinboutstarting:
I find this EXTREMELY annoying. Why does everyone think that if you are working outside the home you wear expensive clothes and drink lattes? I don't have/do any of the things you listed, I sacrifice a lot and there is still absolutely no way possible for us to live on just my husbands salary. He is college educated and has a good job but its just not enough. I hate this assumption and this lecture (which I have heard MANY times).
I wear bleached stained clothes and oooh! My Boss treated me to a cuppa Dunkin Donuts Coffee yesterday! I think it was my 2nd one this YEAR. Latte? Every day? Mmm I don't think so.

I stayed home when my kids were little and it COST me about $10,000.00 per year to do it. (I'm still paying for it but I think it was worth it.)

My Mother stayed home and never worked. Nor did she drive so we were a 1 car household which in itself saves oodles of money. It WAS a very different time then and cost of living was much lower. We also didn't have as much STUFF as we do nowadays.

If you can stay home and watch a few children while you're at it. Great!

5:30 AM to 11:30 PM? No way! Not here! You're not getting enough sleep dear and it's going to burn you out. I wouldn't work those hours for triple digits.
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iheartkids 06:14 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by DaycareMama:
I stress about this every day! Daycare is HARD WORK! Even my youngest one who is in my daycare does not get enough "face time" from me. I actually think that she ends up with the least attention. What kills me the most is that NO ONE realizes that but me. The parents and even my husband don't see it as it really is..... Just like the original post.

I have not read the Face time original thread yet.... but i am heading to that one now!

Would it be wrong to show the parents something like the this original post so they could understand that just because your doing "home" daycare doesn't mean that you are "home" for your children ?
I almost wrote a post about his exact same thing! I am trying so HARD to give my DS that extra added attention because I feel like I messed up with my DD. But is it wrong to give your child extra attention in front of the other kids? When my DD was young I worked in a center where I went above and beyond making sure she was treated equally and not favoratized. Not so much for the kids but so I wouldn't hear the whispers from the other staff like they often did with the "teacher's kids". Now I regret that! I regret not showing my EXTRA love to her during work hours and I feel she was penalized for this. So I want to be different with my young DS as I do home daycare. I will still show the other kids love and affection, but I promised I will give him just a tad extra!

And I agree with the OP, my kids don't get my undivided attention at night. But when I do have time to give where is my DD? Usually outside playing with the neighbor kids and she gets angry every time I pull her away to have family time. And when I do cook dinner it is like pulling teeth to get them to sit at the table. When they do it is like shoveling the food in their mouths so they can jump up and go back to what they were doing leaving me usually finishing by myself and cleaning up.
And now with technology the way it is everyone is fighting over the computer. Me=facebook, DH=car forums, DD=games/music. About the only time the laptop is not open is when we are all sitting watching the same show on tv. So I guess that is modern family time?

There are not enough hours in the day to get the housework done I would LIKE to get done, be able to having "teaching time" with my kids, run errands and have fun family time (plus baths and bedtime routines) before 8:00 at night. I don't care what kind of job you have.
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MommyMuffin 06:15 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
Been there! And time goes by so fast. so far the home daycare has been the "best" solution in most ways. And, that feeling is the reason I don't mind going the extra mile for my families here and there.
I completely agree. I have this picture in my mind of how I wanted my life to be spent. I wanted to raise my own children, spend quality time with them. Go to bible studies during the week, attend open gym and teach her to kick a ball, visit museums, paint, spend lazy days, but most of that cannot happen unless it is crammed into the weekend.

But daycare is the next best thing to what I wanted. I suppose it is God's will that I do this because I have been praying to be a SAHM since i found out I was pregnant the first time.

I dont mean to talk bad about SAHMs who dont do daycare but I really dont understand what they have to complain about.
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melskids 06:33 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?


I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.
i'm not into the whole work or no work debate. but i can tell you what works for me.....

personally, i dont like to call it "face time" but rather, being IN THE MOMENT.

whether we work, or stay home, there are always things we have to do, no matter how hectic or not our schedules are. its called life.

i sacrifice some sleep and get up at 5 every morning.

i make sure i'm ready and the DC is ready before my kids get up (i usually prep dinner now as well)

quite honestly....any early drop offs free play before my kids go to school. yes i "watch" them, and make sure they are safe, but my mornings are spent getting my kiddos ready for school. sure, i'm nagging my younger one to brush his teeth and get his bookbag, but i am just being with him in the moment. be glad its still YOU telling him to get ready, and not a provider somewhere else.

i spend the day with my DC kids, offer a full day of activities and curriculum, and manage to multi-task most chores so they are done when the last kid leaves for the night.

when my kids first come home, again, i'm here for them. they could be getting off the bus at another daycare, or worse, coming home to an empty house. sure, they have to share me with other kids, but i make it a point to talk to them, to really listen, and to be in the moment with them. 5 minutes of undivided attention is better then a whole day of only half heartedly paying attention. I schedule free play during this time as well. the DC kids will survive without me entertaining them every moment of the day.

when the last DC kiddo goes home, we do homework and eat a home cooked meal. i feel this IS face time with my kids. homework and eating is a part of life, and we do it together. we are in the moment together as a family. some of my best memories as a child are helping my mom get dinner ready. no one ever said "face time" meant playing what your kids want to play with every moment you are with them.

we dont do alot of extra curricular activities during the week. each of my boys in only in one activitiy at a time. talking to my boys while driving to these activities IS FACE TIME. there are no cell phones or ipods for distractions. we are in the moment.we have lovely conversations in the car, they tell me about their day, things they want to do, exciting news that has happened, etc.


i get up at 5 on saturdays too. sure i'd like to sleep in, but cleaning and errands are done before my kids even wake up. in the event that i do have to drag my kids on errands, again, we spend time TOGETHER doing them. i see nothing wrong with taking your child to the grocery store and spending FACE TIME with them while youre there. teach them to find the best deals and nicest produce. teach them about money and how to budget. talk about recipes you want to cook together while you shop.


i know moms who work full time and manage to spend alot of "face time" with their kids.

i also know alot of SAHM's who always seem to be "too busy" to pay attention to their kids and miss alot of opportunities to be in the moment with them.

my mom was a SAHM with me, and 10 years later when my sister came along, she was a full time working mom. neither my sister or i are better off from one another. same mom, always in the moment, with different ways of getting in her "face time" with each of us.
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blessedmess8 06:45 AM 09-21-2011
I don't think the OP's point was to say that being an in home child care provider is bad. I think the point she was making is that even though she is at home, she is still working! And illustrating the point that it is hard to be a working mom and feel like you are giving everything you should to your own kids. I feel like home daycare is a huge blessing! I have relished getting to be at home with my youngest from birth, being here when my older kids get off the bus, not having to find Summer/holiday care for them. We are making sacrifices for me to do this. I have a college degree and could probably make more $ elsewhere, but this is the best thing for our family, aside from me staying at home and us living in a van down by the river! I love what I do, actually, but there is always a give and take! I do feel like I miss more with my SA kids. I TRY to get all the chores done during the day so I have nights/weekends for MY family. Sometimes I hit the mark, sometimes I don't. We all do what we can do and make the best of our situations. I think her point was to say: Man. Being a working mom isn't ideal, is it??
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MyAngels 06:59 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by melskids:
i'm not into the whole work or no work debate. but i can tell you what works for me.....

personally, i dont like to call it "face time" but rather, being IN THE MOMENT.

whether we work, or stay home, there are always things we have to do, no matter how hectic or not our schedules are. its called life.

i sacrifice some sleep and get up at 5 every morning.

i make sure i'm ready and the DC is ready before my kids get up (i usually prep dinner now as well)

quite honestly....any early drop offs free play before my kids go to school. yes i "watch" them, and make sure they are safe, but my mornings are spent getting my kiddos ready for school. sure, i'm nagging my younger one to brush his teeth and get his bookbag, but i am just being with him in the moment. be glad its still YOU telling him to get ready, and not a provider somewhere else.

i spend the day with my DC kids, offer a full day of activities and curriculum, and manage to multi-task most chores so they are done when the last kid leaves for the night.

when my kids first come home, again, i'm here for them. they could be getting off the bus at another daycare, or worse, coming home to an empty house. sure, they have to share me with other kids, but i make it a point to talk to them, to really listen, and to be in the moment with them. 5 minutes of undivided attention is better then a whole day of only half heartedly paying attention. I schedule free play during this time as well. the DC kids will survive without me entertaining them every moment of the day.

when the last DC kiddo goes home, we do homework and eat a home cooked meal. i feel this IS face time with my kids. homework and eating is a part of life, and we do it together. we are in the moment together as a family. some of my best memories as a child are helping my mom get dinner ready. no one ever said "face time" meant playing what your kids want to play with every moment you are with them.

we dont do alot of extra curricular activities during the week. each of my boys in only in one activitiy at a time. talking to my boys while driving to these activities IS FACE TIME. there are no cell phones or ipods for distractions. we are in the moment.we have lovely conversations in the car, they tell me about their day, things they want to do, exciting news that has happened, etc.


i get up at 5 on saturdays too. sure i'd like to sleep in, but cleaning and errands are done before my kids even wake up. in the event that i do have to drag my kids on errands, again, we spend time TOGETHER doing them. i see nothing wrong with taking your child to the grocery store and spending FACE TIME with them while youre there. teach them to find the best deals and nicest produce. teach them about money and how to budget. talk about recipes you want to cook together while you shop.


i know moms who work full time and manage to spend alot of "face time" with their kids.

i also know alot of SAHM's who always seem to be "too busy" to pay attention to their kids and miss alot of opportunities to be in the moment with them.

my mom was a SAHM with me, and 10 years later when my sister came along, she was a full time working mom. neither my sister or i are better off from one another. same mom, always in the moment, with different ways of getting in her "face time" with each of us.
I'm pressing the Like button, very well said!
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Angelwings36 08:11 AM 09-21-2011
I had to and am going to break this one apart. I commented in bold.
I read an awful lot here that is CHOICE. You can choose to budget your time however you like. If you really are shopping every night, you might want to make a list and run errands on the weekend.

If this were at all possible I absolutely would. However, in my world right now it’s just not a possibility. We are currently in the processes of renovating our whole basement due to the fact that it took on water this spring. This means at least 2-3 times a week we have to run to home depot to pick up something needed for the basement. It really doesn’t matter how much I try to grab on the weekend when we go there is always something more that is needed that we didn’t think of. Right now this is reality for me! I also have to run to the grocery store at least once a week, again, regardless of how organized I am we do run out of things sometimes faster than expected, milk especially. Daycare supplies are bought as needed (ex. If my printer runs out of ink and I need to print something by tomorrow we will be going for ink tonight. A playpen gets a hole, we grab one tonight). We only have one vehicle and I don’t drive so my husband and I run our errands together.

If you are eating on the run every night, you may want to cook at home and save money, have good quality family time, and plenty of face time around the table.

We eat on the run so we can eat at a decent time every night and so that we can get our ‘to do list’ done at a good time and still have some resting time left over. We have face time around whichever table we are at that evening; it doesn’t matter if we are at our own table or someone else’s table we still get to discuss our days and enjoy each other’s company.

Daycare paperwork and prep work could be juggled to naptime, free play, or early morning.

I run a full daycare (8 children/day), but currently have 13 contracts on file as I take in fulltime, part time and casual clients. Last week the daycare was exposed to the Coxsackie virus, which meant I had to write out notification letters, call/text/email clients and then do follow up calls with two clients that took their little ones to the doctor. I also updated my illness policy, which needs to be printed and handed to families to sign and then re-filed this week. I honestly could not cram something like that into my naptime and being that my naptime is my only break I do not think that it’s fair to my over all health to be working 10 plus hours straight with no down time. Although, I sometimes try to do half hour or so of paperwork during naptime, I do not always get it done and in my personal experience if I push myself to do it all and have no break I feel burnt out the whole rest of the day. I also need to be alert during free playtime, not concentrating heavily on paperwork. I also would not get up earlier than I had to, to do paper work as that would mean I would have to go to bed earlier and would miss even more awake time with my family.

Does your son join you in gym time? If not could he have quality time with Dad when you go? Could you do family walks, bike rides, sports instead?

My husband and I have a 12-month membership at the gym. We are each other’s work out partners. My son goes to the in gym childcare centre while we are doing our work out, normally lasting an hour or so at a time. Although I am not having quality face time with my son at this time I think we are teaching him a very good ‘health’ lesson that he will remember for life and hopeful learn from when he is older. Where we live we have winter for 8 months out of year so taking family walks, bike rides and doing sports would not be a year round option for us.

I feel like the "well life would be perfect if I could be a stay at home mom" deal is annoying. You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

In all honesty I find your comment ignorant and annoying as well. No, life would not be perfect as a SAHM but I would have far less to take care of in one day. I would only have to focus on my family and my house, instead of my family, my house, 13 other families and a daycare business.

On another note, my husband is a mechanical engineer technician and we could not survive as a family unit on his income alone. Our mortgage is a whopping $310,000.00 and guess what, that’s cheap for the area of the world that I am in. That also means that half of my husbands wage would go just towards the mortgage. Then there’s energy, power, water, phone, cable, Internet, truck insurance, life insurance, groceries, school supplies, clothes, housing necessities and so on and so forth. The only way that we could afford to live on my husband’s income alone is if we lived in the ghetto and honestly who would ever choose that life?


I have made every effort and sacrifice to make sure my daughters have as much mom time as they want. That mom time is usually a group thing. My daughters have been taught the patience they need to be able to wait, AND my littles know they might need to be patient too.

Here is my daily schedule, maybe it will help you?

5am- wake shower dress
530am- first dk kid arrives and lies down ( I make my breakie, check and return email, do FB, do MB, play farmville, start and fold a couple of loads of laundry, Put dinner in the crock pot on tues and thurs etc.)

I spend an extra 1.5 hours every morning sleeping, my body needs the sleep. I wake up at 6:30am. You also open your doors 2 hours earlier than I do.

7am I wake DD DH and the 6 dck sleeping, DD gets ready for school, makes her lunch, and has everything ready for me to check. ( I am feeding everyone breakie, and doing hair, greeting the rest of the arrivals)
7:45am DD and school agers to school
8:20am Pre-k kids to school
11:30 I start lunch during free play, get anything chopped for dinner that I need, take out meat to thaw on mon and wed
12:30 NAPTIME Finish and laundry that needs doing, chill out, paperwork, tidy up the daycare for the night
2:30-3 wake up, diapers, get shoes on and go outside, my assistant arrives

You have an assistant in to help you.

3:15 school agers home DD sits beside me and we go through her backpack together, I sign her planner, we go over homework and her day while everyone else plays. DD has snack with us and then does her homework at the outdoor table.
4-5:30 kids are picked up. DD plays with the school ages, finishes her homework, or goes inside to watch tv and chill

My daycare kids are all gone by 5:15pm, you literally have no choice but to be at home as you still have 4 daycare kids left in the evening.

5:30 I finish supper, DD sets table and gets drinks, we sit down with the remaining 4 dck

If you are eating on the run every night, you may want to cook at home and save money, have good quality family time, and plenty of face time around the table. Eating supper with 4 other daycare kids and my family does not seem like good quality family time, infact my husband and son would get VERY sick of this VERY fast!

6:30 DD does the dishes, we chat while I put away leftovers and then she does her 30-60 min daily reading. (Tues she has violin so this is the time she does homework)
8pm DCK in jammies and sleeping, DD is usually watching tv or playing
8:30pm DD in bed, Hubs and I watch a movie together or he plays on the computer while I read, scrapbook, or putter around the house.

I am in bed by 9:00pm on most nights that’s 2.5 hours before you are crawling into bed. I am a much more pleasant person to be around when I get a good nights sleep.

11:30pm dck's are picked up. We head to bed.

You run an 18-hour daycare day! I run a 9 hour, 45 minute daycare day. Your children literally spend all their ‘awake’ time during the week sharing you with the daycare children, my child gets almost 4 hours every evening a week where he is the ONLY child I have to attend to. In one week my child gets 20 more hours than your children do where he doesn’t have to share me with the daycare business. Although I spend part of this time on the run with my husband and my son I am still 100% available to my family and my family alone.

The day that I win the lottery I will become a SAHM and then I will be able to focus 100% of my energy on my family, my home and I will even have some time left over for myself. You cannot retire on debt and I highly doubt very many moms would choose to raise a family in the ghetto just so they could be a SAHM.

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Blackcat31 08:50 AM 09-21-2011
I just have to comment that you asked for this thread to be a debate and now it seems as though you are angry that a poster who responded isn't agreeing with you.

I really don't want to get into this debate but I can say that I disagree with a couple of your comments and am kind of offended by one of your comments.

I also live where it is winter 2/3 of the year. We are outside anyways as a family. We snowmobile, ice skate, walk, snow shoe, go sledding, go for walks, etc. I have never belonged to a gym in my life. I have also done my workouts at home too, so I disagree that the gym time is a necessity. It is a choice. Yours to make and that is a-okay but it is a choice.

I also run a full time daycare. I have 12 full time kids and do ALL my paperwork during the 10 hours I am open. I am also a full time college student.

I make ONE run to the stores (grocery and big box) each week. I make a list and preplan. If my playpen gets a hole, it is temporarily repaired until I make my one run to the store. If I think I may ever run out of ink, I stock up in case I run out before that one run to the store. I buy more of things (just in case) so that extra trips are not necessary.

I am not currently doing a renovation, but I just completed building an entire home. My DH and I and our two children built our home from the ground up by ourselves. (We poured the concrete on October 1st and moved in on Easter Sunday.) We hired no contractors and did all the work ourselves in the evenings (very late sometimes) and on the weekends. (even during that crazy time, we still only went to the store once per week.)

We lived in a mobile home for 15 years while raising our children and saving every penny we could so that when we built our house we could do it on our own. I do NOT have a mortgage at all. We borrowed against our land and took out a home equity loan to build our home. It will be paid for in full in 10 years. It has been tax assessed at more than $300,000 and yet our payments are an amount that would make most of you gasp! (FTR, they are less than $500 per month). It is NOT located in the ghetto or in a seedy part of the community. I hated living in a mobile home and wished I had a bigger nicer home but it wasn't necessary to raise my kids or to make them feel that I loved them any less or more than I do now. It simply was what it was; a way to save money so we weren't in debt up to our eyeballs later. It was a choice.

You mentioned cable and internet in your list of bills. I have them too, but those are choices not necessities. We have no credit cards and do not buy anything without cash. We sacrificed so we did not have debt.

My husband and I are both self employed and by no means are we rich or even living comfortable at times. FWIW, my husband never even graduated high school so...

I get what you are trying to say but you have to be prepared for comments from people who disagree 100% with you when you start a debate about what is right or wrong about being (or not being) a SAHM. With that said I am not saying you are right or anyone else is either. I am saying we all make choices and we all prioritize what we feel is most important in our lives.

It seems the grass is always greener on the other side but in reality we all do what we feel is right for us. I agree with many of the statements jessrlee made as well as many of the statements that you and others posted. I disagree with just as many. The reason being that there is no one right way that fits everyone. We all do what works for us. Plain and simple. Just like being able to run our childcares the way we want we can parent our children the way we want. "Face time" has many definitions and it means different things to different people.

None of us lives the same lives with the same circumstances so for any of us to even argue about how we are or aren't doing it right is just plain silly.
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Angelwings36 09:08 AM 09-21-2011
I did open this thread up as a debate.

I was simply defending my "lifestyle" and why I do things the way I do and that is why I responding to the one posters remarks about myself. I used my lifestyle as an example of how being a working mother either inside or outside your home is not easy and does take alot from the family unit. I realized at some point someone was going to pick me apart for it and I do have every right to explain why I do things the way I do.

Yes having a gym membership is a choice and it is the best choice for my husband and I if we are going to stay in shape and healthy. I get no motivation from working out at home and I would quit far before any home work out would show it's benefits. My family is also not an 'winter outdoor' type. We hate the cold, hate the snow and although you may enjoy those outdoor winter activities we do not.

That being said, I do not stock pile items like you do, I buy as I need.

As I mentioned the bulk of my after hour shopping right now is due to the home renovations and that should slow down some what within the next couple of months.

I was not upset with the poster for disagreeing in my theory I was upset that she picked my lifestyle apart and judged me without knowing any of the reasonings behind why I do what I do.
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jessrlee 09:08 AM 09-21-2011
The only difference I see is that my family and I are happy with the choices I am making. I do work an amazingly long day, I work this long day to reach my goals in a timely manner. I have worked this schedule for 5 years and through 2 year long deployments where I had to do everything myself including the outdoor chores and the errands on weekends. I guess I'm just blessed with an amazing family that is willing to include the other kiddos in order to meet our financial goals, pay for college, have our nice house and new van, and so the kids can do their activities. They know that having a problem with my job will cost them all of the extras in life. I feel that learning to share time is an excellent lesson. We have all weekend for that very important one on one time.

I hope after your renovation things calm down a bit and you have more free time.
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Blackcat31 09:15 AM 09-21-2011
Thank you ladies (jessrlee and angelwings ) I knew we could all be friends.

It is all about choices. We all make what choices we do to make our own lives what we want them to be. There is no "one size fits all" way of doing it. Each of us does what works for us and no one else.

FWIW~ I just want everyone to be happy in everything they do! We only get one life and I do not intend to leave mine with any regrets. I wish the same for everyone!
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sahm2three 09:17 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?


I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.
I have been a sahm for the last 12 years. A couple years ago I decided to do "something". I had done daycare in my home before my first child was born and for a while until I had my second. So I had experience in it, and wanted to still be home so I decided this was what I should do for now. I am busy. My days are long. But I suck up every moment I can to make it "face time" with my kids. My 5 year old is an early riser, comes in to the bathroom with me while I get ready and we talk. Then, if I am done getting myself ready, and the lights are all on and my log in book out, then we climb back into my bed together and snuggle until the first knock on the door. I wake my older kids up and have them start getting ready. As I am making breakfast, my 10 year old hangs with me in the kitchen and we practice his spelling words. I make up funny sentences for each word, and we laugh. My 12 year old had me help her with her hair, we talk about boys, homework, how cool her outfit is and how awesome it is that she see's how to put clothes together that I could think of. During nap time I hang out with my 5 year old and we snuggle, play games, and talk (in between me having to re-lay someone down, or reminding him to ignore the baby screaming. ugh). I pick up my older kids from school and I always start off by asking about their days. We go home, I get a snack for them and daycare kids and then we usually all play with the kids that are still here. Then the last daycare kid leaves and they do homework at the kitchen table while I make dinner. We either go outside so they can ride bikes or we do some activity in the house. I don't watch any tv until after they have gone to bed, so that isn't an issue. Then we do baths/showers, and I read with all of my kids. My daughter reads to me, my older son reads to me, and then I read to my 5 year old. Kisses, hugs, I love you more than anythings, and to sleep they go. Every night. Then I proceed with my nightly cleaning. Face time takes a LOT of work. By the time my head hits the pillow I am exhausted, but it is all worth it.
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Angelwings36 09:19 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by jessrlee:
The only difference I see is that my family and I are happy with the choices I am making. I do work an amazingly long day, I work this long day to reach my goals in a timely manner. I have worked this schedule for 5 years and through 2 year long deployments where I had to do everything myself including the outdoor chores and the errands on weekends. I guess I'm just blessed with an amazing family that is willing to include the other kiddos in order to meet our financial goals, pay for college, have our nice house and new van, and so the kids can do their activities. They know that having a problem with my job will cost them all of the extras in life. I feel that learning to share time is an excellent lesson. We have all weekend for that very important one on one time.

I hope after your renovation things calm down a bit and you have more free time.
That is great that your family is so understanding that at this time you have to work the long hours you do. I 'get' that everyone is different and not everyone is going to agree with someone else and that's ok. You seem like a very hard working mother and I bet at times it is not that easy to keep going the way you do.

My family would HATE, HATE, HATE if I worked the long hours you do and would HATE having to share our evening home with other people. It has been a struggle right now sharing our upstairs area with the dck's as up until this point the daycare was run out of my basement. My daycare is only open when my husband leaves for work and I close literally within 15 minutes of him coming home in the evening and 45 minutes earlier on fridays.

I do fall into 'burn out' zone quite easily and for me the shorter hours keep me happy along with my husband and my son.

On another note, it is not easy for me juggling a daycare, a whole house, a yard, home renovations (in and out, we just did our shingles as well), and a being the MOM I have always hoped to be. I am a perfectionist and do expect myself to live up to certain potentials and I think in the long run this is what puts me into 'burn out' zone so much easier.
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jessrlee 09:20 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
I did open this thread up as a debate.

I was simply defending my "lifestyle" and why I do things the way I do and that is why I responding to the one posters remarks about myself. I used my lifestyle as an example of how being a working mother either inside or outside your home is not easy and does take alot from the family unit. I realized at some point someone was going to pick me apart for it and I do have every right to explain why I do things the way I do.

Yes having a gym membership is a choice and it is the best choice for my husband and I if we are going to stay in shape and healthy. I get no motivation from working out at home and I would quit far before any home work out would show it's benefits. My family is also not an 'winter outdoor' type. We hate the cold, hate the snow and although you may enjoy those outdoor winter activities we do not.

That being said, I do not stock pile items like you do, I buy as I need.

As I mentioned the bulk of my after hour shopping right now is due to the home renovations and that should slow down some what within the next couple of months.

I was not upset with the poster for disagreeing in my theory I was upset that she picked my lifestyle apart and judged me without knowing any of the reasonings behind why I do what I do.
I was NOT picking apart your lifestyle. It sounded to me like you were overwhelmed. I simply made suggestions and offered up some alternative solutions. You sound like you are happy where you are, I'm really glad! I don't judge anyone. I am so very grateful that we live in a free country and everyone has the right to live exactly how they choose. I'm sorry that you feel I entered on the wrond side of your debate. This is why I have been a member for years and rarely post.

In conclusion:
I am happy with my choices, you are happy with yours. I fully support living in any way that makes you and your family happy. Have a blessed day
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laundrymom 10:01 AM 09-21-2011
Well I'll be completely honest. I'm not as good a mom as any of you!! Lol
I wake between 4&5. Depending on if I'm sleepy. My first kid right now gets here at 530. I run a full enrollment of 10 every single day with no assistant. I have 4 of my own kids. 3 live at home. I fit laundry and household chores into any breaks I get thru the day. We eat away from home 3/5 weekdays@@ gasp!!!@@ the nights we are home I might not even cook! It might be my kids DH or we may have pbj or cereal. I know I know lazy self centered mom. We watch tv at night, ( I have a strict no tv rule during daycare) my girls rarely but are allowed to go in my room to watch tv. ) I have cable, Internet (wifi home network even) how horrible of me. I know. My kids text facebook and have bad manners. At home. In the privacy of our home. When we are out we text, play games on iPods or whatever else we want to do. My 13 yr old is usually reading because thats what she enjoys. 10 yr old is using my iPod to practice spelling words, state capitols or math facts at any given time. ( there are apps for almost anything) Dh and I are talking about whatever suits our fancy. With the kids jumping in when they want. The other two are usually at work or with friends. Our bedtime routine has never ever been a typical bath book bed one. It's usually, " 13 yr old, go swap laundry!!!!"
10 yr old, " is bubby coming home tonight? " me " I don't know don't lock the deadbolt just the handle and please pee the dog" ok mom!!!

"Mom towels are in the living room, I started jeans for you, " k sweetie love you!!

And that's how we wind down our nights. My girls decide shower at night or in morning. If my son comes home he deadbolts the door. If not it's ok. He's almost 20 and goes to school ful time and works 40 hours so if he wants to stay at a friends it's ok w me. He's older than I was when I had him. Dh heads to bed when girls do. Between 8&10 depending on how tired they are. I'm up doing whatever I need to or want to until I get tired. Usually between 1130&1.
We run errands together whenever we want. Usually Thursday nights. I try to always buy two of something. I have backups stored here and that pretty much eliminates the need to go out shopping every night. I don't know which poster said they make special trips each night after their home cooked meal is finished, but,... Maybe if you didn't waste so much gas driving every day you could either save that money or splurge on something for your family. I admit, I waste money on things that others see as stupid. Yep. Guilty. :-). I work damn hard to be able to. However, I challenge you to find a closer, more " there for each other" family. I don't call it FaceTime, ( that's a cool app though, lol) direct bonding time, daily interaction, or active attention. I call it having fun with the people we love. And we do, day in and day out. Our routine is not to have one. We spend less than we have, give as much as we feel we should, laugh every day, truly tell each other how we feel, and accept that while our life works for us, it's not for everyone. I think that's the key to life, happiness, and leading a full enriched life.
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mismatchedsocks 10:46 AM 09-21-2011
I will say that in mornings even though I have daycare kids here, I still talk to my children, and spend the hour of (not really facetime as you call it) TIME with them. If the daycare children were not here I dont see how my time or conversations would be any different. We would talk homework, breakfast, and do hair. Then off to school they go.
My kids are 9 and 13 so maybe its different for you, but when they get home they are playing with friends, having snack, doing homework ( which they would do regardless if daycare kids are here or not )then at 530 (all DK are gone)we would eat dinner together and do our nightly routine. M W gymnastics for DD ( DS will either stay home or come with us to do shopping) T,TH,F we cook dinner and do whatever. Sat and Sun we do errands if need be, or I go to school( one whole day Sat a month) we have bowling as a family every other Sunday, the kids have bowling Saturday.

I guess what I am saying or confused on is with a job, doing daycare, or being a stay at home mom, my days would not change that much.

Oh yea and I get up at 230am to do a paperroute (somedays DS comes) and we are all in bed by 8 and asleep by 9.
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Sugar Magnolia 10:55 AM 09-21-2011
I'm with Sharlan on this. Its not an ideal world. We have to take the lot we are given in life and do the best we can with it. If we as mothers have to work, we need to do it with as little guilt as possible. We live in the greatest country in the world. We could have been born into the Gaza Strip, the Horn of Africa, the slums of Brazil or Mexico, yet we still complain about our hard lives. I read an article about an aid worker in Kenya who recounted how a woman from Somalia was trying to flee to a Kenyan refugee camp. Her husband was macheted to death if front of her kids, she was raped. She was weak with hunger, as were her 3 and 5 year old kids. She was too weak to carry both kids, the 3YO was close to death. She was forced to leave the 3yo on the side of the road and keep walking, or she and the 5yo would have died as well. Now....is our lack of quality face time such a huge issue? I think not. Even if its 2 hours a day, treasure it and make it as quality as possible. I would love nothing more than to be a SAHM, but that's life. Remember, it could be worse. A lot Lot LOT worse. If you have a roof over your head and food to eat and clothes on your back and don't fear death every day, honestly, you're fine.
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laundrymom 11:02 AM 09-21-2011
Thank you. I needed this

Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I read an article about an aid worker in Kenya who recounted how a woman from Somalia was trying to flee to a Kenyan refugee camp. Her husband was macheted to death if front of her kids, she was raped. She was weak with hunger, as were her 3 and 5 year old kids. She was too weak to carry both kids, the 3YO was close to death. She was forced to leave the 3yo on the side of the road and keep walking, or she and the 5yo would have died as well. Now....is our lack of quality face time such a huge issue? I think not. Even if its 2 hours a day, treasure it and make it as quality as possible. I would love nothing more than to be a SAHM, but that's life. Remember, it could be worse. A lot Lot LOT worse. If you have a roof over your head and food to eat and clothes on your back and don't fear death every day, honestly, you're fine.

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Sugar Magnolia 11:44 AM 09-21-2011
Sorry Laundrymom, and everyone else, I didn't mean to be such a downer. I just read through all the rather petty complaints and thought the thread could use a dose of reality. We have so much to be thankful for in life. So much of the world is struggling to just keep their children alive. I see a lady at the local gas station with her infant in a car seat next to her as she works. I had to fire a delivery driver once when I worked at Pizza Hut, his wife was dead and the only thing he could do was to bring his toddler on deliveries with him. Hardest thing I ever had to do.

To the OP: you started a good thread, but it got off track as threads often do. If your children are happy, healthy and well adjusted, you are doing a great job. Don't sweat the little things. You have a husband, you have friends and family and your children love you. You may not have as much face time as you want, but work is just that-work. We all have to do it.
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MyAngels 11:49 AM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
Well I'll be completely honest. I'm not as good a mom as any of you!! Lol
I wake between 4&5. Depending on if I'm sleepy. My first kid right now gets here at 530. I run a full enrollment of 10 every single day with no assistant. I have 4 of my own kids. 3 live at home. I fit laundry and household chores into any breaks I get thru the day. We eat away from home 3/5 weekdays@@ gasp!!!@@ the nights we are home I might not even cook! It might be my kids DH or we may have pbj or cereal. I know I know lazy self centered mom. We watch tv at night, ( I have a strict no tv rule during daycare) my girls rarely but are allowed to go in my room to watch tv. ) I have cable, Internet (wifi home network even) how horrible of me. I know. My kids text facebook and have bad manners. At home. In the privacy of our home. When we are out we text, play games on iPods or whatever else we want to do. My 13 yr old is usually reading because thats what she enjoys. 10 yr old is using my iPod to practice spelling words, state capitols or math facts at any given time. ( there are apps for almost anything) Dh and I are talking about whatever suits our fancy. With the kids jumping in when they want. The other two are usually at work or with friends. Our bedtime routine has never ever been a typical bath book bed one. It's usually, " 13 yr old, go swap laundry!!!!"
10 yr old, " is bubby coming home tonight? " me " I don't know don't lock the deadbolt just the handle and please pee the dog" ok mom!!!

"Mom towels are in the living room, I started jeans for you, " k sweetie love you!!

And that's how we wind down our nights. My girls decide shower at night or in morning. If my son comes home he deadbolts the door. If not it's ok. He's almost 20 and goes to school ful time and works 40 hours so if he wants to stay at a friends it's ok w me. He's older than I was when I had him. Dh heads to bed when girls do. Between 8&10 depending on how tired they are. I'm up doing whatever I need to or want to until I get tired. Usually between 1130&1.
We run errands together whenever we want. Usually Thursday nights. I try to always buy two of something. I have backups stored here and that pretty much eliminates the need to go out shopping every night. I don't know which poster said they make special trips each night after their home cooked meal is finished, but,... Maybe if you didn't waste so much gas driving every day you could either save that money or splurge on something for your family. I admit, I waste money on things that others see as stupid. Yep. Guilty. :-). I work damn hard to be able to. However, I challenge you to find a closer, more " there for each other" family. I don't call it FaceTime, ( that's a cool app though, lol) direct bonding time, daily interaction, or active attention. I call it having fun with the people we love. And we do, day in and day out. Our routine is not to have one. We spend less than we have, give as much as we feel we should, laugh every day, truly tell each other how we feel, and accept that while our life works for us, it's not for everyone. I think that's the key to life, happiness, and leading a full enriched life.
Sounds like a life well lived to me . We should all be such bad moms .
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mom2many 12:24 PM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Sorry Laundrymom, and everyone else, I didn't mean to be such a downer. I just read through all the rather petty complaints and thought the thread could use a dose of reality. We have so much to be thankful for in life. So much of the world is struggling to just keep their children alive. I see a lady at the local gas station with her infant in a car seat next to her as she works. I had to fire a delivery driver once when I worked at Pizza Hut, his wife was dead and the only thing he could do was to bring his toddler on deliveries with him. Hardest thing I ever had to do.

To the OP: you started a good thread, but it got off track as threads often do. If your children are happy, healthy and well adjusted, you are doing a great job. Don't sweat the little things. You have a husband, you have friends and family and your children love you. You may not have as much face time as you want, but work is just that-work. We all have to do it.
Loved both this post and your one titled "Reality Check"! I so agree and sometimes it's easy to lose sight of the fact we have so much to be thankful for!
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Michael 12:37 PM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Sorry Laundrymom, and everyone else, I didn't mean to be such a downer. I just read through all the rather petty complaints and thought the thread could use a dose of reality. We have so much to be thankful for in life. So much of the world is struggling to just keep their children alive. I see a lady at the local gas station with her infant in a car seat next to her as she works. I had to fire a delivery driver once when I worked at Pizza Hut, his wife was dead and the only thing he could do was to bring his toddler on deliveries with him. Hardest thing I ever had to do.

To the OP: you started a good thread, but it got off track as threads often do. If your children are happy, healthy and well adjusted, you are doing a great job. Don't sweat the little things. You have a husband, you have friends and family and your children love you. You may not have as much face time as you want, but work is just that-work. We all have to do it.
Very true. You have a balanced outlook on life.

Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
We all have to do it.
We GET to do it.
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JaydensMommy 12:49 PM 09-21-2011
This thread is just about how I feel. I really DISLIKE having to share my time with my son. I know, I know, I should feel blessed that I get to take him to school, pick him up and all that other stuff I wouldn't be doing if I was working. I agree, I should feel that way but I don't. I stayed home with my son until he was a year old, then I started a small job at my local Y, working with children and I was able to take my son. I loved it and didn't realize how much I loved it until now. I went for two hours every morning. And it was great to have that time for my son to socialize and then be off and have the rest of the day to ourselves. Some may say I'm selfish but I want to enjoy my son and spend every moment possible with him. I feel like I am missing out because I have to work. I always though when my son went to school I would be the mom volunteering and going to all of the field trips, I don't know that I will be able to do that now. I want to have another baby, my son is 4, but I don't want to have to share my time with my newborn with 6 other kids. So I don't know that it will every happen unless financially we can figure out a way for me to stay home. So yes, this is just me complaining but it feels good to let it out. I'm not asking for anyone to tell me how wrong I am, I know I should look at the BRIGHT side, but I really am having a hard time with it.
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Christian Mother 02:04 PM 09-21-2011
Do you ever wonder how our kids feel about what we do? Like if they care over much that we are home but they have to share us. I wonder sometimes if they'd be able to tell the diff. My mom did daycare out of the home but my father was never home. He worked quite a bit and his job took him out of state a lot. It was just mom and us kids plus her daycare kids. I look back and feel blessed to have always had my mom no matter that I had to share her w/other children and my siblings. I asked my son if he liked that I am home and not working out side the home. He did say he liked I was home when he gets home from school. But I will never know about the yrs before bc he's just way to young to comprehend. I think we are hard on our selves. Trying to be perfect parents. I look at it as if I had a huge family. I promised my parents that there children would be treated just as my own...just like my own children. I never looked at it that bc of what I do my own children are missing out. It's like I have a house full of kids and each one gets attention. Sometimes one gets more then the other for that day bc that is just the way it goes. Sometimes my son gets more bc he needs it that day. I don't feel bad in the least that my daycare kids came last at that moment bc that is just the way it is in my big family here. We all have to share my time. Not one child shows neglect or are unhappy about sharing face time here. They all get face time. It isn't always going to be equal. I think the person who gets neglected the most is my self. I struggle with that. I think we all do.
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jojosmommy 02:28 PM 09-21-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I just have to comment that you asked for this thread to be a debate and now it seems as though you are angry that a poster who responded isn't agreeing with you.
I disagree with the OP. I would rather have the chance to spend 15 min here and there with my son during the day than work out of the home or dream of being a SAHM. My son gets up earlier than every other daycare kid and I very intentionally use that time to play a game 1-1 or read books with him. If I was at work somewhere else that would not be an option.

I think you make your life and fill your time with things you think are important. I run a daycare but I choose my clients so that they are gone by the time we want to eat a family dinner. I make dinner while my dck are here and we eat later. That would not be an option if I did something else. I do not run errands everynight. I prefer to do that when my kids are asleep or make a big trip on the weekend. Running a daycare takes a lot of work but really so does every other job including being a SAHM. I attend classes with my son, take him to the library and story time, do swimming lessons etc (on Saturdays or very intentionally after work). I also take a break for myself EVERYDAY during nap time. I think you need to balance your day/week with your work life and kid's life.

Also, I think if you didn't eat out wouldn't have to work out so much so by cutting out one thing you might have more time for something else with your kids. I work out during nap time, after my kids are asleep, and I count walks with my dcks as physcial activity. I live in MN and yes you can do physical things with your kids year round. Join a gym where you can play basketball together or snowshoe outside.

Life is what you make it. There are always things to complain about and things to change but its all about choices.
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Country Kids 02:35 PM 09-21-2011
I know all my children are glad that I'm home but one in particular really struggles with having all the daycare children here everyday when wanting to come home and just veg. after a day at school. Would love to do that in the livingroom and not have to be cooped up in the bedroom. This particular child has always struggled with me doing childcare. There are times that this child feels like that daycare children are more important because they will ask to do something and I have do say no because the daycare children are here.

We were very close to me not working and then my husbands company went out. So we are basically starting all over again. I'm back to working 50-60 hour weeks and then he is working in a new field. I can tell you though myself and my family were extremely happy when I didn't have children here all day or just part time. It was great just to have time to be a family!

The one thing I have always told my husband is I am a great business woman and a great wife/mom. I'm just not great doing both at the same time. I can only do one or the other wonderfully but struggle greatly to do both at the same time.
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blessedmess8 06:48 AM 09-22-2011
The one thing I have always told my husband is I am a great business woman and a great wife/mom. I'm just not great doing both at the same time. I can only do one or the other wonderfully but struggle greatly toT do both at the same time.


This was MY initial point. I'm good at what I do and I enjoy it. But, I feel like I am spread really thin, as I think most women probably do, whether they admit it or not. We've come a LONG way since the days of feminine inequality, but in most parts there are still some basic truths. If someone walks in my house and it is a mess or if my kids don't have clean socks, no one will blame my husband for that! That's MY fault. He is better than a lot of men I know about helping out, but ultimately the house, shopping, homework, organization, scheduling, birthdays, holidays, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc is MY responsibility. And, I'm putting in a minimum of 10.5 hours every day trying to help make a living. Being a mom and a wife is a whole full time job, in itself. Yet, we are usually expected to hold down another job as well and juggle it all seamlessly! It is a LOT of pressure, especially for those of us who feel our own children's raising is our #1 priority in life. My career contributes to that raising. It helps pay for sports, music lessons, special experiences, etc. It keeps my husband and I from being stressed over $ all the time. It is a fact of life and we all do the best we can with it. Am I aware of how incredibly blessed I am? Sure. Do I still feel overwhelmed, unsure, and stretched thin at times? Yes! And this is a great place to vent b/c surely there are plenty of women feeling the SAME way!
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Tags:burned out, family members, organizing, overwhelmed, provider - burnout risk, provider - own child, second job, stay at home mom
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