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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How To Tell Parents To Bathe Their Kids?
PitterPatter 04:15 AM 12-29-2011
How do you tell a DCM she has to bathe her kids? I have been battling with this family for almost a year now. Summer was very hard but I managed to get them in the pool with "bubbles" etc. The cruddy fingernails I can only get clean by letting them "play" in a tote of water every day. They havent even been playing outside so where does this black crud even come from I have no idea. Now I have been noticing their "odor" again and know it's from them not bathing. I can walk out of the room for a few minutues and when I walk back in this odor smacks me in the face. The other kids notice it too, They keep telling me they think so and so pooped. And now the sheets smell like them when the wake from nap. Usually I only wash the sheets once or twice a week. Lately it's been everyday or they stink.
I know for a fact it has had to be at least 5-6 days since they bathed because DCB came here with pen drawn all over his chest and down his legs on Friday. It is still there now!! Thier belly buttons are black and grimey too. What do I say without being rude and offending DCM? I'm sure she knows she has to bathe her kids but just doesnt care to. I'm afraid I will offend her and she will take them out of daycare and go elsewhere. They are good kids. I tried to drop hints and mention things in a nice way like I bought them Elmo PJs for Christmas and they wanted to put them on right then. I told them in front of her that they had to go home and get their baths 1st. After they were all clean they could put the PJs on and snuggle up. She never bathed them that night. That was the 1st day I saw the ink and it's still there! No way are they even getting wiped down it would be wiped off by now. Who wouldn't at least bathe their kids for Christmas??? What can I say?
I know for a fact it has had to be at least 5-6 days since they bathed because DCB came here with pen drawn all over his chest and down his legs on Friday. It is still there now!! Thier belly buttons are black and grimey too. What do I say without being rude and offending DCM? I'm sure she knows she has to bathe her kids but just doesnt care to. I'm afraid I will offend her and she will take them out of daycare and go elsewhere. They are good kids. I tried to drop hints and mention things in a nice way like I bought them Elmo PJs for Christmas and they wanted to put them on right then. I told them in front of her that they had to go home and get their baths 1st. After they were all clean they could put the PJs on and snuggle up. She never bathed them that night. That was the 1st day I saw the ink and it's still there! No way are they even getting wiped down it would be wiped off by now. Who wouldn't at least bathe their kids for Christmas??? What can I say?
melskids 04:21 AM 12-29-2011
That is such a tough topic to have to bring up.
Maybe send a note home with each family, (as to not single them out.)
"For the health and safety of all the children, Please bring your child freshly bathed, clean, and appropriately dressed for daycare each day."
If that doesn't work, you may have to just be blunt and tell her face to face.
Maybe send a note home with each family, (as to not single them out.)
"For the health and safety of all the children, Please bring your child freshly bathed, clean, and appropriately dressed for daycare each day."
If that doesn't work, you may have to just be blunt and tell her face to face.
laundrymom 05:33 AM 12-29-2011
I would ask her, Sara, I hate to bring this up but what soap are you using each night for the kids baths,? Ive noticed the past month or so a different smell and im afraid it's affecting my allergies. Yesterday I had eyes watering when I was holding billy it started but when I finished it stopped what soaps are you using for their nightly bath and laundry?
Could you give them an extra rinse after soap each night to get any residue off? See if that helps. ?
Could you give them an extra rinse after soap each night to get any residue off? See if that helps. ?
littlemissmuffet 05:49 AM 12-29-2011
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...highlight=bath
Wow, is this the same family you were talking about here??
There were some good ideas/was some good advice in this original thread.
I feel bad for these kiddos and for you too
Wow, is this the same family you were talking about here??
There were some good ideas/was some good advice in this original thread.
I feel bad for these kiddos and for you too
MN Mom 06:33 AM 12-29-2011
I would start being firm. No bath. No care. Obviously hints have not been working with mom. It's time to be blunt, imho. These kids are walking germ factories.
Breezy 06:45 AM 12-29-2011
How sad that her poor kids arent being bathed. I cant believe that!
Blackcat31 06:50 AM 12-29-2011
I will repeat what I said in July; "Sometimes real honesty and the blunt truth is just what is necessary. It may be tough or uncomfortable to say those words but I'm am wagering that those are the only words she will understand so time to start speaking up."
I know this is hard and I know it is uncomfortable but in all honesty, THIS IS PART OF THE JOB. It comes with the territory.
Especially since most of us welcome these kids in our homes which requires a lot more personal contact with them. It may be tough for the mom to hear but in reality, you are doing it for the kids. Please, speak up.
I know this is hard and I know it is uncomfortable but in all honesty, THIS IS PART OF THE JOB. It comes with the territory.
Especially since most of us welcome these kids in our homes which requires a lot more personal contact with them. It may be tough for the mom to hear but in reality, you are doing it for the kids. Please, speak up.
SilverSabre25 07:00 AM 12-29-2011
Gross.
I mean, I don't believe that children, or even adults for that matter, need a bath every single day unless they are doing something that truly gets them dirty ( i.e summer, playing outside everyday.)
I only bathe my daughter when I feel like she needs it and only bathe my son when I think he needs it.
BUT--they don't smell. If they have black crud under their nails I mostly know it's time to trim their nails (because really, shouldn't regular handwashing take care of that?!). If they get dirty, they get a bath that day. If my DD's hair looks yucky, I bathe her. If DS has a blow-out diaper, I bathe him.
Without playing it takes about ten minutes (undressing and turning on the water to her being clean, dry, jammied, and brushing teeth) to bathe DD and about five to bathe DS (longer now that he's a big squirmy crawling dude). Any parent who can't carve 15 minutes out of their evening on any given day is...well, lazy.
I should add, I aim for bathing DS about every third day and DD about every other day.
I mean, I don't believe that children, or even adults for that matter, need a bath every single day unless they are doing something that truly gets them dirty ( i.e summer, playing outside everyday.)
I only bathe my daughter when I feel like she needs it and only bathe my son when I think he needs it.
BUT--they don't smell. If they have black crud under their nails I mostly know it's time to trim their nails (because really, shouldn't regular handwashing take care of that?!). If they get dirty, they get a bath that day. If my DD's hair looks yucky, I bathe her. If DS has a blow-out diaper, I bathe him.
Without playing it takes about ten minutes (undressing and turning on the water to her being clean, dry, jammied, and brushing teeth) to bathe DD and about five to bathe DS (longer now that he's a big squirmy crawling dude). Any parent who can't carve 15 minutes out of their evening on any given day is...well, lazy.
I should add, I aim for bathing DS about every third day and DD about every other day.
mommiesherie 08:18 AM 12-29-2011
I honestly don't think mentioning it to her is gona work. I would just have all the kids wash up at nap time and give them an extra good scrub. Lol get the wash cloth out and soap and wash them down. I just don't think she cares what anyone thinks or she would be giving them a bath already.
Ariana 09:45 AM 12-29-2011
Isn't this neglect? Shouldn't you be calling Children's Aid or something? We learned that this is child abuse and needs to be reported.
PitterPatter 12:00 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...highlight=bath
Wow, is this the same family you were talking about here??
There were some good ideas/was some good advice in this original thread.
I feel bad for these kiddos and for you too
Yes same kids I did try some ideas from there. I will have to look back for more again. TY. I thought I fixed the sock problem by buying them 18 pairs!! They still do the same with those, on Monday semi clean and same socks all week gradually getting worse. I asked the 4 yr old is she takes her socks off at night she said no. I asked when does she takes her socks off she said she doesn't. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...highlight=bath
Wow, is this the same family you were talking about here??
There were some good ideas/was some good advice in this original thread.
I feel bad for these kiddos and for you too
My main thing is the smell at this point and worse what germs are hiding in the hair nails etc. I tell her often they need their nails cut and she says ok but never cuts them unless I claim someone was scratched. I can't lie and say that every week. They wont let me cut them.I came right out and told her about the hair it needed brushed it was literally matted on DCG head. She blames it on the tobogan.
Cat, I want so badly to tell her flat out but she complains now to me that the welfare dept is on her telling her how to raise her kids when they need this and that and she told the welfare lady they are her kids she will raise them her way. I'm afriad she will pull them. They was in at least 2 other daycare before mine. The kids will just be shipped around. In summer I had a talk close to point blank and she got offended said she does bath her kids but I know better. She will just lie. Same with diapers. They arrive here in full diapers sometimes. Even poop up their backs twice this week and when I confronted her she said they must have went on the way because she always makes sure they are dry. It's a battle I cant win because she lies to my face.
I'm just frustrated because I cant clean them like I did summer. There is no water play
I have reported them but I was asked a lot of question like did I see them negelcting them, maybe they just smell that way.
Did I see physical abuse? Did I hear verbal abuse? Are they fed? When I basically had to say no to most of it they blew me off and said so your only complaint is they are not bathed properly? They said they would pass the info on to see if it warranted further action. I don't get it. Isn't that enough?I feel bad because when I read story books now I cant stand to have them sitting on my lap because the smell is bad and the hair odor is even worse. It makes me want to cry!! I want to put them in a tub myself but I am not set up for that with the monitor.
I am saying something today dont know what but the ink all over DCBs body for the past 6 days is proof enough they havent been in a tub!
TY everyone!!
Blackcat31 12:12 PM 12-29-2011
Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;
bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it
Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all.. I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.
Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.
It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.
I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.
(((((hugs)))) for caring though.
bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it
Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all..
I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.
It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.
I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.
(((((hugs)))) for caring though.
daycare 12:27 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;
bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it
Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all.. I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.
Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.
It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.
I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.
(((((hugs)))) for caring though.
great advice...you always do give great advice..Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;
bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it
Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all..
I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.
It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.
I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.
(((((hugs)))) for caring though.
I did have a mom that was not bathing her kids and it only took one time for me to bathe and give the child clean clothes for the mom not to do it again. She was so embarrassed. I did not say anything at all....You can try this, it may or may not work...
Michelle 12:42 PM 12-29-2011
I want to bathe them myself! 
My kids get baths when they need them and I use this really good smelling shampoo/conditioner from Victoria's secret and rub baby lotion all over them..
Then I wash their clothes with liquid fabric softener and they look so brand new.
What do you mean you can't bathe them because of the monitor?
(not judging at all) different states have different rules...
My kids get baths when they need them and I use this really good smelling shampoo/conditioner from Victoria's secret and rub baby lotion all over them..
Then I wash their clothes with liquid fabric softener and they look so brand new.
What do you mean you can't bathe them because of the monitor?
(not judging at all) different states have different rules...
Breezy 12:52 PM 12-29-2011
Still feeling so horrible for these kids. I can not believe this is not a neglect issue. They need to be clean! And if they are getting bathed, their socks aren't being changed, then what else is going on that isn't seen?? Are the sheets washed on their beds? Do they have a clean and safe place to play at home? Does mom wash dishes, etc.
I almost would say you should call the police for an anonymous welfare check on these kids at home after documenting with pictures all of this!!
I almost would say you should call the police for an anonymous welfare check on these kids at home after documenting with pictures all of this!!
PitterPatter 01:06 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;
bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it
Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all.. I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.
Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.
It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.
I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.
(((((hugs)))) for caring though.
You are right I guess I was just looking for some miracle word, some statment that would make a light go on. I tried again to be blunt when she just came for pick up a few minutes ago and I couldn't. Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;
bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it
Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all..
I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.
It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.
I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.
(((((hugs)))) for caring though.
I said "Johnny keeps pointing to the ink on his body again today and I told him maybe Mommy would let him soak in the tub longer tonight"
She said "we'll see"
I said "well I worry what ink does after sitting on the skin so long."
She said "well thats what happens when he gets into my pens"
That really burned my biscuits!!! I about snapped but just then another child was misbehaving and needed my attention. To which SHE chimed in and tried to correct the child.
I wanted to say B mind your own business!I do need them financially but I have alos grown attached to them. They are a screaming mess when I hear them from home over the phone but here they are calm and follow directions. I don't get it but I'm thankful I have good kids. I just wish they were clean.
I am going to bathe them myself I just don't know how to explain it to DCM when she claims she already bathes them. I will worry she will accuse me of being some sort of perv or something. I just hate that SHE KNOWS she doesnt bathe them and SHE KNOW I KNOW and stands there lying in my face!
The clothing I have bought them 5 outfits as well as PJs socks and shoes. They come back dirty so that wont work. I am going to change them dialy into clean sets and back to their own sets when it's time to leave. I just hope I don't get caught how would I explain it?Thank you Cat for all your help. I always trust your opinions
Breezy 01:10 PM 12-29-2011
You could always go on a field trip to a community center and go swimming and then shower off after to get the chlorine off!
I know, I know totally far fetched since I am sure that would not be an option but I want so desperately to think of an excuse to get these kids in the tub!
I know, I know totally far fetched since I am sure that would not be an option but I want so desperately to think of an excuse to get these kids in the tub!
PitterPatter 01:12 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I want to bathe them myself!
My kids get baths when they need them and I use this really good smelling shampoo/conditioner from Victoria's secret and rub baby lotion all over them..
Then I wash their clothes with liquid fabric softener and they look so brand new.
What do you mean you can't bathe them because of the monitor?
(not judging at all) different states have different rules...
Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?I want to bathe them myself!
My kids get baths when they need them and I use this really good smelling shampoo/conditioner from Victoria's secret and rub baby lotion all over them..
Then I wash their clothes with liquid fabric softener and they look so brand new.
What do you mean you can't bathe them because of the monitor?
(not judging at all) different states have different rules...
Breezy 01:17 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by PitterPatter:
Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?
How old are they again? Could you finger paint with them and then say that they got really messy and needed to have a quick bath?Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?
Michelle 01:18 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by PitterPatter:
Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?
OMG! can you imagine that conversation?Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?
"Yea, I only bathe my kids like once a month and my provider thinks that's somehow wrong and she gave them a bath... can you go over there and get her in trouble cause I'm really really mad at her !
PitterPatter 01:20 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Breezy:
You could always go on a field trip to a community center and go swimming and then shower off after to get the chlorine off!
I know, I know totally far fetched since I am sure that would not be an option but I want so desperately to think of an excuse to get these kids in the tub!
I feel the same way. Thats why I loved it when summer came. I put them in a small wading pool and put a bunch of kids bath/body wash in it and told them it was bubble bath!! You could always go on a field trip to a community center and go swimming and then shower off after to get the chlorine off!
I know, I know totally far fetched since I am sure that would not be an option but I want so desperately to think of an excuse to get these kids in the tub!
At 1st they were afraid of the water!! But I gradually got them used to it. Now we are back to square 1.
DCM even caught me 1 day, picked it up and read the bottle "Sponge Bob body wash????" and made a face like WHY??? I said oh yeah sorry I ran out of Mr. Bubble.
She had to know what I was doing! I swear to God I will never understand her!I feel a tad nuts because I tried to think of everything. I even thought maybe I could febreez them when they arrive! Terrible I know! I do Febreeze the beds and carpets. I no longer allow them on my sofa because it smells bad at the end of the day so I spend a lot of the time on the floor or the kids cozy couches with them so they don't feel uncomfortable.
PitterPatter 01:22 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Breezy:
How old are they again? Could you finger paint with them and then say that they got really messy and needed to have a quick bath?
I have done that to use the excuse of changing their clothes and wiping them down. DCG told DCM I wiped them off. That must be how DCM does it. I could risk popping them in the tub but I couldnt do it often without questions. We dont paint everyday just a couple times per week. Good idea tho!!How old are they again? Could you finger paint with them and then say that they got really messy and needed to have a quick bath?
PitterPatter 01:27 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
OMG! can you imagine that conversation?
"Yea, I only bathe my kids like once a month and my provider thinks that's somehow wrong and she gave them a bath... can you go over there and get her in trouble cause I'm really really mad at her !
LOL She would NEVER admit that! She wont even admit it to me after all I do for them. It would be more like "I bathe my kids every day so why is she making them take baths hmmm?" That scares me! OMG! can you imagine that conversation?
"Yea, I only bathe my kids like once a month and my provider thinks that's somehow wrong and she gave them a bath... can you go over there and get her in trouble cause I'm really really mad at her !
I went so far as to put a note in the newsletter saying something like with winter here most of us allow our kids to skip baths every other night or so but please make sure the children arrive to daycare cleaned up with a fresh diaper. ( I was mainly aiming at the diaper issue at that point) I was embarrased after I handed it out. Another parent asked what that was about, her child is always bathed.
Blackcat31 01:31 PM 12-29-2011
.....another thought, could you possibly try approaching the subject by telling Mom the other kids are beginning to exclude her child and/or are making fun of her because of the smelly issues.... don't know if it'll work or if she will care but sometimes parents will step up when they do finally realize how things are affecting their kids.
PitterPatter 01:52 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
.....another thought, could you possibly try approaching the subject by telling Mom the other kids are beginning to exclude her child and/or are making fun of her because of the smelly issues.... don't know if it'll work or if she will care but sometimes parents will step up when they do finally realize how things are affecting their kids.
I tried that too. Someone else here suggested that in the summer I think it was. .....another thought, could you possibly try approaching the subject by telling Mom the other kids are beginning to exclude her child and/or are making fun of her because of the smelly issues.... don't know if it'll work or if she will care but sometimes parents will step up when they do finally realize how things are affecting their kids.
I told DCM back then something like... The kids have been playing pretty hard and have been having a sweaty odor about them. Another child commented on the odor and wouldn't play with them and made your kids feel bad so could you make sure they get a bath tonight? ... All DCM got from that was who was the mean kid and were they punnished?
Cat honestly I have never met anyone like her in all my life. She just does not care! Yet she lies about it all. Usually if someone hasnt cared in the past they tell me to mind my business or so what, I don't have time, etc. She is constantly complaining about everyone else doing wrong to her yet she does no wrong. I would never tell anyone that the DHHS has sanctioned me AGAIN and is on my back about the kids and the way my home is kept!
She has no embarrasment. Yet she lies. Makes no sense in my brain.I also dont understand why my report means nothing especially when she is already under investigation. I asked a lady (friend of a friend) that works in a different dept why reports don't get investigated and she said all she can tell me is they don't have the staff to investigate all the reports so they weigh which issues are more important.
Blackcat31 03:00 PM 12-29-2011
I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
sharlan 03:47 PM 12-29-2011
Blackcat has good advice.
I've forgotten, how old are these kids? Can you give them a quick wash up in the kitchen sink?
I would do whatever it took to bathe these kids. Finger painting, spilling milk or juice, whatever excuse you could use.
I've forgotten, how old are these kids? Can you give them a quick wash up in the kitchen sink?
I would do whatever it took to bathe these kids. Finger painting, spilling milk or juice, whatever excuse you could use.
Ariana 04:12 PM 12-29-2011
I can't believe the children's Aid didn't take this issue more seriously. Makes you wonder what else is going on at home.
I really think you need to enforce some rules here about these kids. Tell her you want them bathed 2X a week or you will begin bathing them and charging her an extra fee. I would then threaten to term if she doesn't comply. These kids need to be bathed. It's a major health issue IMO. The last thing I'd be worried about is offending this mom. Think only about the kids here and their well being.
I should also add that I've washed clothes and the mom didn't even notice. A snowsuit that was FILTHY went home looking brand new and the mom didn't even notice or care
I really think you need to enforce some rules here about these kids. Tell her you want them bathed 2X a week or you will begin bathing them and charging her an extra fee. I would then threaten to term if she doesn't comply. These kids need to be bathed. It's a major health issue IMO. The last thing I'd be worried about is offending this mom. Think only about the kids here and their well being.
I should also add that I've washed clothes and the mom didn't even notice. A snowsuit that was FILTHY went home looking brand new and the mom didn't even notice or care
Ariana 04:14 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
PitterPatter 04:24 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
Thank you Cat!! I know I'm not the only person with this situation but what you say makes a lot of sense. Mental issues and all. I think that to myself all the time this woman must be crazy but never really thought it serious kwim? I have documented some but not everything. I have pics in my cell right now of the crud under the nails that make me sick just looking at it. I will save that pic as well as the ink pics taken last Friday. I should ahve taken some today too to show the ink has been there for 6 days. Oh and I asked what kind of ink pen it was because I would love to have a permanant ink like that. She shurgged and said it's just a dollar store bic. I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
Thank you again Cat!!!
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Blackcat has good advice.
I've forgotten, how old are these kids? Can you give them a quick wash up in the kitchen sink?
I would do whatever it took to bathe these kids. Finger painting, spilling milk or juice, whatever excuse you could use.
2 and 4 yrs old. I did almost put the 4 yr old in the tub this week because she came with mashed poop up clear up her back and her back is kinda hairy. I used a dozen wipes or more getting her cleaned up! I told DCM about it and gave her the shirt that had even gotten poop on it because the poop had squished right up out of the diaper. She said she must have pooed on the way and she didnt know it. Blackcat has good advice.
I've forgotten, how old are these kids? Can you give them a quick wash up in the kitchen sink?
I would do whatever it took to bathe these kids. Finger painting, spilling milk or juice, whatever excuse you could use.
Yeah that's why it was also dried on around some edges? Come on!!The 1st time I went to check and put my bare fingers right in it because I didn't imagine it would be there like that. GAG!! I bleached my hand 3 times with straight bleach and scrubbed it with a potato scrubber I was so sick, and all before breakfast! I kept gloves on all day that day and the kids laughed but I was so afraid I would contaminate something. I'm so sick of changing poopy diapers upon arrival before I can even get breakfast on the table. That makes for a genuine Craptastic day!
I am going to talk to the monitor again and see what he suggests for the bathing. I know her she wants people to do everything for her such as the diapers and her sitting on her ass while I dress the kids and put shoes on etc. It would be better for everyone if I could just bathe them. I should charge her a bathing fee! She doesn't even pay her portion fees otherwise I would try it.
Sorry rambling TY everyone!!
Michelle 04:26 PM 12-29-2011
another temporary fix for the hair is "no more tangles " or some kind of detangling spray... I know it's not as good as a bath but it will at least help with the knots and the odor.
I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.
Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint
I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.
Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint
PitterPatter 04:30 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I can't believe the children's Aid didn't take this issue more seriously. Makes you wonder what else is going on at home.
I really think you need to enforce some rules here about these kids. Tell her you want them bathed 2X a week or you will begin bathing them and charging her an extra fee. I would then threaten to term if she doesn't comply. These kids need to be bathed. It's a major health issue IMO. The last thing I'd be worried about is offending this mom. Think only about the kids here and their well being.
I should also add that I've washed clothes and the mom didn't even notice. A snowsuit that was FILTHY went home looking brand new and the mom didn't even notice or care
I am afraid she will pull the kids. She already adnitted to being in at least 2 other daycares and left because of their "stupid policies" I bet this was the issue and she will just keep moving them. At least here I care and try. What if they go somewhere that doesnt care or try to make a difference. Plus they are good kids I dont want to risk losing them, I had my share of troubled kids.I can't believe the children's Aid didn't take this issue more seriously. Makes you wonder what else is going on at home.
I really think you need to enforce some rules here about these kids. Tell her you want them bathed 2X a week or you will begin bathing them and charging her an extra fee. I would then threaten to term if she doesn't comply. These kids need to be bathed. It's a major health issue IMO. The last thing I'd be worried about is offending this mom. Think only about the kids here and their well being.
I should also add that I've washed clothes and the mom didn't even notice. A snowsuit that was FILTHY went home looking brand new and the mom didn't even notice or care
I have washed the coats and I know DCM noticed she did a double take last spring and I said they had gotten them dirty while playing outside so I washed them. OMG I took before and after pics, what a dif!!! The little girls coat was clean after 1 wash and gleaming from a 2nd wash! When I saw the rinse water brown I knew I had to wash again. The cuffs were stained but they smelled so good and were even sofeter and fluffier!
PitterPatter 04:39 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
another temporary fix for the hair is "no more tangles " or some kind of detangling spray... I know it's not as good as a bath but it will at least help with the knots and the odor.
I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.
Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint
WOW 2 great ideas!!!another temporary fix for the hair is "no more tangles " or some kind of detangling spray... I know it's not as good as a bath but it will at least help with the knots and the odor.
I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.
Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint
Oh and what about that dry hairspray or something? It cleans your hair with spray?
I know they use the sink at least because she complains the people staying with them leaves the water sit in the sink for days until its full of dishes and moldy. (ummm its YOUR house) This is just another 1 of those, why would you ever tell anyone this info, situations.
Geez I could have forgotten to give a Christmas gift over the weekend and taken it. Now the wheels are turning what can I go for. AND when I go I can then report, Yes I did see the home...
Thank you!
SandeeAR 05:01 PM 12-29-2011
You keep saying, "I'm afraid she will pull the kids". Then advertise, get two new kids lined up and term her Immediately. Problem solved.
PitterPatter 05:18 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by SandeeAR:
You keep saying, "I'm afraid she will pull the kids". Then advertise, get two new kids lined up and term her Immediately. Problem solved.
It's not that easy. I adore the kids. They are good kids and they deserve a change. She will just put them somwhere else again as she has already done 3 times now. I want to help the kids. I had hoped to pound some sense into DCMs head but I guess it won't happen. Even if I wasn't so attached to them I still wouldn't let go so easily because I know the next kid could be a terror and just more drama.You keep saying, "I'm afraid she will pull the kids". Then advertise, get two new kids lined up and term her Immediately. Problem solved.
I want to see these kids happy AND healthy. I want to see these kids have all they deserve. I can't just toss them aside and say next.
SandeeAR 06:15 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by PitterPatter:
It's not that easy. I adore the kids. They are good kids and they deserve a change. She will just put them somwhere else again as she has already done 3 times now. I want to help the kids. I had hoped to pound some sense into DCMs head but I guess it won't happen. Even if I wasn't so attached to them I still wouldn't let go so easily because I know the next kid could be a terror and just more drama.
I want to see these kids happy AND healthy. I want to see these kids have all they deserve. I can't just toss them aside and say next.
I not saying just put them aside to be harse. Just you have to realize, you aren't going to change her. You either have to live with things the way they are, and continue to let them adversely effect you, your family and the other daycare kids, or move on. Right now, you aren't realizing it, but you are putting the needs of these two kids before the needs of the other dcks.It's not that easy. I adore the kids. They are good kids and they deserve a change. She will just put them somwhere else again as she has already done 3 times now. I want to help the kids. I had hoped to pound some sense into DCMs head but I guess it won't happen. Even if I wasn't so attached to them I still wouldn't let go so easily because I know the next kid could be a terror and just more drama.
I want to see these kids happy AND healthy. I want to see these kids have all they deserve. I can't just toss them aside and say next.
At some point, she is going to say enough is enough (of you and your policies) and move on anyway. How many of the other kids are you going to lose in the process? When parents get tired of the complaints from their kids about the smell, etc.
Just putting things out there for you to think about (besides, just those 2 kids).
daycare 06:41 PM 12-29-2011
I not saying just put them aside to be harse. Just you have to realize, you aren't going to change her. You either have to live with things the way they are, and continue to let them adversely effect you, your family and the other daycare kids, or move on.
I have to say that I do agree with this. As you have already tired to help change DCM for the better, it's just not going to happen. It make take a lighting bolt to hit her in the butt before she figures it out and sadly, she just may never get it. EVER.
she may have been raised in worse conditions than she is raising her children and think taht she is doing a super job. You never know the other side of things.
I know you have worked so hard and you can at least say that you gave it your all.
I have been where you are and the feeling is horrible. You just want to take these kids and hold them and let them know everything will always be ok. But in the end, it's just not a reality for us to do this and the kids go home with mom when the day is done. We can't save them all, but in our heart of hearts we know we tried...
Big hugs..............
I have to say that I do agree with this. As you have already tired to help change DCM for the better, it's just not going to happen. It make take a lighting bolt to hit her in the butt before she figures it out and sadly, she just may never get it. EVER.
she may have been raised in worse conditions than she is raising her children and think taht she is doing a super job. You never know the other side of things.
I know you have worked so hard and you can at least say that you gave it your all.
I have been where you are and the feeling is horrible. You just want to take these kids and hold them and let them know everything will always be ok. But in the end, it's just not a reality for us to do this and the kids go home with mom when the day is done. We can't save them all, but in our heart of hearts we know we tried...
Big hugs..............
sharlan 07:13 PM 12-29-2011
Did I read you right? The 4 yo is still in diapers? Won't this child be starting K next year?
I totally understand where you are coming from. You cannot turn your back on a child. I would find a way to bathe them.
I totally understand where you are coming from. You cannot turn your back on a child. I would find a way to bathe them.
mommiesherie 07:39 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
Yup document everything!!!! I mean everything in detail. And scrub those little boogers down. Does the mom take a regular bath?I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.
In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".
I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?
I can't say it enough but document, document, document.
In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.
All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.
It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.
So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....
PitterPatter 08:48 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Did I read you right? The 4 yo is still in diapers? Won't this child be starting K next year?
I totally understand where you are coming from. You cannot turn your back on a child. I would find a way to bathe them.
Yes 4 and still in diapers. We hit and miss here but she just wont tell me when she has to go I have to try to get her there on my own as if she was a baby. Never had this hard of a time before and 2 yr old, forget it! He will even lie with a poo filled diaper when I ask. Mom says she wont force them they will do it in their own time so of course it wont work without her help at home.Did I read you right? The 4 yo is still in diapers? Won't this child be starting K next year?
I totally understand where you are coming from. You cannot turn your back on a child. I would find a way to bathe them.
Originally Posted by mommiesherie:
Yup document everything!!!! I mean everything in detail. And scrub those little boogers down. Does the mom take a regular bath?
Mom is cleaner but still has an odor too. Yup document everything!!!! I mean everything in detail. And scrub those little boogers down. Does the mom take a regular bath?
Thank you everyone for the help and advise it's all appreciated.
PitterPatter 08:53 PM 12-29-2011
Originally Posted by SandeeAR:
I not saying just put them aside to be harse. Just you have to realize, you aren't going to change her. You either have to live with things the way they are, and continue to let them adversely effect you, your family and the other daycare kids, or move on. Right now, you aren't realizing it, but you are putting the needs of these two kids before the needs of the other dcks.
At some point, she is going to say enough is enough (of you and your policies) and move on anyway. How many of the other kids are you going to lose in the process? When parents get tired of the complaints from their kids about the smell, etc.
Just putting things out there for you to think about (besides, just those 2 kids).
They aren't the only kids I think about. I put my son above ALL. He is in school most of the day as is the other DCKs. I treat ALL DCKs the same. Right now they are the only 2 here all day. With the exception of winter break right now.I not saying just put them aside to be harse. Just you have to realize, you aren't going to change her. You either have to live with things the way they are, and continue to let them adversely effect you, your family and the other daycare kids, or move on. Right now, you aren't realizing it, but you are putting the needs of these two kids before the needs of the other dcks.
At some point, she is going to say enough is enough (of you and your policies) and move on anyway. How many of the other kids are you going to lose in the process? When parents get tired of the complaints from their kids about the smell, etc.
Just putting things out there for you to think about (besides, just those 2 kids).
Kaddidle Care 06:20 AM 12-30-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.
Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint
I think you are spot on with the hoarding thing. I'm picturing a bath tub filled with "stuff". I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.
Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint
I'd be afraid they will eventually bring something into your home like scabies, lice, roaches, etc.
Also, they will make your home smell and this will prevent you from getting any other DC children.
I'd tell Mom that the other children are avoiding hers because they smell. They need to be bathed at least every other day and their hair needs to be washed at least once a week.
Mom needs a good kick in the arse. If she doesn't clean up her act, report her again.
Sprouts 06:34 AM 12-30-2011
some stuff i found that maybe you can give to parents instead of singling her out....but yes someone needs to be straight with her if the smell is that bad....poor kids
https://www.guardian.com.my/v2/files...n_Lifebouy.pdf
https://www.guardian.com.my/v2/files...n_Lifebouy.pdf
3kidzmama 07:02 AM 12-30-2011
It is obvious that she isn't going to bathe them. Could you begin a daily unit on cleanliness? Send home a newsletter stating that your new schedule will include teaching the children to care for their own bodies (including washing, brushing teeth, grooming hair, etc). Then proceed to spend 15-30 minutes each morning doing that. At least then the children will be clean and you will have a valid educational response to any questioning that dcm may have. 2-1 says she doesn't give a rip. but maybe the kids will learn to do it themselves. Poor babies.
Breezy 08:40 AM 12-30-2011
Originally Posted by 3kidzmama:
It is obvious that she isn't going to bathe them. Could you begin a daily unit on cleanliness? Send home a newsletter stating that your new schedule will include teaching the children to care for their own bodies (including washing, brushing teeth, grooming hair, etc). Then proceed to spend 15-30 minutes each morning doing that. At least then the children will be clean and you will have a valid educational response to any questioning that dcm may have. 2-1 says she doesn't give a rip. but maybe the kids will learn to do it themselves. Poor babies.
Or they will start to request it at home constantly!!It is obvious that she isn't going to bathe them. Could you begin a daily unit on cleanliness? Send home a newsletter stating that your new schedule will include teaching the children to care for their own bodies (including washing, brushing teeth, grooming hair, etc). Then proceed to spend 15-30 minutes each morning doing that. At least then the children will be clean and you will have a valid educational response to any questioning that dcm may have. 2-1 says she doesn't give a rip. but maybe the kids will learn to do it themselves. Poor babies.
PitterPatter 01:00 PM 12-30-2011
Originally Posted by Sprouts:
some stuff i found that maybe you can give to parents instead of singling her out....but yes someone needs to be straight with her if the smell is that bad....poor kids
https://www.guardian.com.my/v2/files...n_Lifebouy.pdf
I did put something like that in the January newsletter. A 1/2 page was just discussing flu, germs, how easily they are spread etc. I then explained how often we wash out hands including up our arms to our elbows and even our faces after meals. I mentioned the songs we sing so that we know we have washed long enough. some stuff i found that maybe you can give to parents instead of singling her out....but yes someone needs to be straight with her if the smell is that bad....poor kids
https://www.guardian.com.my/v2/files...n_Lifebouy.pdf
I hope it works. If not then I will print this whole article for them! TY for helping!
PitterPatter 01:03 PM 12-30-2011
Originally Posted by 3kidzmama:
It is obvious that she isn't going to bathe them. Could you begin a daily unit on cleanliness? Send home a newsletter stating that your new schedule will include teaching the children to care for their own bodies (including washing, brushing teeth, grooming hair, etc). Then proceed to spend 15-30 minutes each morning doing that. At least then the children will be clean and you will have a valid educational response to any questioning that dcm may have. 2-1 says she doesn't give a rip. but maybe the kids will learn to do it themselves. Poor babies.
Great idea. Turn it into a whole program change!! We could make that a theme for the month of January and just run with it for the rest of the year! Heck I will even buy soap, toothpaste etc and send it home with everyone. It is obvious that she isn't going to bathe them. Could you begin a daily unit on cleanliness? Send home a newsletter stating that your new schedule will include teaching the children to care for their own bodies (including washing, brushing teeth, grooming hair, etc). Then proceed to spend 15-30 minutes each morning doing that. At least then the children will be clean and you will have a valid educational response to any questioning that dcm may have. 2-1 says she doesn't give a rip. but maybe the kids will learn to do it themselves. Poor babies.
Thanks for the great idea!
SilverSabre25 01:13 PM 12-30-2011
Originally Posted by PitterPatter:
Great idea. Turn it into a whole program change!! We could make that a theme for the month of January and just run with it for the rest of the year! Heck I will even buy soap, toothpaste etc and send it home with everyone.
Thanks for the great idea!
Sure send it home...but maybe you could just make it a routine to brush teeth after lunch (so you know that they at least had the teeth brushed that day) and wash up to elbows and wash faces after lunch (so at least they've had that much). Maybe you could have some of the flushable wet wipes on hand in the bathroom and have (those children anyway) wipe with those at least once a day, so you know that at least their bottoms have gotten clean.Great idea. Turn it into a whole program change!! We could make that a theme for the month of January and just run with it for the rest of the year! Heck I will even buy soap, toothpaste etc and send it home with everyone.
Thanks for the great idea!
PitterPatter 01:16 PM 12-30-2011
Update:
The kids arrived today and literally jumped in the door and DCG yelled "I was in the bath!" I said Wow really just now? DCB yells "I have a bath too!" I said well good job guys! DCB lifts his shirt to show me his clean belly he still has some grim in the belly button but at least the ink came off! I said to DCM "Wow they are really excited about their bath did they just have it?" She said "no I put them in last night I don't know why they are still excited about it." I wanted to say because it's a special occasion!
I made a big deal about the whole thing and told DCM thank you for getting that ink off of him I couldn't rub it off of his belly very well.
Their hair was even cleaner so it must have gotten wet. Odor still there but I think it's in the house at this point. We will work on things. I pray she bathes them often now and if she does I will try to get the clothing washed at least. I have jumped this hurdle before and still lost the race so I am not uncrossing my fingers just yet!
I am sending out reinforcments such as the newsletter addition and some supplies! Thank you everyone for all the help and support!!
The kids arrived today and literally jumped in the door and DCG yelled "I was in the bath!" I said Wow really just now? DCB yells "I have a bath too!" I said well good job guys! DCB lifts his shirt to show me his clean belly he still has some grim in the belly button but at least the ink came off! I said to DCM "Wow they are really excited about their bath did they just have it?" She said "no I put them in last night I don't know why they are still excited about it."
I wanted to say because it's a special occasion!I made a big deal about the whole thing and told DCM thank you for getting that ink off of him I couldn't rub it off of his belly very well.
Their hair was even cleaner so it must have gotten wet. Odor still there but I think it's in the house at this point. We will work on things. I pray she bathes them often now and if she does I will try to get the clothing washed at least. I have jumped this hurdle before and still lost the race so I am not uncrossing my fingers just yet!
I am sending out reinforcments such as the newsletter addition and some supplies! Thank you everyone for all the help and support!!
PitterPatter 01:20 PM 12-30-2011
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Sure send it home...but maybe you could just make it a routine to brush teeth after lunch (so you know that they at least had the teeth brushed that day) and wash up to elbows and wash faces after lunch (so at least they've had that much). Maybe you could have some of the flushable wet wipes on hand in the bathroom and have (those children anyway) wipe with those at least once a day, so you know that at least their bottoms have gotten clean.
They are still in diapers the bottom is the cleanest part sadly!Sure send it home...but maybe you could just make it a routine to brush teeth after lunch (so you know that they at least had the teeth brushed that day) and wash up to elbows and wash faces after lunch (so at least they've had that much). Maybe you could have some of the flushable wet wipes on hand in the bathroom and have (those children anyway) wipe with those at least once a day, so you know that at least their bottoms have gotten clean.
We wash faces hands and arms dily and bottoms. Problem is when they have sat at home in dirty diapers they come in with that odor and rashes at times too. I updated tho. Maybe I embarrassed her. I dont know what it was but when I said let them soak longer in the tub, they came in this morn excited telling everyone they took a bath. Sad to see but happy at the same time kwim?
Michelle 01:27 PM 12-30-2011
Originally Posted by PitterPatter:
Great idea. Turn it into a whole program change!! We could make that a theme for the month of January and just run with it for the rest of the year! Heck I will even buy soap, toothpaste etc and send it home with everyone.
Thanks for the great idea!
Pitter patter... you are such an awesome provider!Great idea. Turn it into a whole program change!! We could make that a theme for the month of January and just run with it for the rest of the year! Heck I will even buy soap, toothpaste etc and send it home with everyone.
Thanks for the great idea!
Those kids are so lucky to have you.
The mom I had who was a horder was seriously depressed and she wore the same clothes almost everyday too.
She was a single mom and nobody in her family helped her.
I gave the kids baths and had to take care of their skin because they had serious eczema and rashes that turned into scars from being so dirty.
Their teeth were rotting and when I had them in public people would give me dirty looks as if it was my fault. She ended up moving to Florida and getting married, and I heard she takes better care of them now.
The position you are in is so hard because I know you love them.
Just do what you think is best. I have been there before. Even if you start bathing them, it won't change the mom. Just really watch this mom because these are the kind of women who end up on the news doing terrible things to their kids. Watch for total lack of caring( more than her usual).
countrymom 06:14 AM 12-31-2011
just remember one day when the children get older they will always remember the kindness you showed them. We can't save them all but we can do our hardest trying.