How do you respond to a DCG 3yo that is very emotionally sensitive?

I mean cries over EVERYTHING???? Dog gets close to her, tears. Yet she loves on my dog on her terms. Toddlers get close to her, tears. Serve her food, tears. Another child plays with something she played with 30 minutes ago, tears. Tears, tears, tears.

DCM feeds into her tears. Sometimes stays 15-20 minutes at drop-off bc of DCG tears.

How do I respond to the tears?? Also when she gets worked up she vomits.

I have tried redirection, doesn't work. Need feedback. TIA

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I don't have patience for that, thats not a sensitive child that a child that gets her way from crying. You see I have a special corner for children like this, and they get to visit it everytime they feel the need to cry. Trust me, after a few times there, they stop crying. Also, I would shush the dcp and child out, have the child ready and when mom comes out the door they go.

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Please tell me more about this special corner

Today, I laid her down until she could settle down. So far she has been better.

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I have a DCB just like this. I have a special bench that he goes to when he cries. When he is done crying, he can get up and continue to play.

Same situation here- the parents feed into it every time he cries. Even if he is crying because he is getting in trouble. The moment the tears start coming, the parents start hugging and giving positive reinforcement for the crying. Don't get me wrong- I am all for reassuring a crying child if they are crying for a valid reason like being scared or hurt. But giving a child positive attention when he is crying for saying the F word- that is so frustrating!

I have to say I have been using the special bench for crying for about 6 months now and it still doesn't work all that well. He still cries all the time-for almost any reason at all- it's just now he can get over it much faster and move on with his day. He is part time though- only 2 days per week. So he gets the positive reinforcement all week long with his parents; and has to get used to the way things are here all over again.

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Honestly I wouldn't deal with it either. I have a "drama queen" here and although she doesn't cry at the tiniest thing like yours, she does make EVERYTHING a huge production....I simply tell her to go sit over there (whatever corner or nook is free at the moment and near us) until you're done.

When you are ready to join the group, you are welcome to do so.

If this is a new child though, she may just be really scared and not yet comfortable in the environment and may need a bit more hand holding and encouragement before she feels secure enough to play happily.

If she is a regular kid who has been there a while, I would not pay any attention to the behavior, especially if you truly believe it is self-induced or something she is doing for attention.

I would also talk with mom and tell her that the goodbye's need to be done outside and the drop off's need to be short and sweet for the benefit of her child as she is getting her all worked up unnecessarily in the mornings by feeding into the tears.

Sorry, you are dealing with this as it is usually pretty easy to get the child back on track but it is the parent who needs the most "fixing".

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I have one who is like this and has been since I started watching her 2.5 years ago. She's just very sensitive. It's gotten worse over the years and I'm pretty sure it's due to her parents. They don't feed into it...rather they squelch all the perfectly reasonable tears and give her time outs for crying, no matter the reason. She almost fell down the stairs here once at pick-up time and cried from the fear and shock of it...and her mom didn't hug her at all or deal with the falling (the cause of the tears)--she just snapped at her about crying and sat her in a time out and threatened to take away the poor girl's chocolate milk ( that she gets in the car every day) if she didn't stop instantly. The saddest part was...she did stop instantly

I've seen other examples of them squelching tears instantly, even reasonable ones (I'm the first to admit that some of her tears are totally nuts but not ALL of them are). She's gotten more anxious and more teary...not less.

I cringe when I see these "crying spot" things...but at least, at least, at least, you guys are giving them the opportunity to cry themselves out and not actually punishing them and ordering them to dry it up instantly.

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I find this commom with boys and fathers. They want them to be tough. My ds (he's 10) can cry as good as any girl, we blame it on his 3 sisters

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I think the "Crying spot" has to be appropriate. I would never use it for a child that is hurt or scared. It's more for the "drama queen" types.

I have an 11 month old who is lovely, but I can already see she is headed this way. First child, adored by all, cries at EVERYTHING. Napping is a huge ordeal, so issitting down at the table, someone touching her, or the worst......getting her diaper changed. oh, the tragedy!

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I have had this DCG since she was a newborn & I love her to pieces

This crying behavior is not "new" but is really really getting worse.

She is a wonderful child & her mom is wonderful too. One of my best DCF!

I just don't want to "feed" into the behavior and am I willing to try a different approach. I am very interested in creating a space where she can "regroup" but like Silver pretty much said I don't want to punish her for crying. SO how do you not cross that very touchy line? It is by no means punishment. However, I cannot continue to let the tears spoil our days... does that make sense??

Ok so just now: she wanted to show another dcb something she could do with the puzzle HE was playing with. He repeatedly told her no. I intervened and she said but I want to show him. I said he did not want her to show him and maybe later he will. She immediately started tearing up. I took a deep breath and told her that she did not need to cry and immediately said ok everyone show me your funny faces. She continued to tear up and after several times of "funny face" she stopped.

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My 12 year old still tears up when he gets frustrated. He has always been more senstive in that way.

I guess I would try to redirect, like you just did, whenever possible. Only when it becomes all out wailing would I do the "crying spot". Something like "I know you are frustrated/mad/sad (whichever applies) right now, but your loud crying hurts our ears. Why don't you go sit on the couch (or some other soft spot away from the action) and hug bear (or dog or doll) for a little while until you're done?

If compliance is an issue, I would make it less of a question..."I want you too..." vs. "why don't you....".

You are NOT telling her she can't "feel" whatever. You are just letting her know that her feelings don't trump everyone else's....

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Is the "redirection" playing into the whole tears episode? By getting my attention?

OR

Is it better to tell her that the other child said no and then ignore the tears and proceed like she isn't even crying?

and then if she can't calm herself down use a crying spot.

I want to get a positive result, and I may never get that but I don't want to make it worse.

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I would have done the second choice. The other child said no and he has a right to do that whether this child wants to cry or not!

She was getting more attention by not doing the funny face thing then if she was put in the crying spot. She will learn tears (not for being hurt or scared) get you no where in life.

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"I would have done the second choice. The other child said no and he has a right to do that whether this child wants to cry or not!

She was getting more attention by not doing the funny face thing then if she was put in the crying spot. She will learn tears (not for being hurt or scared) get you no where in life."


This is how I felt too and I don't want her to relate crying to fun stuff, kwim?

I appreciate all of the feedback & I am trying to see if there is a way to piece all of this great info together to get the outcome I would like out of this.

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I think by re-directing her, you are feeding into her and giving her attention for her tearing up. I think she is leanring to manipulate her surroundings (caregivers too) by tearing up every time she doesn't get what she wants or things don't go the way she wants them to.

The minute she tears up, you are trying your darnest to do whatever it takes to get her to not tear up and essentially re-enforcing the emotional outburst that you are trying to avoid. Why does everyone have to show funny faces or do whatever just to get this child "over" being told no or not getting to do what she wants to do? Seems to me that is a great way to get all eyes on her. kwim?

I definitely do NOT punish children for being emotional or tearing up about things. I validate their feelings and then walk away so they can feel how ever they want to feel.

In your puzzle situation example, I would have said "Jill, Billy said no. I am sorry that isn't what you wanted to hear and I understand that that makes you sad but it is his turn so why don't you go find something else to do until it is your turn" and then stopped talking about it or addressing it at all.

If she becomes teary eyed and/or crying so that it bothers the others, I would say, "It's ok to be sad Jill but why don't you go sit over there until you are feeling happy again."

Kids should be allowed to feel what they want but they also have to own those feelings and realize that the world isn't going to stop or change because they are feeling a certain way.

They need to be taught that their feelings do belong to them and they need to deal with them.

This is a perfect time to have a unit or theme about feelings/emotiona and how we each have them and what we can do in each situation to help us feel better or celebrate that we feel good.

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as far as not crossing the line towards a punishment....I do the cry corner here but the kids can get out anytime they are ready to. There is no time limit and they are not forced to stay there. They can stay as long or as short as they need. Its basically a "this or that" choice which is very appropriate for the age. "Play nicely with DCB or go to the cry corner until you are ready to play nicely". I think you gave her too much attention by trying to cajole her out of the tears. I would have said "Jenna, Sammy does not want to play puzzle that way right now. You need to chose a different toy to play with" and then if the tears started "Jenna, you can be upset but you need to sit in the cry corner until you are done being upset and ready to chose a new toy to play with" then ignore any drama coming from the corner and give extra attention to Sammy, who was playing and following the rules to begin with. Why does Jenna get funny faces when she is the one that is being a pest and a drama queen?

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i would have done the second choice too. There is a difference with having feelings and showing them but there is a difference with having feelings but using them to manipulate you.

clearly it wasn't a feeling thing with her, when you said no, she was not happy that she was told no and wanted it her way so she did the tears thing. i would have sent her to the crying spot.

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oh my gosh, you all don't even know how much help this will be!

I am ready to put all of this into play

I am pretty excited

I will let you all know how it goes!

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Be sure to use the "crying" spot with the other children, as well. Maybe won't come up as often, but it should be a spot for anyone who feels overwhelmed. Heck, you could even model it by saying "Gosh, I am so frustrated right now. I think I need to go sit down". When you get up, say "I'm feeling better now..."

You really know it's working when the kids start sitting there themselves without prompting...I've had toddlers do it. so cute!

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Amen, Sister.

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