How do you incorporate that in your daycare?

I'm sorry but we ARE raising the kids in our care! They're here 9-11 hours a day! We do all the work!

I agree completely with both you, and nannyde. I mean I spend more time in a day with most of my daycare kids, than their parents do. I am by no means claiming that I am the parental role - but it can't be denied that we are definitely co-raising (at minimum) these kiddos.

The majority of my kids are with me M-F from 8-5 (most here before 8), so 40+ hours a week. I have a few part-timers who may be here 28-30 hours a week - but that is still a huge chunk of time.

I don't run a huge operation. I am allowed 12, but I often don't have more than 5-6 kids, ages birth to 4 at any one time. I raised 8 children with the relaxed AP style, and just continued with the "extras" that have always been around.

I wear babies, and demand feed/sleep. I don't have a forced nap schedule and each child naps as needed. I have been known to feed four children breakfast at four different times, and lunch the same way. I allow "grazing" and generally discourage the use of baby food. I don't have enforced drop off times, or pick up times. I meet the children's (and generally the parents) needs within reasonable bounds. (I do not work weekends.)

I do have rules, of course, but for the most part they are designed to foster a child's independence through allowing them to be with me as much as they need to be, until they are ready to move on. I genuinely KNOW each child well enough to guide their play and scaffold their growth through the placement of toys and quiet removal of such. Sometimes a gentle question will lead them to a whole higher realm of play; sometimes I just leave them alone and let them teach each other.

I watch them for early signs of sleepiness, boredom, hunger or fear. I gently intervene BEFORE such things become an issue, encouraging them to speak to and solve their own problems. They are free to do, or just to be, or to be with me as I move about my adult daily jobs. I slow down and let them "help" with pretty much anything they have an interest in helping with.

I know it sounds chaotic, but it truly isn't. We do have a "schedule" of sorts, with very general/ flexible timing. I also have to incorporate two kids (11 and 13) that are home schooled and a college student (the 17yo) that still lives here. It is a smooth, easy schedule that I have been following for over 35 years.

To me, that is AP style. Guidance, not force. Schedule, yes, but one that works with THEIR rhythms, not the "group's" rhythm. Growth, development and change at THEIR pace. (I have a one year old that gave up the paci 6 months ago, and an almost 4 year old that still uses one-- she has her reasons.)

Just for the record, I am one of those "Grandmothers who have been doing daycare for 30+ years" but I also have a current degree in Child Development.

Honestly, I think this whole AP/Group care discussion that is going on here the past few days - ultimately has to do with the personality type of the provider.

I so respect the kind of care you provide, but for me personally - I would never feel at ease with that. I thrive on regularity and rather strict scheduling (I keep it up in my personal life too). I genuinely wish I could be more relaxed - but I just am not comfortable or at ease without every last thing being scheduled. Let me say, that I loosen up with my daycare kids and don't have them as regimented as I would like simply because it doesn't work with young children - but we do have specific times for everything and everyone does things at the same time. I would be a basket case trying to run things how you do - and I'm sure you would be stressed with my day.

I just think we need to accept that each person is setting their daycare up in the way that they are the most comfortable. A stressed unhappy childcare provider is worthless to anyone. And therefore our clients will find the care that is most in line with how their family works and child thrives. No right or wrong, just different.

::Putting on Moderator Hat::

Everyone, please stop arguing with Nannyde over her opinions on breastfeeding; or if you want to continue the discussion please take it to the Off Topic thread or private messages. Remember to be respectful--and that goes for those of you on both sides.

re: the Attachment Parenting discussion, I think this is an important topic, but should be taken to a separate thread here in the main forum.

Back to crazy interview requests.

::Moderator Hat off:

Feel free to slice it up however you like.

blandino-- I don't disagree. To each their own. But the insistence from some that it will NOT work in daycare is just wrong. It does for some of us.

I think it would be OK in church in front of the future pope
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

Hmmm. Looks like the feeding mama and the one next to her are in hospital gowns.

Newborn mass?

Also looking at this picture you will notice the mama isn't wearing a bra. Maybe in their culture they don't wear bras during their time of nursing a baby so its easier for the child to latch on? That would be hard especially when you start leaking.

I know personally I couldn't go without a bra during that time or many American women that would.

I looked up the other pics from this and it looks like he as a cardinal went to a hospital for the poor and baptized babies whose mothers would not have the money or ability to get to a church.

I haven't had too much time to check it out but I think the setting and purpose of his mission was to minister to the poor. There are more pics of this from eight years ago with hospital dressed workers and other women in hospital gowns.

Oh, I thought of more:

I had the parent of a SA tell me (not ask, mind you) that she expected me to find a quiet place for her child to sit, where they "wouldn't be distracted", and read for FORTY FIVE MINUTES after school each day, on top of the regular homework, because "they just don't have the attention span to get it done at home". Keep in mind that I had a group of 8 at the time (my own elementary schoolers, five SA's under ten, and one that was 12 - three girls and five boys) to feed, help with homework, and supervise while outside. This child was in third grade and a very reluctant reader. I know that this Mom just didn't feel like dealing with it herself. She got very angry with me when I told her that there was no way that I could enforce that every day.

This is also a Mom who "forgot" it was payday every single week and showed up late 3-4x per week. Yeah, please tell me what I can do to help make things easier for you.

I've had parents ask me to do school projects with their SA kids.

I had one tell me once that they were uncomfortable with me driving their child to the bus stop (up my driveway, down the street about four houses, and hang a left for about two more houses) when it was raining, and wanted me to hand the child an umbrella and have them walk while I followed in the car.

And for a flip-flop, I had a parent get mad at ME for requesting that they provide a jacket for their kindergartener in the mornings for the bus stop, because he continually showed up in short sleeves in 35-40 degree weather. "He's fine, it's hot inside the school", she told me. He stood there every day with blue lips, shivering. I finally had to let him borrow my son's old coat so that the bus driver would stop giving me dirty looks!

My not-so-favorite request, which I got a LOT, and should be thought of as ridiculous.... "can I just pay you in a couple of days/on Thursday/next week when I get paid?".

As a mother who has nursed ALL of my kids (5 and trying for number 6), and all of them for extended periods of time, including tandem nursing (nursing two kids at once) what do you expect? My child has to eat too. Why should my child not eat simply because you haven't taught your son that breasts are for feeding. I have 4 boys, and 1 girl. My boys know that breasts are made to feed babies. They don't even noticing nursing women. I've educated just about every man my husband works with, at first they were narrow minded, and now most of them are "lactivists". My childs right to eat, trumps your right to not look in my general direction. If my breast offends you, then don't look. Don't expect my child to go hungry over it. Heck, many times I have BOTH boobs flopped out over the top of my shirt while my 13 month old, and my 35 month old both nurse simultaneously. And I've done this at every interview I've had, because my kids always want to nurse when a stranger is nearby. Never bothered a family before, and if they are bothered by a breast than I am most certainly not the family for them.

I'm beginning to see that this is not an AP friendly area. But people tell me all the time it's not possible to be AP with 5 kids close in age, or when their husband is deployed. I'm disabled, still practice AP with ALL 5 of my kids as well as my daycare kids, and continue doing this even when my husband is gone for 6+months at a time.

I find that everyone who says it's not possible are not AP themselves. They think it's too much work to do with 1 kid, so why try with multiple. If you TRULY believe in the principles of AP there is no way you wouldn't practice it.

And I'd sue you if you taped me with the intention of posting it online to make fun of me.

Glad to see more APers!

Actually, the studies are showing the exact opposite.

I like this forum, I get great ideas here, and I won't be scared off by AP hostility, but I do wish more APers would speak up



Your 12 year old is more than old enough to be simply told that nursing is natural, normal, and not a big deal. If a child is RAISED knowing this it NEVER becomes a big deal. My oldest is 8, has aspergers (so he always speaks his mind), and only asks questions when he sees a woman with a bottle because he's curious as to why she couldn't nurse.



I wouldn't mind your 12 year old asking me questions. I love to educate others about nursing, which is why I'm studying to become an IBCLC. Some of my daycare kids ask questions, so I explain, and they go on with their day. I've had kids in public ask me and I've had adults ask me questions too. Never bothers me.


There are numerous things that people find disgusting, but we don't force them to stop. Some people HATE feet, should be ban flip flops? Others view the eating of meat to be cruel, and disgusting. Should be ban eating meat in public? Some people believe that women in any clothes other than modest dresses are too inappropriately dressed for their sons to see. Should we require women dress that way?

No. Because sometimes peoples hang ups about things should not determine what is right or wrong. Having a child go hungry so YOU don't have to see my boob - which is made up of skin and nipples which EVERYONE has - is ridiculous. If you don't want to see, then you can look away, go somewhere else, or put a blanket on your head

I get a little angry over the raising comment too. We aren't raising kids, teaching them our traditions, morals, and religion. We aren't the ones creating holiday memories. We aren't the ones who will be there every day of their lives. When they leave our care, it's sad, but it's not devastating like it is if a mother lost their child. We are secondary givers, not primary.

I thought this thread was about interview questions and odd requests not whether people should or shouldn't publically breast feed.

I'm pretty sure we get it.....some people do it, like and are comfortable with it..... others are not.

It was one thing when everyone was discussing AP care in a group setting but now we are talking about something completely different.



Please.

Here's a recent request - newish DCB & fully potty-trained (not even 3 yet) and DCM told me that I will have to direct his wee wee when he pees b/c he doesn't have control over it yet - Ummmmmmmm NO I can't do that. If he is unable to direct the pee he will need to sit to go #1 until he learns how to at home - I don't need to clean pee off my floor multiple times a day & I don't even want to get started on the ramifications on touching an-almost-3-year-old's private parts to help the pee go in the right place!

This lady didn't really request anything but it's a good story and will steer us away from the talk about breastfeeding and AP parenting (I think both are great, do what works for you).
I just did an interview with a mother who had potty trained her child and the little girl wasn't even 2. Good for her right? We went over my policies and I started to give an tour when I noticed a huge puddle on the floor. It seems the little lady peed all over the floor. Then mom says, "she does that a lot" and proceeded to get an extra pair of pants out of her purse. I hadn't discussed the potty training part of my policies before because I generally take people at their word so when mom said she was trained I took it to mean she was trained to go in the potty. So then I was curious and asked about the child's potty routine. Mom answers, "she doesn't ever wear diapers or pull ups and will pee her pants unless I take her into the bathroom and sit her on the potty every half hour and even when I do that she still has an occasional accident. At night we put a plastic sheet on her bed so it's easy to clean up."
Then we went over my potty training policies and I'm pretty sure the mom had a realization that her child wasn't in fact trained. I just wonder how long the kid had been peeing on everything.

Wth! So its perfectly normal for a kid to pee everywhere. I wonder how many times she has done that in a store.

I know she didn't really request it but I don't think any provider would have put a child under two on the potty every 1/2 hour if a parent did request it- a nanny or a babysitter maybe because they wouldn't have to cater to a group. I wouldn't be supprised if the little girl was irritable from being on the toilet for most of the day (she wouldn't be able to do much activities or interaction). It supprised me how many people just put underwear on a baby and say "Junior is potty trained" when they have multiple accidents a day. An accident once or twice a week is one thing but every day?

I have had a few of these kids, or should I say a few of these parents. I swear they consider the child "potty trained" just because they are out of diapers - no matter how many accidents they have. It blows my mind. We had a DCG whose parents swore up and down that she was PT at 19 months - and when she started she has 2/3 accidents a day. DCM's response was "yeah, she does that". So what part of that is toilet trained ? Just because she goes 1/3 times, doesn't make her potty trained.

LOL!

I so agree with Nannyde on this one.


Let's get down to it.

I have a great marriage.
With that comes a great sex life.
Sex is normal and healthy and part of life. It's how those breast fed babies GOT HERE!!!
So hubby and I should be allowed to go at it anywhere at any time if we feel we need to, right??!
At Thanksgiving dinner in front of guests?
After all, it's totally natural!

I see no difference. The woman's baby was hungry and she needed to feed it. I understand. It DID NOT have to be right there at the Thanksgiving table!!!!

Nannyde wasn't saying the woman shouldn't BF. She should not have done it in front of a 12 year old at a holiday meal. It was done to shock and that's sick.

I breast fed 4 children. I found nursing to be a very personal thing. Just the two of us bonding. I held them and talked softly to them as I nursed. It was a quiet, wonderful time for us. I sought out private places to share this time with my baby. There were odd occasions where I had to nurse in "public"...meaning I covered up and quietly fed my baby. Why on earth would I want to flop it out for the world to see, unless I am an exhibitionist and do it "just because I can"????

The baby gets no more nourishment from a boob on display. And I personally think a baby at the mall would prefer to be gently covered and feel safe and close to mommy instead of the entire mall participating in lunch time.

To do it at interview, whether provider or client, is done for shock value and nothing else. A provider knows when she has an interview, she can nurse before people get there. To do it AT interview, in another's home, is not acceptable in my opinion. Again...just done for shock value, not for the baby's well-being.

Sorry to be off topic!!!!!!

This reminds me of homeschooling. I homeschooled my daughter for 2.5 years. There was so much negativity about homeschooling that we homeschoolers tended to put a defensive attitude. Many homeschoolers preached that homeschooling is BEST which really irritates non-homeschoolers. I feel the AP people here are defensive. AP is great, it's your choice to practice it. Those of us who don't are great too, it's our choice. I am not a touchy-feely person. Probably because my mother died suddenly in a car accident when I was 5. Nonetheless, I love my dc kids and they know it. There is moremthan1 right way.

As far as the thanksgiving deal, I totally agree with NannyDe. It's all about respect. Not cool to just assume your naked breast is welcome at the thanksgiving table especially with a 12 boy who has a mom who has a right to raise her son in the way she feels best. We all have our own comfort levels. I grew up in Berkeley in the 60's viewing naked Hippies at People's Park yet I would still not appreciate a boob plopped out at the thanksgiving table if my son were present.

The homeschooling comment reminded me of a family I took on PT a few years back in my earlier daycare years (I was a newbie!) - mom homeschooled their 7-year-old & I offered to assist (as in help with 1 subject at naptime) she took that as an offer to DO IT ALL & everyday & would load up all the books/worksheets, etc & I didn't always have time to do more than 1 subject (after all naptime is inconsistent at best & the time I tried to complete chores). Also, this SA was close to age to my oldest SA & she was WAY BEHIND where she should have been & didn't work independently at all. DCM even seemed ticked off when I didn't get much work done, at the time I had 4 or 5 other children in my care aside from this 7-year-old so I had my hands full! I finally told mom I would only work with her 1/2 hr a day & soon after she pulled her to go stay with a SIL who "had the time", despite having 3 PK kids of her own

Sorry, but when I nurse my child it's because he's hungry, not because of shock value. How dare YOU tell ME why I nurse my child when I do? He doesn't know an interview is coming up, and as he nurses on demand and not on a schedule I'm not going to deny him. No cares. They are mature enough to handle it.

And sex in public is not the same unless you are implying that nursing is sexual, in which case you are messed up.

So, this child was homeschooled by you and then the SIL? Wow....that's all I can say. I loved my time homeschooling. I didn't enjoy the homeschool support group though. A lot of.....my kid is way ahead and is gifted and is so talented and so much better behaved than public school kids ......and then there was me......I am homeschooling because my daughter has behavior problems! LOL Oh, that's a good way to make sure your daughter doesn't have friends in a homeschool group After that little announcement of mine the moms pretty much shunned me. Oh and by the way, it was not a very well behaved group of kids....the differece was that I was honest.

It's shocking to ME that a bunch of people who CLAIM to be child care experts don't know the benefits of nursing on demand, and view it as something shocking and to be hidden.

I will not force my child to eat under a blanket. If it offends you that much, YOU wear the blanket on YOUR head.

Any mods out there? Time for a lock out?

I even said "please"