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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Rewarding Children For Things Which They Should Be Expected To Do?
DaycareMom 07:19 AM 11-13-2013
So DCG is 4 yo. DCM made a huge deal about and brought DCG to build a bear just for buckling her seatbelt!
I guess I would understand if she was really having trouble learning the skill, but she knows how to do it and does it here all the time just fine. It really more had to do with buckling her seatbelt without whining/crying.
Am I the only one who thinks this is just completely ridiculous? And quite an expensive reward for such an insignificant thing?
Do any of you reward children for things they should be able to do?
I guess I would understand if she was really having trouble learning the skill, but she knows how to do it and does it here all the time just fine. It really more had to do with buckling her seatbelt without whining/crying.
Am I the only one who thinks this is just completely ridiculous? And quite an expensive reward for such an insignificant thing?
Do any of you reward children for things they should be able to do?
jenn 07:30 AM 11-13-2013
Wow! That is an expensive reward!
I occasionally reward my daughter with a surprise outing or gift. She is 5 and so willingly helps me out, willingly shares her toys, helps entertain the kids,...even though those are things she really should be expected to do, I appreciate her doing it. I reward her to show my appreciation.
I occasionally reward my daughter with a surprise outing or gift. She is 5 and so willingly helps me out, willingly shares her toys, helps entertain the kids,...even though those are things she really should be expected to do, I appreciate her doing it. I reward her to show my appreciation.
countrymom 07:39 AM 11-13-2013
I'll reward my kids with maybe choco bars when we go to the store (mine are older) but most times I don't. I don't want them to expect a reward everytime they do something good. Imagine when they become adults.
Great Beginnings 08:31 AM 11-13-2013
That kind of parenting is what is wrong with children these days. How do they learn to do what is expected of them just because they are a good person? Not to sound like a Hallmark movie but reward should come from the feeling in their heart, not a materialistic item.
I have a 6 year old boy that can tie his shoes but when mom comes he can't seem to get it and when after 15 mintues manages to get it he gets to go to McDonald's or play the kindle or some other extreme.
A child purposely hits another child and says sorry to avoid trouble and the parents jump for joy over his manners. The darn kid shouldn't have hit to begin with and I don't care how much he sucks up I am going to punish him!
Oh, I could go on and on lol! That being said I will sometimes reward my son with something small just because there have been days of me being overly proud of him or he went out of his way without being asked but I will not buy him a $50 toy because he wipes his butt as expected....
I have a 6 year old boy that can tie his shoes but when mom comes he can't seem to get it and when after 15 mintues manages to get it he gets to go to McDonald's or play the kindle or some other extreme.
A child purposely hits another child and says sorry to avoid trouble and the parents jump for joy over his manners. The darn kid shouldn't have hit to begin with and I don't care how much he sucks up I am going to punish him!
Oh, I could go on and on lol! That being said I will sometimes reward my son with something small just because there have been days of me being overly proud of him or he went out of his way without being asked but I will not buy him a $50 toy because he wipes his butt as expected....
Laurel 09:21 AM 11-13-2013
Well I've given a gummy for 'trying' on the potty. In a rare instance I 'might' if it is really a long term problem and then nothing that costs money. Maybe a privilege of some sort but very, very small.
For example, I don't pay for grades. I never believed in that. Build a Bear is WAY over the top.
Laurel
For example, I don't pay for grades. I never believed in that. Build a Bear is WAY over the top.
Laurel
daycarediva 09:25 AM 11-13-2013
...........because he wipes his butt. LOL!!!!!!!!
My kids get rewarded at random, and when I think they deserve a 'treat'. I treat myself every once in a while to a latte, or lunch out, or a pedi. Not regularly, not expected (oh, it's been 4 weeks, time for my pedi!)
My ds just earned the good citizen award in his K class. They give out one a month for exceptional behavior, kindness and cooperation. I bought him the book he has been wanting. (around $5)
I don't even give them things, money, etc for good grades. Doing their best is expected, not rewarded.
A trip to build a bear would be a birthday treat, imho. Not because I'm cheap or broke, simply because when you give them LARGE rewards for small things, the rewards aren't equal to the task, there is no instrinsic (sp?) motivation to do things well/right/good unless there is a reward attached.
My kids get rewarded at random, and when I think they deserve a 'treat'. I treat myself every once in a while to a latte, or lunch out, or a pedi. Not regularly, not expected (oh, it's been 4 weeks, time for my pedi!)
My ds just earned the good citizen award in his K class. They give out one a month for exceptional behavior, kindness and cooperation. I bought him the book he has been wanting. (around $5)
I don't even give them things, money, etc for good grades. Doing their best is expected, not rewarded.
A trip to build a bear would be a birthday treat, imho. Not because I'm cheap or broke, simply because when you give them LARGE rewards for small things, the rewards aren't equal to the task, there is no instrinsic (sp?) motivation to do things well/right/good unless there is a reward attached.
DaycareMom 10:08 AM 11-13-2013
Don't get me wrong - I definitely think children should be rewarded!
I like to reward them when they least expect it and because they are genuinely trying. And perhaps with a smaller reward. A Build a Bear is a big reward for such a small task, ykwim?
I agree with daycare diva, "When you give them LARGE rewards for small things, the rewards aren't equal to the task, there is no instrinsic (sp?) motivation to do things well/right/good unless there is a reward attached."
I like to reward them when they least expect it and because they are genuinely trying. And perhaps with a smaller reward. A Build a Bear is a big reward for such a small task, ykwim?
I agree with daycare diva, "When you give them LARGE rewards for small things, the rewards aren't equal to the task, there is no instrinsic (sp?) motivation to do things well/right/good unless there is a reward attached."
countrymom 10:20 AM 11-13-2013
my odd made honor roll in highschool. I didn't buy her anything because I know she can do it and I expect her to do it. But my mother gave her 20 dollars. I don't pay for grades, ask dh why----you see when he was younger his parents did, but apparently they were dumb children because they didn't get much money. So dh decided to do it with kids, ya, well it cost him over 200 dollars (4 kids) I told him that the kids are smart and do very well in school.
cheerfuldom 10:22 AM 11-13-2013
Originally Posted by Great Beginnings:
That kind of parenting is what is wrong with children these days. How do they learn to do what is expected of them just because they are a good person? Not to sound like a Hallmark movie but reward should come from the feeling in their heart, not a materialistic item.
I have a 6 year old boy that can tie his shoes but when mom comes he can't seem to get it and when after 15 mintues manages to get it he gets to go to McDonald's or play the kindle or some other extreme.
A child purposely hits another child and says sorry to avoid trouble and the parents jump for joy over his manners. The darn kid shouldn't have hit to begin with and I don't care how much he sucks up I am going to punish him!
Oh, I could go on and on lol! That being said I will sometimes reward my son with something small just because there have been days of me being overly proud of him or he went out of his way without being asked but I will not buy him a $50 toy because he wipes his butt as expected....
well tell us how you really feel That kind of parenting is what is wrong with children these days. How do they learn to do what is expected of them just because they are a good person? Not to sound like a Hallmark movie but reward should come from the feeling in their heart, not a materialistic item.
I have a 6 year old boy that can tie his shoes but when mom comes he can't seem to get it and when after 15 mintues manages to get it he gets to go to McDonald's or play the kindle or some other extreme.
A child purposely hits another child and says sorry to avoid trouble and the parents jump for joy over his manners. The darn kid shouldn't have hit to begin with and I don't care how much he sucks up I am going to punish him!
Oh, I could go on and on lol! That being said I will sometimes reward my son with something small just because there have been days of me being overly proud of him or he went out of his way without being asked but I will not buy him a $50 toy because he wipes his butt as expected....
I do agree though! LOL
cheerfuldom 10:25 AM 11-13-2013
I reward for grades. I don't apologize for that at all. I do think hard consistent work should be recognized. That is not to say that I would blow hundreds of dollars each time report cards come out! but yes, I will recognize good grades in multiple ways as well as anything else that shows focus and effort and overcoming challenges. I don't think buying a pricey bear for buckling a seat belt is at all appropriate. any rewards in this house are due to long term effort not random cooperation.
Jack Sprat 11:36 AM 11-13-2013
I don't reward for being a good person and doing what is expected in our house. I do offer verbal praise for the under 3 crowd for sharing, picking up etc. We don't reward for good grades. To us it is expected, school is their "job" right now. Our older DD has the ability to do the work and do it well. If she didn't and needed extra help or struggled we would offer some reward.
spud912 02:12 PM 11-13-2013
I sometimes reward when my children do something they are supposed to do, especially if they have had a hard time doing it. I make sure the rewards are random and are not given when they did something purposely to get the reward (instead of doing it because it's a rule or responsibility of theirs).
For example, I have given rewards for potty training successes, for cleaning up, for having a really good day or week (with no major behavior issues) and for being particularly helpful or nice to someone.
My rewards are almost always a trip to the dollar store or the dollar bins at Target. For really big rewards, I will take my daughters to Cracker Barrel (they have a bunch of toys in the front section that they always beg for) or to the bookstore to pick out something. I don't ever spend over $5 at the very most.
I'm always amazed at all the kids in the mall with a Build-a-Bear box! Those things cost $25 at the very least! To me, that's more of a birthday present! I originally thought that the majority of those kids must be having a birthday, but I suppose a good portion of those kids are probably just spoiled
(no offense to any of you who do random presents from there 
).
For example, I have given rewards for potty training successes, for cleaning up, for having a really good day or week (with no major behavior issues) and for being particularly helpful or nice to someone.
My rewards are almost always a trip to the dollar store or the dollar bins at Target. For really big rewards, I will take my daughters to Cracker Barrel (they have a bunch of toys in the front section that they always beg for) or to the bookstore to pick out something. I don't ever spend over $5 at the very most.
I'm always amazed at all the kids in the mall with a Build-a-Bear box! Those things cost $25 at the very least! To me, that's more of a birthday present! I originally thought that the majority of those kids must be having a birthday, but I suppose a good portion of those kids are probably just spoiled
(no offense to any of you who do random presents from there ).
spud912 02:17 PM 11-13-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I reward for grades. I don't apologize for that at all. I do think hard consistent work should be recognized. That is not to say that I would blow hundreds of dollars each time report cards come out! but yes, I will recognize good grades in multiple ways as well as anything else that shows focus and effort and overcoming challenges. I don't think buying a pricey bear for buckling a seat belt is at all appropriate. any rewards in this house are due to long term effort not random cooperation.
I reward for grades. I don't apologize for that at all. I do think hard consistent work should be recognized. That is not to say that I would blow hundreds of dollars each time report cards come out! but yes, I will recognize good grades in multiple ways as well as anything else that shows focus and effort and overcoming challenges. I don't think buying a pricey bear for buckling a seat belt is at all appropriate. any rewards in this house are due to long term effort not random cooperation.
My late aunt used to reward her children with the most extravagant presents for good grades. I visited them when I was 12 and was amazed to see my 10 year old cousin was given a boom box (with CD player) for an A in one of his classes. That thing easily cost her $150-200 . My 8 year old cousin received something equally as extravagant. But hey, this is the same cousin who visited us 4 years later and complained about the lack of Puff's facial tissue, hamburgers for dinner instead of caviar (yes, her words), and would never wear a shirt twice .
Meeko 03:43 PM 11-13-2013
I have a few kids who think they should be rewarded for breathing in and out. ONLY due to the way they are indulged at home. 
It doesn't happen naturally. They are TRAINED that way by their parents.
It doesn't happen naturally. They are TRAINED that way by their parents.
Bookworm 03:55 PM 11-13-2013
I am a firm believer in "You don't get credit for doing what you're supposed to do".
canadiancare 11:12 AM 11-14-2013
I have a 3 year old who won't do the next step of anything until I acknowledge that she has completed a task. I get "look I did it" over and over again until I say "good job". It gets really tiring and her mother uses OTT flowery and profuse praise "you are such a clever girl, oh you are mommy's biggest girl"
I have said in front of the mother that I don't praise mastered and expected skills.
there is a comedian who has a sketch about people needing reinforcement for doing what they are supposed to do "hey I graduated high school" "I got a job and I take care of my family"
Husband works in a very professional setting with highly educated people. He says you'd be surprised at how many young workers expect "gold stars" just for showing up and doing their job.
I have said in front of the mother that I don't praise mastered and expected skills.
there is a comedian who has a sketch about people needing reinforcement for doing what they are supposed to do "hey I graduated high school" "I got a job and I take care of my family"
Husband works in a very professional setting with highly educated people. He says you'd be surprised at how many young workers expect "gold stars" just for showing up and doing their job.
kindertouch 11:33 PM 11-16-2013
I reward my daughter sometimes like a trip to the store to buy what she needs or some sort of play time whenever I feel like rewarding her. I don't want it to be a regular process but I do agree of rewarding a kid sometimes if he/she did something good as long as the reward comes from the heart or doesn't cost so expensive at all.
Unregistered 01:04 PM 11-17-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I'll reward my kids with maybe choco bars when we go to the store (mine are older) but most times I don't. I don't want them to expect a reward everytime they do something good. Imagine when they become adults.
You mean like the ones I seem to know anymore? Self-entitled, spoiled and always expecting something for nothing? Sounds like a lot of daycare parents I have had to deal with! I'll reward my kids with maybe choco bars when we go to the store (mine are older) but most times I don't. I don't want them to expect a reward everytime they do something good. Imagine when they become adults.
I do not reward for everything. Some things you just have to do in life without expectation of anything in return. Life will be a big slap in the face later for my kids if I don't show them now that not everything they do in life gets them something
Cat Herder 02:11 PM 11-17-2013
Sometimes this is more about the parent's needs. 
"I am such a good mommy, look what my kid can do!!! Let's go celebrate somewhere public where I can have an audience...."
The clincher: The photo op's will be posted to FB before the kid is out of the store..... "Look what I did for my kid!!! I am so awesome!"
Other times Moms may simply need ANY reason to celebrate. The monotony and drudgery, when dealing with a kid who is normally like nails on a chalkboard, requires a few bright spots . 
Yep, I went there.... we all know at least one kid like this.
"I am such a good mommy, look what my kid can do!!! Let's go celebrate somewhere public where I can have an audience...."
The clincher: The photo op's will be posted to FB before the kid is out of the store..... "Look what I did for my kid!!! I am so awesome!"
Other times Moms may simply need ANY reason to celebrate.
The monotony and drudgery, when dealing with a kid who is normally like nails on a chalkboard, requires a few bright spots . Yep, I went there.... we all know at least one kid like this.
countrymom 05:53 AM 11-18-2013
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Sometimes this is more about the parent's needs.
"I am such a good mommy, look what my kid can do!!! Let's go celebrate somewhere public where I can have an audience...."
The clincher: The photo op's will be posted to FB before the kid is out of the store..... "Look what I did for my kid!!! I am so awesome!"
Other times Moms may simply need ANY reason to celebrate. The monotony and drudgery, when dealing with a kid who is normally like nails on a chalkboard, requires a few bright spots .
Yep, I went there.... we all know at least one kid like this.
I have this mom (not a dcp) who posts all the time about her kid. I now wonder (your post made me think) that she is looking for approval from people, because people like the photo but sometimes its out of control.Sometimes this is more about the parent's needs.
"I am such a good mommy, look what my kid can do!!! Let's go celebrate somewhere public where I can have an audience...."
The clincher: The photo op's will be posted to FB before the kid is out of the store..... "Look what I did for my kid!!! I am so awesome!"
Other times Moms may simply need ANY reason to celebrate.
The monotony and drudgery, when dealing with a kid who is normally like nails on a chalkboard, requires a few bright spots . Yep, I went there.... we all know at least one kid like this.
Cat Herder 09:14 AM 11-18-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I have this mom (not a dcp) who posts all the time about her kid. I now wonder (your post made me think) that she is looking for approval from people, because people like the photo but sometimes its out of control.
If the grandparents, aunts and uncles are not the one's commenting.. the odd's are pretty good..... I have this mom (not a dcp) who posts all the time about her kid. I now wonder (your post made me think) that she is looking for approval from people, because people like the photo but sometimes its out of control.
DaycareMom 09:21 AM 11-18-2013
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Sometimes this is more about the parent's needs.
"I am such a good mommy, look what my kid can do!!! Let's go celebrate somewhere public where I can have an audience...."
The clincher: The photo op's will be posted to FB before the kid is out of the store..... "Look what I did for my kid!!! I am so awesome!"
Other times Moms may simply need ANY reason to celebrate. The monotony and drudgery, when dealing with a kid who is normally like nails on a chalkboard, requires a few bright spots .
Yep, I went there.... we all know at least one kid like this.
I used to have a DCM who would post literally every time she took a photo of her kids. She would always make it "look" like she was a great mom, but did everything she could to pawn them off on others because she could not control them. They were here for over 60 hrs/week and she would never keep them home on her days off or pick them up early if she was let out, and never kept them home when they were sick (which is why I ended up terming). Sometimes this is more about the parent's needs.
"I am such a good mommy, look what my kid can do!!! Let's go celebrate somewhere public where I can have an audience...."
The clincher: The photo op's will be posted to FB before the kid is out of the store..... "Look what I did for my kid!!! I am so awesome!"
Other times Moms may simply need ANY reason to celebrate.
The monotony and drudgery, when dealing with a kid who is normally like nails on a chalkboard, requires a few bright spots . Yep, I went there.... we all know at least one kid like this.
Don't they understand posting photos of your children on FB doesn't make you a good parent?