Hi,
I started my 15 month old daughter at daycare a month ago because I need time to work on my thesis. I only wanted to put her in for one day a week, but they said two days was their minimum and at the time I thought maybe two days would actually be good. After a month, I've realized a few things:

1. I really only need one day and without me working, two days is too much of a financial burden.
2. While I really like the mother/daughter team, I'm not sure I "click" enough with them.
3. My daughter can be a really intense kid and she's a BAD sleeper--like, disruptively bad, and I want to do some more sleep training before putting her in daycare.
4. Honestly, I don't think I'M ready for her to be in daycare. I admit that I'm not ready to share the responsibility of taking care of her with anyone else.

I think I just need a little more time before I put her in daycare, maybe a few months. I know I can squeeze in work here and then go visit my family and have them help me while I get work done, then in a few months start her at a daycare somewhere else where she can go one day a week.

I know that I should have spent more time selecting a daycare that fit my needs, but I was so overwhelmed with the process. The place we chose--the mother and daughter are really nice, even if I don't totally click with them. So the thing is, I feel really nervous about telling them that I want to take her out after only a month. The last day of the month is Wednesday and I figure she will go Wednesday for the last time. We also paid a two week deposit, which I will tell them to keep because of the short notice.

Does anyone have advice as to how to tell them, or when? I know I'm making the right decision because when I decided, I felt relieved. There are other factors as well--like the way from now until the summer I will be going away or having family visit several times and will therefore have to pay for tons of days she won't be there.

I know I enrolled her without thinking things through well enough! I know this! I have a tendency to feel guilty really easily, too! I was thinking of calling them tomorrow night (Monday) and telling them that I'm just not ready for her to be in daycare yet and I want to sleep train her more. How much should I explain myself? How bad should I feel? Part of me feels terrible and part of me feels like I misjudged the situation and it's understandable.

I did mention last Friday that I was concerned about her sleep and how disruptive it is and they said it wasn't a problem. Still, I'm just not sure it's a good fit--not because there is anything wrong with them, just because it isn't a good fit for other reasons.

Am I overreacting? Should I just call them, tell them, bring her in Wednesday, deal with the awkwardness, then go home and feel better having done it?

Thanks for any advice!!

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Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum Amy!

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You know what, I had a Mom who had her child in daycare with me for just a very short time. Mom just really wasn't ready to return to work. She cried every single day (Mom, not the child) until her boss told her that perhaps it wasn't going to work out. I wasn't bothered in the least. I applaud anyone who wants to spend more time with their child.

I would simply tell them that at much as you appreciate their efforts and think that they are great people, you aren't quite ready to have your daughter in daycare.

You don't really need to go in to any more reasoning than that. I am sure that they will understand.

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I agree with this.

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You should not feel guilty. Your first obligation is always to do what is best for your child and your family. The providers will understand, as it is a part of the business.

Good luck with your thesis!

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Just tell her the truth. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Our children are young only once, enjoy it!!

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Two day a week kids your baby's age are incredibly difficult to integrate into group care especially if they have had one to one care at home as an only child. If these guys have any experience they knew that going into it.

Go ahead and tell them. The economy is bad now and a lot of providers are taking two day a week deals because they can't keep full time slots available. Even with the prospect of some money ... when they actually get the kid they are often overwhelmed with how difficult it is.

They will most likely not be the least bit surprised. If you pay them the notice you agreed to they will be happy.

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ditto exactly what i was thinking!!!

I won't accept anyone less than 3 days a week. (Some weeks I understand they will not come, or they miss a day or 2). I provide casual care and even then, I advise 3 days a week minimum, because it's hard on the kids to adjust.

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They are probably both Moms. They'll understand. You are giving them a two week's notice by leaving them with the two week's deposit. So they will be happy with that, and they do understand.

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Just be honest and tell them that you can't afford it. Part ways on good terms. I wouldn't even mention the sleep situation. I would just tell the team that summer is coming and you will have plenty of family that can help out and defray your costs and right now that is what you need to do.

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Thank you all so much for replying! It was really good to hear perspectives from the other side and you made me feel less nervous about telling them.

Another thing- the contract stated a month's notice, but I figure since we just started and since we gave two weeks' deposit (to apply to the last two weeks) that leaving them with the deposit is enough. Also, there were two days she didn't go, so it's kind of like three weeks...

Do you think that that's fair?

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I told them and I felt really sad...they really are nice people and super trustworthy. And they were understanding, though the mom did try to talk through it with me and almost convince me not to leave. They even said that I could bring her in for those last two week I paid for! This is hard! I want to do that but I also don't!

Thanks again!

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So they agreed to a two week notice instead of a month's notice? That's good.

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No that's not fair at all.

If you agreed to a month notice and there wasn't a built in trial period where you could get out of the contract then you should pay them the full month.

Parents sometimes think that if the child misses days that somehow that entitles them to future time or money. It would be like asking your cable company to refund a week of your bill because you were on vacation and didn't use the cable. It doesn't matter to them whether you use it or not. Their costs for providing the service don't decrease because you aren't using the cable for the week.

The providers don't control a childs absence so they shouldn't be liable for any return money or time. In many cases it's actually harder for the child not to be in care. This is definitely true of a parttime child. Any days they had her after the absence were most likely very difficult. Most providers would prefer the part time kid comes when they are scheduled.

You don't have to take the child to day care. I would suggest you take her out now but you should pay her fully for the notice time. Most providers that have a months notice built in do that because it actually takes a month to fill the slot.

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i personally think it's fine. i doubt they'll be bothered when you say, "i'm taking her out immediately, and i know you'll keep the deposit with such short notice, but i just can't keep her here for another month."

i know how you feel. i always feel bad when i quit ANYHING. i did this at an apartment one time. i was young and spontaneous (and poor) so i cleaned the apartment spic and span, went to my landlord's office and told him i was leaving. he had already been paid for the full month and i told him i didn't expect any of my deposit back (which i would've gotten) since i didn't give him a full month's notice that would cover the next month. THAT'S WHAT A DEPOSIT IS FOR! he didn't care at all. he was used to tenant's trashing his apartments, leaving junk for him to haul off, and owing rent.

sadly, lots of daycare providers have clients leave on short notice and then fight them for the deposit or not pay for care they've already received. for a child that only attended for 3 weeks at 2 days per week i'm pretty sure you're not putting anyone in a bind by giving a two week paid notice.

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If the contract states giving a month's notice I would make sure I pay for a whole month whether your daughter attends or not. They may seem "fine" with it but my guess is they are a bit perturbed that you are not following through on a signed contract. Why would it be okay to not follow through on something you signed?

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You don't know one thing about the specifics of this mother-daughter duo. Maybe they really needed this income (even though it was part-time they agreed to it so it's likely they were happy to receive it), maybe it took them 3-4 months to find a new client. And it is possible it may take them several more months to find a replacement. That is probably why they required a month's notice. I sure wouldn't be happy if I required 2 week's notice (which I do) & then my client came & said to me, "hope you don't mind but I can only give you a week's notice". I don't require a deposit though to begin care that is why I definitely require a two week notice.

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How old is she? Dont be so hard on yourself. Heres an idea: Do you have a friend you could trade with so you can have some time? Maybe you could shoot for putting your child back in somewhere in the fall? If its not a good fit then dont keep her there. The providers should understand! Let us know what happens!

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LOL! It's a lot easier to think its "fine" when its not your money! For goodness sake, she signed a contract and agreed to specific terms...she should honour that.

You don't know anything about these people except what the OP told us...that they were very nice, trustworthy people. I think she should treat them as such.

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You signed a contract. You owe the money.

p.e.r.i.o.d.

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They may have absolutely no idea that you don't plan to pay the month's notice. It's all fine to take your child out, but you should continue for the next two weeks, and then let them keep the two week's pay. Or continue for a month.

I didn't realize you signed a contract. They probably understand your situation, but surely they still expect to be paid. Why bother with a contract if they don't plan to enforce it?

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I'm glad it went well. But I would be sure to pay for the month that you agreed to. Word gets around in the childcare community and they can take legal action against you for non-payment.

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yeah, it's easy to think it's fine because people require a deposit incase someone skips out on them and doesn't pay for what they already owe. from what the OP has stated, she is up to date on what she OWES and the provider will receive two weeks worth of pay for time that won't be used. two weeks of pay for time that won't be used might be more favorable than one month of pay that WILL be used. it's practically free money.

if a provider is that dependent upon a month's notice then they should require a deposit to cover one month worth of care. don't require a two week deposit and then expect one month's pay. that defeats the purpose of the deposit.

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That is certainly an option; but it is an option that would make it pretty tough on people to start daycare. One months deposit is a pretty heft amount. I require a 30 day notice and I don't charge any deposit. I've never had a problem, but if I did, I wouldn't hesitate to take someone to court over it.

The bottom line is she AGREED to give one months notice; there is NO EXCUSE for breaking her her word...and her contract is (or should be) her word. I understand that some people don't take that seriously, but I do.

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Absolutely!
I require 1 month's notice as well, but I certaintly don't expect a month's worth of deposit money... otherwise, I wouldn't be in business. Deposit or not, my parents sign a contract agreeing to give a month's notice - if they don't, they're going to court, end of story.
I'm nice and trustworthy, but I most definitely would not be happy about this mom thinking the 2 weeks pay is fine .

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I require 4 full weeks notice as well.
I take 1/2 months deposit.

they are still required for 2 more weeks pay, regardless of if they use it. I have found that most give a 2 weeks notice, therefore, they pay for the last 2 weeks, and forfeit their deposit. Works out.

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I was really interested to hear the responses. I can tell that different providers have different opinions. I'm certainly not trying to skip out on anything I owe and I do want to honor the contract. I guess my thinking was that since she JUST started and it was only two days a week, that the two weeks' deposit would be adequate. I know that they're not full on the days she's there, so I'm pretty sure her spot wasn't preventing them from adding new children.

I've actually been self-employed myself for several years, working as a massage therapist, and so I definitely have understanding for the uncertainty of self-employment. In addition, my husband is also self-employed as a painting contractor. Things fall through, people change their minds. I'm not saying this to imply that I don't have to honor a contract, but there is also context to consider. If I had her in there for a month, then decided it wasn't right for us, does it seem reasonable for us to continue there for another month? If we don't continue, does it seem reasonable for us to pay for an entire month? Two weeks seems fair in this context, but a month seems a bit much.

This is just an argument, since when I go back today I am definitely going to talk with them and tell them that I will pay them for a month, though I am not sure if I will I have her attend the whole time (it was a bit awkward today when I brought her and I don't want to feel awkward or feel conflicted about my decision two days a week for the next month!). I admit that my opinion about what was fair in this context made me reinterpret the contract to suit myself. That wasn't fair and I'm glad I came on here and people reminded me of that.

I just bring up the argument about context because of my perspective as a self-employed person (and wife of a self-employed person).

Even I disagree with you or you disagree with me, I'm really glad to hear all your opinions. I know I need to hear the other side because it's easy to just consider my experience and perspective. It influences how able I am to imagine their perspective, and it limits me.

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a contract is a contract. It is in effect from day one so even if you decided after the first day that daycare was not working for you, you would still be as bound as you would if you used the daycare for a year. I understand your predicament and its up to the provider to cut you some slack. They might do that but I would not expect it or feel entitled to it.

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Your job, your husbands job, and your finances have NOTHING to do with the provider or the contract. A deal is a deal. You agreed to it. The time to negotiate would have been BEFORE you signed, not now.

You have no idea the costs associated with childcare so don't say that because you are a newer client it should be OK. I buy every child a pack n play, sheets, blankets, cups, a cot, and more personal items as soon as they start. I buy food in bulk every month based on enrollment. If your provider does something similar, should they eat costs because you are not honoring your contract?

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yep. I am almost tempted to start charging an enrollment fee because of this. I do a 2 week trial period where anyone can cancel at anytime without penalty. after the 2 week timeframe, you owe me 2 weeks pay and I keep your deposit (total of 4 weeks). you are welcome to use the time you paid for, or you can just walk, either way I don't care.

But if I had to go purchase a pnp prior to starting, and they backed out right away, I'd be peeved. yeah I can use that for another child, but that would've been money I shouldn't have spent, and was expecting to recoop with the fees paid for the month.


op, you are sympathetic to self employed, yet it seems like you've contradicted several times with what you've said. You understand your agreement/obligation, but you seem confused because of the timeframe.

Regardless,
day 1 you enter the home, you are bound by the contract
day 30 you enter into the home, you're bound by the contract
day 250 you enter the home, you're bound by the contract.

You were reactive not proactive. Based on what you stated you were requiring, was 1 day a week to have away to work on a thesis. What you stated is you required a babysitter and chose a daycare. This does not make sense to me. I'm still stumped as to why you would think a daycare is what you needed.

ETA: you sound like you a very nice person, and if only more parents were like you. I apologize if what I wrote above sounded harsh. It wasn't meant to be, I have dealt with it twice where families rush to get the spot because I'm doing interviews, and then realize that they shouldn't have done so. It sort of stinks because by that time the other families have already found other care.

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I think its great that you are going to talk to them. I also think its pretty cool that you can admit that your opinion about what was fair and your interpretation of the contract was based on what suited you. Not everyone can do that.

When you do decide to give daycare another try, you may want to ask for a trial period in which either party can cancel the contract at any time without notice or with a shorter notice than the contract states.

Good luck!

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What Jen said.....

Wow, I bet they will miss you, Amy. It is not often we get that kind of understanding......

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