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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Termed For Behavior In Previous DC?
gracepatiencelove 04:51 AM 05-09-2014
IF a parent in an interview says that, and then says, "but since we did x it is better" do you try to get more information? if so, how?

It seems like the story is dcg3 was termed from a center for behavior issues that mom says were corrected with glasses. I told her if we ended up working together I would do a 2 week trial with the kids.
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Josiegirl 04:59 AM 05-09-2014
I think you could ask her to elaborate on the child's issues, just so you can be made aware of what to look for and help dck with. And yes, definitely do the 2 week trial and if there are still questions, I'd add on another 2 weeks.
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coolconfidentme 05:23 AM 05-09-2014
Call the other DC. I have..., & have others call me when behavior is the issue.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 06:37 AM 05-09-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
Call the other DC. I have..., & have others call me when behavior is the issue.
I would do this.
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Heidi 06:53 AM 05-09-2014
If you call, it should WITH parent written permission!

Confidentiality!
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gracepatiencelove 07:14 AM 05-09-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
If you call, it should WITH parent written permission!

Confidentiality!
Yes, I don't think she will give it and I don't know that they would tell me anything (they are a pretty large center). But I think I am going to try. I would actually be the third daycare in the past couple months, it seems (the one for behavior, the other for being too far and having no car).
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Blackcat31 07:42 AM 05-09-2014
When a child is termed from another provider it doesn't always mean they will be that way in your program.

Since the mom brought it up, she apparently believes the situation has been corrected and she doesn't appear to be trying to hide it or she wouldn't have said it....kwim?

Personally, I would not worry about what did or didn't happen with the previous provider and only worry about YOUR ability to work with this family.

Do a two week trial period and then make your decision.

The environment plays such a HUGE role in a child's behavior that you can't hang a past behavior on a child permanently when they are now in a different environment.

I'd give them a chance.

Terming is always an option AFTER you have saw/seen for yourself whether or not this child is going to have issues.
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Heidi 08:27 AM 05-09-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
When a child is termed from another provider it doesn't always mean they will be that way in your program.

Since the mom brought it up, she apparently believes the situation has been corrected and she doesn't appear to be trying to hide it or she wouldn't have said it....kwim?

Personally, I would not worry about what did or didn't happen with the previous provider and only worry about YOUR ability to work with this family.

Do a two week trial period and then make your decision.

The environment plays such a HUGE role in a child's behavior that you can't hang a past behavior on a child permanently when they are now in a different environment.

I'd give them a chance.

Terming is always an option AFTER you have saw/seen for yourself whether or not this child is going to have issues.

Yes, and terming is so much easier when the parent knows it's a realistic possibility. Most think it'll never happen to their child. Plus, if you don't have to term because it works out, you look like the hero!
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jenboo 09:18 AM 05-09-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
When a child is termed from another provider it doesn't always mean they will be that way in your program.

Since the mom brought it up, she apparently believes the situation has been corrected and she doesn't appear to be trying to hide it or she wouldn't have said it....kwim?

Personally, I would not worry about what did or didn't happen with the previous provider and only worry about YOUR ability to work with this family.

Do a two week trial period and then make your decision.

The environment plays such a HUGE role in a child's behavior that you can't hang a past behavior on a child permanently when they are now in a different environment.

I'd give them a chance.

Terming is always an option AFTER you have saw/seen for yourself whether or not this child is going to have issues.


I have a DCB who was horrible at his last daycare. Taking toys from everyone, going crazy inside, being mean to other kids....This was all said from the previous provider, not the parent. I decided to give it a try and guess what?? He is an angel for me!!! No problems AT ALL.
Enviorment plays a huge roll. Come to find out, the previous provider lived in a small apartment, no schedule, kids watched tv all day and no outside time! My daycare is the complete opposite.
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daycare 09:34 AM 05-09-2014
I dont care so much what has happened in the past. There are two sides to every story and I only need one to make a decision for myself.

what works for others may not work for me and vs.

I would go ahead and enroll. Knowing that behavior is an issue, I would sit down before starting and go over the rules and expectations this way there are no surprises or confusions.

I have had many kids who come from the private academy near my house for reasons like this. ALl of them have worked out so far.
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Unregistered 09:59 AM 05-09-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
I dont care so much what has happened in the past. There are two sides to every story and I only need one to make a decision for myself.

what works for others may not work for me and vs.

I would go ahead and enroll. Knowing that behavior is an issue, I would sit down before starting and go over the rules and expectations this way there are no surprises or confusions.

I have had many kids who come from the private academy near my house for reasons like this. ALl of them have worked out so far.
Op here

She seemed fine but I wanted to make sure I wasn't making a huge mistake! I can tell they are an active sibling set and will need outdoor time a lot - which works perfectly with us!
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Annalee 10:09 AM 05-09-2014
Originally Posted by jenboo:



Enviorment plays a huge roll. .
I have also taken kids from daycares that labeled the kids as a problem....but the kids were totally different in my program. I find it amazing what a simple routine with clearly outlined expectations will do. Many times kids are begging for boundaries and acceptance for who they are.
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josie2014 11:18 AM 05-09-2014
I have kid like this before,he have been all family daycare in my city,include center.He was 2 almost 3 year old.He bitting all the other kids and screaming for anything.I tryout for 2 month hard 2 months.Dcms told if I keep taking care of him they will pull out their childrem,because his behavior was affecting the other dck.I kind you can tryout 2 week best thing you can do....
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Unregistered 10:35 AM 05-10-2014
I was DC # 6. This one 4yo was just bad as heck for everyone else. I agreed to a 2 week trial. The 3rd day in, he started throwing chairs, kicking, spitting, hitting, biting. I bear hugged him, and let him know I wasn't going to leave. The problem was, he never had ANYONE ever give him a real chance. He thought I'd leave him too. That was our ONE and only real incident. He turned out to be one of my favorites over the years.
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gracepatiencelove 03:21 PM 05-29-2014
We did a trial. It's over on Monday. First few days good. This week has been BAD. I feel like I am CONSTANTLY correcting, stopping bad behavior. My two 18 mos got shoved today and this is a big girl. I don't know that I will ever take on someone who has been termed for behaviour before. That said, I am extending the trial and consulting some behavior specialists. I think she just really needs help.
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gracepatiencelove 03:22 PM 05-29-2014
And I have tried positive reinforcement and it works GREAT but I feel like she is old enough (almost four!!!) to know that she can't push kids around.
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Blackcat31 03:39 PM 05-29-2014
Originally Posted by gracepatiencelove:
We did a trial. It's over on Monday. First few days good. This week has been BAD. I feel like I am CONSTANTLY correcting, stopping bad behavior. My two 18 mos got shoved today and this is a big girl. I don't know that I will ever take on someone who has been termed for behaviour before. That said, I am extending the trial and consulting some behavior specialists. I think she just really needs help.
Originally Posted by gracepatiencelove:
And I have tried positive reinforcement and it works GREAT but I feel like she is old enough (almost four!!!) to know that she can't push kids around.
Unfortunately, the kids who do have bad behaviors and attend one daycare after another usually have to "unlearn" their bad behaviors...kwim?

She may be old enough to understand but she has been consistently "allowed" to behave badly so she is probably only doing what has always worked in the past.

Good for you though for wanting to extend the trial period and seek out additional help for her.

If her parents are on board with curbing her negative behaviors, and there isn't anything developmentally "off" with her, she might just turn around before you know it.
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nannyde 05:42 PM 05-29-2014
I had this kid who I adored. He was a blonde haired little angel. He had an older four year old brother who was in the Des Moines public schools special needs preschool for severe behaviour issues. When mom interviewed for baby she asked if I could take the brother before and after prek and on Wednesday.

I said NO I don't like older kids I haven't raised and I don't take behavior disorder kids.

After I had the angel for a few months she begged me to please try. I agreed to talk to the school, set up an escape plan if I had ANY issues with him, met with him alone and laid down the LAW, and threatened that if he gave me an iota of grief he was gone that day.

I had my helper full days and assigned to him and him alone for a week. Had my former helper for the first week so we had three adults.

Guess what? He was perfect. I had him.for the next six months and he was an angel like his brother. I was sick when.they moved. He turned out to be a doll. The behavior that got him into the special programs didn't exist in my environment. He was a perfectly normal kid.

It is the environment some times.
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sharlan 05:45 PM 05-29-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I had this kid who I adored. He was a blonde haired little angel. He had an older four year old brother who was in the Des Moines public schools special needs preschool for severe behaviour issues. When mom interviewed for baby she asked if I could take the brother before and after prek and on Wednesday.

I said NO I don't like older kids I haven't raised and I don't take behavior disorder kids.

After I had the angel for a few months she begged me to please try. I agreed to talk to the school, set up an escape plan if I had ANY issues with him, met with him alone and laid down the LAW, and threatened that if he gave me an iota of grief he was gone that day.

I had my helper full days and assigned to him and him alone for a week. Had my former helper for the first week so we had three adults.

Guess what? He was perfect. I had him.for the next six months and he was an angel like his brother. I was sick when.they moved. He turned out to be a doll. The behavior that got him into the special programs didn't exist in my environment. He was a perfectly normal kid.

It is the environment some times.
I totally agree with this.

Not all children are compatible with all providers and vice versa.
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cheerfuldom 07:36 PM 05-29-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I had this kid who I adored. He was a blonde haired little angel. He had an older four year old brother who was in the Des Moines public schools special needs preschool for severe behaviour issues. When mom interviewed for baby she asked if I could take the brother before and after prek and on Wednesday.

I said NO I don't like older kids I haven't raised and I don't take behavior disorder kids.

After I had the angel for a few months she begged me to please try. I agreed to talk to the school, set up an escape plan if I had ANY issues with him, met with him alone and laid down the LAW, and threatened that if he gave me an iota of grief he was gone that day.

I had my helper full days and assigned to him and him alone for a week. Had my former helper for the first week so we had three adults.

Guess what? He was perfect. I had him.for the next six months and he was an angel like his brother. I was sick when.they moved. He turned out to be a doll. The behavior that got him into the special programs didn't exist in my environment. He was a perfectly normal kid.

It is the environment some times.
Yes this is true. And too be honest, some programs are just down right rowdy and completely chaotic. No wonder some kids go bonkers. Particular settings are not the right fit for everyone especially when parents are pushing their kids academically and when the child cant keep up and acts out in frustration, the child is labeled a problem child....not fair! So there are many ways a child can be labeled incorrectly but then thrive in other settings.
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gracepatiencelove 08:29 PM 05-29-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I had this kid who I adored. He was a blonde haired little angel. He had an older four year old brother who was in the Des Moines public schools special needs preschool for severe behaviour issues. When mom interviewed for baby she asked if I could take the brother before and after prek and on Wednesday.

I said NO I don't like older kids I haven't raised and I don't take behavior disorder kids.

After I had the angel for a few months she begged me to please try. I agreed to talk to the school, set up an escape plan if I had ANY issues with him, met with him alone and laid down the LAW, and threatened that if he gave me an iota of grief he was gone that day.

I had my helper full days and assigned to him and him alone for a week. Had my former helper for the first week so we had three adults.

Guess what? He was perfect. I had him.for the next six months and he was an angel like his brother. I was sick when.they moved. He turned out to be a doll. The behavior that got him into the special programs didn't exist in my environment. He was a perfectly normal kid.

It is the environment some times.
I can agree with that. I do not think that will stop me from trying, though. I don't feel like the environment I'm providing is contributing to the behaviors - I think this is more of a test, or a battle of wills on DCGs part. She has been through three care situations this year. I think a lot is actually more on DCM but I can't articulate hwy I think that (probably the part where she told DCG she was throwing away all of her toys until she behaved here at pick up; where she tells DCG to fight back [I just found this out to day] even though DCG has at least 5lbs on everyone here; other little things like that).

Anyway... I have read through a lot and I respect your opinion but I am still going to try I won't have any problem terming if it is not the right fit but I like the girl and she seems happy when she's behaving... so idk. We'll see.
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Meeko 07:26 AM 05-30-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I had this kid who I adored. He was a blonde haired little angel. He had an older four year old brother who was in the Des Moines public schools special needs preschool for severe behaviour issues. When mom interviewed for baby she asked if I could take the brother before and after prek and on Wednesday.

I said NO I don't like older kids I haven't raised and I don't take behavior disorder kids.

After I had the angel for a few months she begged me to please try. I agreed to talk to the school, set up an escape plan if I had ANY issues with him, met with him alone and laid down the LAW, and threatened that if he gave me an iota of grief he was gone that day.

I had my helper full days and assigned to him and him alone for a week. Had my former helper for the first week so we had three adults.

Guess what? He was perfect. I had him.for the next six months and he was an angel like his brother. I was sick when.they moved. He turned out to be a doll. The behavior that got him into the special programs didn't exist in my environment. He was a perfectly normal kid.

It is the environment some times.
I agree. Try a two week trial and see how it goes.

When I first started out it was on an Air Force base. The director of the base center called me and told me they had a kid who was biting daily. She believed he was simply overwhelmed with the number of kids and would do better in a home daycare setting.

I told her I would try, but if he bit he was gone as I would not have the other kids in danger. But she was right. He never bit...not once. Didn't even try. He just needed a smaller setting where he didn't feel so lost. Gorgeous kid.
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nannyde 08:55 AM 05-30-2014
Originally Posted by gracepatiencelove:
I can agree with that. I do not think that will stop me from trying, though. I don't feel like the environment I'm providing is contributing to the behaviors - I think this is more of a test, or a battle of wills on DCGs part. She has been through three care situations this year. I think a lot is actually more on DCM but I can't articulate hwy I think that (probably the part where she told DCG she was throwing away all of her toys until she behaved here at pick up; where she tells DCG to fight back [I just found this out to day] even though DCG has at least 5lbs on everyone here; other little things like that).

Anyway... I have read through a lot and I respect your opinion but I am still going to try I won't have any problem terming if it is not the right fit but I like the girl and she seems happy when she's behaving... so idk. We'll see.
We were on my little guy like white on rice for the first week. Super strict and micro corrected any hint of escalation. We didn't let him see his younger brother. We took him for long walks and made him earn all privledges. Looking back on it, it was overkill but the history I.had on him from the two years he was in the special highest level special needs prek was bad. He was a nutjob with them.

Once we eased him in we found out that he was perfectly normal. You wouldn't know his history if you came to see him in ANY way.

But... I will say he wanted to come to my house very badly. He saw me when his brother got picked up and he saw my kids and set up. He is the one asking to come to my house.

I didn't have one problem with him. He wanted my food as I sent home food for his brother and he got some of it. Skinny little creep ate like a man every day. He slept like a baby at nap. He just needed good CARE.
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cheerfuldom 12:26 PM 05-30-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
We were on my little guy like white on rice for the first week. Super strict and micro corrected any hint of escalation. We didn't let him see his younger brother. We took him for long walks and made him earn all privledges. Looking back on it, it was overkill but the history I.had on him from the two years he was in the special highest level special needs prek was bad. He was a nutjob with them.

Once we eased him in we found out that he was perfectly normal. You wouldn't know his history if you came to see him in ANY way.

But... I will say he wanted to come to my house very badly. He saw me when his brother got picked up and he saw my kids and set up. He is the one asking to come to my house.

I didn't have one problem with him. He wanted my food as I sent home food for his brother and he got some of it. Skinny little creep ate like a man every day. He slept like a baby at nap. He just needed good CARE.
I am glad he had you! but that story makes me sad. Makes you wonder what sort of stress he was under to go crazy elsewhere.
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gracepatiencelove 05:07 PM 05-30-2014
Well. I got some more information at pick up. KIND OF FUNNY how this just SLIPS dcms mind!

She was termed from at least two centers (I say at least because something always slips out GRR) and one home situation, and her mom won't watch them anymore - so I am thus the 5th care arrangement.

DCGnearly 4 tried to yank something away from baby. I told her no, we do not do that, let's go play xxx and she started SCREAMING in my face. Like an angry scream. I said, "time out." She can speak, and clearly, she was trying this all day with the other kids - I think she wanted them to hit her because her "momma said she can hit back." Uh, uh, sister, you're in time out. Cue throwing her body around, kicking me, etc (this is NOT a little girl, either). Then THEN THEN THEN

She grabbed my hand and bit me! I yanked my hand out fast enough that she barely scraped her teeth.

I tell DCM if she EVER bites it will be IMMEDIATE pick up. I ask, has this been a problem before? MOm says, "Oh, yeah, she was kicked out of XX center because she bit another kid on the back bad enough to make him bleed." (I never heard any mention of this center or anything before.)


I specifically asked about this type of issue in our interview! I was SOOO specific about behavior issues, any type of problems. I feel lied to and wronged. UGH.

Should I just term? DCG actually did REALLY good until her mom was gone for nearly 10 hours. That last hour KILLS her. (It seems like anytime things aren't totally structured she has problems.)
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gracepatiencelove 05:09 PM 05-30-2014
Also, I have been logging her behavior, I am keeping texts - dcm doesn't seem like the type to call and lie to the state but I can see where she is going to be ticked (she has now, admittedly, exhausted all daycare options in our area).
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nannyde 05:17 PM 05-30-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I am glad he had you! but that story makes me sad. Makes you wonder what sort of stress he was under to go crazy elsewhere.
I just ADORED him. You know that feeling where your heart pitter patters when you see them. That's what I had EVERY.SINGLE.DAY when he got out of the car and came up my sidewalk. I just wanted to squeeze the stuffin out him. His brother did that to me too. They made me love my job.

He was one of those people who was so brilliant and wise. He had a wicked speech impediment but I had had a few kids before him with the same cadence and pattern so I understood him completely.

Such a doll. I couldn't visualize what got him into special special needs but I did see how he was with his mom a few times. I opened my door and told him to knock it off and get in the dang car NOW. He knew better than to try me. I honestly think that was it. He was SO calm.with mr because he was released of the ability to act out. He couldn't and he knew it. He wanted our life here. He really wanted the whole foods that were home made. He ate like a full grown man.
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Leanna 05:53 PM 05-30-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I just ADORED him. You know that feeling where your heart pitter patters when you see them. That's what I had EVERY.SINGLE.DAY when he got out of the car and came up my sidewalk. I just wanted to squeeze the stuffin out him. His brother did that to me too. They made me love my job.

He was one of those people who was so brilliant and wise. He had a wicked speech impediment but I had had a few kids before him with the same cadence and pattern so I understood him completely.

Such a doll. I couldn't visualize what got him into special special needs but I did see how he was with his mom a few times. I opened my door and told him to knock it off and get in the dang car NOW. He knew better than to try me. I honestly think that was it. He was SO calm.with mr because he was released of the ability to act out. He couldn't and he knew it. He wanted our life here. He really wanted the whole foods that were home made. He ate like a full grown man.


You know that saying about the way to man's heart is through his stomach...must be true from birth !
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Tags:behavior problems, biter, biting, previously termed, termed
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