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craftymissbeth 06:04 AM 02-26-2014
I have a dcm of my problem child who just posted a response to a Facebook post that she's looking for a new provider. This woman has given me so many issues and I recently put her child on probation for screaming all. day. long.

I "liked" her comment so she knows I saw it, but what else do I say to her? I'd almost just like to term effective today and be done with her. But what would you say?
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Blackcat31 06:09 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I have a dcm of my problem child who just posted a response to a Facebook post that she's looking for a new provider. This woman has given me so many issues and I recently put her child on probation for screaming all. day. long.

I "liked" her comment so she knows I saw it, but what else do I say to her? I'd almost just like to term effective today and be done with her. But what would you say?
I understand how you feel.

If you were going to term, why haven't you yet?

If she is giving you trouble, by all means let her go as your program may not be the right fit for her but I wouldn't term just because you saw on FB that she is looking for a new provider.

Instead, I would try to help her fond one. It seems like a win-win for everyone then.
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KSDC 06:11 AM 02-26-2014
Personally, I wouldn't say anything. DCM is probably looking because of the probation and she isn't planning/expecting to fix what ever caused the probation. Start advertising and interviewing.

Hopefully this is a chance to make your daycare dynamics better!
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Rockgirl 06:11 AM 02-26-2014
Maybe she wants to be covered in case you terminate, since there are already issues.
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craftymissbeth 06:17 AM 02-26-2014
I haven't termed because I decided to just deal with it for the money. I'm not helping her find a daycare though. I'm this 14 month olds THIRD daycare. I didn't find that out until after I already had her. No one else can put up with the screaming... I refuse to help put this child in another poor providers lap.

What's so offensive to me is that dcm was so on board with helping dcg figure things out, but that only lasted a week. Now she keeps saying that dcg is only like this with me and is a perfect angel at home and has never cried at home
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Crazy8 06:21 AM 02-26-2014
honestly, if she is on probation at your daycare she SHOULD be looking for another daycare because doesn't probation mean you are going to term if things don't improve??? Why would this upset you?

I would not term without notice unless it was a severe policy violation but since you are bothered and you say they are a problem I would go ahead and give them your 2 weeks notice (or whatever your contract terms are).
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CraftyMom 07:04 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I haven't termed because I decided to just deal with it for the money. I'm not helping her find a daycare though. I'm this 14 month olds THIRD daycare. I didn't find that out until after I already had her. No one else can put up with the screaming... I refuse to help put this child in another poor providers lap.

What's so offensive to me is that dcm was so on board with helping dcg figure things out, but that only lasted a week. Now she keeps saying that dcg is only like this with me and is a perfect angel at home and has never cried at home
Of course she only cries with you Daycare children ONLY show their bad behavior at daycare ALL daycare children are angels at home

I think we've all heard that one a million times!

By "liking" her comment you may have added fuel to the fire though, she will probably think you "like" that her child is leaving. (Which you are, of course, but still)
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craftymissbeth 07:14 AM 02-26-2014
Thankfully I didn't take the advice of not talking to dcm. She texted me to see if dcg is doing any better today and I took that opportunity to say "I noticed that you are looking for other daycares for dcg. Is there something you are concerned about or something I can do?"

"Oh no no! I just checked everyone's rates and you are still the lowest I can find"

"Honestly, if my rates are all that's keeping you here it that concerns me"

"Oh no way! Dcg loves it there and all the other kiddos. And I love you cook homecooked meals every day and keep her on a schedule. But when I only make $9 an hour it's worth it to me to check around. Your low rates are an added bonus : )"

So I overreacted and I'm soooo glad I asked dcm. It may or may not be the truth, but it was enough for me to stick with it a bit longer. My husband moved out last weekend so I can't term willy billy like I want to
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itlw8 07:45 AM 02-26-2014
so she will stay until she finds someone who charges less than you charge.
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craftymissbeth 08:10 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by itlw8:
so she will stay until she finds someone who charges less than you charge.
That's what I got out of it. I'm going to start advertising. I soooo want to give this family their two week notice.
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mountainside13 08:36 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
Thankfully I didn't take the advice of not talking to dcm. She texted me to see if dcg is doing any better today and I took that opportunity to say "I noticed that you are looking for other daycares for dcg. Is there something you are concerned about or something I can do?"

"Oh no no! I just checked everyone's rates and you are still the lowest I can find"

"Honestly, if my rates are all that's keeping you here it that concerns me"

"Oh no way! Dcg loves it there and all the other kiddos. And I love you cook homecooked meals every day and keep her on a schedule. But when I only make $9 an hour it's worth it to me to check around. Your low rates are an added bonus : )"

So I overreacted and I'm soooo glad I asked dcm. It may or may not be the truth, but it was enough for me to stick with it a bit longer. My husband moved out last weekend so I can't term willy billy like I want to
I'm sorry about you and your husband!
Good idea to start advertising! Sounds like she will leave as soon as she finds someone with lower rates.
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TwinKristi 08:47 AM 02-26-2014
Sorry to hear that about your husband, and I completely understand about not terming willy nilly! I was ready to term a boy last Aug only to get notice on 2 kids that next month and 1 more (the one I wanted to term) a month later. So 3 in 2 mos! It was 2/3 of my income just gone! But now that he's gone I realize how much happier everyone is. I've replaced one if the 2 FT spots and it's made things a little easier financially.
But my only concern here is that someone cheaper may come along and she'll give notice anyway. Ya know what I mean?
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daycarediva 09:06 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
Of course she only cries with you Daycare children ONLY show their bad behavior at daycare ALL daycare children are angels at home
I'm only on year 7 of this business, but if I had $1 for every time I heard this I could probably retire soon.

Originally Posted by itlw8:
so she will stay until she finds someone who charges less than you charge.



replace them ASAP.
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countrymom 09:18 AM 02-26-2014
sad that she's keeping her there just for the money no matter what she says.
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Maria2013 09:44 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:

I "liked" her comment so she knows I saw it
That, to me, is as good as a two weeks notice...and I would make sure she knows it
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mia 09:53 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by Maria2013:
That, to me, is as good as a two weeks notice...and I would make sure she knows it

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TwinKristi 10:21 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by countrymom:
sad that she's keeping her there just for the money no matter what she says.
Yeah and this is her 3rd daycare? Obviously she's "shopping" a bit too much for her child to ever fully acclimate to a setting!
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craftymissbeth 10:39 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
Yeah and this is her 3rd daycare? Obviously she's "shopping" a bit too much for her child to ever fully acclimate to a setting!
Her child was termed by the other two

I'm seriously considering today being her last day. I just looked at myself in the mirror and the circles under my eyes are atrocious. I look like the guy from nightmare before Christmas. She screamed for 45 minutes before falling asleep at nap time. She's been here 5 months!
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Shell 10:39 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by Maria2013:
That, to me, is as good as a two weeks notice...and I would make sure she knows it

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My3cents 10:45 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by countrymom:
sad that she's keeping her there just for the money no matter what she says.
It is sad......... but that is the parents reality.

I would address problems with the parent when they came up and not allow slack, sounds like you have put up with enough of that from this one client.

I wouldn't thumbs up a parents post like that.......it does make it look like you are glad that she is going somewhere else- but sometimes those buttons are easy to hit before we think things through- Glad you talked with her because she sounds like she likes your care a lot- just shopping for more affordable care for her budget. Be ready.

Often parents look at us as non other then a payment of a solution. They don't see past that payment, that bill. They don't spend all day with us and see the relationships and bonds that are created and when they do see them, they are jealous even if they made the choice to work and have a career. They know the child likes us, but they don't often realize the children love us and we become a big part of their life and day to day happenings. Many parents do get the bigger picture and those are the parents I love working with.
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craftymissbeth 10:47 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by My3cents:
It is sad......... but that is the parents reality.

I would address problems with the parent when they came up and not allow slack, sounds like you have put up with enough of that from this one client.

I wouldn't thumbs up a parents post like that.......it does make it look like you are glad that she is going somewhere else- but sometimes those buttons are easy to hit before we think things through- Glad you talked with her because she sounds like she likes your care a lot- just shopping for more affordable care for her budget. Be ready.

Often parents look at us as non other then a payment of a solution. They don't see past that payment, that bill. They don't spend all day with us and see the relationships and bonds that are created and when they do see them, they are jealous even if they made the choice to work and have a career. They know the child likes us, but they don't often realize the children love us and we become a big part of their life and day to day happenings. Many parents do get the bigger picture and those are the parents I love working with.
Except that it's not fair to me to put in ALL this work to help her child adjust just for them to go elsewhere.
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Imagination's Creations 11:00 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
Of course she only cries with you Daycare children ONLY show their bad behavior at daycare ALL daycare children are angels at home

I think we've all heard that one a million times
It's funny you say this because all my dck's are so good for me that parents dont believe me half the time.
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taylorw1210 11:19 AM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by Imagination's Creations:
It's funny you say this because all my dck's are so good for me that parents dont believe me half the time.
All but one of my families have said the same, and thankfully the one that supposedly only had behavior issues here (although her mother had told me she was considered the bully at her previous daycare and her dad commented numerous times about her bad behavior at home) left on their own before I could term.

I would definitely be looking to fill Willy Billy's spot ASAP.
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TwinKristi 12:43 PM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
Her child was termed by the other two

I'm seriously considering today being her last day. I just looked at myself in the mirror and the circles under my eyes are atrocious. I look like the guy from nightmare before Christmas. She screamed for 45 minutes before falling asleep at nap time. She's been here 5 months!
Which makes it even worse in my eyes! Rather than craving stability for her child and even cutting back other expenses to ensure that, she's shopping for cheaper care. I don't even make $9/hr (unless I'm watching at least 3 kids) so she's doing better than me! I just find it so lame when parents use the cost as a reason to uproot their child when you've already had issues in a short span of time!
I'm sorry you have to make the choice but if it's taking a toll on you then things may need to change!
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Blackcat31 01:04 PM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
Except that it's not fair to me to put in ALL this work to help her child adjust just for them to go elsewhere.
....which is EXACLTY what is going to happen the minute DCM finds a cheaper daycare.

You are being used.

I know you need the money but I bet you need sanity more.

Is this child part time or full time? Will it be a huge loss if income if you term? Anyone on reserve or calling looking for care? Even part timers, little ones....ANYTHING has to be better than this situation.
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craftymissbeth 01:17 PM 02-26-2014
Update: mom picked up and let me know she's found a daycare that will take dcg when she's 18 months for a cheaper rate. That would mean 4 more months of dealing with a screamer for no reason. I termed right then. Wrote her a refund check for the rest of the week and told her I'd have her belongings ready for her on Friday.

She was full time and I'd had her since September. In the 5 months I had her she literally screamed all day every day. I'll miss the income, but that's something I can easily figure out.
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Blackcat31 01:22 PM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
Update: mom picked up and let me know she's found a daycare that will take dcg when she's 18 months for a cheaper rate. That would mean 4 more months of dealing with a screamer for no reason. I termed right then. Wrote her a refund check for the rest of the week and told her I'd have her belongings ready for her on Friday.

She was full time and I'd had her since September. In the 5 months I had her she literally screamed all day every day. I'll miss the income, but that's something I can easily figure out.
You did the right thing.

I am sorry you are out that income but I am overjoyed that you won't have to listen to the screaming any more and even more joyful that YOU got to term her on YOUR terms NOT hers....5 months later...

She was obviously asking for it. Who tells their provider they love her but we are leaving in 6 months because somewhere else is cheaper????

Good for you though!!!
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TwinKristi 01:23 PM 02-26-2014
Wow! So she straight up lied to buy herself more time! glad you termed! Hope you can find a replacement soon!
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Michelle 01:33 PM 02-26-2014
Has she ever had him evaluated?
the screaming all day sounds to me like an autistic trait
does he scream when things change?
like when someone comes in the house or leaves?
or is it just screaming because he wants his mom?
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daycarediva 01:39 PM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by My3cents:

Often parents look at us as non other then a payment of a solution. They don't see past that payment, that bill. They don't spend all day with us and see the relationships and bonds that are created and when they do see them, they are jealous even if they made the choice to work and have a career. They know the child likes us, but they don't often realize the children love us and we become a big part of their life and day to day happenings. Many parents do get the bigger picture and those are the parents I love working with.
Well said! I completely agree!

Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
Update: mom picked up and let me know she's found a daycare that will take dcg when she's 18 months for a cheaper rate. That would mean 4 more months of dealing with a screamer for no reason. I termed right then. Wrote her a refund check for the rest of the week and told her I'd have her belongings ready for her on Friday.

She was full time and I'd had her since September. In the 5 months I had her she literally screamed all day every day. I'll miss the income, but that's something I can easily figure out.
Good for you! That child is bounced from place to place. ZERO continuity of care. At that point, I would have done the exact same thing. Good for you and I hope you fill the space immediately.
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craftymissbeth 01:42 PM 02-26-2014
Originally Posted by Michelle:
Has she ever had him evaluated?
the screaming all day sounds to me like an autistic trait
does he scream when things change?
like when someone comes in the house or leaves?
or is it just screaming because he wants his mom?
No, her child has nothing "wrong" with her

Yes she screams when during transitions and when anything is different.
Yes she screams when someone comes in or leaves a room regardless of whether they are a new person she doesn't know or not.
It's not an I want mom type of cry... she does perfectly fine dcm drops her off and she does fine at pick up. The cry is honestly the type of scream you would hear from a child being severely injured. If she ever were to have been hurt here there would likely have been no distinction between a Help Me cry and her normal cry. That thought scared me.
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TwinKristi 01:55 PM 02-26-2014
Oye... How old is DCG? I have a DCB who's now almost 2.5 and that's how he was at first. He did really well for a long time and then now the last month or so he's been screaming again. I have him lay down on his mat when he does it because it truly is a hysterical cry. Thank GOD he's a good eater and napper and mom pays well because otherwise it wouldn't be worth it.
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Unregistered 01:59 PM 02-26-2014
I know it stinks when you have a difficult dck/dcp and you want to term but for whatever reason (money, no backbone, know the dcp personally, waiting for the "right" moment, etc, etc) you don't... and then THEY have the nerve to decide that THEY need to find a new daycare, on their own, without your prompting. It kind of feels like a slap in the face. You were probably thinking that you were doing them a favor by trying to work with them and not terming them first.

However, I completely agree with BlackCat. I would absolutely let them leave. Maybe even mention the post and put it on her: "Hey, DCM, I saw your post on FB and I'm sorry things don't seem to be working out with Junior here. I know it is hard to find a DC where everything just feels like a good fit. If you want, I can refer you to some others in the area."

The truth is, DCP's who have never worked in or ran a daycare themselves probably have NO IDEA what it is like to be a provider, or the real reason why you have to have the policies you have, why she can't get special treatment, why you deserve to be treated like a professional and respected for committing your time and your space and your sanity to helping to raise her child.

To her, you are the reason why she has less money left out of her paycheck at the end of the week. You are the constant reminder that having and raising a child is expensive, and a LOT OF WORK. So don't take it personally if she is unhappy with you or your program. Instead, save your energy for the happy dance you will be doing the last time she pulls out of your driveway.
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craftymissbeth 02:03 PM 02-26-2014
She's 14 months. The two older kids spend lunchtime covering their ears, take a bite, cover ears, etc. They're going to be so much happier tomorrow
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