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mamamanda 07:31 AM 06-17-2015
First of all, I hate rewarding kids for doing what is expected of them under normal circumstances. Unfortunately, I have 4 in my care whose parents use rewards to get them to do everything. I've been trying to change behaviors without the use of rewards or bribes for months with very little results so I decided to make a little compromise. My kids have some bad habits during meal time. They do clean up their plates & ask to be excused almost always with a reminder, but they have trouble with manners. So, I give everyone a token during meal time. It stays on the table where I can see it. If behavior is inappropriate or you forget to clear your plate or ask to be excused before leaving the table I remove your token. I don't nag them anymore, I just pick up the token & its gone. If they still have their token at the end of the day they get to put a sticker on their chart. 3 stickers during the week equals a cup of chocolate milk during lunch time on Fridays.
My questions are:
1. If they lose it during breakfast should they be able to earn it back during lunch or is just gone?
2. 2 y.o. dcb gets out of his seat constantly. Do you think he's old enough to understand why he's not getting chocolate milk when others are on Fridays if I take his token away? He just turned 2 & were struggling with sitting at the big table. I'm thinking of keeping him in a booster with seat belt so he has to stay put and eat.
We just started tokens yesterday so things keep popping up I hadn't thought about. I'm not used to the reward chart thing and I'm already rethinking it b/c they want to know what else they can earn a "treat or surprise" for. I'm like, ummm, nothing. Haha You earn the right to play with toys & your friends if you behave.
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Heidi 07:41 AM 06-17-2015
I'm like you when it comes to reward systems. I don't think they work, and they require too much of us adults to manage the system.

I prefer natural consequences. Squirming around in your chair gets a reminder or two, then you leave the table and wait for your friends elsewhere. The manners part, I just keep reminding, because I don't think it's such a big deal as needing a consequence.

If they say "I'm done" instead of "may I be excused", I just encourage them to say it correctly. If they try to get up and walk away, I ask them what they forgot. Most of them probably aren't asked to do this at home, so it just takes longer to sink in.
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Silly Songs 09:40 AM 06-17-2015
Originally Posted by mamamanda:
First of all, I hate rewarding kids for doing what is expected of them under normal circumstances. Unfortunately, I have 4 in my care whose parents use rewards to get them to do everything. I've been trying to change behaviors without the use of rewards or bribes for months with very little results so I decided to make a little compromise. My kids have some bad habits during meal time. They do clean up their plates & ask to be excused almost always with a reminder, but they have trouble with manners. So, I give everyone a token during meal time. It stays on the table where I can see it. If behavior is inappropriate or you forget to clear your plate or ask to be excused before leaving the table I remove your token. I don't nag them anymore, I just pick up the token & its gone. If they still have their token at the end of the day they get to put a sticker on their chart. 3 stickers during the week equals a cup of chocolate milk during lunch time on Fridays.
My questions are:
1. If they lose it during breakfast should they be able to earn it back during lunch or is just gone?
2. 2 y.o. dcb gets out of his seat constantly. Do you think he's old enough to understand why he's not getting chocolate milk when others are on Fridays if I take his token away? He just turned 2 & were struggling with sitting at the big table. I'm thinking of keeping him in a booster with seat belt so he has to stay put and eat.
We just started tokens yesterday so things keep popping up I hadn't thought about. I'm not used to the reward chart thing and I'm already rethinking it b/c they want to know what else they can earn a "treat or surprise" for. I'm like, ummm, nothing. Haha You earn the right to play with toys & your friends if you behave.

A 2 year old will not remember why he is excluded from something a few days or even a day after he misbehaved . Please use immediate consequences with 3 and under .
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Blackcat31 10:02 AM 06-17-2015
Originally Posted by Silly Songs:
A 2 year old will not remember why he is excluded from something a few days or even a day after he misbehaved . Please use immediate consequences with 3 and under .
I agree with this.

In these types of situations I count on my older kids (3 and up) to be the role models for the younger ones.

I don't have the same expectations for the one 2 and under as I do for the older kids.
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Unregistered 10:35 AM 06-17-2015
Reward systems lead to more issues I have found. Once they lose the reward for the day negative behavior increases throughout the day.
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mamamanda 10:53 AM 06-17-2015
This was seriously the worst idea I've had for a while. Biggest issue I was hoping to remedy is that 2 of my kids spin around in their chairs getting food all over the wall, back of chair, floor, etc. My almost 5 y.o. Dcg is by far the worst. She has trouble focusing on anything in general & very distracted. I've moved her to every spit I have hoping to curb distractions, had her clean her own spot, moved her away from the table, nothing works. Yesterday she didn't spin around once, ate politely, was the neatest I have ever seen her be. Today at lunch my baby was screaming (teething & a mess today) so I dished up food & tended the baby. I told them I would pass out the tokens once he settled. She was awful. Turned backward in her seat 3 or 4 times. When I asked her why (feeling exasperated at this point) she said I didn't give her a token so she didn't have to sit still since she couldn't lose it. Guess who lost it anyway. Her mom rewards her for everything. Well, she proved she can behave if she wants to. I want to do away with the tokens. Any idea how to do that since I just hyped them up about it yesterday? Uggh...why did I do that? I knew better. Now they keep asking, "If I obey you will you give me a treat?" Its a big fat NO!
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childcaremom 10:57 AM 06-17-2015
Originally Posted by mamamanda:
This was seriously the worst idea I've had for a while. Biggest issue I was hoping to remedy is that 2 of my kids spin around in their chairs getting food all over the wall, back of chair, floor, etc. My almost 5 y.o. Dcg is by far the worst. She has trouble focusing on anything in general & very distracted. I've moved her to every spit I have hoping to curb distractions, had her clean her own spot, moved her away from the table, nothing works. Yesterday she didn't spin around once, ate politely, was the neatest I have ever seen her be. Today at lunch my baby was screaming (teething & a mess today) so I dished up food & tended the baby. I told them I would pass out the tokens once he settled. She was awful. Turned backward in her seat 3 or 4 times. When I asked her why (feeling exasperated at this point) she said I didn't give her a token so she didn't have to sit still since she couldn't lose it. Guess who lost it anyway. Her mom rewards her for everything. Well, she proved she can behave if she wants to. I want to do away with the tokens. Any idea how to do that since I just hyped them up about it yesterday? Uggh...why did I do that? I knew better. Now they keep asking, "If I obey you will you give me a treat?" Its a big fat NO!
"Sorry, no more tokens."

I remove my manner offenders from the table immediately. No warnings. They know the rules. Their spot is cleared and they are excused to look at books until the rest of us are finished.
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Rockgirl 11:09 AM 06-17-2015
"When you are done sitting nicely, you are done with lunch. Time to move on." Here, that means time for nap, since it's directly after lunch.
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Heidi 11:29 AM 06-17-2015
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
"When you are done sitting nicely, you are done with lunch. Time to move on." Here, that means time for nap, since it's directly after lunch.
Yep!

My granddaughter is 2 1/2, and she has no clue how to sit still at the table. It takes her forever to eat because she's so busy futsing around. It took 45 minutes to eat a cookie yesterday! Today, I cut her off at lunch after 40 minutes. She wasn't happy, but seriously! (I did remind her that snack is right after nap).

I just adore this child, but her self-help skills are a bit behind. She's coming along, though.
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Unregistered 01:20 PM 06-17-2015
1st Give a reminder.
2nd You're excused. Go wash up and lay down.
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MarinaVanessa 02:53 PM 06-17-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
1st Give a reminder.
2nd You're excused. Go wash up and lay down.
This is how I handle it. I also don't like reward charts but I'll use them from time to time to monitor when they are EXTREMELY good. I prefer a balance of natural and logical consequesnces.

I sit down with the kids and create our daycare rules with their help. Then I make a poster with our rules and I discuss the consequences with them. We have general rules and now we have mealtime rules on their own separate paper. Not following the rules results in the logical consequences of being excused from the table even if they are not finished ... then they may have the natural consequence of being hungry later. Works better than anyting else I've tried so far.
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Thriftylady 03:26 PM 06-17-2015
I hate reward systems. Like PP said it really just makes more work for me, and then the kids feel entitled to something just for doing what is right.
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