So I have this parent who is constantly threatening me to leave when I say no to things she wants. Now she wants to celebrate her dd bday and unfortunately I will not be possible to do it in the actual bday date due to religious conflicts with another dcg. The dcm called me today to ask me if I figured out a way to do the bday on the day she wanted and I said I have not been able to talk to the other dcm to see if she wants to switch days. the dcm told me that is not fair her dcg can not have the bday on her actual bday date and that if I was unable to figured out she will send me a 2 week notice. I said, that is not a problem you have the right to do so please send me an email so I can put it in the file. I already received the email but I don't know how to respond to it. Have anyone have this type of situation before Help please!!! She can leave that is perfectly fine but should I keep her for the 2 weeks or just terminate?

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You already discussed it, so if you respond I would just acknowledge that you received it and when the last day of care will be. Keep it short and professional. I wouldn't terminate immediately unless she does something else, but I don't know your complete history... she can always leave sooner and still pay you for the 2 weeks.
Is her birthday in that 2 week time period?

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I would simply acknowledge that you received her two week notice and confirm the final day of care and leave it at that. She is threatening you because she thinks it has leverage in forcing you to do what she wants you to do.

If you aren't going to cave and do as she is demanding, then don't pay any attention to her tantrum. Just tell her you received the notice and confirm the final day.

If you want her to leave immediately you could say care is terminated immediately for poor behavior on her part and not respecting you or your program and that you will waive the required two weeks attendance and payment. (IF you require notice and/or payment)

If child's birthday is within the final two weeks of care, I would do as you originally planned and just have the birthday when it works for your GROUP as a WHOLE but it needs to be your decision, not hers.

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Yes it is

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I would make it clear that you will not be doing any birthday celebration because it has become such a source of conflict.

What does daycare have to do with the kids birthday? Is the Mom planning on coming to your house to celebrate it? That's going to be very awkward.

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Yeh, celebrating a dcks' birthday isn't really part of our job requirement. Dcm has a lot of gall to be so demanding. I'd do as the others have suggested, confirm receipt of her email, remind her she still needs to pay until she's done on such and such a date.

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She sounds like a nightmare. Call her bluff. If she leaves, good riddance. You don't want someone constantly trying to run YOUR business.

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That^

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I am glad you termed this mom. She sounds like a nightmare.

However, I am curious as to why, if you generally celebrate birthdays, what does the day you celebrate it on have to do or not to do with another child's religious beliefs?

In my mind I am guessing that attending a birthday party is against a second child's religious beliefs. If so, then I would tell that parent that any time you choose to celebrate a birthday you will let that parent know and let her decide whether to bring her child or not.

I mean in the future.

Laurel

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You have given the parent too much power I do not celebrate birthdays etc.the more you give the more they demand

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She sounds like a real spoiled brat (and I ain't talking about DCG). If she wants her daughter to have a birthday party then that is her responsibility, not yours! She says "it's not fair", well it's not fair to the other DCF that they would have to either switch days or miss out on daycare and find alternative care because it's DCG's birthday. It's also not fair if you only celebrate this DCG's birthday but don't celebrate any of the other DCK's birthdays. What's going to happen when DCG goes to school? Would she expect the teachers to drop their whole curriculum that day just to celebrate DCG's birthday? NEWS FLASH: your child's birthday is not a national holiday! This is truly a blessing in disguise.

Personally, I think she was just being lazy and didn't want to plan, clean up or pay for a party. If you think about it, she's already paying you and it will be at your house so naturally you will be the one who would be stuck with the planning and cleaning.

I would say that if she decided to leave, it depends on you're contract. If it says she can still come to care for the remainder of the two weeks, then give her two weeks from the day she gave notice. But if the birthday is coming up I would stay firm and not throw a party and let her know that. And who knows, maybe she would just decide not to go that day.

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The birthday falls between the two week's notice but I will not celebrated at all this lady is been threatening me many times and I have not terminated her because I love her dcg and she used to be really good dcm but she just have several tantrums over the last few weeks and I'm a preschool teacher not a mamisitter.
I used to celebrate all the dck bdays and schefule them around the days that yhe other dcg is not here so it does not interfere with her believes and I was going to do the same ghing for this dcg but her dcm is to much to handle. Sorry for the spelling my phone is not good in english at all

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Now I get the DCM’s agitation. It does not make her poor behavior acceptable. Like another poster mentioned. DCM should plan another birthday celebration somewhere else.

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Did the other family know that you celebrate birthdays when they signed up? I don't personally do birthday parties here besides maybe a special snack, but if I had a family that doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays then they would simply not attend on the days we're doing something.

With that said, I refuse to be bullied so this mom would get a quick "I received your termination notice via email. DCG's last day of care will be xx/xx/xxxx. Per our contracted agreement, payment is due regardless of attendance through this date. Thank you" and be done with her.

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Not singling you out MissBeth, but this is similar to the thread about the allergies and birthday cake at school.

It seems the easy answer would be for the party with the issue to have to figure it out since it is their belief that is causing the "problem"...kwim?

But the consensus on the other thread is that if one person can't do something then no one should.

I know we are talking about private child care and not the public school system but for most of us, working towards inclusive care, this is a topic we should be prepared for...kwim?

Here is the other thread I was referencing
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69017

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My handbook says that we celebrate typical Christian Holidays and Birthdays, but do not provide religious instruction. So, we put up a tree (hey, it's my house), give little gifts, and play some Christmas music. We have cupcakes, sing Happy Birthday, and kiddo gets a little something from me, but nothing too crazy.

If a client had a problem with that, I'd say they either choose another childcare OR they can remove their child for any celebrations. We always do any "parties" after pm nap, so they'd just need to pick up early.

If someone enrolled that wanted to share their own customs with us, I would welcome it, as long as it's a positive, loving belief. For example, if it required animal sacrifice, I'd draw the line. My sister had a little girl who's moms (plural) were Wickens (sp). It was kind of cute watching all her daycare kids literally hugging trees. I haven't had anything quite so diverse myself. I think there've been a few Athiests, but no one has objected to the somewhat secular version of holidays we've had.

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I 100% think the OP did the right thing. I respect her course of action.

I operate a little differently.

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That is how I would normally handle this issue as well but upon further reading of our QRIS standards and the NAEYC statements on inclusive child care, it seems that how we are both handling this is not necessarily correct....kwim?

I know that a lot of providers work in centers or are centers that have to follow most of the inclusion rules and although private family child care may not have gotten there yet, I do think that is part of the direction we are all heading.

Inclusion for everyone.

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Just my personal opinion..........

If a parent doesn't want their child included in parties, then they need to make other arrangements for that day.

Back in grade school - 50 years ago - we had a little girl that always disappeared right after lunch on days we had parties. There wasn't an issue made, nothing was said. It wasn't until we hit 5th or 6th grade when somebody finally asked why so and so was never at the parties. The teacher said something simple like her religion doesn't allow her to attend parties and that ended the discussion.

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I used to sub for our school librarian before doing child care. One little girl used to not celebrate birthday's so she came to library. She liked to help me but she didn't really have to. That was a win-win because she was really a big help.

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I see what you're saying. But if holiday/birthday parties are a part of OP's program and parents know about it before they sign on then why would OP be responsible for rearranging everything around this one child?

I do think, though, that I would be leaning towards stopping parties altogether. This whole situation sounds like way more hassle than I would want to put up with. Sucks, but way too much work and stress to rearrange life around one child. And yes, I know there are many situations where we would be required to do exactly that (allergies, medical conditions, etc.).

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This is why I don't "do" birthdays. That way it's fair to everyone and they can do as much or as little as they want on THEIR time.

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Just curious what is considered a birthday party? Do you go all out and have a full party? Or just cupcakes or cookies and sing happy birthday at snack?

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We don't have a full-on party. Some of my parents bring a special snack to share, others don't. We do sing happy birthday at snack time. And I give them a present from me. But, they open it right before their pickup time and have to take it home to play with.

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I respect everyone's way of doing things, but here is how I see it.

I do Birthdays, but my own thing. I buy the child a present to take home, we have cupcakes, mini cupcakes. I make the child a hat. We sing to the child. I let the child be first or special for the day- Anything beyond that is up the parent to do at home.

I celebrate Holidays and interest of others so long as they are not wacked out and crazy. We celebrated Chinese New Year. The kids went home saying Gung Hay Fat Choy and they had homemade china food, sang songs. I think we did an art project.

My take on this is I do what I want to do and I subject the kids to a wide variety of things. I make it clear at interviews that I celebrate most Holidays.

I would not allow a parent to tell me what I am going to do- or talk to me rudely. If they want to be the boss they need to hire a Nanny-

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forgot to add........ I am not Chinese. I celebrate Christmas. I am all for learning about other cultures customs and ways- again as long as they are not cray cray crazy-

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That's me too. Dr. Seuss' birthday party this Friday !

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Me too! Monday for Dr Seuss

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