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  #1  
Old 09-13-2018, 07:56 AM
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Unhappy Anxiety or Spoiled?

I have a 3 yr old dcb who has been coming here (and I'm friends w/the family) for 9 months now. When he started, he was extremely shy, kept to himself, cried every day when Mom/Grandma dropped off and cried on & off all day afterward. He also occasionally vomits for no apparent reason or occasionally when eating. He began playing with friends, having better drop offs and participating during circle time.The vomiting also subsided for a while but now we are back to gagging/ crying during lunch, and he just vomited. He often lies saying his belly, feet, legs, etc. hurt when I ask what's wrong. He just said his belly hurt after vomiting. When I told him Dad was on his way, his belly felt "fine." So I said, "Okay, I'll tell Daddy never mind then" and yes, you guessed it. His belly hurts again.I've TRIED and TRIED to be overly comforting, used tough love, etc. I've asked parents to take him to a Dr. (no results given) and I've given them insightful info. regarding giving him more independence (Ex. Don't CARRY him into school, drop and go, have him dress himself every day,etc.) I'm at my wits end here. Tired of cleaning vomit, tired of trying to ignore the whining/crying (as I feel he just wants the attention) and I've tried every tactic I know. (Been caring for kids for 20+ years.) So, is he spoiled? Have anxiety? Any suggestions? Thank you!
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Old 09-13-2018, 08:20 AM
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It sounds like a learned behavior- he's getting the results he wants for the displayed behavior.

You are right, he should be learning to be more independent and that may help. But IMHO, it's up to the parents to change this behavior, not the provider.

What you can do:
1. He's vomiting, you send him home (which it sounds like you do). Parents should not be making it a "fun" time or reward when at home.
2. Lay ground rules with the parent. Meaning no carrying in- two feet on the floor when entering and he takes off his own shoes. Crying/whining can be done in a designated spot away from activities (less attention given to the action).
3. Have a written plan for what you need to see changed and a timeframe you need to see progress and have it signed by the family. This is up to the parents to address with the child. They need to teach him how to cope (or get help if it truly is anxiety driven).
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Old 09-13-2018, 09:33 AM
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I agree with Snowmom.

Give it back to the parents. It is their job to make him not want to be sent home. 24 months until mandatory attendance at public school. Tick. Tock.
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Old 09-13-2018, 09:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WBee View Post
I have a 3 yr old dcb who has been coming here (and I'm friends w/the family) for 9 months now. When he started, he was extremely shy, kept to himself, cried every day when Mom/Grandma dropped off and cried on & off all day afterward. He also occasionally vomits for no apparent reason or occasionally when eating. He began playing with friends, having better drop offs and participating during circle time.The vomiting also subsided for a while but now we are back to gagging/ crying during lunch, and he just vomited. He often lies saying his belly, feet, legs, etc. hurt when I ask what's wrong. He just said his belly hurt after vomiting. When I told him Dad was on his way, his belly felt "fine." So I said, "Okay, I'll tell Daddy never mind then" and yes, you guessed it. His belly hurts again.I've TRIED and TRIED to be overly comforting, used tough love, etc. I've asked parents to take him to a Dr. (no results given) and I've given them insightful info. regarding giving him more independence (Ex. Don't CARRY him into school, drop and go, have him dress himself every day,etc.) I'm at my wits end here. Tired of cleaning vomit, tired of trying to ignore the whining/crying (as I feel he just wants the attention) and I've tried every tactic I know. (Been caring for kids for 20+ years.) So, is he spoiled? Have anxiety? Any suggestions? Thank you!
The whole vomit issue no matter the cause is an automatic termination for me. Having a kid puke on the regular is just not gonna fly here.
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Old 09-13-2018, 10:11 AM
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The whole vomit issue no matter the cause is an automatic termination for me. Having a kid puke on the regular is just not gonna fly here.
Yes it is a sanitation issue. I would not be happy having to clean up vomit on the regular basis.
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Old 09-13-2018, 11:49 AM
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I think I would let the parents know that this issue is a big one. I would also threaten termination if it was not nipped in the bud and I would let them know that I cannot have a kid here puking every day. Let them know you will be calling for pickup every single time it happens. No one is going to put up with this kid!
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Old 09-13-2018, 01:22 PM
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Spoiling frequently causes real anxiety. But if they arenít willing to rip it off like a bandaid....
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Old 09-14-2018, 07:03 AM
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I agree with all the others.I would also get a large play bucket use a marker and write 'Puke Bucket"tell him he has to use that .At least then your not cleaning tables and floors.Then I would tell parents you will send home.They have to agree that he needs to go to his bed.If its real fun at home who wouldn't vomit to get there.From a childs view hmmm hate lunch cry and puke get to go home ,don't want to nap cry and puke get to go home.Who wouldn't he probally gets all kinds of sympathy and attention from mom.I would terminate if parents will not work with you.
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Old 09-15-2018, 03:37 AM
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Awww poor little guy. Anxiety's not easy for anyone, probably especially little ones who can't tell us as eloquently as others what's going on to make them feel that way. Is it dc in general? Extra kids, certain kids that bother him? Change in routine? Parents feeding into his anxiety of being left? I remember my sister telling me she had stomach aches for a whole year, after my parents moved to a different house/school. She was around 8-9 at the time.

I agree with what PPs have said but instead of calling a lot of attention to him, what about setting up a safe and soft corner for just him when he arrives so he can have some quiet space until he feels comfortable. Not sure if you have alot of dcks/center, or if that'd be feasible. Sometimes I feel we try to fit everybody into a mold, make tough kids who can tolerate lots of noise/different routine/and mold them into our way of doing things. But then along comes a child who has sensitivity issues, is extremely shy or introverted, and doesn't know how to blend into an environment. Lots of kids can handle that but some still can't. And for those that can't, it's too bad that the parents can't orient him into group care while the child matures a bit more, instead of throwing them into the fire, so to speak. Kids are little for so short a time, you'd think 2 parents could work a schedule out to provide more parental care until their child is ready.
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Old 09-16-2018, 04:34 PM
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Yes, it is daycare in general for him. He has teary eyes at every drop off and I've tried the "safe spot" thing prior. He literally will sit there all day unless I tell him he needs to go have fun elsewhere. I asked him what else he would like to do all day and his response was, stay home and do nothing. Hid Dad recently began working again and I'm wondering if this is why we are going backwards again. I will say, Dad was on temp. disability for a back issue yet played softball while out of work, weekly. I feel this dcb is seeing lots of negative examples of parenting at home thus causing issues with both anxiety and spoiling. I spoke w/Dad at pickup and explained that I feel it may be anxiety, not illness and he said he was sick himself a cpl of days ago so, dcb must be sick. Ugh...He only attends 2x week and during the summer was out 1x wk ("sick") three weeks in a row. Grandparents pay for daycare and asked about attendance. I explained his absence and suddenly, he was in 2x week again. ;-) Grandpa is a friend of mine. He explained his "fear" of others when he started here but the vomiting issue was not mentioned until after it happened here the first time. Now per Grandma, it hasn't happened in a while at home. (Here either except this past week.)
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Old 09-18-2018, 07:50 AM
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I spoke with Mom this am as she "carried" him in yet again. He has been here for 45 min now, crying since drop off. I told her to call the pediatrician, again, and tell him/her what's going on here and that the emotional issue has turned into a physical issue w/the vomiting. I told her he knows that if he vomits, he gets to go home which is what he wants. I told her he is very smart and knows what he is choosing to do. No, he was not sick the other day when I sent him home and he got candy from Grandma afterwards per Mom. I told her, "No more." This all needs to stop. Everyone needs to be on the same page." I will write up a list for parents & grandparents of "things to do/not to do." Thank you for that idea! Per Mom, "he is fine playing w/cousins. This only happens at daycare"....yet the spoiling happens by all! My daycare is small. Only 6 kids per day so this shouldn't be such an issue. I also told Mom that I put my foot down when necessary here and I feel that he has an issue with not getting his way due to this. I am very sweet w/the kids, don't get me wrong, but no. I will no longer tolerate behavior like this just for attention which is what I feel he is doing regardless of the anxiety. I've been more than sweet for 9 months now. This child is being babied which is only furthering the anxiety when he fails to get his own way.
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