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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Much Should We Get Paid For In Home Childcare?
Unregistered 11:20 AM 06-27-2018
Hi, I've been cruising the internet trying to get some guidance for my question. It's not exactly daycare, but close to it. I appreciate any input.

My wife & I are taking care of her 8 year old brother for the summer while her father (single father, the mother, my wife's stepmother, passed away 3 yrs ago) has been hospitalized. He's family and while we are happy to help, it is a big burden on us. We were already struggling to make ends meat as it was and I was already working 2 jobs. Now we have another child in addition to our 2 girls. I looked up a couple local childcare providers and the cheapest was $1100/month for in home workday childcare 45hrs/week.

After a number of conversations about money, her father (who is rich but tight as a tick) finally offered to pay us $1000 for the summer to help. We are grateful for the money, but that seems a bit insulting to me for 3 months of live in childcare. Is that reasonable, even for family? If not, what is? And does it matter that after meeting him, our family pediatrician recommended we have him tested for Aspergers or High Functioning Autism? Thanks
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Cat Herder 11:46 AM 06-27-2018
Comparing professional childcare to caring for family members in times of crisis does not equate.

How does your wife feel about this?

Are there any other family members willing to pitch in?

When will he be discharged?
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sahm1225 11:53 AM 06-27-2018
Agree with catherder that itís not a true comparison. If I had to take in any of my nieces and nephews for medical reasons, I wouldnít expect compensation. I would appreciate if they chipped in for expenses but it would be the LAST thing on my mind to ask for.

If your father in law is going to be in the hospital for the summer, that would cost a fortune and he might not be as rich as you think he is at the end of it.

What would the $1000 go towards? Are you paying out of pocket for summer camp or other activities?
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Blackcat31 12:18 PM 06-27-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi, I've been cruising the internet trying to get some guidance for my question. It's not exactly daycare, but close to it. I appreciate any input.

My wife & I are taking care of her 8 year old brother for the summer while her father (single father, the mother, my wife's stepmother, passed away 3 yrs ago) has been hospitalized. He's family and while we are happy to help, it is a big burden on us. We were already struggling to make ends meat as it was and I was already working 2 jobs. Now we have another child in addition to our 2 girls. I looked up a couple local childcare providers and the cheapest was $1100/month for in home workday childcare 45hrs/week.

After a number of conversations about money, her father (who is rich but tight as a tick) finally offered to pay us $1000 for the summer to help. We are grateful for the money, but that seems a bit insulting to me for 3 months of live in childcare. Is that reasonable, even for family? If not, what is? And does it matter that after meeting him, our family pediatrician recommended we have him tested for Aspergers or High Functioning Autism? Thanks
Are you providing care on a day to day basis or is he LIVING with you on a temporary basis? (3 months)

What additional costs other than food does this include for you and your wife?
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hwichlaz 12:42 PM 06-27-2018
$1000 for summer sounds perfect. That will cover food, and an extra body at activities you take the kids to. Iíd only ask for more if you are expected to pay for clothes etc, since money is tight for you.
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Unregistered 01:47 PM 06-27-2018
My father in law lives in PA, we are in NC. We are the only family he has. Even with the summer in the hospital, he can easily afford it (he has millions, maybe tens of millions, he is quite private about his money). He will likely be released to a nursing home by the end of the summer he thinks he will be released to go home soon after that, we are not so sure.

As for expenses, mostly the basics, but a lot of little things too. Food, clothes, shoes etc. But we were barely making it by as it was, and now we have another mouth to feed and body to clothe. I work 7 days a week, my wife has fibromyalgia and can't work. We now need a sitter twice a week when she goes to physical therapy or for Dr's appointments because the boy is too wild to leave at home and have my 11 year old daughter be responsible for. We cancelled our family vacation for my wife to go get him and me to clean out the girl's playroom and find a bed and dresser to put in there.

My wife & I are in complete agreement, we will take him regardless of getting paid or not. We both think it is likely to become permanent as her father is not likely to recover as quickly or as fully as he seems to think. But for now, it is just for the summer. We both agree that he should help us out a bit especially since he can easily afford it (but we are doing it now and will continue to do so even if he doesn't pay us).

I really don't mean to sound greedy, that isn't why I am asking. We are simply worn out, me from working 2 jobs in order to keep paying the bills and her from being a stay at home Mom with 2 kids and medical issues of her own. The man is rich, we've never asked for a penny from him, but now we are raising his son for him and we just think the least he could do is make it so we're not so stressed about paying the bills. So if we could tell him, look the going rate is $X if your son had to live somewhere temporarily, just pay us half of that, or a third of that... then maybe we could afford to get the kid swimming lessons (he can't swim), or I could go get him a used bike and training wheels (he doesn't even have one at home), or maybe we could afford a family trip to an amusement park (he's never been on a roller coaster or a water slide).
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Ariana 01:58 PM 06-27-2018
I would expect a family member to offer $$ to take care of their child. I am doing them a HUGE favour because they are family but just because you are hospitalized does not mean you can’t pay some sort of compensation if you are lucid enough to talk about it. I would not expect any compensation if I was not hurting financially or if it was for a week or two. The situation you described is unfair, family or not.

I would gladly accept the $1000 and I think that is more than fair to pay for groceries he will eat and any other incidental costs. It is not really your job to do the rest like swim lessons and if you want to do that you will have to do it on your own dime. Obviously that is not something the actual father cares about and if you can’t afford to do it yourself then don’t. If you are really struggling maybe your wife can take in a kid or two to help.
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Cat Herder 02:04 PM 06-27-2018
I don't think it is unfair for you to need financial assistance to support your brother-in-law. Charging it as childcare is not the answer. Child support, maybe. If he refuses to pay, what recourse do you have?

I don't understand why he would not have hired in home care to keep the child in his own home, though. What has he done for care for the last three years? What back-up plan does he have if you can no longer keep him?

Do you have temporary guardianship papers? Medical consent forms?

Sounds like a tough situation all around.
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Unregistered 02:05 PM 06-27-2018
I'm not sure if this would help, but if he was a foster child in NC, you would be reimbursed $581 per month for the extra expenses for caring for a foster child. I don't think you can compare daycare rates with caring for your family. Totally different! Foster care payments might give you an closer idea of what the state considers cost of living expenses.
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Blackcat31 02:59 PM 06-27-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I'm not sure if this would help, but if he was a foster child in NC, you would be reimbursed $581 per month for the extra expenses for caring for a foster child. I don't think you can compare daycare rates with caring for your family. Totally different! Foster care payments might give you an closer idea of what the state considers cost of living expenses.
This is kind of along lines of what I was thinking too...
My DH and I raised two of my younger siblings.
We collected foster care payments temporarily while guardianship was being established.
OP- Check with your area social services and see if that is an option in your state
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Country Kids 03:42 PM 06-27-2018
This little boy is 8 years old and his dad is going to be in the hospital all summer and then released to a nursing home and his mom also died three years ago.

I wouldn't be worried about money for this little boy, I would be worried about his mental health and how he is handling all of this. To lose your mom and then not have a father in good health is a lot for this little guy to take in!

If anything happens to the father it sounds as if he will come to live with you and then what-there won't be any compensation I'm sure. He needs to feel you want him there this summer and that he isn't a burden to you.

For three months, for 24 hour care that breaks down to $333 a month so no, not very much at all for 24 hours a day 7 days a week. If your family though is all he has, the money shouldn't be the issue, being family is what should matter.
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nannyde 05:35 PM 06-27-2018
This is more of a child support deal than child care deal. I think 1000 to 1500 a month is more reasonable than foster care rates.

If he's loaded he can hire nurses to care for him at home and bring therapist in for rehab. That way he could still care for his son and not ask for help. He can also afford a governess.
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storybookending 05:45 PM 06-27-2018
Does the father collect any type of social security from his mother dying? You could accept that amount although Iím sure it is probably far less than $1000 a month.
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Jdy2222 07:22 PM 06-27-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I'm not sure if this would help, but if he was a foster child in NC, you would be reimbursed $581 per month for the extra expenses for caring for a foster child. I don't think you can compare daycare rates with caring for your family. Totally different! Foster care payments might give you an closer idea of what the state considers cost of living expenses.
This is what I was thinking, something along the lines of what is received for foster care ... not enough to make $, but enough to cover expenses.
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Unregistered 08:27 AM 07-02-2018
Thank you all for the advice and information.

A quick update, my father in law isn't doing so well, his health has taken a further turn for the worse. The boy is adjusting well to our home, but all of us are experiencing growing pains. Money is still an issue, we haven't been paid anything. I'm working two jobs and struggling to keep up with all of the bills, vacation savings has already gone to clothes and basics that he needed, and an unexfected dentist bill because he had never been to one. We are working on trying to schedule HFA and/or Aspergers testing for the boy too.

The important thing is that he is adjusting well though. He is a good kid, that is welcome in our home, and he is rapidly learning to be a part of our family. We are learning to treat him as a son and our kids are learning to treat him as a brother. Unfortunately I don't think his father will survive the summer. If and when that happens, money will never again be an issue for us. I pray for his recovery, but that seems unlikely. Again, not the outcome any of us desire, but a thin silver lining to the dark storm clouds ahead.

Thank you all again for your time and sharing information and advice.
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hwichlaz 04:55 PM 07-02-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you all for the advice and information.

A quick update, my father in law isn't doing so well, his health has taken a further turn for the worse. The boy is adjusting well to our home, but all of us are experiencing growing pains. Money is still an issue, we haven't been paid anything. I'm working two jobs and struggling to keep up with all of the bills, vacation savings has already gone to clothes and basics that he needed, and an unexfected dentist bill because he had never been to one. We are working on trying to schedule HFA and/or Aspergers testing for the boy too.

The important thing is that he is adjusting well though. He is a good kid, that is welcome in our home, and he is rapidly learning to be a part of our family. We are learning to treat him as a son and our kids are learning to treat him as a brother. Unfortunately I don't think his father will survive the summer. If and when that happens, money will never again be an issue for us. I pray for his recovery, but that seems unlikely. Again, not the outcome any of us desire, but a thin silver lining to the dark storm clouds ahead.

Thank you all again for your time and sharing information and advice.
See if you can apply to do kinship care. In my state you get foster parent stipends for that.
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kendallina 07:10 PM 07-03-2018
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
See if you can apply to do kinship care. In my state you get foster parent stipends for that.
Yes, this! Contact your local foster care agency, you should qualify for this, let them help if the father won't or can't.
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Tags:family, family affairs, in home daycare, rates - home
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