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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Feel Guilty, But She Was Passive Aggressive And Didn't Trust Me
Sahmmie 01:44 PM 04-12-2017
Ugh... I had a part time infant for 3 months. From day one parents rarely paid unless I reminded them to do so and they squirmed when asked to pay for extra hours. I gave them a part time rate (which is rare around here) but told them that I would expect to be paid extra for extra hours. They went over their allotted hours almost ever week. If it was just an hour I let it slide but some weeks it was several and even up to 5-7 hours over.

The second issue was that even though they had a part time slot they felt they could drop off whenever they felt like it. They would consistently be 30 minutes to an hour early!

Well, last week the baby was sick so she was not here at all. On Sunday I texted asking if baby was coming on Monday and reminded them that they owe me for last week (all daycares around here charge whether baby is there or not, we charge for the spot, right?) and to please pay me on Monday for both weeks. I don't normally ever text parents to pay me, but these people almost never paid me unless I asked, or they'd be several days late if I did not ask.

She texted back. "You will get paid." And, "I'll drop her off in the morning." I thought that sounded a bit rude, but I texted back, "Thanks, see you tomorrow."

A few minutes later she texted back "And if baby is leaving your house I need to be asked. We leave the carseat for emergencies only."

I was flabbergasted. Two months ago I took the baby for a walk around the block an hour before she was due to arrive at the house. I was planning on texting her but since she was not due for another hour I put it off and figured I'd be back in plenty of time. Well she got to my house an hour early and called me because the door was locked. Guess what she said when I told her I was ONE BLOCK AWAY??? "Oh, I guess I will go run some errand then. Call me when you get back to the house." Does that sound frantic or panicky to you? She didn't come back for nearly an hour!!!

Now after I asked her about money she suddenly brings up this episode????????? She went on and on about how panicked she was and how wrong I was to take her baby out of the house without her permission. And in the mix she also texts that she is sick and tired of me asking for money!!!

In my opinion she was just passive aggressively throwing me a jab because she was mad that I asked to be paid, and probably livid that I expected payment for the week the baby was sick.

So, to make a long story short I told her that I felt she did not trust me nor like me very much and to find someone else to care for her baby.

No matter what I said she would not stop berating me for "leaving the house with her baby" even though I was only a block away and baby was in a stroller, not in the car.
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Sahmmie 01:52 PM 04-12-2017
I forgot to mention that she kept saying that we discussed never taking the baby out of the house during our interview - this is not true. I have a very small daycare (just 2 full time and one part timer) and I ALWAYS ask parents if I can take their children out of the house and if they say no I do not take that child on. There is no way I would have agreed to never leaving the house! So she is either not remembering correctly, or lying.
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Leigh 02:07 PM 04-12-2017
You have nothing to feel guilty about. That crap about taking the baby out of the house is about nothing except you asking for the pay that you have already earned! I really suggest asking for payment in advance.
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Pestle 02:23 PM 04-12-2017
Do not feel bad. I've only been in this gig for 10 months, but what I learned first of all is that:

When a parent is unable or unwilling to pay on time, show up on time, and communicate on time, caring for their child needs to be their problem, not yours. You are here to do a well-defined job. They cannot add additional hoops for you to jump through or demand you do your job without pay.

The only recommendation I have for you is this: Always keep a cell phone on you. Imagine if you were out with a baby and you needed to call an ambulance.
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Sahmmie 02:28 PM 04-12-2017
I did have a cell phone. That's why she found me in less than 30 seconds. She knocked on my door and called me immediately when I didn't answer the door. I guess I could have left a note, but I was not expecting her for another hour and would have been home in 15 minutes.

I do ask for payment upfront. They just never had it most weeks.
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TheMisplacedMidwestMom 02:39 PM 04-12-2017
Someones going to say it: "No pay, no play". Don't take her child if she hasn't paid upfront. I've read this sooo many times on here and still didn't listen. Then I got burned. It happens.
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Ariana 02:49 PM 04-12-2017
You did not do anything wrong! That woman is a psycho. Next time someone signs up with you get 2 weeks advance payment that you will put towards the last 2 weeks of care. That way if they skip out on payment you have their money.
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Unregistered 03:05 PM 04-12-2017
I would terminate care effective immediately. Unfortunately it sounds like you will not get the money owed you. As pp have said no pay, no stay and don't feel bad about it or parents will take advantage of you.
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Sahmmie 03:37 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
You did not do anything wrong! That woman is a psycho. Next time someone signs up with you get 2 weeks advance payment that you will put towards the last 2 weeks of care. That way if they skip out on payment you have their money.
Definitely! That is what I should have done. I usually only sit for people I know personally, so I don't know all the protective measures most people take.
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Sahmmie 03:38 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would terminate care effective immediately. Unfortunately it sounds like you will not get the money owed you. As pp have said no pay, no stay and don't feel bad about it or parents will take advantage of you.
I did already tell her to find alternative care and not come back at all which is what I feel guilty about. I don't like leaving people high and dry, but she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission. I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.
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JackandJill 03:49 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
I did already tell her to find alternative care and not come back at all which is what I feel guilty about. I don't like leaving people high and dry, but she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission. I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.
Don't feel guilty, when people act like this you aren't "leaving them high and dry", they brought the consequence on themselves!

This mom sounds nuts!!
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Laurie 04:15 PM 04-12-2017
She's a tough one for sure... Going forward, make sure you have EVERYTHING written down in your Parents Handbook or Policies and procedures. Have them sign before the child starts. That way you're covered!!!

I've never asked for the last two weeks upfront, but I kinda like that idea. I haven't had to term many families before, but it's best to cover yourself.

As for her not paying on time... that's grounds for termination after the first time. Don't allow people to walk all over you.
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Unregistered 04:23 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
I did already tell her to find alternative care and not come back at all which is what I feel guilty about. I don't like leaving people high and dry, but she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission. I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.
That's good that you termed immediately because it does sound like she would be someone that would make false accusations to ruin your business. You do not need to feel guilty because she brought this upon herself. You are running a business and she was not following the terms that were agreed upon when she signed up.
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Blackcat31 04:46 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Laurie:
She's a tough one for sure... Going forward, make sure you have EVERYTHING written down in your Parents Handbook or Policies and procedures. Have them sign before the child starts. That way you're covered!!!

I've never asked for the last two weeks upfront, but I kinda like that idea. I haven't had to term many families before, but it's best to cover yourself.

As for her not paying on time... that's grounds for termination after the first time. Don't allow people to walk all over you.
agree with this!
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AmyKidsCo 07:04 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Pestle:
Do not feel bad. I've only been in this gig for 10 months, but what I learned first of all is that:

When a parent is unable or unwilling to pay on time, show up on time, and communicate on time, caring for their child needs to be their problem, not yours. You are here to do a well-defined job. They cannot add additional hoops for you to jump through or demand you do your job without pay.

The only recommendation I have for you is this: Always keep a cell phone on you. Imagine if you were out with a baby and you needed to call an ambulance.
I love this. I need to find a nice way to word it in my policies, LOL! "If you do not pay on time, show up on time, or communicate on time, caring for your child will become your problem, not mine."
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Blackcat31 07:18 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
I love this. I need to find a nice way to word it in my policies, LOL! "If you do not pay on time, show up on time, or communicate on time, caring for your child will become your problem, not mine."
Poetry! Add that to the list of provider skills!
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spedmommy4 07:28 PM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
I did already tell her to find alternative care and not come back at all which is what I feel guilty about. I don't like leaving people high and dry, but she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission. I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.
I know how hard terming is but, I think you made the right call.

You might consider adding a walking or general field trip consent form to your parent enrollment packet too. (One that parents must sign) This way, a parent could not say you didn't go over it when they signed up.
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Pepperth 03:48 AM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
I know how hard terming is but, I think you made the right call.

You might consider adding a walking or general field trip consent form to your parent enrollment packet too. (One that parents must sign) This way, a parent could not say you didn't go over it when they signed up.
I do this. We rarely use it, but there's no arguing that you didn't cover it when their signature is right there.

I think with having so few kids enrolled, she's very fortunate that you were willing to accept part time pay. She might find it very difficult to find that again.
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Pestle 05:44 AM 04-13-2017
You had a phone and were available. . . and you were taking her child outside. That's what parents want. Good grief. Sorry it happened to you--it's going to feel so good in a few months when she's long-gone and you've filled the space with a family that's easy to work with.
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Blackcat31 05:59 AM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
Two months ago I took the baby for a walk
Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission.
TWO months ago??
But she's been bringing baby ever since and has not tried to discuss this "betrayal of trust" until money was mentioned?

Yeah, her actions don't match her words. Nice try DCM.

Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.
Unfortunately, I would not dismiss this thought.
She IS already making accusations and now that she is without care, she will probably continue doing so.

If I were you, I'd e-mail my analyst/licensor and let them know what happened BEFORE the DCM calls and give her version.

Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
A few minutes later she texted back "And if baby is leaving your house I need to be asked. We leave the carseat for emergencies only."
Do you have anything in your paperwork stating you DO have permission to leave with baby in seat or to transport at all?

IIRC, most states require permission to transport. I know you weren't driving or using the car seat but I am just covering all bases so wondering if you DO or DO NOT have written permission in regards to transporting....

I do NOT transport. Ever. Because of that, I do not allow parents to leave car seats on my property. It opens up n entire chapter in regards to liability so I don't let parents leave them on my property for ANY reason.
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Ariana 07:16 AM 04-13-2017
I get signed/written permission to leave my property for walks to the park. On my parent agreement form I have a little blurb that states "By signing this agreement I also give permission for my child to leave daycare property for walks or for outings to the park".

On the rare occassion where I have transported a child in my car I get a seperate permission form for vehicle transport. You can never be too careful!
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Sahmmie 07:25 AM 04-13-2017
Thanks for all of your replies and advice. I feel much better about my decision. I do miss the baby and feel bad that she may not get the care she got here (small daycare and lots of TLC), but I have to protect myself and my own family.
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Cat Herder 07:28 AM 04-13-2017
She is not much of a poker player. She showed you her "vindictive plan to get out of paying" card too soon.

Sadly, she will be better at the game with her next provider.
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Sahmmie 08:02 AM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
She is not much of a poker player. She showed you her "vindictive plan to get out of paying" card too soon.

Sadly, she will be better at the game with her next provider.

True. But most providers around here are better prepared and have a written contract and ask for a deposit. I am just a stay at home mom who watches a few kids for friends, and friends of friends. This lady was referred to me so I thought I could trust her, but wow was I wrong.

In any case, she screwed herself over because she will probably have to pay full time now because she needs someone anywhere from 2-8 hours every day of the week.
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daycarediva 09:30 AM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
TWO months ago??
But she's been bringing baby ever since and has not tried to discuss this "betrayal of trust" until money was mentioned?

Yeah, her actions don't match her words. Nice try DCM.



Unfortunately, I would not dismiss this thought.
She IS already making accusations and now that she is without care, she will probably continue doing so.

If I were you, I'd e-mail my analyst/licensor and let them know what happened BEFORE the DCM calls and give her version.



Do you have anything in your paperwork stating you DO have permission to leave with baby in seat or to transport at all?

IIRC, most states require permission to transport. I know you weren't driving or using the car seat but I am just covering all bases so wondering if you DO or DO NOT have written permission in regards to transporting....

I do NOT transport. Ever. Because of that, I do not allow parents to leave car seats on my property. It opens up n entire chapter in regards to liability so I don't let parents leave them on my property for ANY reason.


GET a contract, GET a deposit, GET a permission slip. It covers your butt. I don't care if I had one child in care of 20, I would have the same paperwork.
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Laurie 09:43 AM 04-13-2017
From my 24yrs of experience, NEVER expect anything from a client and have EVERYTHING in writing and signed. Sadly, I learned this lesson the hard way many years ago. There's a lot of DCM's who will gladly take advantage of you and your kindness. I hate to say that, but it's very true!!
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Ariana 09:44 AM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
True. But most providers around here are better prepared and have a written contract and ask for a deposit. I am just a stay at home mom who watches a few kids for friends, and friends of friends. This lady was referred to me so I thought I could trust her, but wow was I wrong.

In any case, she screwed herself over because she will probably have to pay full time now because she needs someone anywhere from 2-8 hours every day of the week.
Most of us start out as the stay at home mom who watches a few kids for friends....then something like this happens and we realize how important it is to cover your butt and not trust anyone.

People like her start out the way she is too and was looking for someone to be her employee. She will learn hard and fast that most providers do not play her game. Next time you will be able to spot someone like her a mile away! Experience is everything when it comes to dealing with parents. You also might want to read Nannyde's book about parents. So true! I started out trying to please parents and came to realize most of them do not deserve my time.
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Sahmmie 10:44 AM 04-13-2017
Yeah, I am naive to a fault. Ha-ha. I'm not sure how long I am going to do this daycare thing anyway, but I would be interested in that book. What is the title and where do I get it? Thanks!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:05 AM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
You did not do anything wrong! That woman is a psycho. Next time someone signs up with you get 2 weeks advance payment that you will put towards the last 2 weeks of care. That way if they skip out on payment you have their money.
Yes, please do this because there are so many crazy families out there. In the past 5 years I seem to have taken on 1-5 of those kinds of families per year. I finally have a trial period in place BUT before that the enrollment fee (word it as an enrollment fee to be applied to the final two weeks should a two week notice be given. *NONREFUNDABLE*) saved my bottom so many times.

You did nothing wrong. Of course you take the child outside into fresh air. Most states REQUIRE you to do so and why would you always want to be trapped in your backyard? You'll likely never run across another parent saying anything negative about what you did.

And yes. Of course you addressed payment issues when they weren't paying. You can't just go to the gym without paying for your membership.
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Ariana 11:12 AM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by Sahmmie:
Yeah, I am naive to a fault. Ha-ha. I'm not sure how long I am going to do this daycare thing anyway, but I would be interested in that book. What is the title and where do I get it? Thanks!
https://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whisp...or+the+parents
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Mike 03:20 PM 04-13-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Unfortunately, I would not dismiss this thought.
She IS already making accusations and now that she is without care, she will probably continue doing so.

If I were you, I'd e-mail my analyst/licensor and let them know what happened BEFORE the DCM calls and give her version.
I second doing that for your own safety.
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Mom2Two 11:53 AM 04-14-2017
I'm just agreeing with everyone else.

Overall, she sounds like a spoiled brat. It's so amazing that you could be doing someone a favor (part-time care) but they get complainy about taking a child for a walk and don't pay. They don't value you and don't seem to be willing to invest in the relationship (for caring for their child!!!).

But definitely get that one in writing if it's something you might ever do again with any child. I have a written consent page with three paragraphs, each with a signature line, covering permission to seek emergency treatment and permission to transport, go on field trips etc.

But even so, I do try to text parents if I'm leaving the house with their children or if I'm leaving the house with DH staying with the kids. I occasionally forget, but I really try to do this.
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MOM OF 4 03:05 PM 04-15-2017
My parents all knew upon sign-up that I would be taking walks, playing outside, and since I have 4 kids, that I would be taking them to/from their activities (and even had some of their kids enroll if they were same ages) in my vehicle. I was licensed, bonded and insured. If that wasn't going to work for them, it wasn't going to work for me. I had a cell phone, and they got a daily plan. For walks, it was always around the block. If they got off early, and we didn't discuss going on a walk, but they arrived, they could just text and wait 3-4 minutes, no biggie. If I was doing a park thing and they got off early, I would have them run their errands. NO BIG DEAL unless they made it one. If they did, the weren't in the program. Plain and simple.

I had my share of crazy families, believe me! But, at the end of the day, that contract needs to be iron clad. Idc if you're babysitting for your cousin...lol make her sign!
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Tags:enforcing policies - consistency, starting a daycare, unlicensed providers
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