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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Incident With DCD And Another DCB
renodeb 12:57 PM 05-12-2014
So last week Wednesday I had a biting incident between two toddlers (imagine that!
) I texted both moms right away as usual and everything was cool. When dcd came to p/u he came barging right over to his son (the vic!) looked at the bite mark (which was barely visible by the end of the day.) walked around to the child that bit, looked down at him, pointed his finger down toward him and in a very scary ( to a child) way grumbled "no biting, no biting". So of course dcb breaks down in tears and dcd starts smirking and laughing saying "he live, he will be ok. He walks over to pick up his boy and I told him that it was not necessary to say anything because the situation was handled when it occurred and that neither boy really remembers what happened in the middle of that morning. He said "well my boy does and he knows I will smack his ____ if he does it. I said to him again that it was totally uncalled for. he said again that the kid crying will live. (by this time I was livid!!) He gave one more very out the left side of his mouth apology and finally left.
I was so mad about the whole thing,: mad:
The next day I called mom and said that I could not longer provide care for them because I cold not get past the dads display the day before. Right after the call with mom he called me asking why this is such a big deal and that all he did was telling both boys not to bite in a normal voice. I said to him that it was not a normal voice and that no further action was needed b/c the situation was already handled and that he had to call to discipline someone else's child and furthermore that it is a big deal b/c the other mom is so upset. Then after that call ended he called me back and asked why can't he just be banned and the wife could just d/o and p/u everyday. I aid to him "you cant tell me she would feel ok about that, having you banned from dc. He did nt have a response to that.
That evening the mom came to pick up she was all teary saying what is she going to do with the child and why didn't I tell her at drop offs about my decision. I told her that I needed to think it over and that there is never a great time to drop bad news. I also said that I would of thought he would of talked to her about what happened. She seemed totally puzzled about what had happened and didn't see what the big deal is. I told her his behaviors was
wrong. Well, later that night she text me that they found a place for him. (after the whole teary scene t pick ups).
The thing that really bothers me is that he didn't see that he did anything wrong. Making another child cry is way wrong in my book. Some parents!!!
The kicker is that the child was sweet as pie.
Thoughts? Would you of dismised? Have any of you had that kind of thing happen?
Note: The child that was bit last week,( bit the other child that was involved) some months back on the face and drew blood. (funny how dad forgot that little factoid!!!!!!)
) I texted both moms right away as usual and everything was cool. When dcd came to p/u he came barging right over to his son (the vic!) looked at the bite mark (which was barely visible by the end of the day.) walked around to the child that bit, looked down at him, pointed his finger down toward him and in a very scary ( to a child) way grumbled "no biting, no biting". So of course dcb breaks down in tears and dcd starts smirking and laughing saying "he live, he will be ok. He walks over to pick up his boy and I told him that it was not necessary to say anything because the situation was handled when it occurred and that neither boy really remembers what happened in the middle of that morning. He said "well my boy does and he knows I will smack his ____ if he does it. I said to him again that it was totally uncalled for. he said again that the kid crying will live. (by this time I was livid!!) He gave one more very out the left side of his mouth apology and finally left.I was so mad about the whole thing,: mad:
The next day I called mom and said that I could not longer provide care for them because I cold not get past the dads display the day before. Right after the call with mom he called me asking why this is such a big deal and that all he did was telling both boys not to bite in a normal voice. I said to him that it was not a normal voice and that no further action was needed b/c the situation was already handled and that he had to call to discipline someone else's child and furthermore that it is a big deal b/c the other mom is so upset. Then after that call ended he called me back and asked why can't he just be banned and the wife could just d/o and p/u everyday. I aid to him "you cant tell me she would feel ok about that, having you banned from dc. He did nt have a response to that.
That evening the mom came to pick up she was all teary saying what is she going to do with the child and why didn't I tell her at drop offs about my decision. I told her that I needed to think it over and that there is never a great time to drop bad news. I also said that I would of thought he would of talked to her about what happened. She seemed totally puzzled about what had happened and didn't see what the big deal is. I told her his behaviors was
wrong. Well, later that night she text me that they found a place for him. (after the whole teary scene t pick ups).
The thing that really bothers me is that he didn't see that he did anything wrong. Making another child cry is way wrong in my book. Some parents!!!
The kicker is that the child was sweet as pie.
Thoughts? Would you of dismised? Have any of you had that kind of thing happen?
Note: The child that was bit last week,( bit the other child that was involved) some months back on the face and drew blood. (funny how dad forgot that little factoid!!!!!!)
preschoolteacher 01:11 PM 05-12-2014
Wow. Yes, I think you did the right thing. How did he know who bit his child? Sometimes it's inevitable parents find out. But scenarios like this remind us why it's so important to be confidential.
Leigh 01:17 PM 05-12-2014
I would have told DCD to get the H#(! out of my house and not to come back that very moment. You did the right thing.
wdmmom 01:20 PM 05-12-2014
I don't allow parents to be around other daycare children for this reason. This is my house and I handle all scenarios that come up. I don't need a parent to parent or discipline another child, especially scare them or make them cry! It's completely unnecessary!
TwinKristi 01:21 PM 05-12-2014
Yeah, in the future I would avoid saying who was the biter for this exact reason. It was MY son who was going the biting at my DC and I did tell the parents who bit but emme tell you, if someone would have done that to my child I would have raised hell right then and there. And someone else's child? I would have stopped him before he could say anything. That's so uncalled for. And how old is this child? Are there spanking laws in your state? A toddler getting a spanking is illegal in some states.
KatieG 02:03 PM 05-12-2014
Yes, you absolutely did the right thing! Oftentimes dealing with the parents is the hardest part of the job!
cheerfuldom 02:09 PM 05-12-2014
I am confused about how this dad knew which child bit? I don't tell parents who the aggressor was to avoid this very scenario.
MarinaVanessa 02:17 PM 05-12-2014
I would have done the same as you. There is no justifiable reason why a parent should think it is okay to discipline someone else's child at daycare.
This is the EXACT reason why the name of the child at fault should never be disclosed to anyone and why the name of the victim shouldn't either. This information is not necessary.
"Today your DS bit another child. This is what I did ... this is what I will be doing in the future ... "
"Today your DS was bit by another child. This is what I did ... this is how I will prevent it from happening in the future .. "
That's all you need to say.
I know providers who had yelling and arguing and one that had a fist fight in her living room because she disclosed the name of the child at fault and the parents went at it
. Hitting and biting harbors a lot of resentment and anger in parents.
This is the EXACT reason why the name of the child at fault should never be disclosed to anyone and why the name of the victim shouldn't either. This information is not necessary.
"Today your DS bit another child. This is what I did ... this is what I will be doing in the future ... "
"Today your DS was bit by another child. This is what I did ... this is how I will prevent it from happening in the future .. "
That's all you need to say.
I know providers who had yelling and arguing and one that had a fist fight in her living room because she disclosed the name of the child at fault and the parents went at it
. Hitting and biting harbors a lot of resentment and anger in parents.
Second Home 02:36 PM 05-12-2014
I would not have tolerated that behavior either . He had NO right to say anything to the other child . It makes me mad just reading that .
renodeb 04:08 PM 05-12-2014
Thank you all for your support, I didn't disclose who the victim was it was process of elimination. There were only two toddlers here that day. More often than not the parents figure it out. Or if there is more than one bite in a short time they all awesome its one child or another. I had never had any other parent behave that way here. I was floored, just floored.
Deb
Deb
MarinaVanessa 04:18 PM 05-12-2014
Originally Posted by renodeb:
Thank you all for your support, I didn't disclose who the victim was it was process of elimination. There were only two toddlers here that day. More often than not the parents figure it out. Or if there is more than one bite in a short time they all awesome its one child or another. I had never had any other parent behave that way here. I was floored, just floored.
Deb
Sorry that I assumed. Yeah it's pretty ridiculous how adults will act sometimes Thank you all for your support, I didn't disclose who the victim was it was process of elimination. There were only two toddlers here that day. More often than not the parents figure it out. Or if there is more than one bite in a short time they all awesome its one child or another. I had never had any other parent behave that way here. I was floored, just floored.
Deb
TwinKristi 05:36 PM 05-12-2014
Originally Posted by MV:
Sorry that I assumed. Yeah it's pretty ridiculous how adults will act sometimes
Sorry here too, I also assumed. Sorry that I assumed. Yeah it's pretty ridiculous how adults will act sometimes
NightOwl 06:24 PM 05-12-2014
In a small group setting of mixed ages, it's usually very easy to figure out. But you definitely did the right thing. And you handled it beautifully. I don't think I could have stayed so cool in that situation.
midaycare 06:36 PM 05-12-2014
Just wow. You were brilliant. I can't imagine ... I would have lost it, for sure.
Meeko 06:49 PM 05-12-2014
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
I don't allow parents to be around other daycare children for this reason. This is my house and I handle all scenarios that come up. I don't need a parent to parent or discipline another child, especially scare them or make them cry! It's completely unnecessary!
Ditto this. I do not allow daycare parents around children who are not their own. You never know what can happen. What if the dad had decided the biter needed a smack? I don't allow parents to be around other daycare children for this reason. This is my house and I handle all scenarios that come up. I don't need a parent to parent or discipline another child, especially scare them or make them cry! It's completely unnecessary!
renodeb 07:14 PM 05-12-2014
I dont either but there was a baby and two toddlers there, not to hard to figure it out! I never divulge its just process of elimination! 
renodeb 07:16 PM 05-12-2014
Well, that was partly due to the fact that I was speechless for a bit!
renodeb 07:17 PM 05-12-2014
I hear yeah Meeko, I would of called the cops!
llpa 04:21 AM 05-13-2014
Wow! Good for you for terming but sad that you had to! What didn't dcd get about this is NOT HIS child?
sugar buzz 06:15 AM 05-13-2014
Good for you--protecting all of your DCKs. That would make me want you as my provider even more. That being said, I LOL'd when he asked if he could be "banned." 
daycaremum 06:17 AM 05-13-2014
I think you did what you felt you had to do to be comfortable and to be secure in the care of your other children.
I probably wouldn't have terminated, small town, hard to find clients, and if it was the first stupid thing this family had ever done, I think I would have been inclined to give a second chance after a very firm lecture that no more mistakes would be tolerated. Next mess up is immediate termination.
BUT that being said, you did what you felt was right and I'm proud of you for standing by your decision.
I probably wouldn't have terminated, small town, hard to find clients, and if it was the first stupid thing this family had ever done, I think I would have been inclined to give a second chance after a very firm lecture that no more mistakes would be tolerated. Next mess up is immediate termination.
BUT that being said, you did what you felt was right and I'm proud of you for standing by your decision.
renodeb 01:44 PM 05-14-2014
Thank you daycaremum and everyone. Normally I' am a big chicken but momma bear came out when the child started to cry! And to be honest there were other little things that bothered me about this fam. Like I always had to hold her check until Thursday every week, they always complained about how much I charge (one time the dad even barged in asking if we could make a deal about the fee. I said no and that I charge a very competitive rate if he checks around. He did not like that response. And I love this one: He has a fever? must be teething! everytime he had a temp. Got old after a while!