I'm in a bit of jam, and would like suggestions. I'm a listed home and only allowed 3 kids. I've had one since February, one in July, and one in August. My first mom is having a baby soon and wants me to keep it. This means someone has to leave. I initially planned to let the last one go--she cried all the time and was a very high maintenance baby. But now, she's over it.

I don't want to let the first one go--she's like our own kid. The other 2 are sweethearts too. All 3 moms work odd hours, and I haven't found any place that would accommodate their hours. So, someone is going to be in a real mess if I term them.

I applied for a waiver, but they weren't encouraging. I can't move up to the next level because my house is over 100 years old and they won't approve the heating system, or probably a million other things. And I don't want the hassle. I'm prepared to ask the moms to write letters saying that they don't object to the new baby and that I'm perfectly able to care for them, etc.

So, does anyone have any suggestions on what else I might do to gain this waiver? And who would you term? I'm thinking last in, first out, I'm really hating this whole thing.

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If I had to term to accommodate a current families baby, I would term whoever is the most problematic. I would also consider age and factor in the behavior they have and how accepting they would be of a new baby. If they are already a jealous child, it might not be a good idea to keep them.

I would also ask the DCF having the baby when she is due and when she plans to return to work. Telling the other family too soon that you are resigning might leave you with an open slot and no income for too long. I would also collect a deposit from the DCF having the baby that is non refundable to secure the spot.

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Pick the kids that fit in the best with your program. It is not your responsibility to find new care for these moms. They are the parents, its their job, not yours. I don't have strict rules about who I let go. If this situation comes up, then I let the kid go that is the most work. I recently has to do this and since all my kids are pretty great, it was a hard choice. I let one little kid go only because she would randomly shriek and make my infant cry. The half a dozen shrieks a day was not a huge deal but overall, she was the most work compared to the other kids, even though she was a great kid too. I hate to get nit-picky on the behaviors but this is what it came down to.

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Oh boy that's tough. If you went ahead and took the baby under the table you could get into trouble, so I don't know if that's really worth it.

Have an honest discussion with the pregnant mom and tell her that you don't currently have an opening. Maybe she could go with a second daycare for the infant for a little while until you figure something out. My SIL had to do that with her two kids. Yes, it was a bit of a hassle, but she loved the first provider so much that she was willing to keep her oldest there and wait until there was an opening for her baby.

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I feel bad for you. I hate saying no too, but I also would hate to terminate to take another child. Some things I would look at if I had to.

Price: who pays more? Are they on time with payment, no bounced checks.
Hours: Is one later then the rest, or earlier then the rest?
Drop off and pick up times: Anyone cry at drop off, or stick around long at pick ups?
Attitudes: anyone with issues hitting, arguing, or listening?
Ages: who will go to kindergarten first? anyone have older siblings who may keep home in summer?

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this is a really hard one.

I did this before and it did not go well.

The only thing that I can think of telling you to consider is that when you have two children from one family you are going to get two things to really think about.

1. they will want and ask for a sibling discount
2. When they leave, it's two spots to fill, not one.

I was also frowned up on by the other families when I did this and lost one more child because of it. They saw it as the family with the baby should have to look for new care. It was no one else fault that this family had a baby, so why were they being ask to leave???

Ugh...sorry you are in this situation

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Situations like this are exactly why I keep detailed records on behaviors/problems from both parents AND kids. I would let go the pesky kid or parent OR the child who is oldest (therefore more likely to go to pre-k/kindergarten soonest). Or the parent with the unsteady job. Or the family with the pesky hours. Or the ones who ask for a lot of favors. At any given time, I can tell you who I would let go if I had to make room. (Right now I have a parent who stays to long at pick up and drop off; doesn't control the child during pick up and drop off; asks for favors far too often; child is spoiled at home and it is bleeding over here; AND she keeps trying to drop child off 4 minutes before opening.)

It stinks to have to let someone go without cause, but in the end you need to do what is best for you. An infant secures a paycheck for the next 4-5 years (probably). No one else will look out for your best interests except you -- so make sure you are doing a good job of it!

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Is the age of the house the only issue with the waiver? If the home is in good, safe condition, I don't get that at all. I have a center in a 100+ year old house. Its actually an officially designated historic home, historic marker and everything. Licensing has never once said a word about the age of the building and its super obvious its an antique. What are the issues with the house? Can you fix them? Why is the heating system an issue? The ONLY issue I have with the age of the building is INSURANCE! I had to go with Lloyds of London because of the age of the house. If your home is safe and ok for 3, why not 4? Seems silly. Is there any possible way you can have the home designated "historic"? A LOT of things get waived for historic homes. For example, I am not required to be ADA compliant. If you need any help with historic designation, let me know, I'm into that stuff.

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Ok, Debbie Downer here but if you term one kid to take two from one family and it doesn't work out then you have two spots to fill.

I personally wouldn't do that and I would tell pregnant mom that I simply don't have room for the baby unless you get the waiver. If you don't get the waiver, then you don't have room. Worst case scenario then is that she leaves and you have one spot to fill instead of two....kwim?

Also as a parent, if I was someone you were terming just because another client got pregnant, I'd be so pissed!

Unless of course any of these families are less than golden. (My thoughts are that all your current families are good and not PITA's)

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I agree and would do the exact same thing. I actually don't take babies and have had parents take the baby else where but left their older child with me.

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Thanks everyone!! Let me try to sum up my thoughts after reading the posts.

1. I won't do it under the table. The fines are pretty steep, and if we move someday and I decide to become registered, I don't want a blot on my record.
2. All parents work odd hours. Only one has a set schedule. The rest either know one day in advance or can be called up to 9 am. One is suppose to have the weekly schedule on Tuesday, but doesn't always get it. It's not her fault.
3. My kids are all the same age-within a month of each other-15/16 monts. One may go to pre-K before the others because her birthday is 2 weeks before the cut off. But, that's a long time.
4. Two pay about the same weekly. One is per day, so some weeks, it's less. I'm changing to a 3 day minimum as soon as I get my handbooks done. I'm also going to charge a bit more for the baby. This may make the whole issue moot if she thinks it should be the same or resists paying for 3 days.
5. All are dependable payers and pay early, although I didn't require it. Shoot, I didn't know, I didn't require anything of them except diapers and wipes. I've learned so much here. ;-)
6. All are only children, so no older siblings to consider. Well, one has a half brother, but he doesn't factor into this.
7. All are really great kids. One is pretty active, and I worry a bit about her being too rough, but she's getting better about that. Kid 3 was a 12 hour screamer, but she seems to have gotten over that and smiles all the time now.
8. There is no way I'm getting rid of the first one (having the baby). We've had her since she was an infant, she is like one of our grandkids, and about as perfect a day care child as I've ever seen. Mom is a bit less perfect, but workable.
9. Kid 3 (the one I originally planned to term) is a 12 hour day, but only 5 days out of every 2 weeks. The one thing against her is that I used to work the same place she and her husband work. I know that their boss likes to turn things upside down now and then-day shift to night, weekends to weekdays, etc. The first 11 months of baby's life, mom and dad worked opposite shifts and took care of her themselves. Then they got moved to the same shift--which is where I came into the picture. It can--no, it will--change up again any time. Will he change them? He could--especially if he finds out I'm the day care provider. We didn't exactly part company on good terms. ;-)

So, things are so even right now. Baby is due in Jan, which means I should get him about the last of Feb or first of March. I plan to give a months notice to the one I let go. In the meantime, I'm pasting my hopes on a waiver.

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Sugar Magnolia, about my house. It is in a historic district and qualifies for historic designation and the plaque, but we haven't bothered to do it. I started the paperwork a time or two but never finished. This is actually my 3rd historic home.

We don't have central heat, and it isn't very high on our list of things to do. We use a Dearborn heater, which is considered an "open space heater", and not allowed. I also don't have a dishwasher or any place to put one. I have indoor cats and dogs that come indoors sometimes.

We'd like to move back to the city, but this isn't the time to try to trade a house in a small town for a house in the city! ;-)

Thanks for offering though.

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I also think the family having the new baby is the family that needs to find alt care if you don't get your waiver.

I don't understand terming a family with no reason other than making a spot for a new infant.

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MsMe, it's because we've raised this baby and we don't want to lose her. I know it isn't very professional, but I didn't go into this in a professional manner. I went into it because I needed to make some money after I had to close my business, I couldn't find a job here, and I like having kids around. I told all my moms that the kids would be treated like part of the family, and they are. We even took one to our family reunion because her mom had to work. If I ever have another family, it will be strictly business, although that really isn't my style.

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But the one you would have to term wouldn't feel like family......

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I wouldn't term anyone to make room for the infant. I would just let them know the earliest date I could take their infant and let them figure it out. I currently have a younger sibling but not the older because the older was placed in a daycare that doesn't take infants. Parents can and do divide their kids and I'm sure that was a risk she considered when she got pregnant. I had one family let me know they were trying for a second one so that I would be able to plan ahead when interviewing.

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I know Blackcat, and I've thought of that. It took her almost 4 months to quit screaming when another child looked at her. Now, all 3 get along pretty well on the rare times they are all here, and she doesn't cry anymore. I worry that a new group will start it all up again for her.

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You are in a tough spot.

Thankfully I have always been able to have a spot open for my families as they have more children. I know I couldn't make the choice of who had to go if I didn't...it would be the family having the new baby (even if they were my lingest runnign family)

You mentioned all your Moms have odd hours....maybe if you can let everyone know that you will be needing a spot for the baby the other Mothers could flex their sched to make it work for everyone?

I always search for the option that is going to make it 'work' for everyone...and maybe this isn't possible, but I hope you find the right choice.

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Kidkair, we live in a really small town. There isn't anyone who will do the kind of last minute drop in care that she needs. And just working part time, she can't afford to pay full time prices. It's a mess, and there just doesn't seem to be a good answer. I keep saying that it's still 2 1/2 months away and anything could happen.

The irony is that I was looking forward to terming Kid3 because of her crying. I stopped just short of crossing off each day on the calendar. But, I don't feel that way now, darn it.

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Please don't think I was trying to make you feel bad because I truly was not. I can just see both sides and either way someone is going to be unhappy with whatever you decide to do. I think you probably already know what you want to do and the more everyone weighs in on it, you are just going to worse.

Ultimatley, I say that you need to do what works out for you and even though someone will be hurt...it is what it is and life isn't always fair. Just be honest to whoever you term and hope they understand that it was a really tough decision either way. I hope you find a good resolution.


Is a helper possible?

Maybe, your waiver will come through...(I'm crossing my fingers for you)

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Alot can change by March. Maybe make a choice after you hand out your new contracts, to see if everyone likes the changes??? I know where you are coming from, its hard. Hope you get an exception. Here in WI they dont give those out!

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Thanks MsMe. I hope so too. I've used reams of paper trying to work out some sort of scheduling for this, but there is too much fluidity in their hours, while at the same time they are locked in to their hours. Mom2 may not know her weekly schedule until Tuesday, but once it is posted, she can't go in and say "Oh, I don't have a baby sitter then, can I switch to another day?" And of course, the one who is a sub is on call and I can't plan around her. It's a mess. I like these families so much (they aren't perfect, and until I came to this forum, I had some gripes, but after reading things here, I want to give them all a hug!) ;-)

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Awww that's a total bummer. Yeah I can see how space heaters are a no go. That's a shame. I love old houses too. I'd apply for the waiver anyways and see what they say.

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Aw Blackcat, it's nice of you to be concerned about that. I didn't think that at all. I wanted everyone to weigh in on it--I was sort of hoping for some amazing viewpoint that hadn't occurred to me. As many hours as I've fretted over this, I was pretty sure I'd considered every angle though. ;-)

Until recently, I knew exactly what to do, the kid with the worst hours and most screaming---and the best parents. But, she's suddenly gotten over that and is a cool kid.

My husband is partially retired and is here more than he isn't, so I have a helper. Unfortunately, they don't give any leeway for listed homes.

Maybe they will give a waiver. They weren't encouraging. It's still nice to have found a place where people offer suggestions and empathy.

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It sounds like your families have unpredictable schedules and may not all be there at the same times often - am I interpreting that right?

If that's the case, maybe you could talk to them all, or the one you would be terming, and ask them to find a reliable back up provider for the days you would find yourself over limit. They might find that preferable to losing an outstanding provider.

I've also had families over the years that I could not accomodate their newborns right away. They all found alternate care until I had room, and then switched the new baby to me when I could accomodate them.

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