Advice please.

My DS (24months) has never been a good sleeper. My DH has diagnosed night terrors and is a very disturbed sleeper himself. My DS is also extremely strong willed and I suspect these things contribute to his poor sleep. My DS has ALWAYS slept in our room. When he was tiny he slept in a PNP beside my bed, but always ended up in bed with me nursing. Ever since he was a little bigger of a baby, he always has just slept with me and DH.

As he's approached age 2 we moved from a queen bed to a king. Then we pushed the king and queen together for one giant bed. Then we seperated them but still in the same master bedroom and tried to encourage DS to sleep in his bed. However, he always ended up in ours, probably because we were only feet away, and as I said, he still has never slept a whole night.

At 24 months, he still wakes 1-3 times a night.

Also at 24 months, he is darn near potty trained. He no longer wears diapers, but exclusively underwear. However, being so young, he does still have accidents and supervision.

We have just moved him into his own room. He's excited about it, but I don't know how to practically make it work. Unfortunately, our bedrooms are on different floors from each other. I can't just shut him in his room for the night and come back 11 hours later. He wakes up and wants mommy, always has, even when we're in the same room. He also wakes up wanting a drink of water, and needing to go to the bathroom.

If it were just a tantrum and wanting mommy, I could consider just letting him cry and work through it. However, I do not want him to pee on his bed or floor or think that it's okay to just pee himself. I don't want to set back his great potty habits. I also don't want him tantruming down the stairs to come find us in our room.

So, last night, his first night in his own bedroom (btw he's never slept in a crib, he sleeps on a queen bed) I slept with him because I didn't know what else to do.

What do I do when my 24month DS is in his own room, on a seperate floor of the house, and he wakes up wanting me? And what about going pee?

(Don't suggest diaper/pull up as he'll just take it off. And if i rigged some way for him to not take it off, that would be really counter productive when he's just about totally potty trained both day and night.)

Do I get a monitor to hear him? But do I go up everytime he wakes up? But if I ignore him, what if he has to pee?

Thanks for any ideas/experiences! Especially if anyone's transitioned from co-sleeping for 2 years to now a seperate room and sleeping independently.

(It's 10pm and as I'm typing he just woke up to drink water and cuddle me since the computer is in his room... I basically ignored him and he got back in his bed and fell asleep...)

Reply

.

I would remove the computer from him room. Even when it is off it can be disruptive to sleep. My dh and I used to have a computer in our room but it would randomly make noise in the middle of the night and wake me up.

When our children were young we tried putting a potty in the room with them. So they would get up, go potty then go back to sleep. Not sure if your child is able to do this. But it is an option.

Going from sleeping with mommy and daddy to own room is a big change! I would set up his room for him as much as possible before he goes to bed so you don't have to enter the room. The potty, sippy cup of water, tee shirt smelling like mommy exc. The earlier you get him to transition the better. The longer you wait the harder it will be. Keep us updated!

Reply

I co-slept with all 4 if my children and they tended to wean themselves around 3 years. Is there a reason you want him in his own room now (besides the fact that as small as he is he probably takes up half of a king sized bed...lol)? Been there done that.
If you need to do it now I would suggest starting with naps in his own bed and then graduate to full nights. Like the pp suggested I would set up his room for success with a small water (if you think it's needed, there's no harm in telling him he can wait until morning), a potty chair, etc.
when my children all transitioned at about 3 they were all potty trained and could hold their bladder enough not to get up during the night so I have no real life experience there but if I were you I would take away the bedtime water to help him succeed in staying dry. This would cut out the needing a drink part and the needing to go potty. I would also remove the computer, he needs to first associate that room with sleeping. After he succeeds in that area I would add toys so he can play there in the daytime.
Cosleeping children are used to getting their needs addressed immediately (which IMO is a great thing when they are little) so it can be a hard transition if they aren't ready.
I also think a monitor is a good idea. If you use a 2 way monitor he can hear you and you can hear him. If you can't find one an option is to use 2 seperate monitors.

Reply

I'd get a monitor and teach him to ask you to go potty if he wakes up and needs to go. I'd leave a sippy cup with water near his bed and tell him that it's there if he needs a drink.

You might consider setting up his room Montessori style---mattress on the floor, low shelves, everything easy access for a child to do by himself. It might make the room less intimidating and make it easier for him to do things by himself without needing to wake you up.

I'd also take the computer out and use his bedroom as just that--his bedroom. If he sees you in there at night on the computer, he'll be confused to the room's purpose and why you won't come in there to him when he wakes up.

Reply

Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate you all spending the time to give input, especially anyone having some similar experience with co sleeping.

I'm moving my 24 month old out of our bed and giving him his own room mostly to please my husband and second because I think my son will enjoy having his own room especially a place for him that is off limits to daycare. My hope is that he learns to sleep better on his own. My husband has been terrific and only minimally complained for the two years but now he really wants me to move him out. If it were up to me I wOuld have a family bed forever. I absolutely love it! !!

The computer literally can't go anywhere else. But actually I barely use it since I got a smart phone. So I just wont use it at night.

His room actually is semi Montessori style. He's never been in a crib and we used to have our king mattress and springs in the floor. Then when we have him the queen it had no frame either. Now the queen is low in his room. He's very used to it. He's got a step stool to reach light switch and can reach pretty much everything. Still a mess though since I only set it up two days ago.

I just hate sleeping apart from him. While I wait for monitor to be delivered I'm sleeping in his new room with him. Not what my husband had in mind lol!

Anyone else not want to give up family bed?

Reply

We co slept with all of ours, except for one who just didn't take to it.
We had varying experiences, but we did not push any of them out of our bed. Often we slept with several.
However, once they were around two, we instituted "start in your own bed." The deal was, they had to go to bed in their own bed and go to sleep. This usually gave the adults time for "adult time."
If you woke up after that, you could come to mom and dad's bed. In your case, I am not sure that plan would work unless you get him. Can he get to another floor alone?
Honestly, if he were mine, I would just let him go to sleep in the room of your choice, and then, after "adult time" go get him and bring him to bed with me. But that is just me. YMMV

Reply

We still have a family bed, and my daughter is 4 1/2. I love it. She loves it. But like you, we started transitioning her to her own room around 2, for various reasons. At this point, she spends the first half of the night in her room, which gives us down time and alone time after her bedtime. At some point, she wakes and joins us and sleeps the rest of the night in our bed. Works well for us. At 2, she napped in her room (on weekends; with the other kids during the week), and started out the night there, but came to us much earlier (after an hour or two, if I'm remembering right). One of us would go to bed at that point.

She began wearing undies to bed at 23 months (could have done it at 21 months, but since she was still in my bed, I was nervous; I didn't want accidents!). She had always been a light sleeper, and woke often in the night. So we made a habit for quite a while of taking her to the potty when she woke somewhere around 10 at night. We were still awake, so it was easy to do, and it was late enough that she'd stay dry the rest of the night. We kept a potty in her room and did it in the dark to minimize waking her more than necessary. I also learned that when she does a fussy cry which wakes her a few times in a row, it means she needs to pee.

We've always used a monitor, because my partner is hard of hearing. I don't go every time she wakes up, but if she calls for me or is crying without settling, I go. I know there are vastly different opinions on this, but I value our relationship and communication over sleep or just about anything else. So that's what we do.

I draw the line at me sleeping in her bed. It's too small, and is not comfy to share. For us, the rule is if you want to spread out and have space to yourself, you can sleep in your room. If you want to snuggle and be crowded, you can come to ours. (We only have a double.) I'm not saying you should have the same limits, just that it's worth figuring out what your personal limits are (and your husband's) and make decisions that work for your family. It doesn't have to be black-and-white here-or-there. I found "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" somewhat helpful in figuring out what would work for us.

Good luck. I know how hard it is; I miss her when she's not with us, too!

Reply

I actually hated it, for the two weeks we did it. DDs crib mattress was lost when we moved, and we had to order a replacement.

I really don't enjoy sleeping with other people, I had to get used to sleeping with my boyfriend, and I'm still not really used to it because he works nights. But that's not why I didn't/dont like cosleeping with DD.

I never got any real sleep. I was so worried she'd either suffocate or fall out of bed. We knew a family when I was younger who lost a baby when she smothered in a pillow in the family bed. That scared me to death. Plus my sister's son fell out of bed onto the hardwood several times as baby. Finally we have a memory foam mattress, which infants are not supposed to sleep on, and DD began rolling from side to side at about 4 weeks. It just wasn't worth it to me.

I was so glad when her mattress came. She never got much sleep either in our bed.

Reply

This is how we transitioned our children to their own beds, too. As they got older, they slept longer and eventually were in their beds until morning! It worked well for us.

Reply

Thank you thank you! So grateful to read these replies. I think I'm viewing it as far too black and white. I had a total sobbing meltdown tonight because I miss him so much! My ds is extremely verbal and very very physically capable. He is also insanely strong willed.

During the day he can go up and down stairs with ease. Holding on our even not holding on and carrying things. But at night I worry about him going downstairs to find us when he might be having a tsntrum, might terror, or just disoriented.

Really wish our rooms were next to each other. All this would be muchnicer of a transition. But that's just not possible.

Reply

I didn't co sleep per se but, my older one usually ends up in our bed sometime during the night and the little guy(2) got used to sleeping with me because I always do when he is sick. I just started transitioning him back into his room and I tell him he needs to go to bed in his room and if he gets scared call me and I will get him. He says in this cute little voice "oooook!" Works well most nights and now he is usually awake when I walk out, which is a big improvment of lately!

Reply

Mama, your whole post basically already screams what you know to do. It is awesome that your child is taking the transition smoothly. Save yourself the stress and get that monitor set up. We have a video monitor. That way you know exactly what is going on and if babe needs you. There have been some awesome responses!!! Go with your momma gut, it will always steer you in the right direction.

Reply