I want to run this by everyone on their thoughts. As you all know, my assistant is not working out well and there have been so many issues. With summer coming she will be full time, so will her kids and I think this will mean more hassels.

So, my father is willing to help me out and come a couple of days per week so I don't have to pay her or all the taxes. This means I can have 2 extra children as well because her children wont be there. Do you think parents would be uncomfortable having a middle aged man helping out in the daycare? I know him obviously and most of the children know him and call him Grandpa because thats what my kids call him. With all the crud going on in the world though I don't want parents being uncomfortable. Obviously he will do the fingerprinting and background checks.

I can't ask parents directly because I don't want my assistant to know about this until he is approved. I'm not firing her, just limiting her hours.

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I think if your Dad is willing to help out, it would be wonderful for the kids!! And being that it's your Dad - not some random new-hire person, I can't imagine any of your clients objecting.

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It wouldn't really bother me...I used to take my girls to a friend that was doing daycare and her father lived next door to her and would be there a lot. I thought he was a cool guy..older/middle age.

So I guess it depends on his personality, if he is friendly with the kids that would determine if the parents are comfortable or not. I honestly don't blame you, you pay your assistant more than what most people would PLUS give her free spots...I would say it's time for a change. I know you want to avoid firing her, so limiting her hours dramatically might make her walk without you having to fire her.

Good luck..summer is always crazy, you don't really need to deal with 2 extra there without getting paid for them. It's not worth it..loosing money that could be made PLUS food.

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my 76 yr old father in law is my substitute / emergency back up. (he lives next door) all of my families know and are o.k. with that. now, i've never actually left him with all the kids for an extended amount of time, but occasionally he goes to the bus stop and picks up the SA kids for me so i dont have to pack the little ones up, like when the weather is bad. i think if he's friendly and likes kids, it should be fine. plus, i think its nice to have an older male role model around for the kids.

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My 58 yr old husband is my assistant. He's been checked out by the state and has all of his certifications. The kids call him Papa and some of the moms(single parents) are excited about having a male role model in their child's life. He has filled in for me in the event I have to go to the doctor or such but is always here otherwise as my assistant. He is also the 'recess lady' and the kids love to be with him. We have had society put so many questions out there about the safety of a child in the "hands" of a man. Should a child be left alone with their own father or grandfather? Do you have any hesitations about leaving your children or any child alone with him? Were you as a child left alone in his care? He'll probably love it and so will the families. Just watch out for him spoiling some of them. So do I feel that your father would be accepted? Absolutely!

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I don't see this as being a problem unless he's not child friendly. I know some men just aren't. I would assume he is since you are thinking about doing this. I as a parent, would have no issue with this. Especially since it's someone you know and quite well at that. :-) lol

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thanks for the responses! It never occured to me actually there would be a problem until my father mentioned it. He told me he would be happy to help but to think about the parents. He is very kid friendly and most call him Grandpa. He is not so outgoing with adults but is nice and respectful. This will save me a ton of money and headache!!

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As long as you trust him and he is great with the children... go ahead! My hubby is mine since he works evenings

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My fill-ins for me is either my mom, my mil or my dad. No one has a problem with it. IT's rare that I need to use them and it's never more than like 2 hours. I try to schedule any appts during nap time to make it easier.

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When my husband was finishing up his teaching degree (he graduated in December) he was also my assistant here...never had a parent with a problem and he still covers for me if need be!

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I think it would be fine. My husband is also my assistant too. He is home several weekdays each week and helps with the kids, subs for me if I have appt. etc... As long as he is fun and loving with the kids and polite and responsive to the parents (if they had a question and you werent there.)

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My husband is my full time assistant and has been for 12 years. Parents really seem to love the whole idea of having a male role model for their children. It has never been an issue for us, in fact we haven't had an active space available in 12 years and we have never had an interview that didn't sign up with us. Go for it, there should really be more men working in this field....they have alot to contribute!

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I know family child care is so different, but really, would a center-based program even ask this question? No, they'd just hire who they wanted.

In reality, men are good for the business. Children love them, they play differently. You just have to make sure he's kid-friendly, and not just the warm body you need for licensing.

When my dad visits, the kids love him, but he's so old fashioned, he won't even let the little girls sit on his lap. He's sooooo concerned about what a parent might think of that.

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My husband is convinced that my daycare kids don't like him, even though they always want to talk to him in the mornings before he goes to work. He's convinced himself that he's not good with kids, especially babies, but my new baby totally loves him and is constantly smiling at him and laughing and talking her baby language to him. He thinks that he's no fun, but this is the same guy who will play his drums, guitars, keyboard, bass and mandolin for the kids whenever he is around. He also jokes around with them and he shows them his classic Star Wars figures and ships. He also will take them for "airplane rides" and has a natural ability to bond with the kids, he just doesn't notice it because it happens so naturally. I think he bases his innaccurate view of himself in relationships with kids based on how he handled our daughter when she was little (he knows that he could have done better...but then again, couldn't we all have done better?) When he's around for more than a few minutes, I begin to feel like chopped liver, lol! If your dad is into being an assistant, more power to you and him! This is a career field that could use some positive male role models!

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I wouldn't mind. Of course I would offer to show parents his clear fingerprint record, etc. I hope this works out well for you, especially if it limits the time you have your friend's kids in your care for free!

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If they have a problem with your father because he's a man, tell them that's sexist and prejudicial that they think a man can't provide good quality care for children, and they should be ashamed.

My parents moved in (kinda, they parked their monster RV in the front yard and made my power meter spin like a whirling dirvish) when my wife re-opened after the baby was born, and all the daycare kids started calling my dad (70 years old) "Grandpa".

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it's a good thing that he's concerned about that - really. i was saying in another thread this guy let a girl sit on his lap (a 5th grader) and it was creepy - although there were other things that added to his creep factor. you can never be too careful.

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I know this post is old but as a parent I steer clear of any daycare setting be it home or center that has male employees. Just being honest. It's a big turn off. I interviewed a woman who seemed to have a nice home day care but was appalled when she mentioned her live in boyfriend is her helper. Your father is right to be worried in this day and world.

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I would think it would be best not to look for care in a home then. MOST (not all) have men involved to some extent or another. My husband helps out when he is off work (2-3 weekdays per week) and subs for me when I have an appointment for me or the kids(usually at naptime). I am the main provider of course, but he lives here. So obviously he will have some interaction with the kids. And they LOVE it when he is around. Guys are just so much more fun!

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My husband is my "assistant" several days a week and runs the daycare when I am ill. The parents and kids adore him. He is an amazing father and role model. We are raising 3 awesome children together and there is noone I trust more on this earth. I could not do this without him.....

When did being male make you unable to care for children? Do those women allow their husbands to be parents? I am just at a loss...

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I think it's a lovely idea! My fiance also helps out in the evenings and the kids LOVE to hang out with him. Especially the boys. It gives all of the kids a chance to be around both a female and male adult to interact with. If you feel that the families you care for might have an issue with it just bring it up for discussion and address any concerns or questions they may have. I'm sure once you answer their questions and explain that your dad will go through the whole process anyone that's a little leary of it will be more open to it. You can make a joke of it by saying that your an equal opportunity employer lol. That should release some tension.

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Are you serious in not knowing the difference between some strange MAN
being around kids verses their real father??? Wow. I am confused then too.
I think unemployed men should find jobs and not change little girls and boys diapers
but hey, what do me and millions of other women know?

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LMBO!!! I don't have a "strange man" in my house..... I never said he was unemployed, as a matter of fact he is a Critical Care Paramedic (we both are) and assists me in caring for children with debilitating cardiac/renal disease....one on her third open heart surgery. He gives meds, runs EKG'S, sets up feeding tubes and helps me keep vital signs/treats wounds throughout the day.

General assumptions about half the population tend to make you appear the a$#. Perhaps you should do a bit more research?

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Holy bucket of b%.*! My husband is great with my daycare kids, the kids at church beg for him to be in the nursey... He loves kids; and yes he can change a diaper, god forbid he know that dirty little task gasp!!!

Lady why is it that a woman is allowed and can do a mans job(ice road truckers) but men are not allowed in this profession???


Get a clue!!

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Wow!!!!! Just b/c a man changes diapers does not make him unemployed. And even if someone is unemployed it doesn't mean he is a pervert!!! If the parent is so concerned about it then maybe the kid's father should be taking care of the little tyke. I commend all women who have wonderful husbands who are willing to step up & take on their role as a FATHER. Real fathers, change diapers, real fathers, fold laundry, real fathers support their wives who do daycare & help out! My husband is employed full-time but he is home everyday at 3:30. My DC kids LOVE him & yes he helps change diapers if needed.

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WOW! You've talked to a million other women about this??? Or are you just assuming that because you think it, well, it must be true! Seriously!

My son had a male daycare provider...and my husband now helps with my daycare and while I certainly wouldn't want to speak for a million other women I will say I have NEVER had a parent or a potential client who had an issue with it.

By the way...my husband isn't unemployed but what a lovely judgemental statement. I think backward women should keep their 1950's propaganda to themselves.

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Wow, I'm sure you and your husband are giving this family a HUGE gift of being able to be totally comfortable with the care their child is recieving. I've known two families so far that have children with heart issues, with all three of the children having had multiple heart surgeries, and I know that it was a huge burden for them to have one of the parents have to stay home instead of working their job to bring in income. It was just impossible for these families to find care for their kids. I wish these families had been able to find the type of care you and your husband are providing.

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Thank you!!!! That is actually why we opened a home daycare.... When my own son died at his daycare (SIDS) I had alot of interaction with parents (via support group lectures, churches, in my role of paramedic on duty, etc) whom had been through something similar (having actually lost a child, or have extreme health issues).

When we were finally ready to have more children (6 years), the fear was overwhelming...so this was our solution (few people have to ability to afford not to work). I have found that I have filled a need and healed my own heart this way.... Most of "my" parents drive over an hour just to bring their children to me... I am very blessed. Sorry to the op for off topic.....

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I think that when parents interview to bring their kids to a daycare, they should be able to meet anyone who will be dealing with their child. And if new staff are hired, parents should be able to meet them too. I know plenty of people in the daycare business, both male and female, that I would love to have taking care of my kids if I had to go back to work. I also know several women and one man in the business that I would never allow to watch my kids, not because they are perverts or anything, but because of their personalities. Personality, experience, and the facilities would be a much bigger deciding factor for me than gender would be.

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Wow, did I cuss you so why the nasty language? Because I disagree with you? ha.

I will say this though, the defense attitudes I've seen on here prove my point. No REAL man wants to change boys and girls diapers, rock them to sleep etc. UNLESS THEY ARE THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER OR .

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I agree, I have everyone in the interview meet my entire family, inc. my husband which is my assitant, when I have an appt.

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I removed the last part of your sentence. You need to register if you are going to make such broad and biased statements. This is not a sounding board with no reproach. Do not impugn our members anonymously.

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I'm guessing the reason you don't like men, is because they don't like you!! Back off!! Unless you have some are facts don't come and get all up in our Kool aid!! You are making some assumtiobs that you can't prove!!

You don't all men!! We have all kinds of day care providers on here, each with there own husband, dad or boy friend; and these men are all willing to step in and help with the business when need be!!

You be take a step back and look at the world with your blinders off!!

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My husband is my full time assistant. He has worked alongside me for more than 12 years. He is a wonderful asset to our program, and our families could not be more pleased in the care that their children recieve. My husband has been "dad" to many children over the years - as many children are born to single Mom's and absentee fathers. He has been a role model and mentor for them - offering them opportunities and experiences in a child care program that I alone could not provide them. He takes an active role in the early care and education of every child who walks through our doors - I cannot imagine him not working with children. He's teaches them to throw, catch, play a wide variety of sports and also shows them that it's OKAY to be a loving, caring, DAD.

In the 12+ years that he has worked with me, we have NEVER had a family interview us that did not enroll their children in our program. Our families value and appreciate him contributing to the upbringing of their children and realize that he has many wonderful attributes and alot to offer their children.

While there may be some parents out there who are so narrow minded that they think any man who wants to work with children is a pervert or "not a real man", there are many more people who realize that is just not the case.

Certainly we all hear horror stories about male teachers who molest children, but, then we've all heard of "Uncle Larry" or even "Daddy" doing the same thing - we cannot lump all men into the same category.

So, to the "unregistered" who has chosen to spew bs, I invite you to come meet my husband - he can show you what a "REAL MAN" looks like.

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i wouldnt even bother to respond to this anonymous person anyway. its probably not even a woman. its probably some punk teen with nothing better to do with his time.


michael , you should make it where you have to be registered to post replies.....

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I think it is really sad that the only models you have for "real men" are perverts or uncaring cads that couldn't possibly care for a child other than their own. I was really upset by your earlier remarks but this last post has shed a lot of light. I'm sorry that you haven't had the opportunity to interact with genuine, caring men. I can only imagine how sad your relationships must be; patriarchal relationships are so oppressive to both women and men.

So...for all the ladies whose husbands can change a diaper, make dinner, and put the seat down, cheers to us! May we always remember how truly blessed we are!

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Well, thought I would add another for him being your assistant. I have my boyfriend as my assistant, he is here daily, fulltime, and that is his job. I have interviewed many families and I had one tell me that her husband was not comfortable with him changing her diaper, so they did not enroll. That is up to them, and I told them so. They called me to ask me to take their daughter after this and I choose to say no. I said since that was already a problem for them, I was not going to do a "trial run"
Other then that I love having him as my assistant. I can now take the babies whom my long time families are pregnant with ( since i can only have 4 under age 2 by myself and no other kids, or 8 total with him here daily). He also pushes the quad stroller just fine for our daily walks, and the kids love to play with him ( dress up, ball, cars, games, etc. ) My new daycare girl ( just turned a year ) falls asleep with him in there singing to her then me!

Good lucK! I think more men need to be in this profession, so not everyone looks at male daycare providers/teachers as stange creepy men who are not the father.

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I agree 100%.

However my boyfriend has no kids of his own, is great with my kids and is my assistant, volunteers a youth basketball league, and just loves kids. I see no issue with this, and whomever does is very close minded. Im sorry for you!

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my husband has never helped me take care of kids other than our own. he doesn't want to and i would find it funny if he did. he works away from home and he'll say hi, but that's about it.

many people have good reasons for not wanting a man to take care of their kid, and men have a good reason to not want to go near a naked kid.

yeah, women can do it too, but we all know it's more common for a man to do something inappropriate than a woman. nothing personal - just statistics.

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Thank you Michael.

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That type of post does not happen that often. More so that we receive great comments from non-members that are just dropping in.

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I TOTALLY agree! IMO its the ones that are unregistered that really like to get the regulars "going" with topics that would upset us. That is why I absolutely REFUSE to post to an unregistered's thread unless I think it's a legit question. Like the ones that talk slang such as saying wit instead of with, or they say anywho instead of anyhow...I stay away from.

Petty I know but I come here to enjoy myself and have mature conversations with adults. Not deal with people who just like to make every one's blood boil!

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I agree. I have not seen this happen all that often. Many of the members (including me) posted as a guest before becoming a member.

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I know this may sound corny to some of you but, instead of becoming angry or frustrated with this guest poster, I think that he/she needs prayers to heal the heart instead. It is painfully obvious that somewhere in their lifetime they had a bad experience with men and they are now very emotionally scared from this. We have been blessed with wonderful fathers and husbands whom we trust and lean on so we don't understand this kind of lashing out.

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That ended being my thoughts as well....

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Yes, I agree. Walking always in love. That is hard to do isnt it?

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Not everyone prays or belives in a God. Praying for this person may be offensive to her/him if they don't believe and it's presumptuous to suggest others pray for them because others (myself included) may not believe in such things.

That said, I think the guest is trying to rile people up. And, much like I ignore a 2yr old's tantrum, I don't give an adult attention for attention seeking behaviour.

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Lianne, gbcc only suggested it. It wasn't a mandate. This board is full of suggestions that many people decide to ignore or argue against because they disagree. It's not presumptuous to make a suggestion, just as it's not unusual for you to argue against the suggestion because you disagree. I think if we all begin to shy away from making suggestions because it might offend someone, there would be nothing but silence. Someone, somewhere is going to be offended at something someone said.

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I totally agree Lianne!

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gbcc, I would agree with you ONLY if this person was a regular and/or registered. I have a hard time believing guests that come on here. No matter how painful or tearful or emotional the post is, I just don't believe half of them (if not all of them).

Again if this or any guest would have taken 2 mins (or less!) to become a regular then yes of course I would sympathize and lend a shoulder to cry on.

However I agree with the poster Lianne. IMO these "guests" are just out to rile us up no matter what the subject matter is.

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Well it's a little obvious that their "BIOLOGICAL FATHERS" of the daycare kids are either not around because they have to work or because they can't or don't want to be so what's wrong with having a man help out in DC? Maybe you just don't know of any men that love kids besides their own but I do. Lots actually. My fiance helps out and the boys love to hang out with him. They prefer to play baseball with him vs playing it with me ... why? Your answer is as good as mine but I'm guessing that it's probably the same reason why the little girls prefer to play dress up and tea party with me than my fiance. And believe me he is not a "strange man" he just loves kids. Some men are naturals with them and I know plenty of men who are better fathers than the mothers are mothers. Just because someone is female doesn't mean they are pre programmed with parenting instincts just like because someone that is male automatically is strange and doesn't want to take care of kids.

BTW I know plenty of dads that wouldn't "change boys and girls diapers, rock them to sleep etc" even if they are his own but know plenty that wouldn't mind it at all. Just wondering what all this "no real man would want to" business is about and where these facts come from and how exactly the "defense attitudes" prove her point. Apart from all of the men I know that are great with kids (even those that are not their own) I also know alot of people that are so small minded that they talk and talk and talk and never say anything.

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Personally I feel very sad for you that you have never experienced any love from a father-figure. I think it is VERY unfortunate in this day & age that you have such stereotypes for what a man can & can't do.

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For the unregistered person who is stirring up the pot, I feel sorry for you if you think that biology matters when it comes to a man caring for children. One of my best friends has a child from a prior relationship and her husband loves him just as much as the kids that they have together.

I'm actually a fan of having male daycare teachers. I like the idea of having a male role model in the daycare setting for children, both girls and boys. I know that there's a stigma attached to seeing a male provider, but at some point that needs to stop. If we treat men that way, then how are we better than the men in the history who said that women couldn't do the work that men could do. It can't go both ways.

I think that most men who work in centers, are in the preschool/pre-K classes. I've never seen a man work in an infant or todddler classroom. In home daycares, I know plenty of husbands who will lend a hand when needed. My husband works 1st shift so he leaves shortly after my kids arrive. He may say "Hi" or he may talk to my 4mo dcg, but other than that, he only lends a hand if I ask him to.

Unregistered person, you are quite ignorant. I don't get you at all.

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Sexist or just a man hater?

Why can't a man be a daycare provider? And since when isn't being a daycare provider a job?

I'll admit, I avoid changing diapers at every opportunity available, but I had a great time working with a bunch of 5 yr old boys last week teaching them to ride their bicycles and trying to instruct them in the finer points of playing baseball (which was kinda like herding chickens).

IDK what you define as a "REAL MAN", but I can fix just about anything with an engine, can operate any piece of machinery on a construction site, have over a million miles experience in driving semi trucks, and my hobbies include racing motorcycles, hunting and gun collecting, restoring antique tractors, and home improvement.

But I still help out with my wife's daycare, and actually enjoy it sometimes. It's fulfilling to teach kids and see them grow and mature into respectable young adults.

My 'son' isn't my biological son, but I still read him stories and tuck him in at night.

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Well said Chickenhauler. My husband is not the bio father of our oldest daughter either, but he's her REAL dad, and we're both the REAL parents of our other 5 daughters, even the ones that are adopted
And he'll help out too and rock babies to sleep, play with the kids...all the stuff that real men do!

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