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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Tell Me What You Would Do (And Feel)...
Leanna 06:19 AM 10-23-2013
SO DCM comes in with DCG (7 mos.) this morning and announces, "She pooped on the way over!" Well, I was in the kitchen with DCB (3) and he was helping me dry dishes. The changing table is right in the dining room/living room where the kids play in the early morning. DCM proceeds to take the baby's coat off and stand in front of the changing table...I know she expected me to come in, take the baby, and change her diaper. This mom will often come in and say, "I think she is wet!" or when she comes to nurse her midday she will tell me (as she is leaving) that she probably needs to be changed (even though at this time I am in the middle of storytime and then putting all the other kids to bed).
Well, this morning I just said, "Oh did she?" and kept working with DCB. Mom stood there for about five minutes before she started to change her herself. Then she asked where her diapers were, where her wipes were (she knows they are in the bottom drawer of the changing table) and then she told me that she needed my help! Really? I know what I did was a little passive-aggressive, but I just think that if you know your baby needs changing, change her! (FTR she was not running late or anything). Now, I am still a little annoyed but I also feel a little bad. What would you have done - would you have changed baby or had mom do it? Would you have said anything? Would you have been annoyed?
Well, this morning I just said, "Oh did she?" and kept working with DCB. Mom stood there for about five minutes before she started to change her herself. Then she asked where her diapers were, where her wipes were (she knows they are in the bottom drawer of the changing table) and then she told me that she needed my help! Really? I know what I did was a little passive-aggressive, but I just think that if you know your baby needs changing, change her! (FTR she was not running late or anything). Now, I am still a little annoyed but I also feel a little bad. What would you have done - would you have changed baby or had mom do it? Would you have said anything? Would you have been annoyed?
SSWonders 06:24 AM 10-23-2013
Yep. I would've been more than a little annoyed. I would've told her "The changing table is right there and her things are in the drawer." Only time I would take over is IF I wasn't doing anything at the moment.
JenNJ 06:31 AM 10-23-2013
I would have pointed her to the supplies and had her do it since you were busy with another child. If I am busy (which is OFTEN at drop off -- getting my kids on the bus, starting activities with older kids, settling in the younger ones, etc.) I direct parents to the supplies and expect them to change it themselves. If I am not busy, I handle it.
A diaper change takes about a minute. There isn't anyone in the world who can't spare one minute for their child. And she clearly had the time to stand there for five minutes so she had the time to change it. I have never had a parent not at least offer though. That is weird...
A diaper change takes about a minute. There isn't anyone in the world who can't spare one minute for their child. And she clearly had the time to stand there for five minutes so she had the time to change it. I have never had a parent not at least offer though. That is weird...
daycarediva 06:32 AM 10-23-2013
I send home clean, freshly changed kids and that's how I expect to get them. I don't change dirty kids upon arrival.
Willow 06:32 AM 10-23-2013
Why do you feel bad that you had mom change her own child's diaper?
It's not as if she pooped after drop off and you called mom to tell her to come back and change it, she BROUGHT her that way!
It's not as if she pooped after drop off and you called mom to tell her to come back and change it, she BROUGHT her that way!
Leanna 06:38 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
Why do you feel bad that you had mom change her own child's diaper?
It's not as if she pooped after drop off and you called mom to tell her to come back and change it, she BROUGHT her that way!
Because I am a wimp Why do you feel bad that you had mom change her own child's diaper?
It's not as if she pooped after drop off and you called mom to tell her to come back and change it, she BROUGHT her that way!
. I guess I feel like I either should have just sucked it up and changed her OR been more assertive. Preferably the second one, but again, a wimp.
dbslas 06:45 AM 10-23-2013
I would have/ and have done exactly what the others have said. Tell parent where the supplies are, and gone about my business. You should not feel bad whatsoever -- but the mom should.
Blackcat31 06:46 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I send home clean, freshly changed kids and that's how I expect to get them. I don't change dirty kids upon arrival.
I send home clean, freshly changed kids and that's how I expect to get them. I don't change dirty kids upon arrival.
I often have one who does her toileting business in the car ride over. DCM usually tries to pass it off onto me.... I have NO problem telling her that I won't accept her into care until she is ready for the day and "ready" means a fresh, clean diaper.
I will do the same upon pick up. It should go both ways.
Imagine mom's reaction if you were to hand the child over at pick up and say "Here you go mom, I think she pooped during snack time" and then leave mom with a poopy kid.
Although you wish you would have been more assertive, you still did right by NOT simply taking the child and doing mom's job for her. So still a big win for you and a poopy diaper for mom.
Play Care 06:54 AM 10-23-2013
You did the right thing - the only thing I would have done differently is point out clearly to mom where things were. "Oh she did? Well the changing table and supplies are right there" to attempt to alleviate any awkwardness (like her standing there for five minutes
) If I was feeling especially snarky I might say in a joking (but not really) tone "I won't send them home in a poopy diaper, so I don't want them coming in with one!" 
) If I was feeling especially snarky I might say in a joking (but not really) tone "I won't send them home in a poopy diaper, so I don't want them coming in with one!"
cheerfuldom 08:27 AM 10-23-2013
If kids come here soiled, I don't mind that the parents drop off and leave but I am not going to stop whatever I am doing to change the baby that second. They will just have to wait. If the parents want immediate service, they can do it themselves. you did the right thing.
daycare 08:36 AM 10-23-2013
In my policy it states:
children must arrive clean, properly dressed and ready for their day.......
This would fall under that rule....
I would have done exactly what you did, or said Oh that stinks, her stuff is.............................
children must arrive clean, properly dressed and ready for their day.......
This would fall under that rule....
I would have done exactly what you did, or said Oh that stinks, her stuff is.............................
christine19720 08:41 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I send home clean, freshly changed kids and that's how I expect to get them. I don't change dirty kids upon arrival.
Yep. Same hereI send home clean, freshly changed kids and that's how I expect to get them. I don't change dirty kids upon arrival.
crazydaycarelady 08:47 AM 10-23-2013
I prefer to spend as little time as possible with the parents because they cause me the most grief. That being said I would not have stopped what I was doing, I would have told mom to do it herself or set her down and I would get to it when I was done.
TwinKristi 08:51 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by SSWonders:
Yep. I would've been more than a little annoyed. I would've told her "The changing table is right there and her things are in the drawer." Only time I would take over is IF I wasn't doing anything at the moment.
This...Yep. I would've been more than a little annoyed. I would've told her "The changing table is right there and her things are in the drawer." Only time I would take over is IF I wasn't doing anything at the moment.
momofboys 08:55 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
You did the right thing - the only thing I would have done differently is point out clearly to mom where things were. "Oh she did? Well the changing table and supplies are right there" to attempt to alleviate any awkwardness (like her standing their for five minutes ) If I was feeling especially snarky I might say in a joking (but not really) tone "I won't send them home in a poopy diaper, so I don't want them coming in with one!" :cool:
Yes! Not sure if I could say it but I love it~You did the right thing - the only thing I would have done differently is point out clearly to mom where things were. "Oh she did? Well the changing table and supplies are right there" to attempt to alleviate any awkwardness (like her standing their for five minutes
) If I was feeling especially snarky I might say in a joking (but not really) tone "I won't send them home in a poopy diaper, so I don't want them coming in with one!" :cool:
blessed mom 09:23 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I often have one who does her toileting business in the car ride over. DCM usually tries to pass it off onto me.... I have NO problem telling her that I won't accept her into care until she is ready for the day and "ready" means a fresh, clean diaper.
I will do the same upon pick up. It should go both ways.
Imagine mom's reaction if you were to hand the child over at pick up and say "Here you go mom, I think she pooped during snack time" and then leave mom with a poopy kid.
Although you wish you would have been more assertive, you still did right by NOT simply taking the child and doing mom's job for her. So still a big win for you and a poopy diaper for mom.
I am having a similar problem with a dcm that brings her child with a full diaper wet from the night before...always "running late" I've asked nicely...but still brinsg the child wet. Worst part is then the child sits on my furniture and soaks it! I don't get it. Why would you leave your child wet that long and not take a few minutes to change them? Not to mention as you said...I give your child back to you nice and dry...why not give me the same? It's your child!! Be the parent!!!I often have one who does her toileting business in the car ride over. DCM usually tries to pass it off onto me.... I have NO problem telling her that I won't accept her into care until she is ready for the day and "ready" means a fresh, clean diaper.
I will do the same upon pick up. It should go both ways.
Imagine mom's reaction if you were to hand the child over at pick up and say "Here you go mom, I think she pooped during snack time" and then leave mom with a poopy kid.
Although you wish you would have been more assertive, you still did right by NOT simply taking the child and doing mom's job for her. So still a big win for you and a poopy diaper for mom.
Another dcm wants me to brush her daughters teeth because she doesn't have time! What? I was willing to do it when dcm dropped her off at 6am but not when you are dropping off late morning. Be a mom for goodness sakes.
And what's with leaving your child with me all day on your day off? Poor kid hardly sees you as it is. I feel bad for him.
Sorry...I'm just on a roll today. Maybe this should have been in the venting thread?
Shell 09:45 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
I prefer to spend as little time as possible with the parents because they cause me the most grief. That being said I would not have stopped what I was doing, I would have told mom to do it herself or set her down and I would get to it when I was done.
I prefer to spend as little time as possible with the parents because they cause me the most grief. That being said I would not have stopped what I was doing, I would have told mom to do it herself or set her down and I would get to it when I was done.
melilley 09:50 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
If kids come here soiled, I don't mind that the parents drop off and leave but I am not going to stop whatever I am doing to change the baby that second. They will just have to wait. If the parents want immediate service, they can do it themselves. you did the right thing.
If kids come here soiled, I don't mind that the parents drop off and leave but I am not going to stop whatever I am doing to change the baby that second. They will just have to wait. If the parents want immediate service, they can do it themselves. you did the right thing.
Same here. Plus they would have to walk through my house to get to the changing table because it's in my son's room and he's usually sleeping during drop off time. Op, you did the right thing.
Laurel 09:50 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by Leanna:
SO DCM comes in with DCG (7 mos.) this morning and announces, "She pooped on the way over!" Well, I was in the kitchen with DCB (3) and he was helping me dry dishes. The changing table is right in the dining room/living room where the kids play in the early morning. DCM proceeds to take the baby's coat off and stand in front of the changing table...I know she expected me to come in, take the baby, and change her diaper. This mom will often come in and say, "I think she is wet!" or when she comes to nurse her midday she will tell me (as she is leaving) that she probably needs to be changed (even though at this time I am in the middle of storytime and then putting all the other kids to bed).
Well, this morning I just said, "Oh did she?" and kept working with DCB. Mom stood there for about five minutes before she started to change her herself. Then she asked where her diapers were, where her wipes were (she knows they are in the bottom drawer of the changing table) and then she told me that she needed my help! Really? I know what I did was a little passive-aggressive, but I just think that if you know your baby needs changing, change her! (FTR she was not running late or anything). Now, I am still a little annoyed but I also feel a little bad. What would you have done - would you have changed baby or had mom do it? Would you have said anything? Would you have been annoyed?
If it was a very occasional thing it wouldn't bother me but in your situation I would be irritated.SO DCM comes in with DCG (7 mos.) this morning and announces, "She pooped on the way over!" Well, I was in the kitchen with DCB (3) and he was helping me dry dishes. The changing table is right in the dining room/living room where the kids play in the early morning. DCM proceeds to take the baby's coat off and stand in front of the changing table...I know she expected me to come in, take the baby, and change her diaper. This mom will often come in and say, "I think she is wet!" or when she comes to nurse her midday she will tell me (as she is leaving) that she probably needs to be changed (even though at this time I am in the middle of storytime and then putting all the other kids to bed).
Well, this morning I just said, "Oh did she?" and kept working with DCB. Mom stood there for about five minutes before she started to change her herself. Then she asked where her diapers were, where her wipes were (she knows they are in the bottom drawer of the changing table) and then she told me that she needed my help! Really? I know what I did was a little passive-aggressive, but I just think that if you know your baby needs changing, change her! (FTR she was not running late or anything). Now, I am still a little annoyed but I also feel a little bad. What would you have done - would you have changed baby or had mom do it? Would you have said anything? Would you have been annoyed?
I would have probably said "Well right now I'm busy, could you get it?" Big smile! Then once in a while if I wasn't busy I'd get it. I wouldn't want it to look like I'd never do it as that sounds like tit for tat to me. I just don't like that she stands there waiting for you to do it automatically.
Laurel
melilley 09:57 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by blessed mom:
I am having a similar problem with a dcm that brings her child with a full diaper wet from the night before...always "running late" I've asked nicely...but still brinsg the child wet. Worst part is then the child sits on my furniture and soaks it! I don't get it. Why would you leave your child wet that long and not take a few minutes to change them? Not to mention as you said...I give your child back to you nice and dry...why not give me the same? It's your child!! Be the parent!!!
Another dcm wants me to brush her daughters teeth because she doesn't have time! What? I was willing to do it when dcm dropped her off at 6am but not when you are dropping off late morning. Be a mom for goodness sakes.
And what's with leaving your child with me all day on your day off? Poor kid hardly sees you as it is. I feel bad for him.
Sorry...I'm just on a roll today. Maybe this should have been in the venting thread?
I don't mind changing them if they need it when they get here, but if they were like the child you described above, I would surely tell them. I just don't get parents that do that. I am having a similar problem with a dcm that brings her child with a full diaper wet from the night before...always "running late" I've asked nicely...but still brinsg the child wet. Worst part is then the child sits on my furniture and soaks it! I don't get it. Why would you leave your child wet that long and not take a few minutes to change them? Not to mention as you said...I give your child back to you nice and dry...why not give me the same? It's your child!! Be the parent!!!
Another dcm wants me to brush her daughters teeth because she doesn't have time! What? I was willing to do it when dcm dropped her off at 6am but not when you are dropping off late morning. Be a mom for goodness sakes.
And what's with leaving your child with me all day on your day off? Poor kid hardly sees you as it is. I feel bad for him.
Sorry...I'm just on a roll today. Maybe this should have been in the venting thread?
And about the teeth brushing thing-we brush teeth here after lunch and I had a dcm who said "great, you brush teeth. I always forget or we're often too busy!" Wth? Don't the parents brush their own teeth? At least give the child the tooth brush and let them do it, it's better than nothing!
And I also have dcp's who have had the day off often and their child is here all day! I do get it, they want some time, but all day and EVERY day they have off? I would feel horrible if I did that to my kids! One dcm came to pick up once and told me that she had to take a wellness day..lol AKA go shopping.
blessed mom 11:30 AM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by melilley:
I don't mind changing them if they need it when they get here, but if they were like the child you described above, I would surely tell them. I just don't get parents that do that.
And about the teeth brushing thing-we brush teeth here after lunch and I had a dcm who said "great, you brush teeth. I always forget or we're often too busy!" Wth? Don't the parents brush their own teeth? At least give the child the tooth brush and let them do it, it's better than nothing!
And I also have dcp's who have had the day off often and their child is here all day! I do get it, they want some time, but all day and EVERY day they have off? I would feel horrible if I did that to my kids! One dcm came to pick up once and told me that she had to take a wellness day..lol AKA go shopping.
Exactly my concern. Occasional changing and lateness. Sure no problem. I don't mind helping. You are dropping off at 6am? I can see you need help...sure I will brush their teeth in the morning. You need an occasional day to yourself? Sure I'm sure your child doesn't mind being here for a few hours while you get some things done or relax. But every day? All the time? This sounds harsh but some parents are so lazy and want you to do...not what you are hired for...but what they should be doing as parents. So sad to me.I don't mind changing them if they need it when they get here, but if they were like the child you described above, I would surely tell them. I just don't get parents that do that.
And about the teeth brushing thing-we brush teeth here after lunch and I had a dcm who said "great, you brush teeth. I always forget or we're often too busy!" Wth? Don't the parents brush their own teeth? At least give the child the tooth brush and let them do it, it's better than nothing!
And I also have dcp's who have had the day off often and their child is here all day! I do get it, they want some time, but all day and EVERY day they have off? I would feel horrible if I did that to my kids! One dcm came to pick up once and told me that she had to take a wellness day..lol AKA go shopping.
grateday 01:28 PM 10-23-2013
I never had a mom expect that from me ever. Most moms get down there and do it themselves. Wow. I guess I would have replied the way you did but I would be annoyed too if I were busy and she expected you to stop like it was some emergency and tend to her child when she is right there. Uggg that sounds so much like my own sister. <Kind of bossy and wanting people to do things for her> If you ever feared her leaving over it, good riddance, is it worth it? She will find out for herself that other people will be just as annoyed.
Cradle2crayons 01:58 PM 10-23-2013
Originally Posted by blessed mom:
I am having a similar problem with a dcm that brings her child with a full diaper wet from the night before...always "running late" I've asked nicely...but still brinsg the child wet. Worst part is then the child sits on my furniture and soaks it! I don't get it. Why would you leave your child wet that long and not take a few minutes to change them? Not to mention as you said...I give your child back to you nice and dry...why not give me the same? It's your child!! Be the parent!!!
dont blame the parent so much here. You allow her to drop the child off like that and she's doing what you are allowing. Simply refuse to accept the child and explain why
Another dcm wants me to brush her daughters teeth because she doesn't have time! What? I was willing to do it when dcm dropped her off at 6am but not when you are dropping off late morning. Be a mom for goodness sakes.
same deal as above. Simply tell the mother no!!
And what's with leaving your child with me all day on your day off? Poor kid hardly sees you as it is. I feel bad for him.
i do contracted care only and that stops the problem above also.
Sorry...I'm just on a roll today. Maybe this should have been in the venting thread?
I found out a long time ago that parents aren't going to do the right one just because we want them to. We have to make our policy and enforce it. Policies without enforcement is just a wasted piece of paper. I am having a similar problem with a dcm that brings her child with a full diaper wet from the night before...always "running late" I've asked nicely...but still brinsg the child wet. Worst part is then the child sits on my furniture and soaks it! I don't get it. Why would you leave your child wet that long and not take a few minutes to change them? Not to mention as you said...I give your child back to you nice and dry...why not give me the same? It's your child!! Be the parent!!!
dont blame the parent so much here. You allow her to drop the child off like that and she's doing what you are allowing. Simply refuse to accept the child and explain why
Another dcm wants me to brush her daughters teeth because she doesn't have time! What? I was willing to do it when dcm dropped her off at 6am but not when you are dropping off late morning. Be a mom for goodness sakes.
same deal as above. Simply tell the mother no!!
And what's with leaving your child with me all day on your day off? Poor kid hardly sees you as it is. I feel bad for him.
i do contracted care only and that stops the problem above also.
Sorry...I'm just on a roll today. Maybe this should have been in the venting thread?
demand to be treated with respect. You deserve it.
KidGrind 04:02 PM 10-23-2013
Due to the set up of my home, I would've taken the child. I would've said goodbye to the mother and locked my door.
I think what you did suited your environment & situation. I applaud you. I definitely wouldn't feel bad about it. Sometimes parents view us as The Help.
I think what you did suited your environment & situation. I applaud you. I definitely wouldn't feel bad about it. Sometimes parents view us as The Help.
blessed mom 01:56 PM 10-24-2013
Originally Posted by Cradle2crayons:
I found out a long time ago that parents aren't going to do the right one just because we want them to. We have to make our policy and enforce it. Policies without enforcement is just a wasted piece of paper. demand to be treated with respect. You deserve it.
I agree...first time shame on you second time shame on me. It's just sad though when you ask nicely and explain why and yet...changes are short lived. Not only is it better for your own child...it's better for me too. Why is it so hard to do the right thing concerning your own child? That's just sad to me. I sometimes feel like I care more then the parent does. So what...now I have to check your child at drop off and make sure you changed them before you leave all because you could care less if your child was wet and you'd rather run to Starbucks on the way to my house instead~! Seriously? I have done what was needed and stood my ground when necessary. I just find it sad that it has to get to that point. Parenthood is a whole bunch of inconveniences. Get used to it...get over it...and do what is right for that little human you brought into this world. Just sayin....I found out a long time ago that parents aren't going to do the right one just because we want them to. We have to make our policy and enforce it. Policies without enforcement is just a wasted piece of paper.
demand to be treated with respect. You deserve it.
Leanna 06:14 AM 11-01-2013
So there was a somewhat repeat performance of this scenario this morning...except mom waited until she had handed the baby to me before she announced, "Oh look! She pooped. I thought she was in the car!" Sigh. Well, at least she gets points for being bold and sly.
sharlan 07:53 AM 11-01-2013
Next time, just hand her back to Mom and remind her where the wipes and fresh diapers are.
MrsSteinel'sHouse 10:01 AM 11-01-2013
I would have changed her. I have often time had parents volunteer but generally it is easier for me just to do it. That said the other day at pick up I felt bad, we had been outside and one of the twins had pooped and I hadn't realized it. Mom was great, we were outside, I still had others, and she lives close by. She said, only fair they have pooped on the way over here before and you always get them. Plopped him in the car and took him home to change. She already had the other twin buckled in. He would have screamed if either of us had tried to take him inside to change him.
I am an awesome diaper changer though and it doesn't bother me at all to change them. I always tease parents, just changed his poopie diaper. I try to convience them they should wait for home!
I am an awesome diaper changer though and it doesn't bother me at all to change them. I always tease parents, just changed his poopie diaper. I try to convience them they should wait for home!
coolconfidentme 10:39 AM 11-01-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
In my policy it states:
children must arrive clean, properly dressed and ready for their day.......
This would fall under that rule....
I would have done exactly what you did, or said Oh that stinks, her stuff is.............................
When I updated my policy I added, "Bring your child(ren) to our childcare home in a clean, unsoiled diaper." Sad you have to spell it out for some parents.In my policy it states:
children must arrive clean, properly dressed and ready for their day.......
This would fall under that rule....
I would have done exactly what you did, or said Oh that stinks, her stuff is.............................