My own child who is nearly 4 will not poop on the toilet. She just started finally urinating in tne toilet and has never had a pee accident in about 2 months. She has pooped on the toilet before but only because I caught her and put her on the toilet, otherwise she poops in her underwear.

I am soooooo fed up! I know I should be patient and she will eventually get it but cleaning poopy underwear every day, sometimes twice a day is worse than diapers. I am grateful that she is no longer holding it but still

I would love any tips or tricks you have. Should I put her in pullups and hope she continues to pee in the toilet? Any ideas would be awesome.

Reply

What finally worked with my dd was giving special privileges to the kids who pooped on the potty. Oh sorry dd, this activity is only for the kids who pooped on the potty today. You can try again later! At first she tried to ruin the activity for everyone by throwing epic tantrums, but she soon caught on. And yes, I would still have her in pullups/diapers until she got the pooping down.

Reply

First, stop making it hard on yourself. Don't put her in underwear until she is ready for it! Why put yourself and her through that? Second, because of her age and that she can't poop in the potty, I'd see a doctor and ask for an abdominal xray to rule out a partial intestinal blockage. Some doctors might be reluctant to do the xray, so I'd be firm in requesting it. It sounds like she doesn't have control over her bowels, and this could be why.

Reply

I would agree with you but in the beginning she was holding it so she clearly has control over her bowels. Now it seems like she doesn't care about going in her undies. She used to hold her pee to the point that it would hurt but now has stopped doing that.

I started giving her gummy fish for peeing in the potty and it helped tremendously and she was trained within a few days. For poop I told her she could have 3 gummy fish but it didn't help, then I increased it to a Kinder surprise egg....still no go

I think I might put her back in pullups and go from there. Ugh so annoying!

Reply

I'll just admit it....I flat out bribed my son. We went to Walmart and I let him choose a small toy (it was a motorcycle), and we did that BEFORE he pooped in the toilet. He chose it, we bought it, and we took it home and put it away. I told him he could have it when he pooped in the toilet. I'm telling you, it worked! After just a couple of days, he went.

Reply

You are my last hope! I will give it a try . I have the kinder eggs in the kitchen, she can see them but she just doesnt seem motivated by it. I need to go big I guess

Reply

Have you tried putting her in pants without underware? Sometimes the underware is a safety net since it's tight on them and can catch the poop.
A lot of kids won't poop in pants but will in underware.

Reply

exactly this!

I have a 3 yr old (May birthday) that was easily potty trained but somewhere in the first few weeks began holding her poop until she literally could not hold it any longer and it of course created an accident.

Her mom (feeling the EXACT same way as you Ariana after doing the EXACT same things...gummy fish, etc...) simple decided that she was no longer going to stress about this.

Cue Dr Phil: "People will never change their behavior until it becomes an issue for them"

Right now, the only person stressing about this is you Mama... so give the issue back to your DD.

What my DCM (and I) did was just stopped talking about it all together.
Went out of our way to avoid discussing it at.all.
Put the little girl back in Pull-ups and went about our merry way.

Of course being in Pull-ups meant she wasn't a big girl so there were a lot of activities and privileges she had become accustomed to doing but was no longer able to do.

We were floored when she just flipped her hair over her should and pretty much went "meh" and went along her merry way! (her mom and I were like "crap!")

But we stuck with it.

This little girl caved around the 11th day. It was like it suddenly sunk in and the novelty of being stubborn had worn off and she was realizing it kind of sucked not getting to do the big girl things her friends were doing...

The next day she got up and told her mom she was ready to be a big girl....her mom told her that as soon as she pooped on the potty (on her own without being forced to sit) she could go back to underwear.
Two days later she was wearing undies again and showed back to daycare that Monday in undies and has pooped on the potty every time she's needed to since.

I honestly think it was simply a control issue. At 3 they are pretty head strong and want to "fight" just to fight... plus they recognize and understand control or power at this age and of course at 3 everything is unbalanced so they take control in the areas they can.

I dont thin bribing works when they are stubborn (although I do think bribing works when they are just starting out and need to create a habit or a change into unknown territory) but with this I think its simply a case of "who can hold out longer" so the more you try, the harder she resists.

Just like a game of tug-o-war.

My advice? Let go of the rope.

This is her choice. Let her live with the natural consequences of her choice. No big girl stuff.

Reply

I'm so keeping an eye on this post. I'm having the same issues. My twins are fine with accidents. I'm having the most difficult time. I don't make a big deal about the accidents just change their clothes and move on.

It's tough because you hear all these success stories about how it only took a week or a month. That makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Nobody ever says,"You know...it took 6 months but it was worth it."

Reply

Thanks so much BlackCat! You may be right and she is VERY headstrong. I need to give up the struggle. I will have to think about priviledges to withold that she really enjoys. I can totally see her saying "meh" so I am glad you said it took 11 days for it to sink in

TwinMama hang in there! My eldest was trained for pee, poop and overnight in 3 days. This kid is wearing me out...its been at least 6 months of trying again and again!

Reply

Thank you!!!

Reply

Funny story here. A parent just posted in a parenting group on Facebook about starting to train her 1 1/2 year old and was asking for tips. Plenty of parents responded saying it was totally possible and telling their tales of how their child was potty trained at 16 months etc. It was nap time, I was bored and so I did some Facebook stalking. I went to the commenters Facebook pages and for those who had pictures public I took a look. It was easy to find a picture of their little as a newborn and the date and then easy to find a picture of the child wearing diapers later down the line. Using the dates in the pictures it was apparent that EVERY SINGLE ONE IF TYEM was mistaken about when their child was potty trained. 16 months? More like 2 1/2 years since that's the last photo of them in a diaper. I think some is bragging and some is unintentional. Yes, yes, I know it's creepy that I Facebook stalked pictures of children and a tad crazy BUT I have a client who thinks her nowhere near ready child is ready to train and she thinks this because of mommy groups. It was driving me nuts that nothing I said mattered and also made me think that maybe I was wrong, if all of these people can train really early maybe it is appropriate and the kids that train with me who are closer to 2 1/2-3 are behind. I didn't prove myself wrong though.

Reply

One of my early childhood professor's always said there are exactly two things in a child's engine world that they are in control of - what they put in their mouth and where they go to the bathroom. I agree about the control thing!!

My kids actually did potty train ridiculously early - 18 and 19 months. But they kind of did it on their own with very little help from me!

Reply

My mom said I potty trained myself at 11 months. Not sure I fully believe it but damn I wish my youngest was like this!

Reply