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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Wtf dcm?!?
SunshineMama 06:24 AM 08-18-2014
Got a text from DCM today that her daughter threw a tantrum about now wanting to come to daycare today so she decided to keep her home since she was "too upset."
This is the 4yo dcg princess that I have posted about before, who gets her way all the time at home, and is anti-social at daycare. DCG threw a fit about coming last week bc her s/a sis went back to school and she didnt feel like coming by herself (dcg has been coming here for over 3 years). I had to sit with dcg for 15 minutes agter drop off and hug her and talk to her to try to calm her down, before she was content enough just to sit and watch everyone else play.
I think I am about to term. I cant work with a family who doesnt do what is necessary to make daycare an easy adjustment for their children. The carrying in through the door and physical handoff of a 4 year old is bad enough, the 5 minute dramatic drop off is even worse, and now dcm is allowing dcg to control when she is allowed to work. I am very empathetic and nurturing, but this is rediculous.
I dont think dcm realizes that by allowing dcg to control everything, she is setting her up for some major issues in the future
Now dcm is missing a day of work, and setting the stage for the next drop off to be absolute he**!
This is the 4yo dcg princess that I have posted about before, who gets her way all the time at home, and is anti-social at daycare. DCG threw a fit about coming last week bc her s/a sis went back to school and she didnt feel like coming by herself (dcg has been coming here for over 3 years). I had to sit with dcg for 15 minutes agter drop off and hug her and talk to her to try to calm her down, before she was content enough just to sit and watch everyone else play.
I think I am about to term. I cant work with a family who doesnt do what is necessary to make daycare an easy adjustment for their children. The carrying in through the door and physical handoff of a 4 year old is bad enough, the 5 minute dramatic drop off is even worse, and now dcm is allowing dcg to control when she is allowed to work. I am very empathetic and nurturing, but this is rediculous.
I dont think dcm realizes that by allowing dcg to control everything, she is setting her up for some major issues in the future
Now dcm is missing a day of work, and setting the stage for the next drop off to be absolute he**!
CedarCreek 06:35 AM 08-18-2014
Have you tried Bye Bye Outside? If Mom is letting her run the show like this, you're right, drop offs will be hell.
I'd start this tomorrow when she comes in.
I'd start this tomorrow when she comes in.
SunshineMama 06:56 AM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
Have you tried Bye Bye Outside? If Mom is letting her run the show like this, you're right, drop offs will be hell.
I'd start this tomorrow when she comes in.
I havent tried that yet. I suggested a while back that mom do one hug, one kiss, and goodbye, and it worked really well. Then s/a sis came and ruined everything (she's hug the child close and say I know you miss mommy, etc). Mom started giving 2 hugs, then 3, then picking her back up, putting her down, etc. DCM made it so I would have to take dcg dcg out of her arms while crying everyday just so she could get out of the door. Part of me thinks dcm almost likes all of the drama.Have you tried Bye Bye Outside? If Mom is letting her run the show like this, you're right, drop offs will be hell.
I'd start this tomorrow when she comes in.
Cat Herder 07:06 AM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
allowing dcg to control everything,
Now dcm is missing a day of work, and setting the stage for the next drop off to be absolute he**!
By terming won't you be letting DCG control your income... allowing dcg to control everything,
Now dcm is missing a day of work, and setting the stage for the next drop off to be absolute he**!
Go with Buh-Bye outside, sell it to DCM as a "big girl thing" in preparation for public school, This gives a yes (new skill training) in place of the no (no more long drama filled drop-offs).
Let go of worrying about how this effects DCM and DCG longterm. Their circus, their monkeys.
Be stress free. 
SunshineMama 07:16 AM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
By terming won't you be letting DCG control your income...
Go with Buh-Bye outside, sell it to DCM as a "big girl thing" in preparation for public school, This gives a yes (new skill training) in place of the no (no more long drama filled drop-offs).
Let go of worrying about how this effects DCM and DCG longterm. Their circus, their monkeys. Be stress free.
Such a good perspective. Thanks for the reminder By terming won't you be letting DCG control your income...
Go with Buh-Bye outside, sell it to DCM as a "big girl thing" in preparation for public school, This gives a yes (new skill training) in place of the no (no more long drama filled drop-offs).
Let go of worrying about how this effects DCM and DCG longterm. Their circus, their monkeys.
Be stress free. 
Rockgirl 07:37 AM 08-18-2014
I would not be sitting with her, trying to calm her down. She's being rewarded for the tantrum. I would give her a spot to sit and cry, tell her she can join the group when she's done, and walk away.
EntropyControlSpecialist 08:07 AM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by when is naptime?:
I would not be sitting with her, trying to calm her down. She's being rewarded for the tantrum. I would give her a spot to sit and cry, tell her she can join the group when she's done, and walk away.
Absolutely. You don't get the reward of my undivided attention or cuddles for throwing a tantrum.I would not be sitting with her, trying to calm her down. She's being rewarded for the tantrum. I would give her a spot to sit and cry, tell her she can join the group when she's done, and walk away.
nannyde 08:22 AM 08-18-2014
I would have said "awesome!". She needs mom and she needs love. She needs her MOM'S love! One less kid and Nan gets PAID.
DON'T suggest the bye bye outside. Demand it. Once the kid comes in the door send her straight to lay down if she needs to fuss. No touch. No talk. No eye contact. She needs to get with the program or rest.
You are being forced to be in the audience of the mom loves baby show. They can take their act to the front step. Do not let her hand you off the kid. Do not peel the kid off of her. The child needs to walk in your door on her own. Do not pull her in. She walks in or you shut the door and have her mom get her ready to walk through.
DON'T suggest the bye bye outside. Demand it. Once the kid comes in the door send her straight to lay down if she needs to fuss. No touch. No talk. No eye contact. She needs to get with the program or rest.
You are being forced to be in the audience of the mom loves baby show. They can take their act to the front step. Do not let her hand you off the kid. Do not peel the kid off of her. The child needs to walk in your door on her own. Do not pull her in. She walks in or you shut the door and have her mom get her ready to walk through.
SunshineMama 08:45 AM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would have said "awesome!". She needs mom and she needs love. She needs her MOM'S love! One less kid and Nan gets PAID.
DON'T suggest the bye bye outside. Demand it. Once the kid comes in the door send her straight to lay down if she needs to fuss. No touch. No talk. No eye contact. She needs to get with the program or rest.
You are being forced to be in the audience of the mom loves baby show. They can take their act to the front step. Do not let her hand you off the kid. Do not peel the kid off of her. The child needs to walk in your door on her own. Do not pull her in. She walks in or you shut the door and have her mom get her ready to walk through.
I would have said "awesome!". She needs mom and she needs love. She needs her MOM'S love! One less kid and Nan gets PAID.
DON'T suggest the bye bye outside. Demand it. Once the kid comes in the door send her straight to lay down if she needs to fuss. No touch. No talk. No eye contact. She needs to get with the program or rest.
You are being forced to be in the audience of the mom loves baby show. They can take their act to the front step. Do not let her hand you off the kid. Do not peel the kid off of her. The child needs to walk in your door on her own. Do not pull her in. She walks in or you shut the door and have her mom get her ready to walk through.
Agree. I am not sure DCM will want to go that route. She seems to be a super attachment parent. DCH starts preschool in 2 weeks, and then is supposed to start coming to my house after preschool for 2 out of the 3 days she is here. I am so curious about how her going to preschool will turn out.
Blackcat31 09:14 AM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
Agree. I am not sure DCM will want to go that route. She seems to be a super attachment parent. DCH starts preschool in 2 weeks, and then is supposed to start coming to my house after preschool for 2 out of the 3 days she is here. I am so curious about how her going to preschool will turn out.
It doesn't matter if mom wants to go that route or not. Agree. I am not sure DCM will want to go that route. She seems to be a super attachment parent. DCH starts preschool in 2 weeks, and then is supposed to start coming to my house after preschool for 2 out of the 3 days she is here. I am so curious about how her going to preschool will turn out.If YOU say that is what you want her to do, then she needs to comply.
She can do the "mom loves baby show" on HER time not yours.
If she refuses, then I would seriously consider terming.
NOT fair that she gets to make your day as well as her DD's day hard simply because SHE wants to do things HER way.
Play Care 09:26 AM 08-18-2014
The fact that mom is NOT sending the child because the child doesn't want to come doesn't bode well. Parents like this tend to believe it when their kids say provider is "mean" or "yells" etc
I've done bye bye outside successfully with parents who truly want to help their child and work with me. I've done it successfully with parents who were somewhat reluctant to do it but understood we could not go on as we had been. I don't know that I've ever been successful with a parent who, at the heart of it, doesn't want to send their child to me, KWIM?
I would advertise to replace NOW because someone is going to term soon, IME.
I've done bye bye outside successfully with parents who truly want to help their child and work with me. I've done it successfully with parents who were somewhat reluctant to do it but understood we could not go on as we had been. I don't know that I've ever been successful with a parent who, at the heart of it, doesn't want to send their child to me, KWIM?
I would advertise to replace NOW because someone is going to term soon, IME.
lovemykidstoo 09:38 AM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by when is naptime?:
I would not be sitting with her, trying to calm her down. She's being rewarded for the tantrum. I would give her a spot to sit and cry, tell her she can join the group when she's done, and walk away.
Absolutely, this is what I do when I have this issue. Amazing, when they're getting no attention for it how fast they recoopI would not be sitting with her, trying to calm her down. She's being rewarded for the tantrum. I would give her a spot to sit and cry, tell her she can join the group when she's done, and walk away.
daycarediva 09:52 AM 08-18-2014
75% of my daycare kids are held/carried into my house. The 5.5yo starting K in 2 weeks included. 
THAT doesn't affect me. What WOULD affect me is how dcg is reacting at drop off. I would tell Mom you're trying to prepare her for school. She cannot chose when to come/not come to school. From now on, dcg needs to walk in the door by herself in the morning, no tears and ready to participate. Give it two weeks as a trial and TELL MOM that it's disruptive to the routines and mood of every child in care, if it doesn't improve by the end of the two week period, I would term.
I don't play that jazz. I don't peel kids off parents.
THAT doesn't affect me. What WOULD affect me is how dcg is reacting at drop off. I would tell Mom you're trying to prepare her for school. She cannot chose when to come/not come to school. From now on, dcg needs to walk in the door by herself in the morning, no tears and ready to participate. Give it two weeks as a trial and TELL MOM that it's disruptive to the routines and mood of every child in care, if it doesn't improve by the end of the two week period, I would term.
I don't play that jazz. I don't peel kids off parents.
AmyKidsCo 01:24 PM 08-18-2014
Yikes! Aren't you glad you're not the teacher who will be dealing with her in a couple of years?!
MOM OF 4 03:08 PM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
Got a text from DCM today that her daughter threw a tantrum about now wanting to come to daycare today so she decided to keep her home since she was "too upset."
This is the 4yo dcg princess that I have posted about before, who gets her way all the time at home, and is anti-social at daycare. DCG threw a fit about coming last week bc her s/a sis went back to school and she didnt feel like coming by herself (dcg has been coming here for over 3 years). I had to sit with dcg for 15 minutes agter drop off and hug her and talk to her to try to calm her down, before she was content enough just to sit and watch everyone else play.
I think I am about to term. I cant work with a family who doesnt do what is necessary to make daycare an easy adjustment for their children. The carrying in through the door and physical handoff of a 4 year old is bad enough, the 5 minute dramatic drop off is even worse, and now dcm is allowing dcg to control when she is allowed to work. I am very empathetic and nurturing, but this is rediculous.
I dont think dcm realizes that by allowing dcg to control everything, she is setting her up for some major issues in the future Now dcm is missing a day of work, and setting the stage for the next drop off to be absolute he**!
Got a text from DCM today that her daughter threw a tantrum about now wanting to come to daycare today so she decided to keep her home since she was "too upset."
This is the 4yo dcg princess that I have posted about before, who gets her way all the time at home, and is anti-social at daycare. DCG threw a fit about coming last week bc her s/a sis went back to school and she didnt feel like coming by herself (dcg has been coming here for over 3 years). I had to sit with dcg for 15 minutes agter drop off and hug her and talk to her to try to calm her down, before she was content enough just to sit and watch everyone else play.
I think I am about to term. I cant work with a family who doesnt do what is necessary to make daycare an easy adjustment for their children. The carrying in through the door and physical handoff of a 4 year old is bad enough, the 5 minute dramatic drop off is even worse, and now dcm is allowing dcg to control when she is allowed to work. I am very empathetic and nurturing, but this is rediculous.
I dont think dcm realizes that by allowing dcg to control everything, she is setting her up for some major issues in the future
Now dcm is missing a day of work, and setting the stage for the next drop off to be absolute he**!Oh HECK no! If she's not bringing child anyway, she's only making stuff harder for you, which is CRAP. Her being a cray cray mom don't mean you have to put up with that junk. Time to cut your losses and get a new, NON clingy-to-the-bosom because-momma-can't-cut-the-cord, kid....lol
nannyde 03:46 PM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
Yikes! Aren't you glad you're not the teacher who will be dealing with her in a couple of years?!
I feel SO sorry for the Kindergarten teachers. I can't imagine how crazy hard that job is. The Snowflake and Pookie parents aren't going to get the same response from them because there's no money in the mix. Yikes! Aren't you glad you're not the teacher who will be dealing with her in a couple of years?!
We should write a letter of condolence to them every year for the first day of school.
Dear Kindergarten Teacher,
We tried. We really did. We can't save them all because we didn't get them all. Just in case you are wondering why a few of your new little charges actually behave and are respectful, it is because they were with us from birth. At our house they learned to take turns, be patient, eat with manners, buckle their own dang pants and tie their shoes.
They learned to be led by an adult. They don't feel slighted because we said no. They believed us when we said it.
They are truly interested in learning because they had five years of go play toys. Now they have the foundation they need to quickly master each new skill that comes their way from you.
They won't miss much school. They played outside and hiked every possible day. They love a good workout. They had five years of delicious home made food. They won't recognize a tray of nuggets. They will ask for their neighbors carrots not their cake.
When they go out for recess they won't be running to you because they lost a game. They will go to the winner and say "good job. I'll getcha next time".
They will be devastated when someone hits them or intentionally harms them. They won't recognize that it's coming to fend it off. They have been raised in peace.
They will love you and think of you even when they are away. If you respect them and care for them with kindness they will carry you alongside me for the rest of their academic career.
What makes them stand out amongst the rest you ask? They weren't brought up being one of many. They weren't brought up being the only. They were brought up in a small HOME child care where they were one of a group of babies to preschoolers. They were the baby, the middle child, and then the oldest, the leader, and the example for the ones who are coming your way soon enough.
It's been an honor to be a pivotal person in their little lives. I hope they bring you the joy they have given me.
Angelsj 04:22 PM 08-18-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I feel SO sorry for the Kindergarten teachers. I can't imagine how crazy hard that job is. The Snowflake and Pookie parents aren't going to get the same response from them because there's no money in the mix.
We should write a letter of condolence to them every year for the first day of school.
Dear Kindergarten Teacher,
We tried. We really did. We can't save them all because we didn't get them all. Just in case you are wondering why a few of your new little charges actually behave and are respectful, it is because they were with us from birth. At our house they learned to take turns, be patient, eat with manners, buckle their own dang pants and tie their shoes.
They learned to be led by an adult. They don't feel slighted because we said no. They believed us when we said it.
They are truly interested in learning because they had five years of go play toys. Now they have the foundation they need to quickly master each new skill that comes their way from you.
They won't miss much school. They played outside and hiked every possible day. They love a good workout. They had five years of delicious home made food. They won't recognize a tray of nuggets. They will ask for their neighbors carrots not their cake.
When they go out for recess they won't be running to you because they lost a game. They will go to the winner and say "good job. I'll getcha next time".
They will be devastated when someone hits them or intentionally harms them. They won't recognize that it's coming to fend it off. They have been raised in peace.
They will love you and think of you even when they are away. If you respect them and care for them with kindness they will carry you alongside me for the rest of their academic career.
What makes them stand out amongst the rest you ask? They weren't brought up being one of many. They weren't brought up being the only. They were brought up in a small HOME child care where they were one of a group of babies to preschoolers. They were the baby, the middle child, and then the oldest, the leader, and the example for the ones who are coming your way soon enough.
It's been an honor to be a pivotal person in their little lives. I hope they bring you the joy they have given me.
Amen.I feel SO sorry for the Kindergarten teachers. I can't imagine how crazy hard that job is. The Snowflake and Pookie parents aren't going to get the same response from them because there's no money in the mix.
We should write a letter of condolence to them every year for the first day of school.
Dear Kindergarten Teacher,
We tried. We really did. We can't save them all because we didn't get them all. Just in case you are wondering why a few of your new little charges actually behave and are respectful, it is because they were with us from birth. At our house they learned to take turns, be patient, eat with manners, buckle their own dang pants and tie their shoes.
They learned to be led by an adult. They don't feel slighted because we said no. They believed us when we said it.
They are truly interested in learning because they had five years of go play toys. Now they have the foundation they need to quickly master each new skill that comes their way from you.
They won't miss much school. They played outside and hiked every possible day. They love a good workout. They had five years of delicious home made food. They won't recognize a tray of nuggets. They will ask for their neighbors carrots not their cake.
When they go out for recess they won't be running to you because they lost a game. They will go to the winner and say "good job. I'll getcha next time".
They will be devastated when someone hits them or intentionally harms them. They won't recognize that it's coming to fend it off. They have been raised in peace.
They will love you and think of you even when they are away. If you respect them and care for them with kindness they will carry you alongside me for the rest of their academic career.
What makes them stand out amongst the rest you ask? They weren't brought up being one of many. They weren't brought up being the only. They were brought up in a small HOME child care where they were one of a group of babies to preschoolers. They were the baby, the middle child, and then the oldest, the leader, and the example for the ones who are coming your way soon enough.
It's been an honor to be a pivotal person in their little lives. I hope they bring you the joy they have given me.
lynne 07:29 PM 08-18-2014
Nanny, your'e my hero!