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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Not Sure How To Deal With This Situation
Unregistered 07:09 AM 04-16-2018
I will explain this best I can. I currently have a family of dcks that come 3 full days a week. 2 girls, ages are 4 and 2. I also take their 6 yr old big sister before and after school. About 6 weeks ago their mom tells me the 4 yr old will be going to an all day 5 day a week pre school in the fall. Still leaving me with 2 year old which is fine. So, I had a family waiting, wanting to bring their 2 yr old so I have them set to come starting in the fall. Well, this weekend I run into a person that knows current family with 4 yr old well and she tells me that they told her their 4 year old was now going to go to a five day 3 hour a day program, assuming that I will be watching their girl before and after preschool. Family never told me their change in plans and I already commited to a new kiddo. No room for more. What the heck do I do? How do I approach this with the family that is taking me for granted. Why assume that they could just expect me to always accommodate them. So, looking for the words I need to tell this family I took a new kid in and can't watch theirs. Hope this makes sense. Thanks
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Blackcat31 07:13 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I will explain this best I can. I currently have a family of dcks that come 3 full days a week. 2 girls, ages are 4 and 2. I also take their 6 yr old big sister before and after school. About 6 weeks ago their mom tells me the 4 yr old will be going to an all day 5 day a week pre school in the fall. Still leaving me with 2 year old which is fine. So, I had a family waiting, wanting to bring their 2 yr old so I have them set to come starting in the fall. Well, this weekend I run into a person that knows current family with 4 yr old well and she tells me that they told her their 4 year old was now going to go to a five day 3 hour a day program, assuming that I will be watching their girl before and after preschool. Family never told me their change in plans and I already commited to a new kiddo. No room for more. What the heck do I do? How do I approach this with the family that is taking me for granted. Why assume that they could just expect me to always accommodate them. So, looking for the words I need to tell this family I took a new kid in and can't watch theirs. Hope this makes sense. Thanks
I wouldn't do anything. The family hasn't told you anything either so as far as you know there is no issue.

If DCG is going to a 3 hour program, they may have a family friend, neighbor or relative lined up to provide care outside those 3 hours so they family may not be planning to use your services at all.

If they do say anything about needing care, I would simply say I can't accommodate that as I've already filled the space according to what you (family) previously said.

Just because their plans may have changed doesn't mean you are obligated to change yours.
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Unregistered 07:23 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I wouldn't do anything. The family hasn't told you anything either so as far as you know there is no issue.

If DCG is going to a 3 hour program, they may have a family friend, neighbor or relative lined up to provide care outside those 3 hours so they family may not be planning to use your services at all.

If they do say anything about needing care, I would simply say I can't accommodate that as I've already filled the space according to what you (family) previously said.

Just because their plans may have changed doesn't mean you are obligated to change yours.
I know they plan on and assume I will watch dkg before and after in the fall because that is our current arrangement as she is in the 3 day/3hour program. So, do I just not say anything still? I just find it rude that they have no courtesy to tell me their plans.
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Ariana 07:45 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I know they plan on and assume I will watch dkg before and after in the fall because that is our current arrangement as she is in the 3 day/3hour program. So, do I just not say anything still? I just find it rude that they have no courtesy to tell me their plans.
Just because another person told you their “plan” does not mean it is true. Like Blackcat said they might be using another way to care for their kid, or maybe the plan has changed since they spoke to that person, or maybe that person is trying to get you angry at them...who knows! As far as you know nothing has changed so just keep it the way it is. IF they do come to you about care just tell them “oh I am sorry but I already filled that spot as I did not know you needed care”. It is their responsibility to arrange care with you and it is not your responsibility to bring up this topic.

Let it go until it becomes a topic and then tell mom the space is filled. If she literally did assume you would provide care without discussing it then she is a moron who does not really deserve accommodations.
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hwichlaz 07:56 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I know they plan on and assume I will watch dkg before and after in the fall because that is our current arrangement as she is in the 3 day/3hour program. So, do I just not say anything still? I just find it rude that they have no courtesy to tell me their plans.
You don’t know this until they tell you themselves. Right now it’s hearsay. When they come to you with the change you can tell them that you’ve already filled the space.
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mommyneedsadayoff 08:13 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I know they plan on and assume I will watch dkg before and after in the fall because that is our current arrangement as she is in the 3 day/3hour program. So, do I just not say anything still? I just find it rude that they have no courtesy to tell me their plans.
I would talk to them. Too many assumptions being made and it would bother me, so I would ask what their plans are and make it clear that the spot is filled with another child as of XX date. If you have the convo now, you won't have to give it any more tjought.
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lovemykidstoo 08:14 AM 04-16-2018
For me, I would just ask them. Maybe it was strictly a misunderstanding and something was lost in the communication. It happens sometimes. I would say to my family, I just want to be clear that I am not having dcg at all in the fall correct? That way you don't have to wonder about it at all. Could be misunderstanding, could be someone else is watching the dcg, could be she's staying at the place where the preschool is? Lots of could be's. I have one that left for part time preschool but there is also a daycare right there, so he just stays there. Why not ask, you still have the other child right, so you will have a working relationship.
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Blackcat31 08:53 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I would talk to them. Too many assumptions being made and it would bother me, so I would ask what their plans are and make it clear that the spot is filled with another child as of XX date. If you have the convo now, you won't have to give it any more tjought.
Personally, if my child care provider mentioned she discussed my child with someone else, I'd be ticked.

If OP is the type that needs to know, then I'd make sure to bring the subject up without mentioning who and where you got the info from.

This is an area where I think there is a fine line between professionalism and protecting oneself in regards to business. Tread carefully; only you know your family(s) well enough to know what may or may not happen should you bring up the subject with them.
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Play Care 09:28 AM 04-16-2018
I think you can play this two ways.

If you like the family and don't mind doing before/after you can always say "DCM, I am firming up my plans for the Fall, just making sure that things are still has planned with Sally going to ABC and Susie staying here?" No mention of anyone else. If mom says they had a change and need that spot, you can say "Oh! good thing I asked! I had another family ready to take that spot! In the future I would ask me about spots before making those decisions! I almost didn't have a spot for Sally!" Make it clear that you can/will fill all your spots.

Or you can take on the new family and send out a welcome note to all families. "We have a new friend named Sasha who will be joining us! Please give her a warm welcome." When mom says "but we needed that spot!" you can say with sincerity "I am sorry that you didn't let me know of the change in your plans! I went by what you told me you were doing on x date. I'm sorry but I won't have any spots." Basically be a broken record here. You can lay on the sympathy thick while pointing out you were going by what they said.

You are under no obligation to hold a spot "just in case"
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Unregistered 09:32 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Personally, if my child care provider mentioned she discussed my child with someone else, I'd be ticked.

If OP is the type that needs to know, then I'd make sure to bring the subject up without mentioning who and where you got the info from.

This is an area where I think there is a fine line between professionalism and protecting oneself in regards to business. Tread carefully; only you know your family(s) well enough to know what may or may not happen should you bring up the subject with them.
I did not discuss anything. I was told by a teacher from the pre school that I know and ran into at a store this past Saturday that dcg already is attending at 3 days a week, that her parents want to make transportation arrangements with her to get her to and from my house next fall. Does this clarify any better. Now am I suppose to pretend I did not hear anything and assume as I mentioned in my original post, how dcm told me 6 weeks ago dcg is going to an ALL day different school in the fall. I have a new kid coming. Just wanted to know if I say something or not.
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tenderhearts 09:50 AM 04-16-2018
I personally wouldn't say anything until they do. If they say their plans changed then I would tell so sorry but I filled the opening.
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Blackcat31 09:53 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I did not discuss anything. I was told by a teacher from the pre school that I know and ran into at a store this past Saturday that dcg already is attending at 3 days a week, that her parents want to make transportation arrangements with her to get her to and from my house next fall. Does this clarify any better. Now am I suppose to pretend I did not hear anything and assume as I mentioned in my original post, how dcm told me 6 weeks ago dcg is going to an ALL day different school in the fall. I have a new kid coming. Just wanted to know if I say something or not.
I understand and I am not saying you did anything wrong at all... I am simply sharing a different viewpoint or perspective.

I'm saying as a parent if my provider said:

"Hey I ran into Miss Smith yesterday and she mentioned that Susie will be in her class this fall and her family is trying to work out transportation to and from your house since preschool classes are only part day verses all day"

As a parent I would be unhappy that any of this was discussed outside of care and without my knowledge.

When the teacher approached me and mentioned this family, I would have said to the teacher: "I'm sorry but I can't discuss that with you. I am sure they will talk to me about it if necessary"

But like I said, only you know your family(s) and whether or not this is an expectation or not. Some providers have very open relationships with clients and some do not.

None of this may be an issue for you at all but covering everything that could happen seems to be the norm on forums where everyone comes from a different perspective/situation.
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Ariana 09:59 AM 04-16-2018
Agree with Blackcat and that is how I would handle it. I would not say where I heard IF you decide to bring it up. Personally I would not bring it up. At this point if she does say YES she needs care what are you going to say? Will it change your decision?

I heard two weeks ago that my DCM was pregnant and due in September. She only told me this week. I did not bring it up at all or say I knew. I also knew a mom was going to terminate care months before she did and I did not bring it up. Everyone is different.
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lovemykidstoo 10:14 AM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I did not discuss anything. I was told by a teacher from the pre school that I know and ran into at a store this past Saturday that dcg already is attending at 3 days a week, that her parents want to make transportation arrangements with her to get her to and from my house next fall. Does this clarify any better. Now am I suppose to pretend I did not hear anything and assume as I mentioned in my original post, how dcm told me 6 weeks ago dcg is going to an ALL day different school in the fall. I have a new kid coming. Just wanted to know if I say something or not.
It really depends on if you want to keep this family. If the dcg is going to all day preschool you would still have the other child right? So if her plans did change and she hasn't talked to you about it yet and you take the new child, then would you lose her other child? I wonder if when it was said that she was checking into transportation she wanted to make sure she could do that before talking with you? IDK, I would really just tell her you had another interview and wanted to verify that she didn't need care and then she what she says. I'm really just bringing it out. You don't have to say anything was mentioned to you.

Is it possible at all that something was misunderstood?
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NiNi.R. 11:49 AM 04-16-2018
I would not say anything for several reasons.

1-I don't accommodate entitled.
2- You heard this news second hand. Several miscommunications could have happened.
3- Maybe their plans have changed but they set up alternative care other than you, which makes it unnecessary for you to know said changes.
4- You already have a replacement setup.

If you do decide to bring it up, you should first decide how you are going to respond if they do in fact expect you to continue watching dcg.
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racemom 01:11 PM 04-16-2018
I wouldn't say anything. As far as they have told you they gave notice on 4 year old, you replaced and nothing has changed. Now if they come back and want the spot, then you can tell them oh sorry I already filled it, if another spot becomes available I will let you know. Don't let their change of plans affect you.
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Rockgirl 02:06 PM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by racemom:
I wouldn't say anything. As far as they have told you they gave notice on 4 year old, you replaced and nothing has changed. Now if they come back and want the spot, then you can tell them oh sorry I already filled it, if another spot becomes available I will let you know. Don't let their change of plans affect you.
My thoughts exactly.
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mommyneedsadayoff 03:50 PM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Personally, if my child care provider mentioned she discussed my child with someone else, I'd be ticked.

If OP is the type that needs to know, then I'd make sure to bring the subject up without mentioning who and where you got the info from.

This is an area where I think there is a fine line between professionalism and protecting oneself in regards to business. Tread carefully; only you know your family(s) well enough to know what may or may not happen should you bring up the subject with them.
I don't think she has to mention where she found info that concerns her and I also do not discuss clients with other people. Sounds like OP was given info that has her worried, so again I would just clarify. "Hey dcm, I have been organizing my yearly planner and just wanted to make sure of your plans for fall as I have a new child I am planning to enroll. I have XX date planned for her last day..." and then I'm sure mom will either say perfect or go a little bonkers because she planned to have you at her beck and call...i mean how dare you replace her! (i kid) I wouldn't want to lose sleep or waste another minute on it and it seems like you REALLY feel this mom has other plans than you do, so just have a convo! What the other people said never has to be mentioned...its just a convo about your future with a family that holds 3 spots in tour daycare.
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mommyneedsadayoff 03:59 PM 04-16-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I did not discuss anything. I was told by a teacher from the pre school that I know and ran into at a store this past Saturday that dcg already is attending at 3 days a week, that her parents want to make transportation arrangements with her to get her to and from my house next fall. Does this clarify any better. Now am I suppose to pretend I did not hear anything and assume as I mentioned in my original post, how dcm told me 6 weeks ago dcg is going to an ALL day different school in the fall. I have a new kid coming. Just wanted to know if I say something or not.
It doesn't sound like the first conversation was clear. Did she say dcg is going to start going all day to her preschool, so I will no longer need care for Her? Or did she just tell you she is going all day, like a heads up, as in, she only needs care before and after preschool (our only full day preschool closes by 330). Since she still has one kid fulltime with you, plus a SA, it would kind of make sense for her to keep the girl with you, especially if its not an actual full day preschool (8-5, more like daycare than preschool imo). It kind of sounds like she never officially gave notice. Is that the case?

It's also entirely possible her original plans changed and she has been meaning to speak with you, but if she is truly figuring out transport, then I doubt the preschool operates a full work day. Why would she need transport if it did? And if it doesnt, I doubt she wants to find another daycare when she still has two kids enrolled with you, kwim?
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lblanke 06:15 PM 04-16-2018
Did you get confirmation in writing that they were leaving care? If so, do nothing. If not, does your policy require written notice to withdraw? If so, ask for written confirmation and fill the spot.

Are you prepared to saw no to new dcg? If not, do nothing. If they later decide you need care, you can say the spot is filled but that siblings of current children go to the top of the waiting list, so if something comes up, you will be the first I offer the new spot to.
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Play Care 03:13 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
It doesn't sound like the first conversation was clear. Did she say dcg is going to start going all day to her preschool, so I will no longer need care for Her? Or did she just tell you she is going all day, like a heads up, as in, she only needs care before and after preschool (our only full day preschool closes by 330). Since she still has one kid fulltime with you, plus a SA, it would kind of make sense for her to keep the girl with you, especially if its not an actual full day preschool (8-5, more like daycare than preschool imo). It kind of sounds like she never officially gave notice. Is that the case?

It's also entirely possible her original plans changed and she has been meaning to speak with you, but if she is truly figuring out transport, then I doubt the preschool operates a full work day. Why would she need transport if it did? And if it doesnt, I doubt she wants to find another daycare when she still has two kids enrolled with you, kwim?
I'm wondering if this is the real issue as well.
When a parent tells me their future plans, I always follow up with an email reiterating what they told me and what it may mean for them per my contract/hand book. This gives them the opportunity to clarify (in writing) their plans. Just an idea for the future.
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amberrose3dg 03:43 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by lblanke:
Did you get confirmation in writing that they were leaving care? If so, do nothing. If not, does your policy require written notice to withdraw? If so, ask for written confirmation and fill the spot.

Are you prepared to saw no to new dcg? If not, do nothing. If they later decide you need care, you can say the spot is filled but that siblings of current children go to the top of the waiting list, so if something comes up, you will be the first I offer the new spot to.
If they did tell you they were leaving don't worry about it. I would fill the spot and simply tell them sorry. It is hard enough to do this job without people not knowing how to adult. If they are expected to keep their spot AFTER telling you they were leaving then they should notify you that their plans have changed immediately. I would plan to possibly lose the younger child too if that is what happens.
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Unregistered 06:38 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg:
If they did tell you they were leaving don't worry about it. I would fill the spot and simply tell them sorry. It is hard enough to do this job without people not knowing how to adult. If they are expected to keep their spot AFTER telling you they were leaving then they should notify you that their plans have changed immediately. I would plan to possibly lose the younger child too if that is what happens.
I totally agree with you. They should have told me immediately. I do not care if I lose the other kids so much because I have other options. I will miss them but I always do, no matter the child. I almost never miss the parents.
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amberrose3dg 06:41 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I totally agree with you. They should have told me immediately. I do not care if I lose the other kids so much because I have other options. I will miss them but I always do, no matter the child. I almost never miss the parents.
Isn't that the truth. I cannot wait for summer so I do not have to see several of my pain in the butt parents.
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lovemykidstoo 07:03 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I totally agree with you. They should have told me immediately. I do not care if I lose the other kids so much because I have other options. I will miss them but I always do, no matter the child. I almost never miss the parents.
Do you really know the truth of the situation though? You're going off 2nd hand information.
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Unregistered 08:23 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Do you really know the truth of the situation though? You're going off 2nd hand information.
Yes, I know the truth. Sorry this all seems unclear. 6 weeks ago roughly, dcm tells me dcg (4) will be going to an all day preschool. Mom then told me she would be taking her in at 7:50 before work, then picking her up after on her way home from work. Fast forward to this past Saturday. I run into teacher at dcg current 3 day 3 hour per week pre k. She says dcg approached her asking for transport help in the fall because they want dcg to go there 5 days 3 hours. So this is all factual. My deal is I already replaced this kid because I was told she was going to an all day thing. I have no space for her now. The mom never told ne they were changing the plan.
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TheMisplacedMidwestMom 08:35 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Yes, I know the truth. Sorry this all seems unclear. 6 weeks ago roughly, dcm tells me dcg (4) will be going to an all day preschool. Mom then told me she would be taking her in at 7:50 before work, then picking her up after on her way home from work. Fast forward to this past Saturday. I run into teacher at dcg current 3 day 3 hour per week pre k. She says dcg approached her asking for transport help in the fall because they want dcg to go there 5 days 3 hours. So this is all factual. My deal is I already replaced this kid because I was told she was going to an all day thing. I have no space for her now. The mom never told ne they were changing the plan.
Bring it up to mom: "I have a new kid starting this fall and want to double check dates with you. Sally's last day is August 3rd, correct?"

Mom will either confirm the date or go "Oh gosh, no! We've changed our plans."

You need to decide ahead of time that, if this happens, you will either tell new kid they can't come or tell Sally's mom the spot is filled per the previous convo. Basically you just need to pick which option you can live with. Then get all schedule changes in writing from here on out.
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MomBoss 09:39 AM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Yes, I know the truth. Sorry this all seems unclear. 6 weeks ago roughly, dcm tells me dcg (4) will be going to an all day preschool. Mom then told me she would be taking her in at 7:50 before work, then picking her up after on her way home from work. Fast forward to this past Saturday. I run into teacher at dcg current 3 day 3 hour per week pre k. She says dcg approached her asking for transport help in the fall because they want dcg to go there 5 days 3 hours. So this is all factual. My deal is I already replaced this kid because I was told she was going to an all day thing. I have no space for her now. The mom never told ne they were changing the plan.
But did she say they were looking for transport back to your daycare specifically?
I think what everyone is trying to say is that you dont know what this families plans are because THAT FAMILY did not tell you directly. All you know is that they are leaving for full day preschool. Thats it. Unless the family tells you themselves, everything is hearsay. The teacher even could have misunderstood the family.
Either double check the childs last day, like previous poster stated. Let them know you have a new family starting so you need to know their childs last day of care. The family will either say they changed their mind and want their child to stay with you the remaining hours of the day or they will confirm a last day. If they say they changed their mind, tell them that because it wasnt discussed with you sooner, you made other arrangements. Once they said their child was going to be gone full day, you started looking for a new child and their spot was no longer avilable to them.
This is also why a 2 week written notice is nessecary. I dont start looking to fill spots until ive recieved notice in writing with a specific last day. It makes it more legally binding..
In the future when someone tells you they are leaving...have them fill out a paper/form right away that states thisbis their notice and when the last day is.
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lovemykidstoo 05:00 PM 04-17-2018
Originally Posted by MomBoss:
But did she say they were looking for transport back to your daycare specifically?
I think what everyone is trying to say is that you dont know what this families plans are because THAT FAMILY did not tell you directly. All you know is that they are leaving for full day preschool. Thats it. Unless the family tells you themselves, everything is hearsay. The teacher even could have misunderstood the family.
Either double check the childs last day, like previous poster stated. Let them know you have a new family starting so you need to know their childs last day of care. The family will either say they changed their mind and want their child to stay with you the remaining hours of the day or they will confirm a last day. If they say they changed their mind, tell them that because it wasnt discussed with you sooner, you made other arrangements. Once they said their child was going to be gone full day, you started looking for a new child and their spot was no longer avilable to them.
This is also why a 2 week written notice is nessecary. I dont start looking to fill spots until ive recieved notice in writing with a specific last day. It makes it more legally binding..
In the future when someone tells you they are leaving...have them fill out a paper/form right away that states thisbis their notice and when the last day is.

This.

It really is what you want to happen because if you want to keep this family, then ask her again what her plan is. That way if she intends to keep her child with you after school and that's what you want, then fine, you have to term the new child.

Or.

If you don't want to keep her child that you say she said wasn't coming anymore, then you will probably lose her other children.

What scenario do you want? I would just simply verify or draw up a document and say hey susie, I forgot to have you sign this saying when dcg last day would be.
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lblanke 07:22 PM 04-17-2018
Or do nothing now. If another space opens up, confirm with mom of preschooler before filling it.
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Unregistered 07:07 AM 04-18-2018
Originally Posted by lblanke:
Or do nothing now. If another space opens up, confirm with mom of preschooler before filling it.
I already filled it, a month ago. I filled it because dcm told me dcg 4 would be going to an all day thing in September. I find out a few days ago dcm changed her mind with intending dcg to still be able to come. Dcm never told me. Spot is filled. That is my dilema. It still is my dilema. I think I am saying nothing to dcm. She is in for a big surprise when she finds out I am not just here for her convenience.
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amberrose3dg 07:38 AM 04-18-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I already filled it, a month ago. I filled it because dcm told me dcg 4 would be going to an all day thing in September. I find out a few days ago dcm changed her mind with intending dcg to still be able to come. Dcm never told me. Spot is filled. That is my dilema. It still is my dilema. I think I am saying nothing to dcm. She is in for a big surprise when she finds out I am not just here for her convenience.

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Rockgirl 08:32 AM 04-18-2018
Since dcm has not approached you about changing her plans, it’s not even a dilemma yet. And when/if she does, it’s her dilemma, not yours.
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Unregistered 05:27 PM 04-18-2018
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
Since dcm has not approached you about changing her plans, it’s not even a dilemma yet. And when/if she does, it’s her dilemma, not yours.
I agree with you completely!
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