Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>15 Mo Old and Learning To Listen
mduck 08:12 PM 03-19-2015
Hi, I have a 15 mo old that I need to start showing how to listen. I realize some here don't believe in time outs and my question isn't pointed toward whether it is right or wrong. My questions are geared toward those that have this method down pat and can show me some pointers. DCM is on board with this and wants me to begin a method of discipline. Side note: I am a legally unlicensed provider of 1. I plan to keep it that way (though I do have three of my own at home). So far I use my firm mommy voice and then turn her in another direction. Sometimes I have to do this over and over. She repeatedly goes back to doing those things that she knows she's not supposed to do.
I plan to start putting her in time out but am not really sure she would get it. I mean, by the time I put her there wouldn't she already forget the offense and just end up fighting the time out-at her age that is? She is a good little one though very strong willed? Not sure what you call it. For instance, with my own kids if I want to show them something neat or if I want to take them into a room to say change their diaper, I just take their hand and walk them. But she won't do this. Any time I try to take her hand to direct her she pulls away immediately, but does not throw tantrums or anything like that. When I call her to come to me, she doesn't come. I have to go get her. Just her disposition I guess.
Her offenses are swatting hands whether it's from excitement or from being upset and getting into things she knows are a no-no. Not crazy stuff just stuff that causes a lot of leg work and verbal reprimanding. How do you address this?
I plan to start putting her in time out but am not really sure she would get it. I mean, by the time I put her there wouldn't she already forget the offense and just end up fighting the time out-at her age that is? She is a good little one though very strong willed? Not sure what you call it. For instance, with my own kids if I want to show them something neat or if I want to take them into a room to say change their diaper, I just take their hand and walk them. But she won't do this. Any time I try to take her hand to direct her she pulls away immediately, but does not throw tantrums or anything like that. When I call her to come to me, she doesn't come. I have to go get her. Just her disposition I guess.
Her offenses are swatting hands whether it's from excitement or from being upset and getting into things she knows are a no-no. Not crazy stuff just stuff that causes a lot of leg work and verbal reprimanding. How do you address this?
Michael 08:20 PM 03-19-2015
Don't know if any of our previous threads deal with 15 month olds but you can view them: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...won%27t+listen
Unregistered 08:51 PM 03-19-2015
IMO she is too young to understand time-out, so I'd skip that.
I'd tell her or ask her one time. If she doesn't comply then go get her right away. Don't let the fussing or pulling away faze you, that is normal at her age. Stay positive, and even more so when she doesn't resist, or when she does what is asked. Also you can set up little requests that she might like. Have her pick up lint or scraps and put them in the garbage. Or call her to come to you to have a big hug, or to play tickle or pat a cake. All of that should reinforce her doing what you ask, because it's for fun, but she is complying. So when you do those, ask her once, then go get her, just like you would if it were for a diaper change or whatever.
It is all positive discipline. Only notice the positive.
HOPE that helps.
Have
Only
Positive
Expectations
I'd tell her or ask her one time. If she doesn't comply then go get her right away. Don't let the fussing or pulling away faze you, that is normal at her age. Stay positive, and even more so when she doesn't resist, or when she does what is asked. Also you can set up little requests that she might like. Have her pick up lint or scraps and put them in the garbage. Or call her to come to you to have a big hug, or to play tickle or pat a cake. All of that should reinforce her doing what you ask, because it's for fun, but she is complying. So when you do those, ask her once, then go get her, just like you would if it were for a diaper change or whatever.
It is all positive discipline. Only notice the positive.
HOPE that helps.
Have
Only
Positive
Expectations
Ariana 10:24 AM 03-20-2015
Redirection is the only thing that works trust me. At this age their attention span is literally a minute long, if that. Putting them in a time out, over and over and over is only going to make more work for you. If she continues to repeat the negative behaviour, remove the stimulus if possible.
Check out This site for ideas that work! http://www.janetlansbury.com
Check out This site for ideas that work! http://www.janetlansbury.com
Heidi 11:56 AM 03-20-2015
I agree with PP's ...Even if you are in favor of time outs, it's too early to use them. Not arguing the merits of timeouts (as you requested)
, but it's not going to work with a 15 month old.
I use guided compliance with toddlers. Tell them the expectation, and if they comply, you say "thank you". If they don't, you repeat the directive and guide them through it, and again, say "thank you" as though they'd done it on their own.
When I lead by the hand, I always put the child in front of me, and put my other hand under their shoulder. Then, when they try the "toddler buckle", I can catch them, and say "Nope...not okay...walk" in a matter-of-fact tone.
Once in a while they catch me off guard, I'll admit (like my new 2 1/2 year old, who I expected had outgrown that s***). The sound of that shoulder crackle makes me wince, and this one did it so hard his head hit the hardwood floor. I told mom when she picked him up yesterday, and she says "oh, yeah, he hits his head like, 8 times a day doing that". You'd think it'd be natural consequence, right?
If a certain item is running you ragged, make it inaccessible. You obviously can't "put up" every temptation, but you can minimize them. If you're one-one-one with a toddler, like parents are often, it's fine to teach them hands-off on things, but when you're outnumbered like we are, removing the hands-off items when possible just makes more sense.
, but it's not going to work with a 15 month old. I use guided compliance with toddlers. Tell them the expectation, and if they comply, you say "thank you". If they don't, you repeat the directive and guide them through it, and again, say "thank you" as though they'd done it on their own.
When I lead by the hand, I always put the child in front of me, and put my other hand under their shoulder. Then, when they try the "toddler buckle", I can catch them, and say "Nope...not okay...walk" in a matter-of-fact tone.
Once in a while they catch me off guard, I'll admit (like my new 2 1/2 year old, who I expected had outgrown that s***). The sound of that shoulder crackle makes me wince, and this one did it so hard his head hit the hardwood floor. I told mom when she picked him up yesterday, and she says "oh, yeah, he hits his head like, 8 times a day doing that". You'd think it'd be natural consequence, right?
If a certain item is running you ragged, make it inaccessible. You obviously can't "put up" every temptation, but you can minimize them. If you're one-one-one with a toddler, like parents are often, it's fine to teach them hands-off on things, but when you're outnumbered like we are, removing the hands-off items when possible just makes more sense.
Thriftylady 08:07 PM 03-20-2015
I agree with the above. I have my area to where I have as few "no no" items as possible to get into. But we can't keep everything out of reach. My grandson is like you describe. He is 16 months old and will look at you on his way to do a "no no" smile, shake his head no and do it anyway. I know he understands what he is doing. It kills me, because last time they were here his mom was spanking him, but it is their parenting in his case. My son won't discipline AT ALL and his mom well is lazy I hate to say it but it is true. She was sitting three feet from the door, I was in the kitchen and he got out my front door. I hollered at his mom 3 times before she got up to go get him. Then she spanked him! Oops sorry didn't mean to hijack, I guess I am just trying to say we have to be more stubborn then they are and repeat, repeat, repeat.
Gemma 04:26 AM 03-21-2015
If we're talking tasks, such as returning toys to a shelf, staying off couch etc. I start very early and the only thing that I see working (for me) at that age, is showing exactly what you expect of them, and clap hands with excitement and thankfulness when they do it (or after I walk them through)...it takes time and repetitions, but it does work and soon they start clapping their little hands for everything they feel they did right ( I love that)
When the behavior I'm trying to correct has to do with more serious issues such as biting, hitting, throwing things or anything that might harm other kids, I'd call the child name and say " we do not...." then place the kid in a playpan to play alone for a few minutes.
I do the very same thing with older kids...if you want to play with your friends, you need to be nice to them, otherwise you can play all by yourself!...and believe me, they do get it!
)When the behavior I'm trying to correct has to do with more serious issues such as biting, hitting, throwing things or anything that might harm other kids, I'd call the child name and say " we do not...." then place the kid in a playpan to play alone for a few minutes.
I do the very same thing with older kids...if you want to play with your friends, you need to be nice to them, otherwise you can play all by yourself!...and believe me, they do get it!
Starburst 05:38 PM 03-21-2015
I have noticed a bigger trend lately in an 'anti-time out movement' of sorts in child development for children under 4 in particular (It's practically becoming the new spanking debate).
Anyway, I've also heard of another new 'progressive parenting' trend that claims to be the opposite of time out called 'time in'. In a bigger program I don't know how easy it would be to implement; but since you only have one dc child, it might be worth a shot.
http://weinholds.org/time-in-techniques/
Anyway, I've also heard of another new 'progressive parenting' trend that claims to be the opposite of time out called 'time in'. In a bigger program I don't know how easy it would be to implement; but since you only have one dc child, it might be worth a shot.
http://weinholds.org/time-in-techniques/
Gemma 03:49 PM 03-22-2015
"SIT IN A CHAIR TIME-IN: AGES 2 1/2-6
Works best for: Children who need more discipline and structure.
Adapted from: Donna Corwin, Beverly Hills, CA author and mother.
How to do it:
1.Pull a chair close to you and have the child sit in it so that she is looking at a blank wall.
2.Tell her what rule she has broken and that she must sit quietly in this chair for a specified number of minutes. Use one minute per year of age. During this time, she is to think about why she broke the rule and that this time-in is to help her remember to keep this rule in the future.
3.Set a time for the specified amount of time.
4.When the timer rings, ask her to repeat the rule and what she will do differently in the future."
I don't care how they call that^ to me is no different than Time "Out"!
....personally. I do not agree in having a child of any age, stare at a blank wall!
Works best for: Children who need more discipline and structure.
Adapted from: Donna Corwin, Beverly Hills, CA author and mother.
How to do it:
1.Pull a chair close to you and have the child sit in it so that she is looking at a blank wall.
2.Tell her what rule she has broken and that she must sit quietly in this chair for a specified number of minutes. Use one minute per year of age. During this time, she is to think about why she broke the rule and that this time-in is to help her remember to keep this rule in the future.
3.Set a time for the specified amount of time.
4.When the timer rings, ask her to repeat the rule and what she will do differently in the future."
I don't care how they call that^ to me is no different than Time "Out"!
....personally. I do not agree in having a child of any age, stare at a blank wall!
Heidi 06:11 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by Gemma:
"SIT IN A CHAIR TIME-IN: AGES 2 1/2-6
Works best for: Children who need more discipline and structure.
Adapted from: Donna Corwin, Beverly Hills, CA author and mother.
How to do it:
1.Pull a chair close to you and have the child sit in it so that she is looking at a blank wall.
2.Tell her what rule she has broken and that she must sit quietly in this chair for a specified number of minutes. Use one minute per year of age. During this time, she is to think about why she broke the rule and that this time-in is to help her remember to keep this rule in the future.
3.Set a time for the specified amount of time.
4.When the timer rings, ask her to repeat the rule and what she will do differently in the future."
I don't care how they call that^ to me is no different than Time "Out"!
....personally. I do not agree in having a child of any age, stare at a blank wall!
"SIT IN A CHAIR TIME-IN: AGES 2 1/2-6
Works best for: Children who need more discipline and structure.
Adapted from: Donna Corwin, Beverly Hills, CA author and mother.
How to do it:
1.Pull a chair close to you and have the child sit in it so that she is looking at a blank wall.
2.Tell her what rule she has broken and that she must sit quietly in this chair for a specified number of minutes. Use one minute per year of age. During this time, she is to think about why she broke the rule and that this time-in is to help her remember to keep this rule in the future.
3.Set a time for the specified amount of time.
4.When the timer rings, ask her to repeat the rule and what she will do differently in the future."
I don't care how they call that^ to me is no different than Time "Out"!
....personally. I do not agree in having a child of any age, stare at a blank wall!
That would be considered "shaming" here and be against regs.We can't give timeouts to children under 3. Once they're three, it can't be more than 5 minutes.
First of all, if you wait until they're 3, you've probably worked out another strategy (if you're going to use them, I think 2 is an appropriate age). They probably won't stay put if they're so strong-willed at age 3 to need one in the first place. Again, other strategies have probably been adopted.
I use a "calm down" area, but it is not a time-out. It's a place to sit until they're ready to settle down, and then THEY decide to get up. I only send them back if they're still yelling/screaming when they get up. It's quite frankly a spot to have a tantrum without torturing the rest of us as much.
I think I've actually given a "time out" a handful of times in the last 4 years. It's been on those rare occasions when someone is malicious and aggressive, and it's honestly as much for me as for them, and probably for their own safety.
momofsix 06:48 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by Gemma:
"SIT IN A CHAIR TIME-IN: AGES 2 1/2-6
Works best for: Children who need more discipline and structure.
Adapted from: Donna Corwin, Beverly Hills, CA author and mother.
How to do it:
1.Pull a chair close to you and have the child sit in it so that she is looking at a blank wall.
2.Tell her what rule she has broken and that she must sit quietly in this chair for a specified number of minutes. Use one minute per year of age. During this time, she is to think about why she broke the rule and that this time-in is to help her remember to keep this rule in the future.
3.Set a time for the specified amount of time.
4.When the timer rings, ask her to repeat the rule and what she will do differently in the future."
I don't care how they call that^ to me is no different than Time "Out"!
....personally. I do not agree in having a child of any age, stare at a blank wall!
This always cracked me up. As if you can tell a child (or anyone) what to think. I know what I'd be thinking of if I were in a time out and it sure wouldn't be anything nice!"SIT IN A CHAIR TIME-IN: AGES 2 1/2-6
Works best for: Children who need more discipline and structure.
Adapted from: Donna Corwin, Beverly Hills, CA author and mother.
How to do it:
1.Pull a chair close to you and have the child sit in it so that she is looking at a blank wall.
2.Tell her what rule she has broken and that she must sit quietly in this chair for a specified number of minutes. Use one minute per year of age. During this time, she is to think about why she broke the rule and that this time-in is to help her remember to keep this rule in the future.
3.Set a time for the specified amount of time.
4.When the timer rings, ask her to repeat the rule and what she will do differently in the future."
I don't care how they call that^ to me is no different than Time "Out"!
....personally. I do not agree in having a child of any age, stare at a blank wall!
I'd "practice" calling her to come to you when you don't even need her-then do something fun with her when she comes. (at first even if you have to help her) I'd even be ok with a little reward system like calling all the children to you and then as a surprise those that come get a sticker or something along those lines.